Feb. 23, 2022

Guardrails on Technology are a MUST!

Guardrails on Technology are a MUST!

How do you feel when the electricity goes out and you can’t get on any electronic devices?  I feel pretty… awesome! 

OMGoodness!  It is the best thing when I can’t do anything because I just can’t.  Nature looks sweeter, family is more in tune, less arguing, funnier jokes!

In this episode I go over what the #1 thing is that over 40 families around the world have said is their obstacle in raising teens and tweens THIS year and the BIG QUESTION begging to be asked!

Listen, share and enjoy!

About the Host:

Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family Life Coach & Mentor.  

Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live.  

 

Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world. 

 

She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™ & Leadership Into their homes, set their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!

 

With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward.

 

(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior, and Psychology. )  

 

LINKS:

6570 Family Challenge- https://www.nellieharden.com/challenge

Website- https://www.nellieharden.com

Online Community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/    

 Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/

Thanks for listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

Subscribe to the podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Leave us an Apple Podcasts review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts. 

Transcript
Nellie Harden:

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

Nellie Harden:

podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

Nellie Harden:

way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

Nellie Harden:

for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

Nellie Harden:

strength and joy. Come in here all the discussions, get all the

Nellie Harden:

tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

Nellie Harden:

the real challenges in raising kids today how to show up as

Nellie Harden:

parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

Nellie Harden:

family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,

Nellie Harden:

big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front

Nellie Harden:

porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

Nellie Harden:

minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline

Nellie Harden:

and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the

Nellie Harden:

kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their

Nellie Harden:

life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570

Nellie Harden:

family project. Let's go

Nellie Harden:

Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the 6570

Nellie Harden:

family project podcast where we are putting aside the power

Nellie Harden:

struggles and finding the path to lead our young women toward

Nellie Harden:

confidence, wisdom and respect. So they can prepare to be out in

Nellie Harden:

the great big world out there. As you can probably tell my

Nellie Harden:

voice is a little off today. You guys I spent a weekend in the

Nellie Harden:

very frigid mountains of North Carolina. It is winter time

Nellie Harden:

right now. February actually. And there was a lot of fun

Nellie Harden:

things to do. We tried skiing, there was a swing that you had

Nellie Harden:

dropped from. I am a youth leader in the community. And we

Nellie Harden:

were out there on a winter retreat. So it was me to other

Nellie Harden:

extraordinary women. And let's see 1917 young women all in

Nellie Harden:

middle and high school and we had a bunch of young men with us

Nellie Harden:

as well. And I think it was the dropping from the swing it was a

Nellie Harden:

swing that lifted you Gosh, probably 4550 feet in the air

Nellie Harden:

and then dropped you and we did it at night. And I think that's

Nellie Harden:

when I lost my voice which was the first night we were there.

Nellie Harden:

But probably screaming as I was skiing down the hill at people

Nellie Harden:

to watch out because I was coming after them in my not so

Nellie Harden:

coordinated skiing didn't help the voice. But that is why I am

Nellie Harden:

a little raspy today but full of heart full of joy full of so

Nellie Harden:

much after spending the last few days just really focused on and

Nellie Harden:

being in the world of these young women. And so one thing I

Nellie Harden:

wanted to come on here today and just talk about is I found it

Nellie Harden:

really interesting that when we get to these retreats the one of

Nellie Harden:

the very first things that we do is we ask them to all gather

Nellie Harden:

their phones and we collect them right and this is supposed to be

Nellie Harden:

an unplugged weekend. We are a Christian organization we want

Nellie Harden:

you to just really focus inward of course have fun your you know

Nellie Harden:

friends are there. But really just having that reflection time

Nellie Harden:

right and all of those distractions from the world all

Nellie Harden:

of that nagging you know, phones, those notifications, it

Nellie Harden:

reminds me of this little like two year old on your sleeve

Nellie Harden:

going look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me now. Look

Nellie Harden:

at me now look at me now right? How annoying i Better with You

Nellie Harden:

got annoyed just listening to me say that. And I think he only

Nellie Harden:

said it four times notifications go off hundreds of times a day.

Nellie Harden:

And they are like the nagging two year old. So anyway, we get

Nellie Harden:

there. And we asked everybody within minutes. Okay guys time

Nellie Harden:

to hand in your phones. And the look of just like, Okay, here it

Nellie Harden:

is, you know, and these are not girls that you would think Oh,

Nellie Harden:

well. Maybe they don't use their phone all that much. Oh, no, no,

Nellie Harden:

no, they are like, you know, the rest of teens in America. Rest

Nellie Harden:

of most adults in America are addicted to phones. And but when

Nellie Harden:

they pass them in, it was like, Ah, okay, I can I can breathe

Nellie Harden:

now I can go now. And everybody was just super happy. There was

Nellie Harden:

not reluctance. You know, sometimes you'd be like, No, I

Nellie Harden:

don't want to give up my phone. Or are you sure? Can I keep it

Nellie Harden:

just for this? Whatever. No, it just was fine. Everybody knows

Nellie Harden:

we collect phones. And they go in there. And what I find really

Nellie Harden:

interesting is I was talking to before prior to this on

Nellie Harden:

Wednesday nights, which is when we all gather anyway, I was

Nellie Harden:

talking to a young group and it was just myself and maybe four

Nellie Harden:

or five young women all let's see, there's sophomores,

Nellie Harden:

juniors, seniors High School that I was speaking with. And

Nellie Harden:

they said one of their most favorite things, and that they

Nellie Harden:

do as far as their phones is give them up when we are going

Nellie Harden:

on these trips. And I found that really interesting because you

Nellie Harden:

guys, they don't want to be like tied to these things. You don't

Nellie Harden:

want to be tied like tethers to these phones either. But it is

Nellie Harden:

just the world we live in, in the quote unquote, Norm right

Nellie Harden:

that we have, because they feel like they have to be because

Nellie Harden:

they're going to have FOMO, they're going to miss out on

Nellie Harden:

something, they're not going to be a part of something that's

Nellie Harden:

happening. And people expect them always to know, right?

Nellie Harden:

There's the whole, you know, Oh, someone left me on red. Right?

Nellie Harden:

And thank you, iPhones, now we have it, which is helpful in

Nellie Harden:

some ways, and really not helpful in others. When you send

Nellie Harden:

a text to somebody, it says if they have read it or not, right,

Nellie Harden:

it's sent, it's delivered. And then it is read. And if someone

Nellie Harden:

reads it and doesn't reply, the sky is falling, and they left me

Nellie Harden:

on red, which means they don't care or I am not worth it. Or so

Nellie Harden:

emergency is happening, right? It is catastrophizing, all of

Nellie Harden:

these things. But it just doesn't need to be be that way.

Nellie Harden:

Right. And so they don't want to be tethered to it, but they feel

Nellie Harden:

like they have to be. And I find that really interesting. Because

Nellie Harden:

when I was talking to this young group of women, before we even

Nellie Harden:

left on this trip, they were talking about how nice it would

Nellie Harden:

be to have more boundaries. And these young women didn't have

Nellie Harden:

any boundaries, except for one said, You know what, when we go

Nellie Harden:

to restaurants, I'm not allowed to take them in like, cool,

Nellie Harden:

awesome, you know? And then another one said, Well, I'm not

Nellie Harden:

allowed to stay on my phone until like, two in the morning

Nellie Harden:

or anything. And I was like, Gulp two in the morning, what,

Nellie Harden:

you know, no way. And so I was like, what is the 130? I don't

Nellie Harden:

know. But, and that's not to say these parents aren't great

Nellie Harden:

parents, because they are their great parents, it's just that we

Nellie Harden:

have been so inclined to just accept these phones as part of

Nellie Harden:

our society. Now these phones, these electronics, this access

Nellie Harden:

to the world, and we kind of forget that we can put some

Nellie Harden:

boundaries up and these kids are begging, begging for some

Nellie Harden:

boundaries. And when I talked about what we do in our home,

Nellie Harden:

which like I am not the end all be all by any means. But

Nellie Harden:

through, you know, trial and error with our four kids are for

Nellie Harden:

young women who are 1214 14 and 16. Right now, what we do is six

Nellie Harden:

o'clock, all the phones are in a box in our office upstairs, and

Nellie Harden:

it is my husband and I's office. And that is where the phones go.

Nellie Harden:

And they stay in there until 11 o'clock in the morning, the next

Nellie Harden:

day. Now I do have one that goes to school, my oldest goes to

Nellie Harden:

school and she's driving. And of course we let her have her phone

Nellie Harden:

for that because emergencies etc. So she gets her phone

Nellie Harden:

earlier in the morning, but the rest of them that are home

Nellie Harden:

because I'm still homeschooling three of them, they stay in that

Nellie Harden:

box until 11am. And between 11 and six, they can have their

Nellie Harden:

phones, and they get 30 minutes whenever they want in their

Nellie Harden:

after chore in school, of course, to have fun play games,

Nellie Harden:

you know, do whatever they want text and do things, but a half

Nellie Harden:

hour a day staring at the screen. And then they you know,

Nellie Harden:

they get TV time to which is a separate, you know, boundary

Nellie Harden:

that we have, but as far as their screens go a half hour a

Nellie Harden:

day, whenever they want between 11 and six, which was really

Nellie Harden:

funny because some of the kids on the bus, it was a long bus

Nellie Harden:

ride to this place, y'all. So we had, let's see, it was a little

Nellie Harden:

over. That was about a 50 hour trip. Let's call it 24 of those

Nellie Harden:

hours were spent on a bus. We had some issues one time with

Nellie Harden:

things but yeah, 24 hours on this bus with these 29 kids.

Nellie Harden:

Like I said 17 of them were 18 of them. I'm sorry, we're young

Nellie Harden:

women. So anyway, some people found out because my kids were

Nellie Harden:

just oh yeah, this is what we do with our phones. And I had kids

Nellie Harden:

coming up to me and being like, you only let your kids be on

Nellie Harden:

their phones for 30 minutes a day. And we're like, yeah, you

Nellie Harden:

know, my husband's a youth leader too. So he was on the

Nellie Harden:

trip as well. And so we're like, yeah, and, you know, it's plenty

Nellie Harden:

of time and to you know, do your stuff and whatever. Of course

Nellie Harden:

when they're on the bus they were allowed to have you know,

Nellie Harden:

more because we were on the bus for 24 hours. And, but and they

Nellie Harden:

were all playing among us and things like that with friends.

Nellie Harden:

But anyway, so many people were shocked and we're like, yeah,

Nellie Harden:

yeah, well, that's what we do. And you know, it's our boundary.

Nellie Harden:

It's our it's our standard and, but what I found with other kids

Nellie Harden:

is they were almost new jealous of that? They were like, wow,

Nellie Harden:

that's, that's really interesting, huh. And the more I

Nellie Harden:

spend with this generation of young men and women, and

Nellie Harden:

especially the young women that I that I mentor, they really are

Nellie Harden:

looking for these beautiful boundaries. And I have spent it

Nellie Harden:

just in 2022. Alone, you guys, so what we're about six weeks

Nellie Harden:

in, so in just this year alone, I have done about 40 interviews,

Nellie Harden:

like long winded interviews with parents from around the globe,

Nellie Harden:

I'm talking coast to coast in the United States, England,

Nellie Harden:

Africa, Philippines, France, Canada, Australia. The number

Nellie Harden:

one obstacle that every single parent brings up that they face

Nellie Harden:

in raising their kids today is social media and technology,

Nellie Harden:

social media and technology. So the question then begs, why are

Nellie Harden:

we having such a huge problem with our children having too

Nellie Harden:

much of something with something that they need and want a break

Nellie Harden:

from anyway? Right? It's not going to be like, you go up to

Nellie Harden:

your kid and say, Okay, well, why don't we start, you know,

Nellie Harden:

some boundaries and put, you know,

Nellie Harden:

why don't we have your phone over here? And they're gonna be

Nellie Harden:

like, Sure, Mom, that sounds great, right? It's not going to

Nellie Harden:

be that way. Let's be honest. There is this veneer of, of

Nellie Harden:

defiance. Right? There's this veneer of

Nellie Harden:

I, you know, this shouldn't be, I should be able to have this

Nellie Harden:

right entitlement type thing going on. But you can get

Nellie Harden:

through the video, I promise you can get through the veneer. But

Nellie Harden:

that is the that is the great question. We're having such a

Nellie Harden:

problem with this coast to coast worldwide. Number one answer

Nellie Harden:

from every single parent, there wasn't one parent that didn't

Nellie Harden:

have this, in their top three obstacles that they're facing as

Nellie Harden:

a parent of a teen and tween today of a young woman. And I'm

Nellie Harden:

sure it's the same with young men too, because many of these

Nellie Harden:

parents also had young men and for sons. And what I found so

Nellie Harden:

interesting is that these these girls, these young women are

Nellie Harden:

begging for boundaries on something that we are having a

Nellie Harden:

problem with. Anyway. So hundreds are beautiful. You

Nellie Harden:

guys, my youngest daughter, and I, and my youngest daughter now

Nellie Harden:

is 12. Her name is journey. And when she was, gosh, it was 2014.

Nellie Harden:

So about five years old. We were in a massive car accident. I was

Nellie Harden:

heading down the highway, and it was one of those highways that

Nellie Harden:

has a stoplight, you know every so often. So we were stopped at

Nellie Harden:

a stoplight. And we were maybe three, four cars back 345. And I

Nellie Harden:

look in the rearview mirror, mirror. And there is a huge,

Nellie Harden:

like dually white pickup truck barreling down behind me. And I

Nellie Harden:

just start going, he's not going to stop. My daughter's watching

Nellie Harden:

frozen, you know, we got let it go screaming at the top of the

Nellie Harden:

lungs in the car. She's five years old in her car seat, of

Nellie Harden:

course. And this truck is not stopping. And I'm like what do I

Nellie Harden:

do? I don't want to be pancaked between these two but I also

Nellie Harden:

like didn't want them to just ran into the car in front of me.

Nellie Harden:

And but I had to think really quick. And so I turned the wheel

Nellie Harden:

and as soon as I turn the wheel and he hit really hard, I don't

Nellie Harden:

even know how many miles per hour he hit me but he never hit

Nellie Harden:

the brake before he hit me. That's uh, he just slammed right

Nellie Harden:

in. But when he hit I had turned the wheel so I did not hit the

Nellie Harden:

car in front of me. And he was stopped by my van. So he didn't

Nellie Harden:

hit the car in front of me either. And he he hit us. We

Nellie Harden:

went down the median. And it was kind of a little valley type

Nellie Harden:

deal. We went down the median and back up the other side hit

Nellie Harden:

the guardrail, which stopped us from going into oncoming traffic

Nellie Harden:

on the other side of the highway, which was going like

Nellie Harden:

gangbusters. And if that guardrail, if that boundary

Nellie Harden:

would not have been there, I would not have been there. My

Nellie Harden:

daughter would not have been there. She actually came out of

Nellie Harden:

her car seat in the midst because we had a back end

Nellie Harden:

collision followed by a front end collision. The van was of

Nellie Harden:

course totaled, but she had flown out of her car seat. All

Nellie Harden:

the windows were busted in. I was trapped in the car. Both of

Nellie Harden:

us walked out of there. She had like a tiny I mean, it was like

Nellie Harden:

equivalent to a paper cut scratch on her back. That was

Nellie Harden:

it. And I was fine. We were emotionally shaken up, of

Nellie Harden:

course, mentally shaken up, of course, but physically fine. But

Nellie Harden:

it was that boundary. It was that guardrail that kept us

Nellie Harden:

alive. And that's what I see in here when I think about

Nellie Harden:

boundaries and guardrails, right? Driving is fine. Driving

Nellie Harden:

is good boundaries and guardrails keep you safe on that

Nellie Harden:

road. Right? And that's the same thing with social media

Nellie Harden:

technology that we're facing today. And, you know, if your

Nellie Harden:

kids needed for school, awesome, right, we have kind of a saying,

Nellie Harden:

you know, I have a job where I am, you know, helping families

Nellie Harden:

be able to help raise their, their daughters and their kids.

Nellie Harden:

And if I have to get on to do something, if I'm recording a

Nellie Harden:

podcast in Australia, there's crazy hours and what have you,

Nellie Harden:

and it falls within that, you know, 6pm to 11am thing. It's

Nellie Harden:

okay, because I'm like, you know, what, I am helping

Nellie Harden:

humanity, I am helping families grow, that is a different reason

Nellie Harden:

than getting on to, you know, check texting, or, you know,

Nellie Harden:

play some game or whatever it is. So there's some, there's

Nellie Harden:

some exceptions to that guardrail. But otherwise, it's

Nellie Harden:

pretty much there. And within the 6570, right, the 6570 days

Nellie Harden:

that we are training our children for adulthood, that's

Nellie Harden:

the whole purpose of childhood. Now we have a whole lot of fun

Nellie Harden:

in there, we nurture, right, it's not just like a regimented,

Nellie Harden:

we are training you it's not boot camp, right. Although

Nellie Harden:

sometimes it can feel that way. It isn't boot camp, but we are

Nellie Harden:

nurturing, we are growing their emotional intelligence, we are

Nellie Harden:

growing their interpersonal intelligence, so they know how

Nellie Harden:

to carry on a conversation and, and relate to people and have

Nellie Harden:

empathy toward people, right. We are also growing their practical

Nellie Harden:

wisdom within that time. So they know how to do something when

Nellie Harden:

they get out of here. And they don't stare at a washing machine

Nellie Harden:

and wonder where you put the quarters in and it takes care of

Nellie Harden:

you or the magical person comes around the corner to take care

Nellie Harden:

of it. And we of course, have a educational wisdom that is

Nellie Harden:

poured into them during the 6570. But we are teaching them

Nellie Harden:

and leading them to be able to set healthy boundaries on their

Nellie Harden:

own. And they will never be able to set healthy boundaries on

Nellie Harden:

their own. If they're not taught if the seed isn't planted to

Nellie Harden:

what that looks like, by you.

Nellie Harden:

Right by parents. We are their teacher to prepare them for

Nellie Harden:

adulthood. And we want them to set healthy boundaries as

Nellie Harden:

adults, which means we need to help them set healthy

Nellie Harden:

boundaries. Now, remember, training ground planting the

Nellie Harden:

seeds? It is the driver's ed of adulthood, right? It is? What

Nellie Harden:

adulting Ed? Can we can we call it that? adulting ed. So you

Nellie Harden:

guys healthy boundaries are wonderful. And I'm really diving

Nellie Harden:

into this. There's no way I could cover it in one podcast,

Nellie Harden:

but I just wanted to put that drop in your ear right now that

Nellie Harden:

we are having this massive problem with our kids spending

Nellie Harden:

too much time on social media getting too sucked in losing

Nellie Harden:

their identities, losing their self esteem, bullying, right. I

Nellie Harden:

had a huge discussion with a with a parent group about that

Nellie Harden:

today, the bullying and is it happening face to face? Nope.

Nellie Harden:

It's happening over texting these big group chats and

Nellie Harden:

leaving people out and saying things and screenshots and

Nellie Harden:

being. I mean, it is a mess y'all it is it is such a mess.

Nellie Harden:

But we're having such a problem with it. Yet the kids are also

Nellie Harden:

begging to have some boundaries about that. So I just want to

Nellie Harden:

perk I want to have you percolate on that for a little

Nellie Harden:

bit. And I will be back to you next week with a wonderful

Nellie Harden:

interview. And with a guest that is going to be talking about

Nellie Harden:

what to do on the dinner table. It is so fascinating. And I

Nellie Harden:

loved it. She's so funny. And it really brings the family

Nellie Harden:

together with food. I mean, do my favorite things. It's

Nellie Harden:

awesome. But that is next week and then the next week I will

Nellie Harden:

come back to you and we're gonna dive into this a little bit more

Nellie Harden:

again. But until next time, you guys, keep teaching, keep

Nellie Harden:

laughing keep loving and above all remember to keep showing up

Nellie Harden:

with intention in the 6570 parenthood childhood experience

Nellie Harden:

because they need you. Alright guys, I'll see you next time.

Nellie Harden:

Thank you so much for listening today. And I hope you were able

Nellie Harden:

to take something from our discussion that you can use to

Nellie Harden:

build the foundation of self love leadership in your own

Nellie Harden:

family. If you are a parent with children 17 or younger, and

Nellie Harden:

especially those around nine and up, I would love to extend an

Nellie Harden:

invitation to you to the best club in town. The family

Nellie Harden:

architects Club is a private club where intentional parents

Nellie Harden:

go that want to love support, connect or reconnect and really

Nellie Harden:

truly help guide their kids and teach them how to self lead in

Nellie Harden:

discipline and leadership. This is an online community and you

Nellie Harden:

are welcome to it. Parenting is a process object and you are the

Nellie Harden:

architect of this one. You plan you design and oversee the

Nellie Harden:

construction of the beginning of someone else's life. And that's

Nellie Harden:

what goes into these first 6570 days, and it will be the

Nellie Harden:

foundation for the rest of their lives. So come join the club,

Nellie Harden:

you can find your invitation on the front page of my website,

Nellie Harden:

Nelly hardin.com. That is N E ll ie H AR D n.com. Thank you again

Nellie Harden:

for being a part of this conversation today. And if

Nellie Harden:

something really resonated with you, or if you have a question,

Nellie Harden:

please don't hesitate to connect with me. You can find me on

Nellie Harden:

Instagram at Nellie Hardin. And lastly, if you love the

Nellie Harden:

information, please please leave a five star review and a comment

Nellie Harden:

so more and more families can be impacted by harnessing the

Nellie Harden:

strength of these ideas and tools in their own families. So

Nellie Harden:

thank you so much. Happy building you guys and I'll see