In this episode, Ian describes the propensity that each gender have as to what works well and what doesn't, he also stated that it is also crucial to realise that we all show up for that in our own unique way and the sensation of letting go of a lot of past sorrow.
About the Host:
Ian Hawkins is the Founder and Host of The Grief Code. Dealing with grief firsthand with the passing of his father back in 2005 planted the seed in Ian to discover what personal freedom and legacy truly are. This experience was the start of his journey to healing the unresolved and unknown grief that was negatively impacting every area of his life. Leaning into his own intuition led him to leave corporate and follow his purpose of creating connections for himself and others.
The Grief Code is a divinely guided process that enables every living person to uncover their unresolved and unknown grief and dramatically change their lives and the lives of those they love. Thousands of people have now moved from loss to light following this exact process.
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Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain, to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfilment and contribution, to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
Despite all the claims that we get bombarded with about what's masculine, what's feminine, what how people should behave, what's toxic, what's not. The reality is, is that there's a certain predisposition that each of the sexes has on what works best and what doesn't. And it's important to remember that we all show up for that in a completely unique way as well. So there's no definitive way of things being. Like I said that the reality is that there are certain roles that we naturally play and always have, for millennia, whether we met were male or female. And that's when we operate their highest, it's how we come together at our highest in partnership. And of course, there are exceptions to everything. The difference is that we are at the moment being fed a whole lot of different stories around how we should and shouldn't be, and particularly through this lens of people getting offended. Now, people will always be offended by something. And when people join in on a cause, it's usually because they're avoiding something that's within themselves that needs to be addressed. Now one of the things that I've experienced and have experiences with clients is that people contend to get caught too much in a area of energy that is not to their, it's not serving them at their highest, it's not where they perform at the best, it's not where they get the best results. And it's not what feels best to them. So, for example, I've coached a lot of men who go through the experience of releasing a whole lot of the old pain. And they go from being a masculine. And when I talk masculine, I'm talking about that from a behavioural energetic perspective, to then finding a softer side. Now, when you've come from being in extreme pain, and having really difficult times, there can be a trap, where you fall too much into that soft, feminine type energy. Now, don't get me wrong, having having that heart centred response for male or female is great if you move too much out of what is in your highest energy, and that's where we get into problems. And I fell victim to this myself, I enjoyed feeling emotions, again, I enjoyed not feeling all of the pain that I'd thought up to that time because I was confused about who I was supposed to be. But I drifted too much in a good feeling space, and I stopped getting anything done. So that's one side of the coin. And that can keep you trapped because you prioritise the good feeling space, and you lose the drive the discipline, the ability to be a provider, a protector, which is most natural for 99.9% of males. On the flip side, I've worked with all the women who have, again, not through their own fault, but through different beliefs that are perpetuated out there in the world around what they needed to be, have fallen too much into that masculine energy of doing and that drive and that discipline and being everything to everyone and lost some of that softer side, the more nurturing creative energy, which is much more natural to get 99.9% of the The feminine the females in the world. Now,
I won't get these statistically correct and details heartbeat for me. So there is an area of me generally speaking, but I'm talking predominantly here for most people. And what happens when when a female in an adult years gets too dragged into that masculine, then they don't feel good about themselves much like the man too much in the feminine. And when I say too much in the feminist, the masculine element that it balances out. And when females get too much into that space, then there's confused and a lack of balance not only in their life, but in their relationship as well. Same when the man goes too far into the feminine, and it's not one person's or one side or of anything that needs to take more responsibility comes back to personal responsibility. And for me, I had to take personal responsibility is to, to step up and be the sort of man that I wanted to be, and also that my wife wanted me to be. We kind of flipped roles a bit through that time, I'd stepped away from corporate, I let go of some of those masculine roles. Some of them that which I got to admit, at the time seemed right but weren't right. But then a whole lot of those ones that actually really quite had were serving me and I'd left my side of that. And my wife still on the workforce had stepped more into that, you know, the Getting Things Done and the drive and, and it was back to front. And we got out of balance in our relationship as a result. And we've been able to take that back over the last couple of years to get back into the space of us playing, what is the best role for ourselves personally and for a relationship. And we're by no means perfect, and we still make mistakes, and there are still times that we slip back into the wrong area. But it really is finding that balance that's right for you individually, and then you, you then are able to find more of that balance in your relationship. So have a think about it now like, are you getting dragged into roles that don't serve you or your relationship? Are you actually not allowing an opportunity for your partner to step into their highest? Because you're taking on some of that role, which is not naturally meant for them? Sorry for you, and not allowing them to step into the space? That's right for them. The other part of that is there are different parts of the feminine and masculine that we show up with that. How do we put it, they don't allow us. They might seem right. But they they're actually to our detriment. And I'll tell you what, I'll show you what I mean. When we get to the point where we are operating out of what's our highest, it's, we come from a point of our, the unresolved grief creates behaviours at US that are not serving. So in a male that's that's still showing up in that masculine energy, but not in a healed place not in a place of control or self control and not in a place of being that provider and protector. Under their courageous place. It can turn into behaviours like abusive power, trying to be dominant, aggressive, trying to control others, over competitive, confrontational, the sort of behaviours that where we want to get to as a male is more in that space of confidence that illustrates taking responsibility focused, having that clear direction, being the supporter being that stable person showing courage, being assertive, having clear boundaries, and being that protector and provider. We flipped to the more of that feminine side the feminine that's operating from that place where they have unresolved and and the unknown grief playing out. Rather than being nurturing and understanding and tender, it can fall into more like powerlessness more like victim mentality. manipulation. Codependency might be oversensitive over emotion, maybe neediness. Now, the both of these sides are not reserved for men and women, right? We can all fall into all of these so you may identify with some of that unhealed side of you, whether you're male or female on either side, where we want to get to from the for a female perspective from that, that more of that natural feminine energy is a place of sensitivity, of ease of allowing of feeling being creative, more intuitive. And that nurturing creative energy.
I see what natural roles right? And maybe 6070 years ago, none of this would have been questioned. Now I'm all for men having a softer side. Absolutely. And I'm all for women standing in their power, and going after whatever it is they want. When you do so from that point of what's in the right balance for your highest, and it feels good at the same time, you're not questioning your behaviour, you're not thinking that you should be doing it differently. You're not getting actually questioned from elsewhere, because you're standing in the right balance, the right power, the right strength for you as an individual. And that's where we want to get. So I by no means have gone into the depth that a conversation like this deserves. And my thoughts are, I probably need to interview someone who has a lot more wisdom in this area than what I do was a comment this was come this particular podcast was born from a conversation I had with a client at the moment, and we're talking about exactly that, about where both of us had been on that similar journey where we we drifted away from that natural masculine energy that not only we wanted to be, but we wanted to be for the most important people in our life. So not just from the self centred perspective, but formed from that looking at our world to the most important relationships. And we were both talking about that, like it's a bit of a trap to suddenly be presented with this new way of living, to bring more of that balance and get adrift too far the other way away from what's most natural, away from who we truly were. And we like, for me, I see so many people in that space, and they're not happy. And like I said at the start, there's so much noise out there's so much confusion. And we're being told how we shouldn't shouldn't be. And so much of it's just nonsense, so much of it's driven to, to cause more divided amongst us to get us to buy and consume to to allow us to be controlled, because it's much easier for for those in charge to have us to all pull in the same direction. Maybe not the direction that's in our highest for us personally and for humanity. When, when we're taken out of our balance, there's a whole rabbit hole of the different areas where again, for millennia, humans have been taken out of their natural balance. Starting point is very much around your own behaviour. And the best way to change behaviour and bring yourself back to balance is not by looking out what are the other people in relationships. Whether that's your closest relationships, your intimate relationships or family, friends and acquaintances. It's about what can I do? What can you do personally, to change like I said, I haven't done this the full depth of having given this the justice that it deserves. Its will get you thinking about a few different things and having a think about your journey. So as you go on your journey to heal your unresolved and unknown grief. This is something for you to look out for. So you can go back to balance to your true self and not get caught out by going too far the other way. Enjoy the rest of your day.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform