THE GRATEFUL GODDESS AND A STROKE OF LUCK With Karen Pulver

Hello, it's Howard Brown. It's the Shining Brightly

Show. Oh my goodness, I have a very dear friend, a very special

guest, Karen Pulver, how are you and welcome.

Thank you so much, Howard. So glad to be here.

So nice. It's so nice to see you. You've got such

an incredible story that I want to share with the audience

tonight. And, you know, you've, you're really an incredible

person. And you're beautiful inside and out. I want everyone

to know that right now, as we become friends, and you've done

coaching for me. So I just say I want to say I really appreciate

you, and thank you for coming on. All right, so let me tell

you a little bit about Karen. She is the multi faceted

individual. And you have had a remarkable journey. You are a

podcaster a model actress, a mother and a teacher, were going

to ask about that little more detail about that. A cancer and

a stroke survivor. Karen's passion for empowering women led

her to found a women's group in Chicago called the grateful

goddesses. Within this group, women gathered in various venues

to listen to inspiring speakers, and engage in activities curated

by Karen, to enhance their lives, what a beautiful mission.

So in 2009, you established the grateful goddesses, and then you

actually started to share your challenge of being diagnosed

with cancer, we're going to talk about that, and I'll let you

share a little bit more about that. But you grew strength from

this group yourself, even though you were actually basically

leading it as well. In 2019, as the pandemic hit, you launched

the podcast of the same name as a virtual platform, because we

weren't gathering, but you were bringing together people all

over the world. And you are basically expanding, you know,

the the physical aspects, the mental aspects and the spiritual

aspects of dealing with the pandemic, dealing with, you

know, being a woman and, and also a mom and in the pandemic.

And these personal interactions on part of your weekly show,

allowed you to really learn from them, and you all became, you

know, a tight knit group. And next phase of your life, you

actually turned all this wonderful knowledge to be a

coach, and you actually at the Adler School of Psychology, and

then all of a sudden, you were struck down again, with a

stroke. And we're gonna, we got to talk about that, because this

is an incredible story. But you gotta have all this in your

goddess toolbox and you rehabilitate yourself, your

resilience, your positivity do shine through. And that's why

you're shining brightly with me tonight, and you've navigated

these health challenges. And you are moving forward, and you're

helping others. And at the end of the day, that's really what

it's all about. And so you have a motto here, you always had the

power, my dear, you just have to realise it. That's beautiful.

And you're a beacon of positivity, empowerment, and you

embody the spirit of growth and transformation. So that's a

beautiful introduction. But tell me something that we may not

know about you. Let's share a little secret about Karen. What

do you got for me?

Well, I can tap dance.

Oh, I did not know that.

I know you didn't. And I love to dance. And I took

tap dancing when I was young. And when the pandemic hit, I

ordered these tap dance shoes. Because you know, we couldn't go

anywhere. So my basement and I put music on and I just tap away

and it's really fun.

And it's therapeutic to

it's so therapeutic.

Oh my god. I did. That's a great surprise. You're

tapping? Oh, that's awesome?

Yes.

Well, take me through a little bit as far as

maybe roll back a little bit, you know, to either your

upbringing or actually you became a teacher. And that's

like the noblest profession there is. Tell me about how you

became a teacher.

Well, I was not a good student. I didn't learn to

read till I was in third grade. And I was a teacher looking back

at my childhood, I believe I must have had a learning

challenge because I could not seem to pick it up. I had a lot

of trouble and my mom took me to a tutor. Finally in third grade,

and I connected with her and she just really encouraged me a lot

of it was confidence, I think. And I finally learned to read so

as I got older, I realised that I wanted to help kids, you know

who would be struggling and to overcome whatever it was that

they were having challenges in school, and that's one of the

main reasons why I became a teacher. I loved working with

kids. I love being with kids. I love seeing their eyes light up

when they learn something, because kids are not gone

through all the social stuff that adults have. So like, you

know, they love to play and I love to play. As you can see, I

love to tap dance. So I just have fun being a teacher. And I

also know that I'm really helping these children.

Yeah. And I mean, here's the thing, you're like a

renaissance woman because you're a model and an actress. And, you

know, you've done quite quite a lot, and you've been through a

lot. So the grateful goddesses Okay, how did you come up with

that? And it's, it's really cool. And I have to tell you,

I'm gonna confess I, you know, as you invited me to your show,

and present my cancer journey with another young woman's

cancer journey, it was a great honour to be on your show. I am

so grateful for that. And thank you, but tell me how it all

began and why you did it.

Well, I was a teacher and a mom of three kids.

Ah, well was my kids were getting older. I was working

part time as a teacher. But there was something missing. I

wasn't sure what it was. I knew actually, that I wanted to model

when I was younger, be a model and an actress. So I first did

that I first took some acting classes, I had some headshots

done. And that was great. And that was fun. And that's today,

I do a little bit of that. But I still felt something. I couldn't

quite pinpoint what it was. So one day, I dropped my kids off

at school, and I just decided to go for a walk. And I walked in

walked into city, and I just stumbled upon a dance studio.

And I went in and I signed up for a cardio strip tease. And I

know it sounds like crazy, like, are you going to strip No, it

wasn't stripping, it was dancing and moving around. She just

called the cardio striptease to get women's attention. But it

was such a freeing fun activity that I decided that even though

I was a dancer, I never danced like that. So I felt so elated

stepping out of my box. And that was, you know, a small box

because I was a dancer. So I thought, How great would it be

if I could bring this to people and really encourage them to try

something new and to learn new things. So that's how the

gatherings formed. The Grateful goddess name was just when I was

in the shower once and I was just feeling so grateful. And I

don't know, maybe I was using a goddess razor. I don't know.

It's called plus, no, it was I feel really like, like, we all

are goddesses, like we're all just to have so much in us that

needs to come through. And that's how that happens. So

these were gatherings in the city of Chicago with different

venues. And it was a really great experience. And we learned

a lot of things from different guests. And then as I mentioned

to us, I then had cancer. So that halted things a little bit.

I know it and so any any shows that stand out or

any any lessons from interviewing so many people and

meeting and gathering to

Yeah, first of all, just just the fun topics.

You know, we we covered fashion, I had some fun with finance,

finances, but teaching us you know how to handle finances. But

that was good, because you feel really empowered that you can do

these things, and make up and all of those kinds of things.

But I also interviewed women and men. This was my first interview

was this gentleman Jason rebel and he wrote this book.

Eternity. He's a vegan chef. So I learned how to eat. I was for

two years. I tried it. I liked it. But I still, you know,

switch back. I learned from I just have a few books of people,

Ellen Schwartz. B actually talks about lessons in life. And just

like, we can't change the challenges we face, but we can

change how we deal with them, for example, right? So a lot of

those kinds of lessons came through. This was one of my

favourite interviews. It's Dr. Edith Eger, she's a Holocaust

survivor and a psychologist and she wrote the choice. And she

talks about, you know, she survived Auschwitz every day,

she'd get up and make the choice of how she was going to live her

her day. And she had hope, and having hope is something that

has gotten me through my challenges. That's probably the

biggest lesson that I've learned is from her. But you and I share

that because the last chapter of my book, which you know, is

called sharing hope, so, we that you that's the fuel that gets us

through for sure. So now, you're diagnosed with cancer. Do you

want to share some details? Well, as a matter of fact,

today, April 1 Is my cancer Versary you didn't know for

listening a cancer Versary is the year wealth every cancer

survivor does different but this was the day that I got the phone

call. My whole world stopped. I actually felt like I was in the

best shape of my life. And everything seemed to be running

really smoothly with the kids and everything. And I had a bump

on my back and I didn't know what it was. And it was it. She

kind of felt like a mosquito bite. My husband, he's like, get

it looked at. And I had three doctors three, tell me it was

nothing. Don't worry about it

grew and it got blacker and harder and weird. So I said, I

just want to get it out. So I went to a surgeon who then said,

Well, I can take it out. But you know, you're gonna have a really

big scar. I'm like, I don't care. Just get it out. So she

took it out. And then a week later, they had biopsy biopsy,

because that's what they do. Yeah, just precaution. And I got

the phone call that I needed to come in. And then I was

diagnosed with B cell non Hodgkins lymphoma, and I needed

radiation. And that was my cancer that

you did not have chemotherapy. You just did it by

radiation.

Yes, I actually had what a lot of people said

was the good cancer to have I mean, cancers, cancer, I I

personally don't think that any cancer is a good one to have.

However, it was slow growing, I caught it. Stage one. Had I

ignored my gut instinct to get it removed, it would have

probably spread and got to a you know, so I people listening.

Just take precautions if you have anything that you're not

sure about. And even if doctors right three tell me it was

nothing. But if you feel it, go check it out.

Oh, 100%. Now I had T cell lymphoma, which was

blood cancer of the lymphatic system. But I was stage four,

and I had this big red and purple golf ball come out of my

cheekbone. And that was my towel. And if it didn't come

out, I wouldn't be here because I wouldn't have known because I

actually felt pretty good. And I was in the best shape my life

when I was 23. Then I also I agree with you 100%. So I have

to tell you during my you know, my motivational speeches that I

do I stop in the middle, and I tell everyone, if you're not

your best you, okay, what are you doing, and during the

pandemic, people didn't go to their doctor's appointments, so

they didn't get their mammography, they didn't go to

their lady doctor, they didn't get men for prostate or all of

us for colonoscopy, or even go to the dentist you're getting

screened, gives you a better chance, okay, if anything bad

happens, and I also agree with you, there is no good cancer,

bad cancer, it's pretty all bad. For the most part, it's tough

when you get those, you know that that phone call. And then

lastly, I we're just coming off of colorectal cancer awareness.

And all the cancers have colours, long is white and

breast cancer is pink, colorectal cancer, Evans, blue,

prostate is teal, there's all colours in the wheel. And I wear

blue almost every day if not, or I have a little blue pin, lapel

pin. And it's also for the people in treatment. Because I

will tell you this radiation, surgery, chemotherapy, the side

effects clinical trials, all that is no fun when you're in

treatment, no matter if it's just, you know, something that

is being treated. That's fairly small, a large all matters. And

lastly is that I wear blue to commemorate those that lost

their cancer battle that their cancer burden came to great and

get called to heaven. So I agree with you so much on that. And

what did you learn from that is that one you learn to get

checked and follow your gut. That was that's the key.

I wanted the big a big lesson. But I also learned,

you know, at first, I thought, Oh, I'm going to change

everything. I'm going to change my diet. I'm going to I mean, I

exercise every day. But I'm going to exercise twice a day,

I'm going to do this. I mean, I just kept thinking about how

what can I do now. But it wasn't really about that. That was kind

of like New Year's resolution that lasts a month and then

fades away. I mean, I like to have a glass of wine. I like

chocolate. I like you know. But what I did do that I found was a

big change was I've changed my mental state a lot. I started to

set boundaries with people that I hadn't done before. I mean,

doesn't mean but I I said no to things. I wouldn't take on as

much as I did before because I think that stress has a very big

part in it. And it's not that I was stressed at the time. But I

was thinking what was it? What was it? You know? And I thought,

well, maybe I just need to take care of my mental state more. So

i i When I was tired, I would go take a nap. You know, you

sometimes you fight those things because you're like, oh, no, I

gotta be up the whole day. Well, no, I need to take a nap. I need

to take care of myself. I need to maybe not be friends with

that person because they're really draining. I'm going to do

that. So all of those kinds of things from the cancer I learned

because It's not that they told me you're going to die from

this. But what I was told by my oncologist is that I'm on watch

and wait. And I'm still on it. So I go every year, and that my

life might be shortened. Well, hearing that kind of sucks. But

same time, it's a bit of a wake up call. Because even though I

have the, the good cancer, it's kind of like a scar and you

don't want to like open up the wound, right? So you got to take

care of yourself. So I learned how to physically and mentally

take care of myself.

I love that discipline. It's really good.

And also the way that you were able to weed out the negativity

or people that were draining to you. That is hard to do. I

actually did that as well, the second time around, and it is

hard to do, but it is important to do in your time of need. It

really is. So all right, you got your life back, you're back on

track. You're healthy for a period of time. And then

lightning struck again, tell told me about this scary episode

of a stroke.

14 years went by and you know,

you're raising your kids, you're doing your the

kids, life is good.

When you have your five year cancer bursary, you're

like, Oh, yes. And then when you have your 10 Oh, yes. Well, last

year, February, again, a date. You know, April 1 Is the cancer

one and February 12 Is the stroke one, but I was in New

Orleans with my husband visiting my daughter and we were out to

lunch. And I That morning, I just was tired. And I just was

almost like a, like hungover, but I hadn't had I had two

drinks the night before. I wasn't hungover. But that really

lethargic feeling. We went to lunch and I wasn't hungry. And

next thing I knew, I'm talking to my husband and my head just

flopped down on the table. And I was what's called locked in. I

didn't know what at the time, I didn't know what was happening.

I thought maybe I fainted. But I was still totally alert and

awake. So that's called locked in. So basically, I was grunting

and crying, but I couldn't speak. I could hear I could see.

But I, I couldn't move. And I couldn't communicate it. I

didn't know what was happening. So they took me to the hospital.

And subsequently, when they did the scan, they saw that I had a

midbrain bilateral stroke. So I had a clot that had split into

and went in, you know, the two sections of my brain. And I was

paralysed like that for a couple hours until it cleared, it did

clear on its own. And usually they they administer something

called a TPA, to help shrink the clots and that's what they were

going to do. But in the interim of me waiting for them to get

that ready. I my body managed to clear them. And I still don't

quite understand that. But the neurologist said to me that

because I was in good physical health before you know I'm not

diabetic, I don't smoke, moderate drinker exercise, eat

well, that my body was like, almost like when you have a

virus in your body attacks it right. So my body was able to do

it. And I felt However, I did suffer. Because I had a brain

injury. I do have some challenges. As a result of that.

I mean, the cancer you don't you know, I have a scar on my back

from the radiation and you know, you're tired, but then you get

better, right? Oh, you feel better. But the stroke

definitely set me back harder than cancer.

So I hadn't heard of locked in syndrome until we

had talked about it. And I mean, I can't even imagine you mean is

like being paralysed. To an extent, right. You couldn't

talk? You really move, right.

I couldn't move. Yeah, I couldn't move. And, and

I heard everything going on around me. And I wanted to

scream like in my head. There was like a little girl, Karen or

a little woman, Karen, who was talking, you know, the movie,

Inside Out with the characters in the brain. That's what it

felt like. It felt like there was a whole mission control in

my brain that was totally working and going, Oh, she's

having us things are happening hurry hurrry. But my body was

not reacting. And then it turned on it was like when you shut off

a computer,

reboot,

reboots, that's what happens.

You rebooted and then the body took otherwise

they're gonna have to, you know, get in there and then also,

there's either in a stroke it's it's blood loss to the to the

brain, correct? Yes, yes.

Scary. That is absolutely scary. You It's just incredible. So I

mean, how did that going forward? I mean, again, I have

to tell you, I don't use it out of convenience. But I have a

form of PTSD. It's called chemo brain, or brain fog. And really

what it turns out is I can't remember names anymore. And I

was so good at names. But I do have trouble. So it that's not

the end of the world. But there's people that do complain

of that. I mean, I know that, you know, Vietnam veterans are

and are just regular people have seen battle habit, but a lot of

cancer patients also do have that as well. And do you have

any lasting effects? From this

Stroke or cancer?

Stroke?

Oh, yeah, definitely. Um, at first, my

balance was off. And I fell quite a bit. I was in the

hospital for a couple days. And then when they, they released

me, they, they didn't necessarily give me rehab, they

didn't think I needed rehab. Right away anyway. But so I

would walk and fall, and it wasn't good. So I had to work on

my balance. And there was a pool, at my daughter's building

where we were staying. So I started like going in the pool

and just walking, so if you fall, you fall in the pool. So

my physical has definitely gotten better every now and then

when I practice yoga, because I practice a lot. My right side is

dominant. But my right side is, is more is less now. But it's

the thing is how it's very minute. Like, it's such a small

difference physically, mentally to I forget things all the time.

But now it's a deeper, like a deeper forgetting. Like,

there'll be a word in my head. And it's right there before it

would be like, not there, and you just forget it. But now like

it's like, there. And it's like stuck. And I can't always say

it. So a lot of times I'll pause and I'll be like, okay, you

know, like, you know, what's a call, you know, that thing.

And, and trust me, I was really worried that it would affect my

teaching, my coaching. My friends, being with my husband,

I mean, my kids were getting frustrated.

But you know, I have to remind them I did, I have had speech

and memory processing therapy. And I've been told that, you

know, I have to advocate for myself, and I'm also in a stroke

support group. So I met with individuals who look like me,

like worse, we're in our mid 50s. You know, I'm 57. Like,

there's a few of us that are that age. And if you look at us,

you think you're totally fine. And a lot of people say that to

me, Oh, you look great. You're fine. I'm like,

But I try every day, I learned something new, I try something

new, and some things become my habits. And some things. You

know, I just keep practising. I just keep going.

Yeah, invisible disabilities are real. And it's

hard for people to recognise that you've persevered through

so much. And because I've been one of your coaching clients, we

won't reveal what goes on between you and I because

that's, you know, privilege, of course, but you're an amazing

teacher. And so tell us about your coaching practice and how

you're helping people.

I started when I was doing my live, grateful

goddess show. So that's actually where I met you. So once a week

wanting to incorporate, you know, I had the podcast over

COVID. But I missed the interaction part with people and

the teaching component. So I curated different activities. I

had different speakers, and I had a weekly show live show. And

I Okay, so now I'm having one of those. ....of course, it's hot.

Well, everyone, and this is what happens. I'm in mid thought, and

what did you ask me? What was

I asked you about your coaching practice. And

here's your keyword. Go ahead. There's your launch.

So I had realised after the show, that people

would stay on the Zoom, you know, by talking to one person

and ever a lot of people would stay on. And they start talking

to me and I'd start talking to them. And I realised, wow, I'm

teaching, I'm teaching but I'm teaching adults now. And this is

kind of fun. And this is Oh, look at and I've had certain

individuals reached out to me and say thank you. You know, one

person said that they had been inside and they hadn't gone

outside. Of course, this was coat during COVID But she was

very nervous to step outside. And I encouraged her to just go

out and she went out. And that just felt really good that I

could help you know these individuals. So I decided to

become a coach and I studied psychology, but I didn't. I

didn't want to do therapy. I wanted to help coaching is a

more forward thinking type of experience. So you're helping

people to get unstuck. And with coaching, the the problems that

people have, aren't always what they want to work on. There's

something deeper in there. It's not just like, Oh, what am I

gonna do for my work? It's like, How can I be more confident? You

know what I mean? So I love digging deeper into what it is,

and then helping people.

So I started the programme, and I was way on my way, getting all

my coaching hours, and then boom, had the stroke. And I

couldn't continue, I could barely string a sentence

together. So I was I was depressed. I mean, I certainly

had some downtime. And I learned to Howard that you have to allow

yourself those downtimes. And don't beat yourself up. I was I

was like, I'm never gonna do this. And it's like, no, no, I'm

not don't maybe, but I'm going to rest. I'm going to work on

one thing at a time. You know, little by little, just like

riding a bike, just like trying a new skill. It'll be the best

it'll be. And I continue tutoring with children. I

continue to continue to coaching. And I haven't had

anyone complain.

Well, I want to tell you that the thing that I

think that I only reveal a small teaser is that you took me

through my life wheel and we prioritised? That's what I

really appreciated that we got to the, you know, we got to

really what's important to me by prioritising on the life wheel,

and I thank you for that. And also, thank you for sharing

about what you do when you know you're feeling down scared or

anxious as well, because we're human. But you know, your

resilience is a muscle. Okay. And I would say that I built

Humpty Dumpty, you know, version three, oh, now I'm putting them

back together again. But we all get knocked down in life and in

business. And also in relationships, that's the most

complex one. And we have to be able to as my books as use our

light to get back up. And once we're back up, we go help

others. And this is what you've done. You're basically, you

know, model, you know, case study for my book is that you've

walked with darkness, you've learned from it, you've gotten

yourself back, and now you're helping others. And it's just

really, it really is so beautiful. And I'm so those of

you will, we'll give you in the show notes and on socials on how

to get in touch with you for your coaching because I think

it's really important. And you are so compassionate, and you

are such a good listener. So that that is what really makes a

good coach. Alright, so this is the time of the show, I'm gonna

have you put sunglasses on, if you don't mind, we're going to

put on our shades because this is the shining brightly

spotlight. And of course, you're a model. So you have the best

quote, look and shades. And I wanted to tell people how to get

in touch with you, how they should to get in touch you for

your coaching and all that now I'll include all your links on

social links as well. And then wait. And then lastly, I know

you have prepared an inspirational quote. So then

share that and then kick the show back to me. All right, I

will kick it back to you. Yes,

first, you can reach me in many ways you can go

on my website, and it's great for WWW dot grateful

goddesses.com goddesses and you'll have it right written

out. So people you know make mistakes of goddesses.com and

also email me personally Karen Pulver pul ve r@yahoo.com. And

my quote

I read before that you have a giveaway

right away your giveaway giveaway is I'm going

to give away a discovery session with me it's valued at $125 and

we can do this by zoom and we can just get on top with each

other and see something that you want to work through and I can

help guide you there and then if you'd like to continue with me

as long as you did, and we can continue

I love it alright, let's let's shine share some

inspiration with what you got.

Okay, it's hard to see out of these glasses go take the

glasses off we shine

if you can,

you've always had the power my dear. You just have

to learn it for yourself. So this is a bag my sister in law

got me but this is I live by and my past and grateful goddesses

is all about this and my life really. Because in the Wizard of

Oz, Dorothy, all the characters wanted all of these things

right? They wanted intelligence heart.

Courage, courage, a brain, a brain and they kept thinking the

wizard is going to give it to me. Oh, Dorothy is going to go

home because the wizard is going to get and we all think that in

our lives, right? Yeah. If only we had this then we get this if

only this and who's going to we're going to strive towards

someone else telling us

We all had it at the end. They had it in themselves, right?

Because the wizard says, well, actually, you are smart. And

actually, you are brave. And actually, Dorothy, you just have

to click your heels and then you'll be home. So I feel that

we all have the power within us. And as a coach, as a teacher,

I'm going to help guide you to find that power.

It's great. It's using the Wizard of Oz. To say,

yes, you have it within you, and you can do it. It's beautiful.

It's really is. All right. Well, this has been a really important

show. And it's, I'm just so glad you came on and told your

stories, and are lifting up others. That's that's, that's,

it's such a beautiful thing. So well, you can, you know, I want

to say I got a shout out a few folks that helped me along the

way. So my publisher front edge publishing, read the spirit.com,

which comes out every Monday, and I blog in that usually

almost every week, and then my finishing house for my podcast

is amplify you and they just make me look so good. And I want

to say thank you to them for making me look good. And then

how to get a hold of me is shining brightly.com And you can

find the book you can find the podcast and also the

motivational speaking. And then most importantly, my advocacy,

like my work in, in cancer, my work with entrepreneurship and

mentorship and leadership. And then lastly, my interfaith

relations work. And those are the things that really matter at

the end of the day. So let's all just try to shine brightly, a

little bit more for ourselves, go lift up others in our

communities in our neighbourhoods, and yes, the

world would be a better place. Karen Pulver it's been a

pleasure. Thank you. Thank you.