Disconnecting to Connect

less human doing, and more human being, let some plug and connect. Welcome back everyone to heal inside and out. And this is going to be a pretty interesting episode. Because in the last episode, we talked about the aspects of being virtual. And that connection that sometimes we feel can be a positive thing. And it could also be a negative thing. But today, we want to get into the need of that disconnection. Because I honestly believe we need to disconnect virtually, especially in order to establish a more what I would say a human being connection. And that virtual world really impacts us. And we need to be more intentional, when we choose to be with people in person. And I just love this, this topic, because we went through, I don't know how long and we continue to be virtual, by all means, and it's it is a positive thing. It's just, I honestly feel that we need that human connection, and how it impacts us on a, I would say on a daily basis. So Maggie, or Marla, I would love to know what your thought is on because we've talked about this, and we all kind of on the same page. As far as like I said, virtual can be great. But we need that interaction. I crave that interaction. And what about you guys?

Well, and I want to say, Dina, I think what it brings up for me right out of the gate is there's such with everything being virtual and social media and all of these things, it's easy to, to think or convince ourselves that we're connected through these things. Right? It's it's such a different feeling. And it actually I think, makes you feel more alone in a lot of ways to an isolated you see, all these people do out living lives and doing things I think can can have the opposite effect. And so anyway, I think you gotta get out there, like you said, and be in person. And what came up for me also was that Maggie and I work virtually a lot, or obviously you and I, Dina and you being in Florida, and I'm in Minnesota, but when I do get to be with you physically present with you, it's a totally different connection and feeling. It's, we can talk about all kinds of things in it feels like, oh, yeah, I'm with my people. versus, you know, this is great. Yeah. It just, it's hard to describe sometimes, but it doesn't feel quite the same. Or, or, or we just get through the task list of the day because we're in a motion, right? And then to click those things off our list, but then it's like, wait a minute, how are you? What was your day like, you know, we forget all the conversational pieces that you wouldn't, he would never like go meet somebody in person and be like TAs, TAs, Tas TAs, you know what I mean? In the virtual world, we can easily start there and just live there. Yeah,

it's most it's multitasking, right? It really is multitasking?

Well, and what that brought up for me is I think that I can't help but think of the whole personal commitment, piece of relationship. And when you think about being in person, it takes that personal commitment up a notch just by the nature of being with someone it's more obvious when you're present. And it's more obvious when you're distracted. And so to be committed in an interaction strengthens connection, right? And when you're not, the connection, isn't there. We all feel that when we're with someone that's really distracted or, you know, in paying attention to their devices more than they are being present with that inhuman piece.

Exactly. You know, what came up for me is actually that closeness, that warmth, that humanity piece that really connects us and actually serves a purpose in our healing journeys. You know, it's, you feel the best way to say it is you feel more special, it's from the heart. And you feel that energy. You know, when you're when you're not, whether you're happy, whether you're sad, whether you're mad when whatever the emotion is, but when you have that human in front of you, and I, you know, and I just realized what I just said, that human in front of you. But like, when I see the two of you in person, it's like, oh, I just, and I give you a hug, I just, I just feel like I'm healing inside. And I know that, you know, I could probably get teary eyed over it right now. Because that's how I truly feel when I am in front of somebody that I choose. And this is another thing I'd like to touch touch upon here is having the people in your circle that you want in your circle that uplift you, you know, and give you that warmth, that safety, that security, because it helps us all heal no matter what we're going through.

Absolutely. That's the intentional part, you mentioned, right being Yes, this virtual world has made us more intentional with who we want to go be present and connect with in person. And the three of us have great energy when we're sitting here looking at us on Zoom screens, right? Because we're excited to be together. We always love our conversations. There's great energy. But when you were here from Florida, in Minnesota, in October, we all got to hug on each other. And it just Yeah, it is, it is so different. And it's very healing and the energy, it just takes it up to a whole nother level.

Exactly. And I've been talking anybody I speak to and they were like, oh, yeah, I heard you went to Minnesota. And I was like, I it just warmed my heart, it made me feel. And this might sound a little corny to some people, but it really made me feel complete with the relationship and the friendship. And that we will have now. You know, because we all know, I've met you all virtually, almost two years ago. That's

how it started. Yes,

you know, so to finally be in the presence of someone that you have connected with is more meaningful. It is it was out of that.

And it's so wonderful that you were able to get here from Florida. And I've been able to get down to Florida and see you a couple times in person. Right, that's just like priceless. But the other thing I will say is, even back to I love your point about how healing it can be, it can be as simple as going to a neighbor's or a friend's or a family members and just holding space for the person. It doesn't have to be a big party or a big travel event or a big gathering. It can just be sitting with someone listening to them demonstrating support with your presence. Well,

and that's so true, Maggie, because it makes me realize like how do you know how you described how you feel sort of healed with that hug or that you know that you feel that energy in that connection? I think I can, it brings up all kinds of memories from Blake during COVID where we initially could not be around other people and having really tough conversations and emotional conversations with close friends or family on FaceTime or zoom or something. Right? It just didn't. It just didn't feel the same anyway, and you didn't feel all that much better. It was like something it was like, oh, yeah, this is great. At least we can connect, but it just didn't. It's not the same. It doesn't have that healing or that energetic piece to it. It's missing. Yeah,

I feel would another point that came to mind is being seen and heard. Yes, with virtual, we're hearing each other we're seeing each other. But like you said, Maggie about being present in the moment when you're physically with somebody. I honestly feel that now I'm being heard and seen. And I have friends and family that I have been on virtually. And it's you know, I kind of like want to knock on the screen and say hello, you're paying attention. Yeah, here, you know, and I know everybody means well, that's that I truly do. I mean, my family, my friends, I love them to death. You know? It's just sometimes it's that internal You know, thinking that's going on in my head, because like we said, it's a virtual world. And we have been so virtual, it's like, I want that human, I want that human in front of me.

And you bring up a good point, do you know because think of how many times, we've all probably been there, where you go out to a restaurant, and you're sitting and you see these people sitting across the table from each other. And they're literally both on their phones. And it's like, we've gotten so accustomed to this sort of being connected to our phones, whether it's email or messages, or whatever, watching social media or something. Like, put the phone down and just really be with that person.

I love that too. And what it made me think of is sometimes because we, I mean, living and working in a virtual world, it makes it so much harder to like, I think about my situation at home, I'm with Ken all the time. I see right and all the time, right, love him to death, but I see him all the time. But it really is harder to disconnect in those situations when you're always with each other. Because the virtual world is always pulling, you got devices that follow you around the house, you got I have my office here in the house, right? So it's always calling me. And we have to remind each other and ourselves to disconnect sometimes. I mean, my my husband, here's a funny Sorry, sorry, hobby, if you're listening, is on his phone. It's always on sound loud, because he doesn't want to miss anything. And so if it beeps, we could be in the middle of the deepest conversation if it beeps Oh, am I getting a call or an email or a text? does somebody need me? And it's like, um, I do right now, actually. Which is why my phone's always off, which can be frustrating, because I don't always I have I check it intentionally when I want to check it. But it's that that interaction then takes him out of that in person moment. And it can be frustrating. But you always assume well, I can come right back to it. Right. But it's about making the connection meaningful and staying present.

Right? Yeah, it's I battle with the virtual world, when I'm trying to talk to my family. And if you can, I'm sitting in my office as well. And I have a nice, beautiful chair behind me. And when we do these zoom calls or FaceTime calls, my my husband, Bobby is on his phone looking at the news. And, you know, I'm like, I'm like trying to get him to pay attention. And then, you know, sometimes my family is on the other end, and they're talking and doing something and I'm like, am I the only one that's present right now. And sorry to say this about my family and my husband as well. But it's a point that has to be made? Yes. Yes. It truly is. And I feel at times, like if I'm going through a healing process. I don't want that extra noise. I want you to be present. I need you to be present.

Yes, yeah, I do. I love that. And I will say I am guilty as well. Because, okay, I'm

not an angel either. Because

when I think about the times we take for granted, right? Okay, we're gonna drive to Sam's Club in the car. It drives cannot but I'll pull up my phone and take care of a few things exact because I can and it's like, I'm just gonna do it while we're driving over there. But he wants to talk. Or just sit quietly because if he's quiet, then I'll I'll pick up my phone again. And we're nothing but it's like, it is it's it is. I think the point you made Dina's brilliant about I, you know, it's healing, to have that in person to have someone be very present with you. And to have that meaningful connection and connection provides us a sense of belonging, right. It contributes to our emotional well being and I believe it does help with our physical healing as well. Yes,

yeah. And I just want to bring up a point because I know we were talking about this earlier, Maggie about, you know, how it enhances our experiences in activity. Now, I want you to kind of like, real quickly. Talk about that for a second.

Well, like if I sometimes with a friend if we want to catch up, we'll decide I had to go on a walk or we'll go do yoga together or we'll go to a painting class or something like that. And so it's things you can do together that enhance the experience of your together time. And you can't do that virtually you can't. I mean, I love Pictionary. I'm a Pictionary, freak. I don't get to play it anymore, which is a whole nother discussion because nobody will play with me. But it's like, you can't play Pictionary. Virtually. I mean, oh,

yes, you can someone try that. Okay. Okay. Someday,

we'll have to try that. But I have like big dry erase boards. And I get pretty intense with the setup. And there's just certain things, right. Okay, you win the argument, you can actually probably play Pictionary. But no, seriously, there are different activities, you know, listening to music would be really hard for us to do together and dancing.

Yes. You know, you know how I feel about dance? Yeah. So you can

make it happen virtually. But the in person experience is completely different.

Right? Because if you feel like you have the support, and the love, and you have a partner in that, you know, whether it's, you're up to having fun or a little bit of mischief. You know, I love trying to do something that maybe I shouldn't be there with somebody who's going to do it without me. Yes, yes. You know, I think this, I think this was really a lot to cover in the amount of time that we're spending today. And it's really about humanity, the warmth, and the closeness you feel when you're with somebody in person. And like you said it and enhances the experience, especially, especially if you want to do an activity with them. I really want to bring up real quick that if the two of you come to Florida, there's something called a morikami gardens here in southern Florida. It's a Japanese garden that you could walk through. And it's just so peaceful and tranquil. And I love to take people that come to visit me there because that's a special time. Yeah, we can, we could really heal in that garden, without a doubt. I love it, you know, and the virtual world hadn't made really, truly makes us more disconnected. And, you know, we want to strengthen those connections. You know, we don't want to keep multitasking when we're on in the virtual space. You know, and like you said, mall, you know, two people could be sitting across from each other and they're on their phones. You guys, we

don't really demanded that we get good at avoiding those distractions because they're there. Yeah, all the time. Yes, they are.

And I think it kind of is a practice, right? Like when you are together, you do have to hold conversations and and be present and hear and see them in a way that isn't I guess I'm just saying the virtual world to me is like on super fast speed, right? Even even zoom calls or meeting calls. You're condensing a lot of stuff into a half hour or an hour, right? Or if you're on social media and scrolling. Those are little tiny clips. So we're our brains are used to like firing in these really quick and yellow, simple little things. So to actually sit and hold an actual conversation that's in depth and whatever, it's a practice and if you don't have those in person connections, I think it it weakens your ability to be able to hold space and do that for for the people that you love to be with.

Yeah, I love that my last snippet brain.

Yes, so once again, I think the three of us believe that people need that in person connection. Absolutely. So what we'd like all of our listeners to do, if you can possibly do this, is think of someone that you haven't connected with in a while. And reach out and schedule some time together. In person time, in person time, absolutely in person time. And as we wrap this up, connection is part of healing. And as we always say, healing truly is inside and out.