Ep 415 - When You Care Too Much About What Others Think

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it. When you're an overly responsible person, you do tend to care too much about what other people think you've had a moment somewhere in your younger years, that led you to believe that you needed to stand up and play a particular role. Sometimes it's the divorce, separation of your parents, maybe the death of one of your parents, where one of those parenting roles is removed from the family unit. And maybe the oldest child or the most responsible child and you either consciously or unconsciously step into that role of being that provider of that particular role. Or it could be that you've always instinctively managed other people's emotions because you're highly sensory sensitive sort of person. Sometimes it's a parent that's living with a particular shame or struggle. And as the sensitive child you've become a mirror to that belief that that parent holds. So you constantly become a almost like an antagonist, to bring out that emotion that needs to be released in that particular parent. And you end up becoming this people pleasing, needing to go above and beyond for people worrying so much about what other people think. And it's exhausting. Become indecisive. You can't stand on your own two feet in so many different ways. And and even when you do make decisions, you're prone to being influenced by what other people think they will close to you. Close friends family and you feel their judgment hence the overthinking run the doubt yourself because all these people are saying the same thing. Or maybe it's me that's wrong. Maybe they didn't know what they're talking about. The result is you just get caught in doing all the time. You feel like you have to continue to do all these different things. To get where it is you need to to get more from the not at your own expense for other people. So it's not as easy as just saying, I'm just not going to care what other people think because it was that easy when it stopped years ago. But it's not. It's not that easy. So be kind to yourself. Instead, start having to think about if you look back in the timeline of your life, what was the pattern from a young age? Do you remember an incident like I described a parent checking out with a physically or mentally, emotionally and you filling that void stepping up playing a role that you were too young to be playing Client last week describing how they didn't think that, you know, their childhood had a negative impact on them. And we're talking about the current behavior at the moment of, of that was influencing their happiness on a day to day basis. And turns out that when their father had moved out naturally, his mum struggled with that got quite upset and noisy now thinking as a sort of mid teenager, he's gonna step out and be the follower, but he's also having to manage his mum staff who's really struggling to deal with the whole situation. Can you imagine what that sort of pressure does to a young kid? And can you have a think about how that might have played may have played out for you. And it can be multiple people in the one family, it can be siblings that held a responsibility in one particular area, while you you feel that same responsibility a different area

by acknowledging it, and having that awareness and then must looking back at that young version of yourself and just reassuring them telling them what they needed back then that they didn't have. Have that conversation with them directly. Because in doing that, you're talking to yourself, and you're rewriting history. You're changing the story in your head, and you're changing future outcomes. So that you no longer have to be dependent and tied by what other people think. Forever keep you small, it'll forever keep you stuck, and will forever keep you wondering why you can't make more of your life.

Write this down. I am only responsible for how I feel. Put it on the wall. Remind yourself of it constantly. And you'll feel the relief. The workload felt when we unpack the same thing. And together helped him realize that no longer did he have to be a slave to that belief. No longer did he have to be responsible for everyone else's stuff. But he can actually prioritize himself. Powerful stuff. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform