Being Your Word - Clate Mask

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Hello, listeners of the ultimate coach Podcast. I'm one of your co host, Meredith bell. And I am so delighted today to be able to interview clay mask. Welcome plate.

Thanks, Meredith. Great to be with you.

Thank you. Let me just share a little bit about you with our listeners before we jump in. Plate is the co founder and CEO of key formerly Infusionsoft. And that's a software company used by small businesses to automate their marketing. It's based in Phoenix, Arizona, and clight, you may recognize his name, because he's featured in several places in the ultimate coach book. And he's actually been coaching with Steve for 12 years. So Clay, you have so much to share with us based on that extensive experience you have with Steve, one of the things I'd like to start with is just asking, How is Steve able to read you early on? Because I'm curious what he saw in you that you didn't see in yourself?

Yeah, you know, that's a it's a really great question. My answer might not be as good as what Steve would share. Because Steve's ability to read people is one of his, one of his great strengths. That's I've never met anybody that can do it, read a person quiet like Steve cat. And so I remember distinctly sitting with him for a couple of hours. When I was having my first session with him, before I had decided that I was going to coach with him. It was just, I was just meeting him. And I remember at the end of that session, just thinking, How do you know what, you know, I feel, you know, I, I think I might've even said to him, I feel like you know me better than anybody else that knows me, I've only met you two hours ago. He just has the ability to read people, their language, their, you know, everything that's said and unsaid and understand and I and then actually give you insights in ways that, you know, I had just never experienced that with anybody before and not to that level with anybody since. So I think in general, he has an ability to read people. And then specifically, he helped me see what, what might be possible if we work together. And I asked him at the end of our session, I said, Look, I, I think I said something like, I can't imagine spending this much money for coaching. I just, I just said to him straight out, I said, you know, the only thing I would spend this much money on his a house probably. And so I said, what I said just I said, started putting stuff bluntly, but what would I get for that? You know, what, what would happen? And he said, Well, you have learned to see yourself the way the rest of the world sees you. And he said, and that could be very useful for you, in your business and in your relationships, in your personal satisfaction. If you could learn to see in you what other people see when they experienced clay mask. And it was an intriguing answer. I was like, you know, I've maybe the simple way to say it is self awareness, but it was so much more than self awareness. Because I asked him, I said, well tell you say like, tell me more about that. And he said, Well, you go, you go about your life, and you think you're doing things and people see you a certain way, but they don't see you that way at all. And that can be hard for people sometimes. By the way, there's also part of it where it could be very good for people, but you don't really understand what people are experiencing of clay mask because of the way that you operate. And so I said well tell me more about that and you say you are just huge Go and you are going and you're doing stuff and, and he's like, there's a lot of collateral damage to that. And there's a lot of possibilities to that too. And because you don't see the collateral damage, or you dismiss it, and because you don't see the possibilities, you're getting less and experienced, you're, you're, you're getting less from life than you could otherwise get. And, and then the real thing he hit me with, he said, it's hard for your wife. It's hard for your kids. And I knew it was true. But I didn't know how or why it was true. So that's what happened in that first session that caused me to say, all right, because what I knew was, I was, I was full of this entrepreneurial fire and charging down a path in life, and was happy and loving life and things were great. And I also had this feeling that if I didn't make some adjustments, I was going to either lose my business, my family or my health. And I had a pretty clear sense that one of those things would happen if I didn't make some adjustments. So that's what he helped me see. And he helped me understand generally, the possibilities that what could what could occur if we work together?

So let's zoom ahead to today. How do you see yourself now, after all these years of working with Steve, what's changed? In your view?

Yeah, well, I see myself as a work in progress, let's put it that. But I also, I also, in all seriousness, I, I when I look in the mirror, I see a person that is gentle in a way that I could not even begin to understand 12 years ago, and I see a person who is who is has a humility that didn't exist previously. And I see a person who's working every day and becoming more and more present with who I'm with. And I use those three descriptors, gentle, present, and humble. Because those are the three things that as I started to really do the work, I realized, the opposite of that is what was my block, what were my blind spots that were causing both missed opportunities, and hurt and pain for others. And so that's what I've worked on really hard. And, you know, I, like I said, it's a work in progress. I don't feel like I'm there. But I do feel so much satisfaction with the work we've done together. And the impact that it's had in my relationships, our business, my my family and friends.

You know, I love those three areas. And I would love to go just a little bit deeper with each of them. Because, you know, those aren't words that we necessarily hear very often from men especially gentle. Right? Yeah, yeah. Present and humble. They are kind of the antithesis of what you were saying. You went into this. Yeah. And I would love to hear you talk a little bit about each one of those individually. What does that mean to you in terms of who you are being in a moment with someone when you're being gentle? What does that look like? Either at work? Either example, it's great.

Yeah, let me preface that with this. In my first year of working with Steve, we had a number of very hot pressing business issues. And we had the foundational work of, of understanding who I am, and, and being clear about who I am. And that work was necessary during that first year before I could get to really working on being general President humble. But I remember after working with Steve soundpoint, late in that first year, and starting to really unpack what it was to be gentle. I think the first thing I recognized was I had no concept of what it was to be gentle. And, and even worse, I actually had an aversion to gentleness. I thought that it was not useful in business. I thought that it was weak to put it just totally bluntly. And I I didn't have any desire I have to be gentle. That was like, that wasn't appealing to me at all. And, and what happened was, I started to see how a lack of gentleness was hurtful to people around me. My my friends, my family, my co workers, I was a yeller. But I started working with Steve, I yelled a lot. And you know, that's not, that's not, when you're, when you're a whirling dervish of energy, and you just charge through life in a certain way. You don't recognize what that does to people, right. And I'm not proud that I did that to people. I wasn't trying to do it to them, but it happened to them, because I would I get, you know, at a temper, I'd yell, and it would cause damage. And that's not easily repaired. And so, I started to recognize, oh, I don't want to be that way. I want to, I want gentleness in my life, I want to be gentle. And so first, I had to cultivate a desire for it. I had to have an awareness of what what it wasn't. And, and then only then can I start to understand what it was. And I'm, and I'm still, you know, learning and trying to get better and better at being gentle. But I am, I am gentle today. And I, I am a gentleman. And I wasn't a gentleman 12 years ago. That's not who I was. And, and unfortunately, I hurt a lot of people in that process. And I, and I wasn't my best self and my most effective self, I've come to realize that being gentle is actually an incredible way to be a CEO. And it's an incredible way to be a husband and father. And it's an incredible way to be a Christian in a way and to show up the way I want to in the world. So what does it look like today? It's, it's quieter. It's not as loud, it doesn't yell. It's, it's much slower to anger. It's much softer. It's not going 90 miles an hour with my hair on fire all the time. I had a certain pride about that before. And there was a certain self worth that came with that. And I've come to realize that's crap. It's just, it's just not true. It's a it's a thing we create for ourselves as ambitious people, but it doesn't need to be that way.

I just love so much of what you said there. I like that gentleman. Yes. And I can feel that in just the way you're expressing it. I can relate to I think anyone who's listening, that's a business owner, entrepreneur, and hard charger, High Achiever can relate to that wanting to react more quickly. In the spirit of getting things done, when in fact, have you found that a gentle approach is more effective in getting things done

is it's more effective in getting the sustainable thing done. Now, this is the part that the listeners who were me 12 years ago. And by the way, there's always a little piece of there inside of me that sometimes fights this. But we want to say, No, that's less productive. No, we're not going to get the results that we want. It's we're going to it's it takes too long to get the results that way. They are results that stick, they're more sustainable, and grow others and create more value in the process when we do it this way. And so I'm still learning to be my best in this mode. And, you know, if Sharise were here, she'd say, Well, you weren't gentle last week, this year, and I definitely have areas where I'm working to improve still, but I've come to love it. And I'm still a type A personality. You know, it's not that I've changed that. It's a more, it's a more calm and measured way about going about it. And it's a less reactive, more more proactive, more, more prepared way of going after things. And it's a work in progress. Like I said, I'm working to get better and better at

you know, the other thing quite is your relationships with people have to be much better because I know there are many of us that have worked in a situation where we had somebody that was a yeller or we lived in a grew up with that. And there's a there's a lack of safety, you know, secure Add about, and the need to walk on eggshells wondering is this going to trigger a negative reaction or anger. And so your more gentle approach now seems to me would allow your relationships to be stronger and people to feel they can trust you to be consistent in behavior, and therefore, it just, you know, I kind of relax in my body as I think about the contrast between those two, and how people would feel in interacting with you. Have you seen that?

Definitely. I think you just said it really well, there's a, there's a trust, a safety, there's a consistency. Consistency is one of the one of the common threads that runs through all of the things I work on with Steve. And it's, it's hard to do, particularly for ADHD entrepreneurs. And most of us as entrepreneurs have some ADHD in us. That's the reality. And, and so learning to be consistent, is, in a lot of ways. It's like learning to breathe again, it is a very, actually, by the way. breathwork is one of the things that I learned through this process that makes it makes me better. I when I started to notice, you know, you want to one of the things that you kind of were asking, well, how, you know, how did you get there? What did you do, I started noticing, I started noticing where I wasn't gentle, where I wasn't present, where it wasn't humble. And that comes from breathing, from meditation from slowing things down. And that is contrary to the nature of a lot. For a lot of us as ADHD entrepreneurs. It's not it's not natural. And for those that are listening, I, if you haven't done this, you might notice if you start noticing your breath, that at the end of the day, while you're driving home from work, or you're finishing up your day, you might not have taken a deep breath slowly all day long. That's because that's what it's like being in the middle of the entrepreneurial fire sometimes. And there's a certain rush to that. But there's also a very, there's a, there's a very counterproductive cost to that. And it shows up in a lack of consistency, it shows up in a lack of, of stability, there's a lot of just up and down when you're running at that pace. And and so I you know, I've learned to get better at that. And like I said, I'm still working on it. But those are some of the things note noticing is one of the key things Steve taught me when I first started working on this, he said, I just want you this week to notice where you're not showing up gently. So I'd come back and and say, You know what, I yelled, here, I got angry here in this situation, I, you know, I just started noticing it. And it was, you know, that is sometimes when we talk about coaching work, and I tell people this is not this is not for the faint of heart, you have to be willing to address your biggest shortcomings, your biggest challenges and be honest with yourself. And it's not fun to confront those anger issues or your your, you know, snap reactions to things you know, those are, those are things that have been ingrained for decades. And they don't just, they don't just get undone overnight. You have to work at them. And you have to be willing to open yourself up to a coach to hold you accountable to it, to open yourself up to others to hold you accountable to it to be vulnerable and saying look, I'm I'm working on this thing helped me get better at it.

No, I love that this this thing of recognizing it doesn't happen overnight. You know, sometimes people reading the book of being and thinking about being a particular way, it isn't something you just instantly decide, well, you could instantly decide it. But then it's it's a rewiring of the brain for the to replace the old patterns with the new and as you just stated so well it takes time to do that. Because those familiar comfortable patterns are just so ingrained in us. Yeah, Coach can really facilitate that. You know, I want to go back

to something other real quick before you before you leave that I know I don't want to take you off where you want to go back to I do want to do that. But But Steve, you know, I think at the same time, you know, when you when you when you start out you say he's been coaching for 12 years, part of me thinks well crap, great. Why can't you get faster? Let's do this quicker and And Steve actually tells me, he tells that all the time he's like, look, it does. This doesn't have to take so long. And I think that it does take time. And at the same time, as Steve talks about his distinction of drag rain, it doesn't have to take time. You can actually do it a lot faster. And that's one of my, one of my challenges is my mind is so strong that if my mind doesn't yet, believe it, Steve, I don't know how many times Steve has said to me, Look, the only person you have to prove this to is there's only one person on the planet. As soon as you know it. It's done. And sometimes my mind just doesn't let myself come around to the change. It's like, Hey, Steve will say, Well, just be it just come on, let's go. You don't have to. You don't have to let this take decades. You can do this faster if you want Clayton, but it's, it's only up to you. And so I share that because I don't I want to grant the space that it takes time. But I also want to open the possibility it doesn't have to take so much time.

That's very good point. And you know, a lot of it has to do with that commitment. And in making that decision, I choose to be different. And really Yes, like you said, noticing, being conscious of it as a as a very intentional act, that I'm going to do this and not that. And so this circles back naturally to the one thing I wanted to come back to, which is one of your other three, which was humility, because we're saying that gentleness is sometimes seen as weak. So is humility. And so I would like for you to describe, how are you not humble? And what is humility to you today? That's really genuine humility.

Yeah. That's a That's a great question. Boy, there's so much to it. The funny thing is, if you had interviewed me 12 years ago for working with Steve and said, Are you gentle and say no. And instead of If you'd said, Are you humble? I'd say, I think I'm, I don't know, pretty humble. I don't want to say, Oh, I'm totally humble, because that might not be helpful. But I didn't, I didn't feel like I had a big humility problem. But I felt like there was something there. And then in terms of presence, I knew that there would that was a challenge. I was like, oh, yeah, that's, that's a challenge. So of the three things that I've mentioned the beginning. And there was a fourth major thing that I've worked on as Steve all along, and that's ownership and just being responsible, being my word, you know, be being being responsible. But but the three of general present humble are the ones that I've spent the most time on. And I knew I wasn't gentle. And I knew I wasn't, I wasn't present. I didn't understand that I wasn't humble. And it showed my lack of humility, then, and, and what you know, the residue of it now. Isn't it's not one where I'm out in a super arrogant, egocentric way, you know, putting other people down. It's not you know, I don't, I'm not an arrogant jerk. There may be a few people on the planet to think I am but but I don't I don't think I strike people that way. I think generally people think, you know, he's trying to be a caring and you know, I'm a caring person. And I think that comes through pretty clearly. But where my where the where the ego showed up was in two significant ways. It showed up as a fear of not being enough. And it showed up as selfishly taking too much of what's available. Now, the first one, and they're related, you can see how the ego is, is inside of both of those things, trying to fend for itself, right. And interestingly, one of our core values in our company has been weak for years and years and years and years is that we check our ego and I would say and, you know, I'm looking at in my office, I have a sign that says no ego, no fear. I've got a doormat outside of my door that says we check our ego at the door. We I've been very intentional about this for many, many, many years, but long before working with Steve. But it was in the work with Steve that I understood how my ego shows up. I never would have claimed 1020 years ago, I don't have an ego. I would claim we need to check our ego everybody needs to check our ego. And the way that my my lack of humility shows up and the way that my ego kind of gets the best of me is in the fear of not being enough and in to Trying to clamor for taking too much. And both of those is to try to satisfy this sense of being good enough of being, you know. And if you're a high achiever, if you really get right down to it, that's the that's the monster inside of us that's driving this. And we don't always want to admit that some people hear that and they're like, No, I don't believe that. That's not why I do it. Yes, it is. It is, I spend a lot of time with achievers, I live with one inside of myself. And I spent a lot of time with high achievers. And there is a sense inside of us, that drives us and pushes us. And there's a really good side of that, that helps us to be better and get better and do good. And there's a lot of good to it. But there's also a piece of it, that when it gets if we're not conscious to it, and we're not managing it, we're not checking it, it can cause us to act out of fear of not being enough not being good enough not being a good enough husband, father, CEO, Christian, you name whatever it is, you're trying to be not being enough of that. And you can also show up. And by the way, when you get fear around that we do all kinds of stupid stuff when you know when we take counsel from our fear. So that's one way it showed up. And then the other way was just just as Theresa is just, you know, taking more than my piece of the pie. So if if there's so much time, don't take more than your time, if there's so much

conversation, don't take more than your piece of the conversation. If there's so much resource, don't take more than your share that resource and back down a little bit and listen to others just listen and give space to others, grant to others more than what you're trying to take in that process. And what happens for us, for me in particular, is I get so caught up in the emotion, the energy, the excitement that before I know it, I just not allowed the person to have the voice and the say that I want for them to have. That's that's the way my ego shows up.

Mm hmm. You know, there's so much wisdom and what you're, you're sharing their claim around this idea of humility, and it's so tied in with the other to thinking about, when you're not going to take more than your share, you're willing to be present with someone else. Yes. Be willing to focus on them. And so this whole aspect of humility to me is interesting. Because it's, it's this quiet confidence in who you are without putting yourself down. So I love those two aspects that you just shared, the fear of being enough in the in the taking too much, because they all stem from that lack of security about who I am and my value. That's right, that strong inner sense of worth, then you can be humble with no fear of looking weak, because it's such a strength

per perfectly set. It's like you've read my notes over the last five years. It is quiet confidence.

It does take time, I want to also now go deeper into this one section in the book about being your word, because you just mentioned it. And that was such a powerful story in there in that section on you know, chapter on being your word and doing what you say. Because you were the one where Steve talked to you about this, and you had estimated that you kept your commitments, 90% of the time, I made a note of this. And then you monitored yourself and discovered it was more like 20%. So where were you falling short? You know, what was? What was the disparity between what your perception was and what was actually happening?

Yeah, this is pretty shocking to me. And, and this is where the presence relates very closely to responsibility. My fourth, no, the fourth point. And it's that when you're going very fast, you don't realize how many times your mouth is making a commitment that your body is not able to meet. Hmm. And I was shocked when I started to really monitor it closely. And it was it was like truthfully, it was like one of the most it was one of the most sad and sobering sessions I had with Steve. It's just like, Oh man, I saw that so bad. It being my word, because this is such a fundamental premise that he teaches. And so where I fell short, it's an everyday common little things. Like you and I were starting this and you He said, Oh, there's this app that you can get that will cancel out the noise. And you and I talked one time before you told me and I said, Oh, I'll check that out. I never checked it out. How many times do we say in a very casual way? It's, it's not the, I promised you, I would do this. And I, you know, that's not where it a tapping one out of five times, Am I perfect at that? No. But every time our mouth says, Oh, I'll do that, or, oh, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that. Or I should check that out. Or a lot of times, we'll even Nick will even water it down by the saying I should. But it's a form of a statement that we're going to do something that we don't follow through with, and we truthfully never had, we didn't ever write it on our to do list and say, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go get this done. And so what I found was in casual conversation, all the time, I make statements or comments. And sometimes I narrow down like, say, I'll try or I should or whatever. But there isn't a commitment to actually go do that, and then get it done. And then come back and close the loop and say, Hey, I did that. And it's astounding how human that is. It's, it's what we do. It's how we operate. And I'm not, I'm not uniquely bad at this, but I'm bad at it. And I've been getting, by the way, I've been getting better, but I'm still, I still operate this way at times. And, and and when I get sped up, I offer up operate more that way. So this is where when you learn to slow down and you learn to be more gentle, and you learn to take your ego out of things, because the ego lots of times said stuff to satisfy what's needed inside in terms of that insecurity, but then doesn't have the space or the time to be able to actually do it. So if you calm down the ego, and you calm down the speed of things, and you get more gentle than your ability to add. And when you're more present and you're noticing things, then you can be your word and a more in a more impeccable way. And that's what I learned, oh, that's what I've learned over time. And that's why I say this is this one is probably of all of that it's the one that's the most in progress, it's learning how to be my word in every way. And you know, some people are better at this than others. And, and it's, it's, it's trying to get better and better and better at that. So that back to the point you made earlier, there's consistency, there's trust, there's confidence, there's there's a, there's a you can count on a person that is consistently their word. And as you know, being our word is one of the major tenants of what Steve teaches and who we're being.

Right. And, you know, the thing that we haven't touched on yet about that is the impact on ourselves, and how we feel about ourselves when we don't follow through. Because, you know, we all have so many different things going and it is easy to say to somebody, oh yeah, I'm gonna check that out. Or I'm going to do this or I promise to do that. And it's I've gotten to where I have to make a list of things that I have said, I'm going to follow up and do absolutely, or something doesn't fall through the cracks because I start having this inner criticism going on in my head. And if we can't trust ourselves, that then has a really bad impact, I think on how we feel about ourselves. And it ties in with that what we talked about earlier about self worth, and value. And it's so important to maintain that level of confidence and and feeling of worth. Yes, being. So being your word isn't just for other people. It's also about the impact on yourself. Do you want to comment on that?

I do. I've probably spent as much time on this topic with Steve, as I have on any topic. And you're absolutely right. It's not just when we're not our word. It's not just the impact we have on others. It's it's the impact we have on ourselves. And then it's the impact that we have on the world in terms of who were being and let me let me explain that. We can all see that. If we say to our child, hey, I'll pick you up when you're done with your practice. And we forget and we don't show For our practice in our, in our child, Texas, after 15 minutes, it says, Hey, are you coming and you're like, oh, shoot, and we're running there, right? We can see the impact that has on our child, we can see the impact it has on us, we can see the impact it has on all the people that are in the traffic with us who were like, Why is that guy driving like a maniac, you know, we can see the ripple effect of that Miss of not being our word. But what we can't see that you're touching on is the psychological impact it has on us after we've picked up the child and have made it right and apologized and taken him to get ice cream to clean it out, you know, all of the stuff we've had to do, right? But what happens is, and this is the thing that Steve is a master at he understands that like few people on the planet. What really is happening there, aside from all those negative consequences we talked about, is he calls it the inflation of our word. Now we're dealing with now we have a currency of our word that's not as valuable, because it got inflated in a way that wasn't that didn't have integrity didn't have truth, it didn't have a gold standard backing it if you want to think of it monetarily. So now this, this, this currency we used with our word to say what we were going to do got watered down. And our mind takes note of that. And it understands that and the more we do that, the more our currency loses value to accomplish things in the world. So the way Steve says it is, we lose the power to create with our word when we aren't being our word. And so it's not just the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves, it's actually the the ability to create in the world through our mouths. And Steve will say all creation happens through speaking, it's spoken to be created. Wow, we're and the value of that currency of our word goes down each time or not being our word. Here's a really interesting thing for people who have read Steve's book.

I coached with Steve for 11 years before I read his book, we all understand why the book wasn't written. And we're all grateful that it was written. And we all know that it's a book about us not a book about Steve, about who we're being. And I'm grateful that it was written. As I read the book, I read I, I read the book. And I right after that I read a book called atomic habits, which you know, some people may be aware of. And it's very interesting to read these two books together. Because in James clear in atomic habits, he teaches a principle of what I just described, Steve talking about. What he says is, if you want to change a habit, you have to first change your identity of yourself as who you're essentially who you're being relative to that habit. And then you have to prove to yourself that you are that through a number of wins that demonstrate to yourself that you're that so you have to be that thing. And then you have to be operated in a way that's consistent with that, so that your mind is actually adopted, oh, I am that. So in my bite my fingernails for 45 years of my life like I did. And then I decide, hey, I'm going to identify as a person who no longer bites my fingernails. And then I start taking actions that are consistent with not biting my fingernails, I can get to a place where I no longer buy my fingernails. And I don't I did that several years ago with Steve style. And this principle that James clear is talking about. But that principle is exactly what Steve said, each time I bite my fingernails when I say I don't bite my fingernails, if I identify as a person who doesn't bite my fingernails, and then each time I bite my fingernails, what's actually happening is the power of My Word to create a person who doesn't bite my fingernails goes down. Yes. And to James Claire's point, each time that I have a tendency to bite that I goat, the power of My Word to create a person who doesn't bite my fingernails goes up. So in Steve's point, our ability to create has everything to do with how consistent we are with being our word. And that's the hidden cost of what happens when we're not being our words. It's not just the travesty of what happens to our child when we don't show up. It's not just the travesty of the negative emotions that we have and the impact it has on the people around us as we're driving it all of the ripple effects that we can see, it's that we can't create. We lose the ability to create in anything, not just the ability to create. I am a parent who shows up on time, but when we aren't our Word, we lose the ability to create. So if you're sitting there as a results oriented person, you're hearing this, and you want to create great results. This is why Steve's very first session with people usually gets down to be my word. Because that's how we create amazing results. That's where we make full manifestation of who we're trying to be in the world.

Oh, Clay, that is profound. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Thank you, Steve. It that, Steve and

the fact that you've integrated all this, you know, and it's so it just flows from you so easily. You've I mean, this is really a part, you have an understanding in your bones about this. And what it means. And that is really the crux of who we're being and, and why being our word really is at the top. That was just magnificent. Thank you so much. What again, thank

you. Fun to talk about. Yeah.

All right. So there's another thing in the book that I just loved the phrasing of this because you said Steve slathers, you with your possibilities. You know, it just conjures this image of oh my gosh, like a dog licking you? Know, how does he do that? How does he slather you with your possibility?

I have a hard time answering this without getting emotional. Because you know, who I am and who I'm being for the world is, I'm a Christian, an amazing family, man, a billion dollar company CEO. And then I have my set of im statements that come out of that. And I start with, I'm a Christian, I'm a follower of Jesus Christ. That's who I am. And I have a deep belief that Christ sees us for our very best, he sees the best in us. And I've never met a person who is closer to seeing the very best in people who's closer to Christ and seeing the very best in people than Steve is, he just sees the very best. And he sees the possibilities in you. And so it becomes very natural for him to slather you with those possibilities, because he sees the very best. And the reason why I get emotional about it is because I think that's what the world needs more than anything, we need to be seen for our very best. And I believe in a God who does see us that way. He sees the very best, he wants the very best for us because He loves us so much. And Steve is amazing that way. And the reason I get emotional is I can't tell you how many times over 12 years, where I went in, and I was just beaten down by the world, you know, I was just beaten down by whatever the challenges were entrepreneurs entrepreneurship, or with family or, or friends or church responsibilities, or whatever it was. And

thank you, thank you for being willing to be this real clay.

That's, you know, that's, that's part of why I did it for 12 years, because because there's so many amazing moments that happen when you're going through life, and you're dealing with stuff. And to have someone who can see you that way, in your very best, and help you see yourself that way and resolve to be better to fix things to improve, you know, whatever the case is, or to see something that you just couldn't see that, you know, it wasn't like it was just in times where I was having a hard time. Sometimes it was things were going great, but he helped me see something and just have an epiphany that I I just couldn't see because he sees he sees the very best in me he's able to connect something so you know, I just I love I love that about Steve. I I love those sessions that I you know, I don't I don't coach with him every week like I did for so many years. But I still benefit from those, you know, the times where where he helps me see that those opportunities to improve or those possibilities that are right there for the taking that I just couldn't see.

Can you think of one in particular that stands out to you that because he shined the light on it. You were able to step into that? Yes. And you didn't have awareness of before he really pointed it out to you.

Yeah, it was during our my first year coaching with him. The business was going through some massive Business threatening challenges. We had investors. And I mentioned this in the book I saw, I'll share with you what happened. He, he said, Well, the way you're going, I can tell you the way this is going, I could tell you that you might as well quit the you know, because I was like, the board's gonna fire me. He's like, Well, you might as well just go in and quit. Because the way you're showing up, I, I fire you. And guess what, you fire you too, if you showed up this way. And, you know, it's kind of like a little bit, you know, my pride was little bit damaged by that. I was kind of like, well, you're supposed to be on my side. And, but when he helped me see was, I was showing up with fear of being fired. And, and then he taught me this amazing lesson. And he helped me see that I was better than how I was showing up. And the lesson he taught me was, I kind of I might even get the movie wrong, but I think it's called first night. There's a Richard Gere movie where he's sort of Lancelot. And anyway, this in the movie or the book, whichever it was, I didn't see there. So Steve was but but but Richard Gere is Lancelot, and somebody says, hey, I want you to teach me to be a great sword fighter. And all through the, I guess, through the movie, the guys tell him, I want you to come on teach me teach me and, and he keeps saying, No, I'm not going to do it. And he finally says, I can't do it. And the guy said, Why can't you do it. And he said, I can't teach you to be a great sword fighter, because you're afraid to die. And you can only be a great sword fighter if you're not afraid to die. And what he taught me was, the way I was showing up to my board, and to my company, at this time of great turmoil, was I was afraid to be fired. And that's how I showed up in everything. And he said, You can't be a great sword fighter, you can't be a great CEO, if you're afraid you're gonna get fired, you gotta go and lead powerfully and lead confidently, and you have it in you, and I can see it in you. And there's no reason you can't go do this, except you've got this fear of getting fired. And so that's an example of where he saw who I am as a leader, and how that fear of getting fired was holding me back. And it was that thing that enabled me to navigate very, very tricky situation with my board. And, and, and lead through that and regain the confidence of the board and the company and get the company back on track. And we've without his coaching, I had our corporate attorney pulled me aside after we kind of got through all the stuff and he said, I got it, I gotta hand it to you. I've never seen, I've never seen it go this way. I've seen the entrepreneur get sideways with the board. And every time it ends with the board, letting them go, or the entrepreneur leaves in a fit of of anger or upset, like, how did you do that? And I told him that Steve and I told that story. And he said, I knew there had to be something, there had to be something that you figured out that got you through this, because you know this, this guy is a super experienced. He's been on, you know, many, many, many boards he'd seen. He'd seen this movie over and over and over again. And it always ended with the entrepreneur on the board parting ways. And he said, you know, he was just mystified as to how it didn't go that way. He's like, it's like, I hate to tell you, but I knew that's what was going to happen, because I've seen it happen over and over. And yet it didn't happen. And he so he was like, how did it not happen? And it was because of my coaching with Steve, where he helped me see myself in a way that is who I really am instead of who the fear was causing me to be.

And you know, claim that example is so powerful for so many reasons. But one that pops out at me, based on what we were talking about earlier, and it doesn't have to take a long time for you to change. You made the decision, you realized the truth of what he was saying. Yeah, you decided you got all in as Chris Doris likes to say, and made that decision and commitment. I'm going to be different. And then you were so just just in terms of kind of wrapping things up. This ties in with who you are being today. Who did you decide you were going to be? What did that look like? What did you do differently? How were you being different with the board and in those situations that you weren't being before?

Yeah, um, have, you know, this really comes down to the work you do with Steve to create your document. And, you know, he calls you talks about the document, he talks about, you know, your, your im statements, you know, he talks about how it's different than just affirmations. It's really understanding who you are, and, and getting to a place where you know, that's who you are versus who you're aspiring to be. And it doesn't have to take a long time. You're right. You know, in that case, I got to a place where I'm like, No, I know, I'm a great leader. And I'm not saying that with pride or ego or any comparison to other people. I know, I'm a great leader. And he helped me see that I was being less of myself of who I actually am. And so, so what the work is to do that we all have to do, we all get to do is decide who we are truly is our best self, and be that for the world every day and not allow the circumstances, the challenges, the interactions, we have to knock us off course. You know, he Steve said to me something in a recent session that he it was it was it was genius. It was truly genius. He said, You can't, he says like the whole point of your document is to be who you are, no matter what. No matter what happens. You be a Christian and amazing family man and a billion dollar company CEO you be that you show up that week, like no matter what happens, no matter what. Your family sit, you know, no matter what, like you be that show up that way. And then he said this, he said, I'll never forget this, he said, until you can be who you are, no matter what you can't be who you are no matter what. And he said, and he goes, Oh look like now I just created I said when it came out, he goes, it's easy. But that's it, you've got to just you, you've got to be who you are, no matter what. And until you make that resolution in your mind, the circumstances are going to knock you off of who you are. And so it comes down to that kind of Resolute approach to life that I'm going to be that. And it is practice, you know, it's it's writing down your statements, it's recording them, it's playing them back to yourself. It's living them. It's, it's, it's really breathing them in and believing them and understanding them. And then it's James clears principle. It's taking actions that are consistent with that so that your mind is totally bought into that. Because our minds are the ones that are playing the game on us. And if we're not taking actions that are consistent with what we're saying, then we can't be who we're saying we're being we it breaks down.

I love finishing with that brilliant statement. You're right, that was genius. And that's, that's the the beauty of this exploring of being and also those statements. I love everything you said about why we say them, you know why we write them the way we do, why we why it's so important to infuse them in our minds and our bodies, our whole being so that we are that way, no matter what. And that goes back to the you know, being driven by the internal instead of the external. That's an effective what you're saying. Like this is so great is like a magical conversation. I loved all the things you shared. I love who you are being now I love your gentle present and humble focus tied in with the ownership and responsibility. It's it's a powerful lesson for all of us, really, when we think about our own lives. And where do we I guess you could call them, you know, these, these gaps are just these areas that are holding us back from stepping into who we really are. And I love that you said that it's not that we're striving to be something. It's recognizing the reality of who we truly are. Yes, and embracing that and owning it and saying yes, I am that and living it like you just said I love that. Thank you so much is there?

You bet. Thanks for your great questions.

Anything else you'd like to share in closing?

You know, just one thing I want to say. My dad taught me when I was young, and I didn't buy into it. When I was a teenager, but he taught me as someone as a teenager, that our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions. And our actions determine our habits, which are our actions become habits, which determine our outcomes. And that's really what Steve and James clear both talking about. And, you know, the reason why Steve's coaching that very first day, caught me. And he caught me at a time in my life where I was ready for it. A big part of that is because of what my dad had taught me when I was young that I, I kind of knew there was something to it. He taught me when I was a teenager, I didn't buy into it. Then when I became an entrepreneur, and had been through a lot of college and lots of stuff in life, I started to realize there was something to what my dad to say, but I didn't quite understand it. And that's really what I've been studying and working on with speed. It's what James clear teaches in the power of habits, and, and our thoughts, that that magical process of thoughts, words, beliefs. It's that work, that is the work of being when our thoughts and our words that are beliefs. That's the thing where our beliefs happen to James Clare's point because we start to get consistent in actions. And they actually are words, our words have belief, notice what's in between words and action belief. When we're when words and actions start to get consistent, that belief gets really strong. And so I just feel like, what Steve, I'm so grateful to Steve, because he helped me really learn what my dad was teaching me years ago, and do it in a, in a very, in a very fun laboratory that is unique to Steve and in his office. And so all of those who've had a chance to meet with him there know what I mean? But I'm so grateful to Steve. And my, you know, my dad, and I hope if people haven't read atomic habits, they read that too, because it's really powerful in combination with Steve's book.

Yeah, atomic habits is an excellent book. And you're right, it ties in beautifully with what the book of being is, is saying as well. Well, I appreciate and I want to acknowledge you are who you're being claimed, because you are a remarkable human being and it's just been a real privilege and and special time to spend this with you today.

Well, thanks, man. It's been a ton of fun.