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In this episode of Speak In Flow with Melinda Lee, the focus is on the essence of establishing authentic connections. The discussion revolves around the significance of bringing your complete self into interactions, including embracing vulnerability and weaknesses.
Key Discussion Points:
Genuine Connections in the Spotlight: Melinda Lee delves into strategies for building authentic connections even in high-stakes situations or when under public scrutiny. Listeners will gain insights into maintaining authenticity despite the pressure of being in the spotlight.
Framework for Communicating with Flow: The episode uncovers an essential framework for communication, offering listeners a structured approach to engage in conversations with more fluidity and authenticity. By embracing this framework, individuals can navigate interactions more effectively and authentically.
Inspiring Action through Authentic Connection: Melinda Lee shares techniques and real-life examples on how authentic connections can serve as catalysts for inspiring action. Listeners will learn how genuine and meaningful connections have the power to motivate and drive change.
Increasing Trust, Confidence, and Influence: The episode explores how embracing vulnerability and showcasing one's authentic self can contribute to fostering trust, confidence, and influence. Strategies are discussed to help individuals make a more substantial impact through genuine connections.
This episode of Speak In Flow aims to empower listeners to not only understand the importance of authentic connections but also to equip them with practical tools to apply in various personal and professional settings. The conversation encourages embracing vulnerability and weaknesses as strengths that enhance communication, ultimately leading to more meaningful and impactful connections.
Tune in to gain valuable insights on establishing authentic connections, fostering trust, and influencing others through genuine and vulnerable communication. Learn how this approach can transform interactions and relationships in both personal and professional spheres.
Listen to the full episode for a comprehensive guide on establishing authentic connections and leveraging vulnerability to communicate with more impact and authenticity.
Remember to tune in to the Speak In Flow podcast hosted by Melinda Lee to explore the complete discussion and gain a deeper understanding of the art of genuine connection and communication.
About Melinda:
Melinda Lee is a Presentation Skills Expert, Speaking Coach and nationally renowned Motivational Speaker. She holds an M.A. in Organizational Psychology, is an Insights Practitioner, and is a Certified Professional in Talent Development as well as Certified in Conflict Resolution. For over a decade, Melinda has researched and studied the state of “flow” and used it as a proven technique to help corporate leaders and business owners amplify their voices, access flow, and present their mission in a more powerful way to achieve results.
She has been the TEDx Berkeley Speaker Coach and worked with hundreds of executives and teams from Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Caltrans, Bay Area Rapid Transit System, and more. Currently, she lives in San Francisco, California, and is breaking the ancestral lineage of silence.
Website: https://speakinflow.com/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/speakinflow
Instagram: https://instagram.com/speakinflow
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mpowerall
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Welcome to another speak in flow podcast episode.
Melinda Lee:I'm glad you're here, because today we are going to dive into
Melinda Lee:the world of connection, establishing a genuine
Melinda Lee:connection. A connection is a bond, a bond where people, both
Melinda Lee:parties, who are there feel seen, heard and valued. Have you
Melinda Lee:ever been with someone where you are so seen and valued, there's
Melinda Lee:a connection there, there's a bond, it doesn't feel good to be
Melinda Lee:with that person, where you just feel safe. Imagine feeling like
Melinda Lee:that, when you are speaking to your audience, allowing your
Melinda Lee:audience to feel so connected to you through this bond, and
Melinda Lee:connection. I have a question for you. Do you feel seen heard
Melinda Lee:and valued? Are you seeing as a true strategic leader within
Melinda Lee:your organisation? Or are you just working really, really
Melinda Lee:hard, overwhelmed, and then starting to communicate in a way
Melinda Lee:that isn't outbursts and outlash? If you are feeling that
Melinda Lee:you're getting to that point, this is your episode. Because
Melinda Lee:today, we're going to give you some tips on how to get
Melinda Lee:grounded, how to go back into establishing a connection with
Melinda Lee:yourself and with your team members. So that at least even
Melinda Lee:if you're feeling overwhelmed, at least they know where you're
Melinda Lee:at, at least you're communicating in a way that
Melinda Lee:makes you effective leader. So I know that feeling valued, seen
Melinda Lee:and heard. Sounds great. But I think it's more difficult than
Melinda Lee:people think to do or know how to do. Because establishing a
Melinda Lee:connection, a genuine authentic connection means that especially
Melinda Lee:as a leader, you need to go first to do that. And how do you
Melinda Lee:do that? Well, that means that you need to bring your whole
Melinda Lee:self in. Now, let me explain. I think most people, when they go
Melinda Lee:to meet with somebody, they are showing their best selves, like
Melinda Lee:their strengths, oh, this is all that I can do. And everything
Melinda Lee:that I've got all my strengths, and I only want you to see my
Melinda Lee:strengths. And, and then I try to hide my vulnerabilities, my
Melinda Lee:weaknesses, or I pretend that they're not there. And sometimes
Melinda Lee:often when you do that, when we're trying to hide certain
Melinda Lee:parts of us, what ends up happening is that the receiver
Melinda Lee:may feel there's a disconnect, the receiver senses, you may be
Melinda Lee:hiding something. Or you may come off as too robotic to
Melinda Lee:perfect. And I see this, especially when we're delivering
Melinda Lee:presentations, right? We're trying to be someone that we're
Melinda Lee:not, we're trying to exude confidence look like we have it
Melinda Lee:all together look like we have everything and we know it all.
Melinda Lee:And we can we get all the questions answered. And the
Melinda Lee:challenge is when we're trying so hard to prove that we are
Melinda Lee:somebody, we start to become less human. And when you can
Melinda Lee:start to accept some of the vulnerabilities or the parts of
Melinda Lee:you that feel less less than or perceived as broken, when you
Melinda Lee:accept them, then others will accept you or you start to lower
Melinda Lee:your guard, there's no barrier, when you're trying to pretend
Melinda Lee:that they're not there, there's a very, you can subconsciously
Melinda Lee:put up a barrier without even knowing it. And when you allow
Melinda Lee:yourself to say, Hey, I might mess up and that's okay. Or I
Melinda Lee:made like out as frightening as it is, I am still accepted. When
Melinda Lee:you start to do that, more than likely, whatever you're afraid
Melinda Lee:of. It may not even show anyways. But that requires that
Melinda Lee:you have to go with acceptance of these things that you feel
Melinda Lee:are broken. And once you do that, then the other people,
Melinda Lee:your audience, or the person that is in front of you can also
Melinda Lee:lower their guard, they can feel there's a connection, that
Melinda Lee:you're not blocking, you're not hiding. And so when they sense
Melinda Lee:that you're not hiding anything, then you start to establish a
Melinda Lee:connection, a bond because they can come into the relationship,
Melinda Lee:lowering their guard and feeling like they can bring their whole
Melinda Lee:selves not just a part of themselves, not just what they
Melinda Lee:feel like are their strengths, but that you accept them for
Melinda Lee:both their strengths and their vulnerabilities. Because you've
Melinda Lee:accepted and your strengths and vulnerabilities. It's easier
Melinda Lee:said than done, right. But as a leader, accepting that you you
Melinda Lee:need help, and you don't have everything together requires
Melinda Lee:that you lead anyways, knowing that you don't have everything
Melinda Lee:together, knowing that you can still do this. And when you do
Melinda Lee:that, you can start to establish a connection. And when you
Melinda Lee:establish a connection, people feel safe, then they can feel
Melinda Lee:safe to be heard. They can feel safe to be seen and valued. And
Melinda Lee:then they're more assured of you, as a leader, they're
Melinda Lee:assured of you in the relationship, they're assured of
Melinda Lee:you and what you're saying the trust builds your increased
Melinda Lee:influences your increase your influence. And so now I want you
Melinda Lee:to take it even a step further. establishing connections, one to
Melinda Lee:one. That's, that could be that's pretty easy, right? Would
Melinda Lee:you agree that that's not too bad? What about all eyes on you?
Melinda Lee:establishing connections, even when there's all eyes on you?
Melinda Lee:What does that like? What does that when you feeling that into
Melinda Lee:your body? How do you feel in your body? Do you feel nervous?
Melinda Lee:Not as comfortable, not as easy? Correct? How about all eyes on
Melinda Lee:you, a lots of eyes on you. And allowing people to see your
Melinda Lee:strengths, your vulnerabilities just you as a human. That is
Melinda Lee:what makes a great leader. That is when you're so comfortable in
Melinda Lee:your own skin, allowing people to see just you. And that is
Melinda Lee:when you build trust. And that is when you can lead more
Melinda Lee:powerful teams. That is when you're moving initiatives
Melinda Lee:forward because the people on your team will go to you to the
Melinda Lee:end of the world. So how can we make this practical, right? Like
Melinda Lee:the this is a concept of establishing connections? How
Melinda Lee:can we make this practical in our everyday life as a leader? I
Melinda Lee:want you to first start with establishing a connection with
Melinda Lee:your own eyes. And then we'll move on to how do you do that in
Melinda Lee:a presentation. Every day, connect with your own eyes.
Melinda Lee:Because if you can't connect with your own eyes, how are you
Melinda Lee:going to expect lots of eyes on you to feel safe and feel
Melinda Lee:comfortable, so sturdy to feel safe with your own pair of eyes.
Melinda Lee:And to do that, it's actually not that difficult. I want you
Melinda Lee:to grab your phone because the mirrors right there. And you can
Melinda Lee:look into your own eyes. Or if you're at home, and you're
Melinda Lee:brushing your teeth. After finishing getting your tooth
Melinda Lee:teeth cleaned, you want to take a moment to just look at your
Melinda Lee:eyes. And if you have your phone right now with you, why don't
Melinda Lee:you go ahead and grab it. And you can do this with me. It's
Melinda Lee:just gonna take a couple minutes, but just starting to
Melinda Lee:get more comfortable with your own eyes. And in a moment, we're
Melinda Lee:going to hold the camera up to our eyes, but before and we're
Melinda Lee:going to say some silent messages to our own self with
Melinda Lee:your eyes. And so we're going to first get grounded and then
Melinda Lee:we'll have you hold up the phone. So go ahead and grab the
Melinda Lee:phone. And before we hold the phone up to our eyes, I want you
Melinda Lee:to just go ahead and close your eyes and we're going to get real
Melinda Lee:centred and grounded. And so go ahead and close your eyes if you
Melinda Lee:are not driving. And if you're driving or somewhere out, you
Melinda Lee:can still do this with your eyes open. But if you're home and
Melinda Lee:feeling safe, go ahead and close your eyes. It's more powerful
Melinda Lee:and you can get connected within you. And this is a wonderful
Melinda Lee:exercise to do even before a presentation to help you feel
Melinda Lee:centred. As you close your eyes, take a nice deep breath and
Melinda Lee:exhale. Now I want you to imagine there's a golden ball.
Melinda Lee:This golden ball is your power centre and it's two inches below
Melinda Lee:your navel. It's a beautiful, radiant golden ball is warm.
Melinda Lee:Sure power centre.
Melinda Lee:And this power centre is here to magnetise any worries thought
Melinda Lee:That's concerns, any thoughts and concerns any to dues this
Melinda Lee:all getting magnetised down to the golden ball feel yourself,
Melinda Lee:your centre of gravity dropping down into the golden ball and
Melinda Lee:your mind emptying this power centres magnetising. Any
Melinda Lee:concerns? Beautiful, feel yourself calm. And then go ahead
Melinda Lee:and take another deep breath and grab your phone, opening your
Melinda Lee:eyes. And now put your phone up so that it's you could see your
Melinda Lee:eyes. There's not too far but you are with yourself. Genuine
Melinda Lee:eye contact. Just say hi. Hello there. It's good to see you.
Melinda Lee:It's been a while I see you. I really see you. I see that you
Melinda Lee:are doing the best that you can. You're working so hard. Even
Melinda Lee:when it's hard, even when it's taught you're tired. Even when
Melinda Lee:you're uncertain of what to do. I see you you're doing the best
Melinda Lee:that you can. And I am sorry if I've been so hard on you. I'm
Melinda Lee:sorry if I've been so hard on you. You are a great leader.
Melinda Lee:Your voice matters. Your opinions matter. You're here to
Melinda Lee:make a difference. You're a confident leader. I am proud of
Melinda Lee:you. I forgive you. I forgive you for go ahead and fill in the
Melinda Lee:blanks. I forgive you for
Melinda Lee:I can commit to you that commit to you that
Melinda Lee:and take another deep inhale and exhale go ahead and put your
Melinda Lee:phone down
Melinda Lee:right now you could be experiencing many different
Melinda Lee:emotions. Some sad, some resistance questions, what is
Melinda Lee:that some of you may feel comforted. Joyful, peace. No
Melinda Lee:matter what emotion you're feeling. They're all welcome.
Melinda Lee:They're all respected. And that exercise alone can rework that
Melinda Lee:nervous system. So often. We're busy doing so many things for
Melinda Lee:other people. Establishing a genuine connection with
Melinda Lee:yourself. And really giving yourself what your heart needs
Melinda Lee:is one of the most effective ways that that you can be that
Melinda Lee:you can do something fast as a leader to make huge shifts. So I
Melinda Lee:highly encourage that you use that technique every day because
Melinda Lee:you're looking in the mirror every day. And many people when
Melinda Lee:they're looking into mirror everyday guess what we're doing
Melinda Lee:subconsciously Oh, look at my thighs. Oh look at my eyes or my
Melinda Lee:hair getting fat or too skinny. Like that's what we
Melinda Lee:subconsciously say to ourselves in the mirror. And when you do
Melinda Lee:that you losing the connection of who you are and In order to
Melinda Lee:be a powerful leader ready to be seen in the spotlight, you need
Melinda Lee:to work through all of that and accept ourselves. And so that
Melinda Lee:mirror exercise will help you round out and start to accept
Melinda Lee:your own eyes. And when you except your own eyes for both
Melinda Lee:your strengths, PHONER abilities or perceived weaknesses perceive
Melinda Lee:brokenness except your whole self truly feel good and
Melinda Lee:comfortable in your skin, you're able to go into the spotlight,
Melinda Lee:or I want you to go in the spotlight, even if you're
Melinda Lee:uncomfortable, but at least you're you're feeling one step
Melinda Lee:closer. And now, we'll Melinda how you might ask, How do I do
Melinda Lee:this? While I'm delivering a presentation, I've got all of
Melinda Lee:these notes. I got to cover so many different points. How do I
Melinda Lee:go and speak from my heart and speak from my truth when the
Melinda Lee:organisation the manager wants me to cover ABCD what I have
Melinda Lee:noticed, when people start to try to think about what they
Melinda Lee:need to say, or remember what they need to say, they either
Melinda Lee:start to memorise, or they're up in their head, because they're
Melinda Lee:so worried that they might forget a fact they're so worried
Melinda Lee:that they are not going to say the right thing. What that tells
Melinda Lee:me is that then you're really not connected with yourself, and
Melinda Lee:you're disconnected with the audience. There's a simple
Melinda Lee:framework that I'm going to share with you that I found I've
Melinda Lee:studied many different speeches. And this is the same framework
Melinda Lee:that most compelling speeches use. So just knowing this
Melinda Lee:framework, will save you so much time from rehearsing from having
Melinda Lee:to memorise your script, from having to from in fear from
Melinda Lee:forgetting. Ready? So this is the same framework that I've
Melinda Lee:used today on this presentation. And that is why don't need
Melinda Lee:notes. And imagine the freedom of not needing notes just
Melinda Lee:because you know, the framework. I think most people when they do
Melinda Lee:their speech they want they memorise a bullet. I think
Melinda Lee:people have let go scripts. But the bullets now I want you to
Melinda Lee:organise into a framework? No, it's called car. C stands for
Melinda Lee:context. The next C stands for challenge action results. Put
Melinda Lee:that into your presentation, this framework, and you will be
Melinda Lee:free from ever forgetting. You will be free from ever needing
Melinda Lee:to memorise a script, you will be free from losing that
Melinda Lee:connection, you're gonna get back into the connection, you're
Melinda Lee:gonna get back into the present moment. So khokhar context, what
Melinda Lee:am I talking about? Today I'm talking to and the earlier on, I
Melinda Lee:talked about establishing a connection, I talked about what
Melinda Lee:it is. And I talk about the challenges the next C's
Melinda Lee:challenges. Most people don't establish connection
Melinda Lee:effectively, they're not bringing their whole self.
Melinda Lee:That's a challenge. Here's what I want you to do an action, look
Melinda Lee:at your own mirror, look at your own eyes in the mirror. And then
Melinda Lee:now go into the results. When you can do this, you will be
Melinda Lee:free from your script, you will be free from having to forget,
Melinda Lee:you're going to be free from memorising and rehearsing hour
Melinda Lee:upon hour upon hour. So having that framework, you just know
Melinda Lee:where you're at, you know where you're going. It's like a map.
Melinda Lee:And then you don't have to worry where every single point on the
Melinda Lee:map is that you are, you're just you have the general direction
Melinda Lee:and that's all you need. And then the rest is your focus on
Melinda Lee:being present. Because that is what your audience needs
Melinda Lee:establishing a connection. You want to spend majority of your
Melinda Lee:energy being so focused and present in the moment. Allowing
Melinda Lee:yourself the freedom to speak from your heart. Speak from
Melinda Lee:genuineness and allow yourself to get feedback from the
Melinda Lee:audience. So you can pivot at any moment. And allowing
Melinda Lee:yourself to just be you and the truth of who you are knowing
Melinda Lee:that you have everything that you can that you're equipped.
Melinda Lee:You're equipped with all the right information. And imagine
Melinda Lee:feeling that sense of I said everything that I needed to say,
Melinda Lee:I did not forget anything. I had a client, who she started
Melinda Lee:working with me because in the beginning she she felt like
Melinda Lee:nobody was listening to her. She wasn't heard. And then so she
Melinda Lee:would end up speaking more, and including more informations,
Melinda Lee:more examples, and, and probably over talking, because she didn't
Melinda Lee:feel like she was heard. Right. And so when I walked through
Melinda Lee:this whole framework with her, worked on helping her to get
Melinda Lee:fully present, so that she could be with the audience. By the
Melinda Lee:time she was finished, when we were done working with each
Melinda Lee:other. She said, Melinda, I had my script, or I had my framework
Melinda Lee:and, and by the time I was done, I actually started seeing more
Melinda Lee:things, different things that I did not have planned, but I knew
Melinda Lee:it was enough. And that is what you want to leave every single
Melinda Lee:presentation with is that you don't ruminate on, did I say the
Melinda Lee:right thing? Did I not say the Did I miss something? You want
Melinda Lee:to leave your presentations feeling like I knocked it out of
Melinda Lee:the park. It landed with them. What I said was enough. Because
Melinda Lee:I'm enough, I had went into it fully prepared with my
Melinda Lee:framework. I knew where I was going, what direction I was
Melinda Lee:going to take them. And even if they asked me a question that
Melinda Lee:was different than when I plan, I was able to pivot. Because I'm
Melinda Lee:not bound anymore to a script, I'm not bound to thoughts about
Melinda Lee:I need to say this XYZ because someone told me so I had freedom
Melinda Lee:in that. And that is why I can leave every single presentation,
Melinda Lee:feeling like I knocked it out of the park feeling like it was
Melinda Lee:just what needed to be said in the moment. And I left them
Melinda Lee:feeling inspired, ready to act motivated. And that is when the
Melinda Lee:team corrals, we have synergy. Because the communication was so
Melinda Lee:streamlined. There was flow, there was an energy there. And
Melinda Lee:that is what we need to do with our communication. I think more
Melinda Lee:often than not, we think that communication is not that
Melinda Lee:important, or I'll figure it out. Communication fitness.
Melinda Lee:Moving into flow requires that you come back to these episodes
Melinda Lee:every week, and tune in and adjust and build that muscle. So
Melinda Lee:it continues to improve and continues to strengthen.
Melinda Lee:So today, we talked about how to establish a genuine connection,
Melinda Lee:a bond where both parties feel seen, heard, valued, a sense of
Melinda Lee:safety, so you increase your influence. And we talked about
Melinda Lee:how you could do that. One to One is first with yourself. But
Melinda Lee:then more importantly, now that you've established a genuine
Melinda Lee:connection with yourself, how do you do this with all eyes on
Melinda Lee:you, lots of eyes on you. And not just that bringing your
Melinda Lee:whole self in bringing you as who you are today. And owning
Melinda Lee:that owning that you deserve to be in that spotlight. And when
Melinda Lee:you fully believe that you lower your guard and you establish a
Melinda Lee:connection with your audience, your audience lowers their
Melinda Lee:guard. And that is when the bond forms. You increase your trust
Melinda Lee:you increase the influence that you have. And therefore your
Melinda Lee:team is motivated as synergize your your audience is excited
Melinda Lee:and ready to act. And you're making a positive change in your
Melinda Lee:organisation in your communities. And you're leading
Melinda Lee:like that heart centred leader on a mission remember that
Melinda Lee:remember, you mate you matter and you're here to make a
Melinda Lee:difference and and so until next time, I'm your sister in flow.
Melinda Lee:Take care
