Attack the Problem Not the Person! | DFS 266

Welcome to destined for success. I'm your

host Jennifer Takagi and today we're gonna talk about attack

the problem, not the person. And this episode is running right on

the heels of the episode that aired last week with Tessa Lynn

albourne, the feminine energy mastery, she was so helpful to

helping me figure out how to talk about the foods that I eat.

I know, that's the stupidest thing ever, it really is, but it

keeps coming up. And I'm trying to find a new way to share my

language about it. If you didn't know, if you haven't listened to

that episode, yet, I hate onions and mushrooms, I just do don't

try to make me eat them. Don't try to sneak them into stuff.

And quit giving me a hard time about the fact that that is not

my preference, and it may be yours.

But after having that conversation, it dawned on me, I

wrote a book, what actually I've written multiple books, five

have been Amazon bestsellers. And one of them is called attack

the problem not the person, which is also the title of

today's episode, attack the problem, not the person. So

there is a thing called disc, di SC all letters, capitalized

behavioral profiles. And these have been around for a lot of

years, a lot of years, I don't remember I'd have to pull the

book out to see when it actually came out. But I'm gonna say like

early 1900s, mid 1900s, long time ago. And with these

behavioral styles with the research that was done in depth

research, there are four main behavioral styles. And we are

all a combination of all four in some way. We just have them all,

we just display them differently. But if somebody is

high in a category, that means that is what most people see,

they don't see the other ones under the surface, they see

what's demonstrated out to the public. So the four styles are D

for dominance, eye for influence as for steadiness and see for

compliance. And D for dominance. People think it's always

dominating people, and it can be, but it's really dominated in

a problem. So you know, the type, you go in, and you mention

that you have a problem. You barely get the words out of your

mouth, and bam, they're absolutely giving you every

possible solution to your problem. And then they can be a

little miffed that you didn't take their advice. You know that

person, right? That person i is influencing others. This is the

cheerleader of the organization. This is the person who goes out

and shares the word with everybody gets everybody on

board. And sometimes people look at them and think you are trying

to sell ice to an Eskimo and you're coming across really way

too much. Could you just back it down? Just back it down. Okay,

guess what, that's me. You know, that first lesson I really

learned in life was sit down and shut up, right? That's just who

I am. I am going to go in a room when we took this. This profile

test behavioral profile within my organization, the leader, and

I thought it was so fun. That's why I had to go get certified to

do it myself. The leader is looking at it there, I don't

know, 1315 of the managers in this room. And she said I was

the only one that was high in the AI category. And I'm like 96

I can't get lower is that goes to 100 I can only I can't get

lower than 96. And she said do you see Jennifer here? She's the

only one up here. Well, everyone looked at me kind of like I was

you know, an alien. Like, why is she the only one there like

something must be wrong with her. But the leader said anytime

you have a new initiative, she is the one that you want to

share it with everybody else. Right because I can explain it I

can talk them into it. I'm really good at teacher I'm

really good orator at least I think I am. Don't tell me

otherwise. As is steadiness. These are your customer service

people. You tell them this is what's going on right the

policies and procedures and they will and they are fabulous and

we need them. But they're usually not going to be the one

up in front of the group telling everybody what to do. They can

they have the absolute ability to do it, they just don't like

to. It's not their natural tendency. And then we have C for

compliance. Now, I've taken this test multiple times, my scores

always come out quite similar. The highest I've ever gotten in

the compliance piece is an eight out of 100. And I was asked, How

did you survive in the federal government, when it's nothing

but compliance. And I said, Oh, that was easy. For me, I'm a

high, I want it to get an outstanding, you know, my urine

review. And I wanted all the accolades. So it was easy for me

to you know, sit down and buckle up and, and do the work, right,

make the compliance. But what happens to us is, when we are

around somebody with a different style than ours, then we can be

put off in one way or another. And one way that people are

often put off is the dominant person, because we feel like

they're attacking us, when they start throwing out solutions, or

tell us we're wrong. We take it personally, we the i, s, and C,

people of the world, we take it personally, and we think we are

being attacked, guess what? We never crossed their mind.

Because the D people, the dominant people are so focused

on the solution that they kind of forget about us, unless,

unless someone explains it to them. And if you sit down with

somebody who really is high on that dominance dominating the

problem, then you can get them to reframe it a little bit

better. So the rest of us are, you know, running to take cover

thinking we're getting ready to be attacked. is what they said,

really what they want you to see and believe about them. Because

they're coming across as one thing. But is that what they

want you to see? So you can ask yourself the same question, How

am I coming across to other people? And is this how I want

to, when you take a behavioral profile, no matter which one you

take, personally, I'm super partial to di SC all capital

letters, because that's what I learned. That's what I know. And

the report on it is 100% more accurate for me, then some of

the other versions that came out later. But everybody has their

own opinion on that. And I'm not going to argue that with you.

But I'm just saying this is my stance. Every style is good,

every style is needed. I'm going to say it again, every style is

good, every style is needed. The question is, would it be in your

best interest to understand what styles the other people around

you have? So you can communicate more effectively. So I'm Oh, hi,

I want to chitchat I want to talk. If I have somebody on my

staff or my boss is a high D for dominating. They don't want to

talk to me. I don't know, I know, I don't understand it,

either. They don't want to talk to me. They want me to come in

with bullet points. They want me to come in with a couple of

solutions. And then they want to tell me what to do. That's what

they want. If I came in, with a 20 page document, they wouldn't

read it. It's not how they roll. Their brains are too fast.

They're not going to do it. I need to come in with three

viable solutions. If I don't come in with a solution, because

I don't have a solution, I need to go in and say I don't have a

solution. May I tell you my problem? And can you give me

three directions to look into to find the best solution and then

I'll come back. Like sometimes we need a little help. I always

hated it when the teacher would say I'd say I don't know how to

spell this word and then take a look it up in the dictionary and

I'm like, does it start with the SOC, get me to the right letter.

Is it a C or a K? Get me to the right letter. Is it a pH or an F

get me to the right letter. Do you not I repeat, DO NOT tell

somebody just go look this shit up on their own and figure it

out. That is not helpful. It is not helpful. Put them on a path.

Put them on the path. Let them figure it out. Put them on a

path, give them some guidance.

Right put those little bumper things on the lanes at the

Bowling Alley, so they can stay between the lines and get closer

to solution. If somebody is really high in the s, they're

very family oriented oriented. They're also typically a little

bit more introverted, and they're not going to walk in and

give you their life story. Me, on the other hand, I will give

you my life story. What do you want to know? What do you want

to know? I'm probably going to tell you probably not going to

bat my eyes twice. I'm just going to start telling you and

as is not as See, absolutely not. Why? Because they make

lationship a little bit differently. But do we need them

all? Yes, we absolutely need them all. You come up with a new

idea. And you need somebody to write the policies and

procedures, you give it to that high s let them write the

procedures, they will be great at it, put them on the phone for

customer service, they are going to be so kind and gentle. With

all the calls that come in with all the complaints with all the

questions, the high seas, I need them in my life, they're going

to keep me out of jail. They're going to tell me what the rules

are, how to follow them, and what to do. All the styles are

needed. But this talk, this podcast episode is really aimed

at the people that are high D is the high D is our attack the

problem. But you need to be clear that you articulate with

people that you're attacking the problem, not them. Because it

can often come across as attacking the person when you're

really attacking the problem. And for all the rest of us out

there who feel like we're being attacked. Give them a little bit

of grace and know that they don't know that that's what

they're doing. They don't know what that what they're doing.

And if you want the book, go to Amazon, they have it on Amazon

Kindle version and a little paperback. It's super fun, super

cute. I really kind of like it. I'm kind of proud about it.

attack the problem, not the person by Jennifer Takagi, you

can find it on the Amazon and see if you can't better get

better at your communication with other people. You have the

choice to decide if you want to make a shift. It's your choice.

Nobody's telling you you have to and nobody's telling you. You're

bad. Let me reiterate this. Every single behavior style is

good. Period. The question is, does another style see you and

accept you for how you're trying to show up versus how they

perceive it and see it? You have choices. So get the book attack

the problem, not the person. Like, share and subscribe to

this podcast destined for success. And I'm your host

Jennifer Takagi. I look forward to connecting with you soon.