THE DARKNESS OF CHILD ABUSE TO EMOTIONAL FREEDOM With Regina LaFrance

Hello, it's Howard Brown. It's the Shining Brightly

Show. I am so glad you are with us today I we're going to cover

a pretty intense topic today. And you know that if you've been

listening to me or know anything about me that my book shining

brightly talks deeply about walking in darkness, and then

finding a light to be able to lift up yourself then lift up

others. Well, I have a such an amazing and important guests

with me. I want to introduce you to Regina France. Regina, how

are you? And thank you for coming on my show. I am well and

thank you for having me. I appreciate being here today.

Excellent. Well, I'm excited because I just watched your

trailer you have a book that just came out in early February.

So one of your early podcasts to help promote you and the story.

Let me just read a quick bio about yourself. Author Regina

France has come a long way since leaving her native small

village, a place she called home until tragedy struck. Drawing

from her direct direct experience. Her semi

autobiographical novel Shayla is a depiction of the events that

happen when she was violently raped as a young girl by a

paedophile priest in her community. Her tell all book

further speaks to the deep seated wounds and the trauma

that have followed her into her adult life and striving to

reinvent herself and some find some healing. Shayla is the

Frances sharing and the ultimate hope for others who have been

molested and suffered from abuse. Passionate in the resolve

of this issue, the Francis made her ongoing effort to prevent

the unthinkable from happening to more innocent children. She

resides in North Carolina with her husband, Dan, retired fire

Lieutenant. And both are transplants from Boston. And so

my. So we have that in common. And I just want to welcome you

to the show. And because we talked in the greenroom, I'd

love for you to share. We're going to shine just a little bit

of brightly right now. Tell me about as a young girl, your dad

called you the lady bug. And then you lost the ladybug. And

then you got to back talk talk talk tell my audience about

that.

As far as I can remember from being around six

years old to about nine. I always like being outside. And

my father was a farmer. So my sister was more like, stay home

with mom stay inside do house chores with Mom and I was always

outside. I was very, very small. And in the summertime, I was

very dark and I had long, dark hair. So my father called me

Ladybug, and my father, my mom used to tell me that I was the

cutest Ladybug she had ever seen. So being a ladybug was

very, very special. I would go looking for them and try to have

them as my little baby ladybugs and, and one everytime I found

one I'll bring to my dad. And he would say that. Now be careful,

don't don't be hurt and led by because it was so small and

fragile like I was. When I was nine years old, I began to be

molested by someone that was a person of power in the village.

My parents wanted me to learn music to play an instrument and

the person who was the local priest of the village began to

molest me when I was nine. And then about a year later, he

violated me brutally sexually and physically, practically

leaving me to die. So I did survive, and through my teenage

years might want ease and my 30s and 40s. I felt like I was a

cockroach. Because the priests told me that I was no Ladybug. I

was a cockroach and that my parents would never believe me.

Again, because I was dark and had the dark here he said that I

was not pretty and that I was dumb and and stupid. And he

called me all these names. So I would believe that no one would

ever love me or care for me other than the attention that he

would give me. So all those years, including my teenage

years, my early 20s I looked for love from anyone that would talk

to me or give me attention. I was always looking for someone

to care for me or love me. And I was always going above and

beyond to do things for other people so they would they would

love me. And it wasn't until I had an experience in 2003

15 I had a vivid memory of me telling my Mother, please don't

make me go. Because one of my clients came in and told me that

she was very stressed out because a little girl that

didn't want to go to summer camp that year. And the little girl

cried, and said, Mommy, Mommy, please don't make me go, I don't

want to go anymore. And at that moment, I had to terminate the

session, my heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty, and I had

to leave. Because I remembered asking my mother to not let me

go. And that's when everything changed. I began to write about

my experience and my abuse. So my intent was to create

awareness, people raising children to look out for those

signs. And when I did that, I discovered that I began my own

healing. And when I wrote about being a ladybug, I went to the

mirror. And I told myself, that it wasn't my fault. And the

little girl inside of me was still hurting. So I began

learning how to nurture my little girl inside my inner

child. And when I did that, I discovered that it wasn't my

fault. I had to tell myself and learn a new lifestyle. And when

I did that, I began to discover how wonderful it was to be a

ladybug and the love that I felt when my dad and my dad fell for

me, and everything around me changed. All the people that I

love, and all the people around me, just begin to notice the

change in me and how happy I become in how wonderful my life

started to be. And now, I can take any situation at all, it

makes it shine like a diamond. I am a happy person, and I want to

go into the world and tell everyone that is still hard, and

that they also can shine. And they can become who they were

originally intended to be like, for me, I want to be that

Ladybug, and I want to make it be known that it wasn't my

fault.

Thank you for sharing that. So for those that

are listening, you're wearing a red shirt, you actually have a

little bit of red on your necklace. And you are a shining

Ladybug, and thank you for for sharing that. The metaphor that

many people use is that they they go into a caterpillar,

Caterpillar is not always attractive. They're fuzzy and

creepy crawlers, but eventually, that caterpillar can be a

beautiful butterfly, and you have gone. And you are that

beautiful lady bugs. So I just want to tell you that and but I

want to take you back right now, and just share briefly, but

because I watched the trailer, and I'm going to actually allow,

you know, in the show notes and on the social media posts of

people to click on the trailer, it's about a seven minute kind

of short movie about the book and about your experience. It's

very powerful. It's very deep. You know, you were a little

girl, you were a little girl. And people looked up to the

priest in the village. He not only was the religious leader,

he was the music instructor, he had great respect. And so take

us through a little bit, just give us a you know, a tease from

the book and from that about, about what you remember and what

you want to share.

That priest was actually the priest of the

people. He was very good to the people. He was a good speaker.

He was a professor, he was an author. And he was the priest

that will do anything for anyone in the village. He did have a

reputation of wanting to be with women. And he did have a

reputation of having had a woman a young lady, as his mistress

before he he attacked me that young lady was able to get away.

And then he began to molest me. obody in the village would say

anything. Everyone, I don't want to say worshipped him, but

everyone liked him a lot. And people just look the other way.

And I know while I believe then that if I said anything to my

parents, my parents being old fashioned and being proud to be

followers of him would probably say Don't be telling anybody

that

you're a 10 year old girl, as this is

unthinkable, you can't share it with anybody. And you're telling

your mom, you don't want to go to music lessons, you don't want

to actually, you know, be in here and learn from him. And he

impregnated you as a 10 year old little girl. Yes. I am revolted.

I am about to go into tears. I, you're a little 10 year old

girl. And when I saw on the video and read excerpts of the

book, you took this in just an abominable way as the 10 year

old aborted and he made you actually bury the foetus. Yes.

And told you you were a cockroach. Yes.

And the night that we were at the cemetery,

he, his mother and the neighbour had performed an abortion on me

on the kitchen table. And I had a lot of pain that day. So she

gave me a box and told me to go with him. And we went to the

cemetery and, and I remember being in so much pain, he made

me dig a hole with the box in the hole and then abort into the

box. And then he told me to cover the hole with the dirt.

And at that moment, I told him, I was crying a lot. And I told

him, I hated him so much. And he came over and he slapped me. And

I fell on the edge of the shovel. And I cut my face right

here. I have a big scar right here that from that fall. And

for all those years, not only I thought I was a cockroach, I

compared myself to one I hated my face. Because that scar was a

constant reminder of what had happened there that night. It

was a nightmare. I was so sad. And I cried a lot, then his

mother cared for me. And she promised me that that would

never happen again. And I always felt that she meant it, it would

never happen again. But she just like any other family at that

time that she wanted to protect her family, not to shame her son

and not to shame herself possibly. And I really believe

that. If my parents had found out, they would also say Don't

tell anybody, and then we'll just cover up. So the family

wouldn't be shamed. Because back then that's I was no one was

allowed to talk about anything of that nature.

And as you went into your teenage years, you

carry this in silence.

I carry it in silence. And to make matters

worse, my last two or three years of high school, he was

actually a teacher at the high school. And he was the history

in a Portuguese teacher. And I never talked to him again. And I

never did any work for his class. And he always passed me.

I always he always gave me passing rates. But I never

talked to him again since since that time. But even during my

1112 years old, my parents still made me go to church. It wasn't

until a little later. Maybe possibly when I was 1314. I

refused to go to church. And that's when my father and I had

a falling out. My father was so disappointed with me as a

teenager, that he could never speak with me again, or direct

his war to me. I lived in the same house. But we never talked.

And when I was 18, I had the opportunity of coming to the

United States. So I left I never looked back. Good. Did your mom

and dad or even your sister they didn't know. Nobody knew. Nobody

knew even now. Even now I'm 60 years old. My sister is 63 years

old when she found out about this. And when she found out

that I was going to write my book and publish my book, she

asked me why now. Why are you having your Why are you putting

yourself through this exposure to the world? And I explained to

her why because I want to create awareness. So other children

possibly don't go through something like that. And she

understood. She understood she she asked me a lot of questions

and she understood and she supports me now. My main concern

is that little girls and little boys as well go through

something like this because the mean vicious, creepy people out

there are always going to be coming around looking for an

innocent child so they can get their way with them. And the

parents can never believed that another human being would hurt

their children that way. But they do.

So, tell me about putting your memories and your

thoughts in writing this book. You told me that you regained

your ladybug, it was healing for you. How long did it take? And I

mean, I know it just published out, you know, it's available on

Amazon in February. What was it like writing and coming forth

with with all these feelings that have been deeply buried for

in 2015, when I had my flashback, I wrote about

two years,

eight to 10,000 words. But at the time, I didn't know how to

write a book, I didn't think I could put it together. So I put

it away. I put it away. And I never, I never looked back, I

was too shameful still, to talk about it, I didn't want people

to look at me as that cockroach, a person that was less than I

wanted to shine. So I just had this, this image of myself on

the outside that I was wonderful. But on the inside, I

felt always sad, and depressed, and no self esteem on the

inside. So in 2000, I believe in 2019, I was talking to a person

and that woman told me that she was a book editor. And jokingly

I said to her, Oh, maybe you can edit my book someday? And she

said, What did you write about? And I did tell her and she said,

I'm gonna come over, if it's okay. And I'd like to read what

you wrote that day. She told me that I'd have to sit down and

start writing. She said, You need to tell the world, what

happened to you. And when I began to write, I began to feel

free, I began to feel alive, I began to feel that burden of

keeping that secret and being a victim started to enlighten me.

So when I was done, and I went back home, in my, in my mind, I

went back home to the place where I was hurt, and shameful.

And I retired my victim badge. I told the priest, that he no

longer rents any space in my heart, in my mind, in my soul.

And I said, You go now, and I'm relieving you are releasing you,

for me not for you, you have to go find your peace anywhere you

want. But for me, I am now free. And I discovered the self love

and shine like a diamond feeling. And then my mission

became from wanting to create awareness for to keep children

safe, but also to spread the light to spread the happiness

for people that may still be hardened inside.

Well, we definitely have that we're

aligned and we want to illuminate and shine shine that

as well. You mentioned when I asked you about the ladybug in

the cockroach, that in 2015, there was a young girl that did

not want to go to summer camp. And that triggered that little

girl in you that she was probably being abused by someone

at camp a camp counsellor, or somebody right? And she did not

want to go. I would say that you are really now trying to what

signs should families look for, to protect their children from

from this abuse? Because I have done very little research. But I

heard that abuse usually happens from someone close could be an

uncle, it could be a family member, a brother, it could be

somebody could be it doesn't have to be just a male could be

a woman to what what do they need to look for.

So for a young child, boy or girl, if they say

they don't want to go somewhere and if they cry, and they want

to hang on to mum or dad's leg. Be very aware, because children

love to go places. And children love to play in and be involved

in activities. If they don't want to go, that's number one.

If they shy away from someone, that's another sign. Children

don't know how to speak verbally, especially if the

abuser is telling them if they if you tell anybody, I'm going

to hurt you. This is our special secret. I'm going to hurt you

more. I'm going to hurt your mom or your sister or your brother.

So the first one would be if that child is clinging to mom

and dad and just does not want to go and if you ask what's

happening, sweetie. And that child doesn't say anything.

That's it, something is happening. Now a young teenager,

well, 13, if they went from having good grades and being a

happy child, and now something is happening, they are going

through something, whether it's bullying at school, or they have

an eating disorder, or they may be doing experimenting with

drugs or something like that, you need to pay attention. And

you need to take time off your busy schedule, and spend time

with that young boy or young girl to find out what they're

doing. If there's stress going on in the home, and the 12 1314

year old, is not getting what they need from mom and dad. They

are suffering, and they're looking for attention someplace

else. So we need to be very aware, take the focus off

ourselves. Because a mum and dad might be even considering

divorce, they may be in a very stressful job situation, they

may be having financial difficulties, it could be a

number of things, that young men and young lady they're going to

suffer as a result of what mum and dad are going through. So be

very aware, because that's a very critical age 12 1314 For

young girl or young boy, to just go down the wrong path. And, and

once they hit that bottom, and they suffer some trauma, when

they are 1819 20, they're gonna carry that on. So those are the

things that I would say, if you are in charge of raising a

child, it could be a teacher, it could be a daycare provider, it

could be grandparents, it could be foster parents. It could be

anyone if a child is around and that child is so unsigned,

showing signs of distress, that's when you have to say some

things out. If you're a teacher, and the child is falling asleep

in the classroom, there's something there's something

going on, on that child's life. And those are the things that I

want to create awareness.

Thank you for sharing that. What are you doing

now in your daily routine that's helping your healing.

So, right now I am doing gardening, I am doing

wonderful, beautiful recipes.

I am speaking with people that I would never speak with before.

Everywhere I go, I shine, someone will look up at me and

I'll smile said hi. And people immediately just say hi back,

people give me a lot of compliments. Now, because of the

way that I just walk around, I have people come across the

store, just to tell me that they like my hair, or, or or

something like that. And I immediately make a connection.

So what I do now, I do a lot of listening. And a lot of

observing. We have two of these into these. We have one of

these. And that's what I do. Now I smile a lot. But I talk a lot

less now. I like to listen, I like to know what's going on.

I'm very observant of what's going on around me. And I as I

meet people, I can tell almost always the ones that have

something and they want to talk. They want to talk. Most of them

they will want to talk to me along and they want to tell me

their secret. But I will tell you this that when I mentioned

the healing, you lit off glow, your smile your shine. And so in

my book in shining brightly I wrote what you just told me

about your healing process. I call it we call it all something

different. I call it finding your happy place. Yes,

finding your happy place that your stress free zone

that brings you joy in your life. Yes, mine's the basketball

court. But I also love hiking and biking and I love nature.

Some people like as you said, cooking, art, yoga, meditation.

I always say find your happy place and go there. And also

what I take back from that as your awareness now is so fine

tuned. Yes, it's really really fine tuned. Would you like to I

mean, you speak in the book about Emotional Freedom. share

it share more about how you're gaining emotional freedom now

that you've come and shared, shared Shayla Who is you? And

you are Shayla

Yes.

What would you share about how to achieve some

emotional freedom.

So some people might say to me, Well, it's good

for your Regina that they were able to find your way. But I'm

still living with my abuser, or my parents are my abuse abusers.

Or somebody might say you have the ladybug years with your

father. All I remember was my parents being alcoholics and

being abusive. So I am very blessed that I can go back and

remember my Ladybug years, what I say to these people, is look

in the mirror and find something that you love, you love to do.

And when you can get out, either get away from your abuser or

find a little bit of time, go and go do that for yourself.

Whether it's hiking, or gardening, or go, I don't know,

go go to the theatre, or go draw somewhere, find that time to be

alone, and write down the things that you love. And then one at a

time, baby steps, go to you to pull up the IAM affirmations and

start telling yourself I am I worthy, I am wonderful. I am

enough. When I listened to those for the first time, when the

YouTube video voice said I am enough, I broke down. And now I

want to tell everybody, you are enough. You too can shine.

Because we have to go love who we are inside. And when we love

who we are, what I did was I created an imaginary bubble

around me. And anybody is allowed in my bubble. But they

have to bring smiles, love sunshine, and just pure pure

love. You can be negative, you can complain, you can say

whatever you want. I'm not gonna say anything, I am not going to

engage, and you're not coming in my bubble.

I want to add to that I talked in my book about

isolation. And I understand that I call that walking in darkness

to learn from the darkness. But I don't want people to stay in

that if you stayed in that isolation. So long, Regina, it

was just for years and years and years decades who stayed in that

darkness. So I don't want people to stay there too long. The

other thing that I advise in my survivorship coaching is to be

selfish in your time of need. And the other thing is to seek

help, but also to take the spotlight off yourself. I found

by me when I was able to help others. I wasn't always thinking

about cancer and thinking about my mortality or thinking about

I'm not going to be able to walk my daughter down the aisle. But

when you lift up yourself and get yourself in a place where

you can lift up others that makes the world a better place.

And that that's one of my mantras and all that certainly

agree. So I want I'm going to I'm going to actually put the

sunglasses on here we're going to enter in part of the show

here called the shine. Oh look at those fancy. For those that

are listening. Regina is wearing some really cool sunglasses and

I've got my shiny metallic white glasses on as well. This is the

shining brightly spotlight. Regina tell people the best way

to get a hold of you. And then share a little bit of

inspiration with me and kick it back over to me to close out the

show.

Okay, so LaFrance media.com It's LA and

France like the country media.com la France. You can

read about me, you can read everything about my story and

details. If you'd like to, you can reach out to my publicist,

through the website, and Facebook, Shayla, the book that

does all and go to YouTube and look up shayla book trailer. So

you can watch my seven minute video. And if I could leave

everyone with something is look in the mirror and say I am

enough. And remember we have two of these and two of these in one

of these. So let's listen more. Let's observe more and no

response is a response. You don't have to react to

everything that you hear or everything that someone may say

to you that you may not like let them handle what it is that they

like or don't like, instead within yourself with love for self

Beautiful? Well, I thank you. I know that the book

is, it's intense. It's powerful. It teaches. It's your heart, and

you are a shining Ladybug. And so thank you for being here and

sharing your story. And I don't know, you probably helped

countless people and your book will be made into a movie. I

feel it. I feel in my bones.

Yes.

Yeah. So thank you for watching or listening, the

shining brightly show, I give a shout out to the people that

sponsor and lift me up my publisher financial publishing,

read the spirit magazine, my podcast house, the amplify you

network. And just thank you for your support. And you can reach

me at shining brightly.com And you can find out about my book

and you can find out about my speaking my motivational

speaking, and this lovely podcast and my advocacy which is

so important to me, which is supporting entrepreneurship and

Babson College, supporting the cancer world, go get screened,

don't get cancer, live a healthy lifestyle. And lastly,

interfaith relations that makes the world just a better, more

well rounded place when you know the other so, as we always say,

to close the show, we hope that you will shine brightly for

yourself. Go lift up others in your neighbourhoods in your

communities, and the world will become a better place. Thank you.

Thank you