Rewriting Trauma: Healing and Self-Love with Jonathan Dunn

I have found a happiness in love in the most crazy of spots that no one's looking for. And that's in my relationships. All right tribe.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: Welcome to awaken greatness, with Dr. Cliff Fisher and Jonathan Dunn, brought to you by Dream leader Institute, where we awaken greatness and give you the tools to find and create your greatest self and raise the consciousness of the planet. And so today, we're just gonna kind of, we're gonna talk about trauma, because I think we've all gone through it. I know, as a doctor, I saw a lot of physical trauma. But I don't think that's the kind of trauma we're going to talk about today. So, Jon D, let's talk about society and trauma.

Man, this is a very, it's going to be a great topic, hope everybody takes something from it. When we get together with people on our very first module, they're like, what, what are we going to do? What are we gonna do? And we say, we're actually going to go through a process that we call the awakening. to really find out like, what it is, you know, you want out of life and why you want that. And it's really a series of fun questions. And ones that are, you know, you chew on them for a long time. And one of the questions we ask people, is, what's the one relationship you really want to work on? And, you know, interestingly enough, and all of my years of asking that question, I have never met a person that doesn't have a lot of answers to that one. And I always tell the people, once we get through this process, we're going to pick, you know, one dream, two dreams, three dreams, four dreams, we're going to really work on those together. Until we crossed the finish line. And I always kind of openly tell people, I'm never gonna tell you which ones to pick. But when we get to that question, I always say, I do hope this is one of them. And then they always ask me why. And I give them a quote from a gentleman named Paul Young, who wrote a gem of a book called The Shack, which was also made into a major motion picture, with the same title, the shack. And the quote reads, as such, all of our hurts, come from relationships. And thus, all of our healing will come from relationships. And moving forward in your life, you're going to have to make the choice. Do you want to go through life justifying hurting people because you hurt inside? Or do you want to do something that none of the politicians will ever do? And that's true change. And that's when you make the commitment to be a part of the healing of the world. And to always conduct yourself in a fashion to where every interaction with you will be a healing interaction with you. And before you think that's overcomplicated, it just really means being a kind person. So then that begs the question, will you know why? And this is what nobody understands in the world. How I read a lot of books, Dr. Clare Fried's even more books than me. But I believe the book that I got this quote from is called the Body Keeps the Score. And it's a book every one in the world should probably read. And I don't shoot on people very often. It's not fun, it's not light, but it's very enlightening to what's going on in the world. But the part I want to focus it on today is this 170 5% of the world. So when you go down the road, you're walking down the street 7.5 out of 10 of the people you walk by, have either been traumatized by a relationship that was meant to be a loving one. Mom, dad, brother, sister, frontline 7.5 out of 10 have experienced betrayal in a frontline relationship that was meant to be loving. Mom, dad, brother, sister, a legend best friend 7.5 out of 10 people walking down the road 75% have experienced loss in a relationship that was meant to be loving front level. Mom, dad, brother, sister, close friend 75% When you want to know why the world can be a really challenging place. You can trace it all the way back to that statistic. To quote father Richard Rohr hurt people, hurt people. Either we transform the pain or you're going to transmit the pain. People ask me all the time. Are you really nice like that all the time and loving like that all the time? And the answer is truly, unequivocally yes. Because I understand the bigger picture of what's going on in this world. And there are a lot of very broken, traumatized traumatize betrayed people walking around. And we won't go off into a segue here. But this is a really freaky part of it all. Most of this trauma loss, betrayal happened in people's childhoods. And the point of the matter is, that becomes that child's normal. So then, when they're out in the world, and they're living from the story, they've been told, they're betraying people, they're traumatizing people. And I do not condone bad behavior. But believe it or not, they believe that's normal. And that's a real, freaky stuff. So when you want it, you know, we call ourselves the dream leader Institute. Because the most expensive real estate in the world is a graveyard? Because that's where people are with their very dreams. And why do people quit dreaming? Because they've been traumatized, betrayed, or if they've experienced great loss from someone who was supposed to be a loved one. And that became that person's new, normal. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Dr. Cliff, anything you want to throw in right at this point?

Dr. Cliff Fisher: Yeah, I think as you bring this stuff up, it's truly being present with that person. That's one of the biggest things that I think as far as like relationships, and not trying to fix everything. Like as you're talking about that stuff. I think a lot of times we tried to fix it versus just being with that person and helping them find their path to fix it. And that's really what DLI is all about. It's not telling you how to fix it's, it's showing you a path and giving you the tools to fix it.

Like we always like to say at DLI our role in life is not to fix other people. Our role in life. And this is universal, by the way, is to love each other people. Absolutely. Now, here's the crazy part. When you love other people and you make that commitment. It's truly astonishing the transformations that you will witness in your life, you will in a sense, see people resurrected from the dead. As odd as that sounds, you will see people resurrected from the dead. And another thing is this. People will always be amazed that I openly talk about some of my own childhood traumas. And I said you know, I've always felt like it was a responsibility, because there's a famous quote that goes around that says beat Trying to other people, because you most likely never know what it is they're going through. And the reality is I want to normalize people talking about their challenges. So that if nothing else, people don't feel like they're alone in the world, because the fact of the matter is, you aren't even close to being alone. It's literally 7.5 out of 10. And sadly, most people don't even know in life. There's people out there that they can talk to about that stuff, and make sense of the suffering that was going on in their lives. In fact, this whole company, was created by a group of people that made sense out of their own suffering, and really wanted to unleash that into the world and turn it to good. Yeah, John,

Dr. Cliff Fisher: I know, like, as a doctor, I just see people come in with story after story after story of like traumas that they had as a child and as a young adult. And that would lead to a lot of health conditions where they would have like, asthma, neck pain, headaches, migraines, like all these things are connected. And so as you start to get somebody physically aligned, and then you start to align somebody you know, emotionally and spiritually, then the whole person can shift and be more conscious.

Oh, no doubt about it. In fact, you know, we're all big gap or Matej fans at the dream leader Institute. And he's one of the best doctors in the whole wide world, he's based out of Canada. And if you'd like to learn more about this topic, we recommend everyone to go to your search bar on your computer, and type in gaveau, or Matej. It's GA Bor Ma Te, and he made a film called The Wisdom of trauma. And it will be one of the most beautiful films you've ever watched. And it speaks highly to what Dr. Cliff was just talking about how a lot of people's traumas are what led to them having health challenges as an adult. But you know, one of the first things we like to do with people, and this is what we're going to ask you to do today. And because there is still a truth in all of these very, you know, hurting people, and it's to write out in your life, who it is you love. Absolutely. The most. And I love a lot of people the most, but one in particular is my daughter Kaylee. And I often think to myself, when I'm dealing with my own challenges for my own childhood trauma, you know, someday my daughter is going to eulogize me. And I want her to be able to go up there and speak the truth about how I carried myself in my life. So the first phase of this is imagine that person who loves you, absolutely the most. And imagine that they're reading your eulogy at your funeral. And really journal, what do you want them to be able to say about you, when the journey of life is all over and done with and we really encourage people to write it however they want. But to really think about at least 10 characteristics you want them to be able to say about you when it's over. And that the first phase of changing that trauma loss and betrayal in your life, it creates a story in our brains. You know, and when I sent the message to Dr. Cliff earlier, that I wanted to have this topic today. It's that my own story in my life was that I didn't deserve to be loved. And I didn't deserve to love anybody else. And that trauma was all created in my childhood. And I decided to go on the journey of overcoming that story. And let's just say it kind of came to an A conclusion over the last 48 hours. And the first phase of me overcoming that those challenges. Of course, a we always encourage you get somebody to talk to because we all develop blind spots and assumptions and limiting beliefs and it's it's have to solve your own problems with your limited perspective you have, you know, counselor, psychotherapist, whatever it is, we're always happy to talk to you at DOI as well. But first phase is writing that eulogy and reading it every single, solitary morning. And then to quote Stephen Covey, who had a great philosophy called begin with the end in mind, behave every day as if it's already done. Regardless of what the story is telling you, or what your feelings are telling you. I guarantee you, when you write this eulogy, you'll go wow, where the heck did that genius come from. And the fact that matter is, that is the beautiful truth you have within yourself, everybody's got it. And then the other thing I like to tell people to do. And, you know, people do like to get together on Friday nights and complain about life. But this is more fun. All your friends, send them an invitation card. And say, we want to have a party on Friday night, where we get together and we all read each other our eulogies. Now, I know it sounds absurd. Life Solutions are very absurd. But when you and your friends get together, and you share your eulogies together, you can have a real relationship. And what do I mean by that? A relationship based upon holding each other to that higher standard. Because at the end, as well, to overcome the story, you will become the average of the five people you surround yourself with the most. And that's how you raise that standard into the A and B level of having a eulogy party. And everyone gets together and reads their eulogies. And you talk about to each other how you'll remember each other while you're still alive, and you all hug one another. And you have a smooth Z Guzzi acuity moment, and you look each other in the eyes. And you say, we're going to start holding one another to this standard. Because it's time we all rewrite the story that's going on in our heads. And, you know, just to share a moment between Dr. Cliff and I, you know, as we were talking before we started this, he said, You know, I never be able to repay you for how you've transformed my life, et cetera, et cetera, well, I wouldn't want him to. And that's what it can really look like. That's the reaction you'll get from people. And it will take your relationships to a depth you can't comprehend. But really, more than anything today, we just wanted to give you a better understanding of like, why the world is the way that it is. And it's because 75% trauma, loss, betrayal. And, and probably and I don't I don't have real data on this. But I think it's safe to assume that really 99% of those people have never made sense of that. And they're just really struggling out there in life.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: Yeah, I think for me, like, you know, just to recognize and realize there are people out there that do want to help you and friends that are there. And just for you to know like DLI is here, like just to have that conversation. Like we'd love to have that conversation. Because, man, once you can make sense of that and truly love yourself, then you can truly love others. But until you make sense of that trauma.

Like

Dr. Cliff Fisher: I think it's hard enough to unconditionally love another human being. But if you don't unconditionally, love yourself, then you'll never be able to unconditionally love someone else. And so, you know, that's what we're here. Just like John Dewey said, like, We're here because we want we need more love in this world. And you know, we have all these things out there that are saying what success is but you know, love is the ultimate success just like Jesus gave us.

Now, you know, that made me think of a funny quote here and you probably can fill in the gap here better than me. I think it was well Rogers. That said most people like buy things to impress people they don't even like that's and that is the state of the world is most people are really out there right now and they're trying to buy their happiness. And, you know, Helen Keller, who was blind and couldn't speak, sign to her teacher that what the world is looking for. It's not out out there and that stuff. It's within us all. And people ask me all the time, like, Are you Are you really that happy all the time and getting and you know, that on and on and on. And the truth of the matter is, is yes, and life's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I have found a happiness in love in the most crazy of spots that no one's looking for. And that's in my relationships. And when you uncover when you uncover in your life, that the happiness and love you're really looking for is in your relationships. But that 75% don't comprehend that anymore. Because of the traumatic betrayal, loss nature written of relationships that are meant to be loving, you literally have discovered a buried treasure, you've really discovered that heaven on earth can be possible. You know, Paul Jung also had another great quote, that when we were born into this world, and for people who are listening to this that had children, you remember the moment they came into the world, they didn't know they weren't in heaven still. And they didn't know until someone came along and said, You're not in heaven anymore. And that's 75% betrayal, trauma loss. And you've just got to wake up one day and draw a line in the sand. Who says, You know what? I'm going to be that person who shows people they are still in heaven. And how do you do that by just being loving and guiding, kind, and remembering by the way, the people were hardest to love. And we all know, one. This, this, this set me free, when I understood that they're the ones that needed the most. And I said, You know what, I can do that. I put my pride and ego and all that bullshit aside. I can love that person. And as you watch what happens in your life, it'll become a kaleidoscope. just utterly beautiful colors.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: Yeah, just love people love yourself. Like I would say that's for me, like taking away the way to heal the traumas, through love. And through love is through relationships. And you got to start with loving yourself. So, Jon D. This is awesome. Thank you for sharing, like, the space to traumas and how we get through it.

Yeah, and you know, I shared with my kids many years ago, they're like, Dad, what's the hardest thing you've ever done in life? And I, you know, I think they were thinking, you know, I would answer I ran a marathon at one point. And I said, No, it's none of that stuff. Good. Well, why is it pops? I said, learning to love myself again. And it's something I continue to learn about every day. And seriously here. It does sound like a weird topic. So if you don't even know where to begin on loving yourself, go to our website. Request a success call. We'll be happy to walk you through that process. Because it is hard to love others when you're pouring from an empty cup. Alright, tribe. There

Dr. Cliff Fisher: we go. Thanks, Jon D. We'll see you guys next week. Have an awesome week and you know love the person next to you love the person you know in front of you and love your stuff. Robber, man, man or woman in the mirror or person in the mirror. So All right, thanks, Jon D

My pleasure.