Ep 422 - Generational Patterns Beyond Your Control

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Sometimes you are born into families where there is already a generational pattern play out, which you then end up taking you on because of the behaviors of your parents. And that repeats into adulthood. And you wonder why you wonder why you behave a certain way. You think there must be something wrong with me? You think what on earth must have happened to me that I behave like this that I think like this? Now what do I mean by that now seems to come up with most clients, one in particular comes to mind just recently, there was different times where they trusted. So well, they didn't trust themselves. So in different situations, they really struggled to interact with people. They really struggled to trust anyone outside themselves. stop trusting their gut instincts. Always thinking that someone that they were dealing with had an ulterior motive, whether that be a work environment or otherwise. And in this place of self deceit. So all of that external mistrust was actually a lack of trust itself. And that lack of trust itself, was a direct result of what this particular person experienced when they were young. So born into a family where there's a mistrust in the parental relationship where an incident had happened, where one of the parents was mistrusting of the other, and the other one was having continually second guessing themselves, because they had done something that had burned trust. So they're always feeling like they were being judged and feeling like they do above and beyond to earn that trust back. And when then that's the environment that you're born into. You absorb both of those behaviors, a lack of trust in someone else, and then the other person not trusting themselves. And you take on both of those. Now, how could that possibly be your fault? And yet, there we there it is. It's repeating. And it's not to put blame on your parents, or anyone's parents. Any situation because they're just doing the best with the circumstances they would do. It just creates an expert just it creates an explanation why certain behavior shows up? And yet, how often do you spend time having a crack at yourself for not being better? How often do you come down on yourself? Because you can't shift to behavior? How often do you imagine the sort of things that might have happened to you to create certain behaviors, certain patterns? You Christ, you create the most unimaginable stories, fantasies about what might have happened to you. I find this is one of the big reasons why a lot of men don't open up is because they feel what they might find. And this has been my experience, I'm not saying it's exact science, but women tend to be more likely to want to open up they speak with their Brains, they process emotionally, not always mostly. Whereas men are more fearful of what they might find. What might have happened, what judgment might come? Will I be seen as less of a man will I be seen to be soft or weak to being vulnerable, all of these things. And yet, the actual root cause of this particular behavior that I've got going on, is so far out of their realm of control, it's not funny. Now, as always, with control, you can take control of your future, you can't control the past, but you can certainly take control of your part in the future. And when you start to be able to identify these patterns, and learn these patterns, and see what has gone on, in your family unit, you can break those patterns, you can break those chains, and you can change these generational patterns for ever. You get to be the person that that pattern stops. That's how powerful it is. You think of generations, you have children, they have children, and that spreads out, they will carry that same pattern. It's gonna have a massive negative ripple. But have a think about the positive ripple you can create if you change that pattern. If you create an all new positive pattern. Imagine leaving the legacy that can leave. Imagine the impact that can have on the world well beyond your years, when you're long gone, with positive ripples from your decision to have the courage to change and it is a choice. made that choice today. Not just for you, but for your children, for their children, for every generation that comes after.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform