Four Simple Strategies To Manage Stress-Ep.181

Hey welcome to sheet coaches, coaches, I'm your host, Candy Motzek. And I'm going to help you find the clarity, confidence and courage to become the coach that you were meant to be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always wanted to be a life coach, then this is the place for you. We're going to talk all about mindset and strategies and how to because step by step only works when you have the clarity, courage and confidence to take action. Let's get started. They're amazing listener. It is your coach and guide Kandi motsek, the host of she coaches coaches, welcome, I am so glad you're here. This show is more than three years old. And whether you're one of our OGS, or you're just finding us for the first time, I want to welcome you to she coaches coaches. As I was writing my newest batch of episodes, I had to look through the hundreds of episodes we've already released. Yeah, I couldn't believe it undreds of episodes. And I figured that, even though I'm always inspired with new ideas to share with you, there is huge value in many of the concepts we've already covered. So today is a special treat, we're gonna dive into the archives to bring back a gym, a timeless episode that is packed with wisdom and strategies that you can put into action today. This is an episode that resonated deeply within the community. And as we're dusting off those virtual shelves, we're not just looking at the past, you may have heard it when it was new. But if you're anything like me, you're always evolving, always growing. So consider how much you've grown in the past years or even months. That means even if you listen to it before, you're going to unlock a new perspective, you're going to learn something new, because you are hearing it with different ears. The lessons are evergreen and the strategy shared are the stepping stones to many of the success stories that you can achieve. So buckle up for a nostalgia infused value packed episode. Whether you heard it when it was a fresh release, or you're uncovering it for the first time. Get ready to get inspired, and to take your coaching journey to new heights. Okay, let's dive in. Hey, friends, how are you today? I'm so pleased that you're here. Welcome to Episode 13. So let me tell you what's been going on with me. I've started playing with Instagram stories. If you haven't already, you should check out my Instagram account, you can find me at Candy Mote sec. And I'm posting a whole bunch of different things. It's a real mix. This is all learning and kind of like a science experiment. For me. It's one of the ways that I make it fun. If I treat it like a science experiment, and I don't get all nervous and freaked out when it looks terrible. And really, it's the only way that I know that I'm going to get any better. And I wanted to share with you why I'm doing these Instagram stories, I decided that I want to be more visible, I want to be more authentic, up front, unvarnished, just plain old me in these Instagram stories. So you're gonna see things like my dog updates on my lovely little she shed where I work every day, things about the changing seasons. And plus, I'm starting up a new hobby. It is a personal hobby, nothing to do with business, nothing to do with coaching. And if you want to know what it is start following me. And I'm going to post photos and little videos about it as I go along. We're heading into winter here. And I'm going to be sharing updates on this progress frequently. I want to keep it fun. I want to keep it light. I want you to get to know me a little bit better. Just that regular old day to day me. I've been thinking about what I wanted to speak to you about this week. And I have a schedule. I've got a list of things that I want to talk about that I know are going to help you. And this topic isn't on my schedule. But for some reason. When I sat down to write these notes, I really felt led to talk to you about it. So I decided to change the schedule because I think we all need a little bit of extra help right now. I've been talking to a whole bunch of new coaches and people who are wanting to become coaches and of course First, I always connect with my peers to the most common thing that I'm hearing these days is stress. People are stressed, they're worried, they're anxious, they're overwhelmed. Everybody is stressed. Coaches too. You know, we're kind of in a funny spot here. Not only are we tired of dealing with COVID, like we've just had enough of it. But at the same time, we're still worried. And we're trying to do the right thing. We want to keep ourselves healthy. We want to keep our family healthy, we want to keep keep our businesses growing. And so there's a lot going on there. In addition, as I'm recording this, we're still worried about the upcoming election in the US, and what that's going to mean to everybody. This election doesn't just affect the US, it affects the world. And I know that we're a global audience here on this podcast, and we're all concerned about the future. So coaches are stressed, clients are stressed. But coaches are stressed about our own lives. And we support our clients to deal with their stress, too. So if you're listening, and we're long past these current world troubles, I'm really pleased. That's great news. Because I know this will pass. And I know that no matter what, there's gonna be other stressful things that happened in your life. So today, I'm sharing a few of my favorite tools and approaches, the kinds that are simple that you can put into practice. I just want to help you here. So let's dive in. Before we go on to these strategies or tools, I want to talk a little bit about what happens when you get stressed. First thing, we talk to ourselves, right. And those thoughts often make our stress worse, your thoughts create your emotions. You've heard me say it before. But this is something that bears repeating over and over. As a reminder, it's new for us to remember that our thoughts are so powerful, and that our thoughts can help us feel better, or feel worse. So here's why this is important. Why it I wanted to remind you that your thoughts create your emotions, it's because when your emotions are high, intelligence is low. So how we talk to ourselves, it can definitely make it better or worse. When we're stressed, scared or angry, our brain shifts over to that more primitive mode. And this is the part of the brain that operates on survival. It's when we experience one of the three F's fight, flight, or freeze. So fight mode is when your breathing increases, your heart rate jumps and you're filled with adrenaline, you might find yourself standing, chest forward, hands clenched, and you are ready for a fight. flight mode, you might experience like this, you might notice that your brain just turns off, it's just like a switch. The blood gets pumped to your legs and you are ready to run. Don't think, just escape that danger. I've got a funny little story about this. This happened years ago, once I got surprised by a little tiny mouse in my dining room. Now, I'm not scared of mice. They're cute. And this guy was so little in retrospect. But I hit flight mode. Because in a second, I blinked I heard jump in my head. And I woke up two seconds later, and I was standing on top of a chair. That is a flight mode in action for you.

Freeze. The third F is just like a nightmare. Or when you're an extra in our horror show and you are glued to that one spot. Your eyes are huge, your pupils dilate. And it's almost like you hold your breath. You can't move. You can't seem to do anything. Except watch that danger get closer and closer. Remember, when emotions are high intelligence is low. So stress often leads to one of those three F's fight, flight or freeze. So here's how to help yourself and your clients when you get stressed. I've got four strategies that you can use. There's lots of them. Print strategies. I love these four, because they're simple. And they're easy. But before I describe them to you, I want to encourage you to plan ahead. Yeah, that's right. Think ahead, you know that you're going to get stressed at some point, probably this week, maybe next week, maybe next month. But if you plan ahead about what you're going to do to help yourself deal with the stress, then when the stress happens, you've already decided planning ahead gives you an edge, it gives you a chance to engage that prefrontal cortex, that's the part of your brain that is smart, and logical, and makes the best decisions. It's the place where the executive thinking is centered. So plan ahead. When you're thinking of these four strategies, you choose one or two that really speaks to you plan to use it the next time you're stressed, then you've used that part of the brain that's going to help you out, it's going to help move you out of the fight flight, freeze three F mode into a place that you can help yourself, you can diffuse your stress, feel a little bit better. And that is something that you can teach your clients to. So I'm going to share these four strategies. After I share them, you choose, try one, try them all, you choose the one that sounds the most interesting to you. So strategy number one is box breathing. And I use this simple, easy to learn breathing technique. In most of my coaching sessions. It helps clients settle themselves, lots of time people come into coaching, and they want to talk about an issue, I challenge something that's going on. And I know that they can think better when they feel a little bit calmer. So that's when I use Box breathing. And of course, I use it myself to everything that I teach you, I use myself too. And I use it to help myself get a handle on my own stress too. So here's how it works. It's a conscious form of breathing, that helps you feel better, calmer, more relaxed, and Bestival. It works really fast. There's four parts to it, and I'm going to explain it, then we're going to do it together, it begins with inhaling for the count of four, then you pause, and you hold your breath for a count of four. Then slowly and fully exhale for the count of four. And finally, hold that empty for the count of four. That's why it's called Box breathing. It's four by four by four by four, just like a box. Okay? Now before we do it together, take a second here and rate, your stress, your anxiety or your overwhelm that you're experiencing right now, on a scale of one to 10 where one is completely chill, there's nothing going on, or 10 is that you're in a full blown panic attack. Got your number? Good. Don't forget it. And if you're completely chilled, do this too. But what I want you to see is if you choose a number that's more than three or four, I want you to see how this helps you. There's nothing better than to prove it to yourself how it works. So, got your number. Don't forget it. Cuz I'm going to ask you again about it when we're done. I'm going to talk you through three full rounds. So here we go. Inhale for the count of four. You do it with me. Now hold for the count of four. Exhale slowly for the count of four. Completely empty your lungs and hold that empty position for the count of four. You're doing good. That is the first round Let's go again. Inhale 1234 Hold 234 Now exhale 234 and hold empty 234 You're doing good. One more time. Inhale 234 Hold 234 exhale. 234

Hold 234 Okay, how are you now? Did you rate your stress level before? What was that number? Now how do you feel? I am going to tell you that every single person that I've ever done this with says, Oh, wow, I feel so much calmer, so much more relaxed. How about you? Do you feel better? Alright, so that was strategy number one, box breathing. Now, strategy number two sounds simple. And it is it's take a walk. But this is not just any walk, I want you to walk in a specific way. I want you to be outside in nature. Go among the trees or by the water, close to the grass, close to plants. Get some fresh air on your face. Swing your arms as you're walking. Feel your feet on the ground as you pace and breathe. And consciously look at your surroundings. Now here is the tricky part. I want you to leave your phone at home or in the car or zipped up in your bag on silent. I want you to take your Apple Watch off or your Fitbit to no electronics. Just you walking in nature. Yeah, that's a tricky spot, isn't it? Moving helps you deal with the adrenaline. And those hormones that rush through your body when you're stressed. There's something special about the regular movement, that cadence of your arms and legs as you're walking consciously. Yes, we're human. Yes, we're smart, we can think we can decide, we can choose our thoughts. But our bodies are still animal, and the animal body craves nature and movement. This is even better. If you can work up a little bit of a sweat while you're at it. If you can't, don't worry, be conscious get outside in nature, no tech, for 15 minutes, at least, you're going to notice a difference. I'm going to tell you that my experience with this is that when my dad died years ago, walking was the thing that helped me deal with grief. When I was burned out from over stress and overwork. Both my doctor and my therapist said I needed to get out and walk. So I did. And I will tell you how much difference it made for my life. And that's why I'm sharing it with you. So for you, when you're stressed or anxious, get outside every day, this is not a treadmill walk, this is an outside walk for at least 15 minutes. If you can go for half an hour, even better, you're gonna find as well, that is going to help you sleep better too. So that was strategy number two, strategy number one was box breathing. Strategy number two, go for a walk outside in the fresh air. Strategy number three is share. Oftentimes, we fanned the flame of our own stress by how we think about it. We obsess about it, we think and we think and we think about what's going on, we think about what we should have said what we didn't say what they said We obsess about it. When you share, talk with a friend, a coach, a family member, a therapist, talk about what's going on, it's going to help you. One of the reasons is because it gets you out of your own head. So you're not spinning on it anymore. You're not obsessing the way you were. It gets you out of your own head and it connects you with another human. Now when I say talk and share, I'm really specific here. I do not want you to play the game. Ain't it awful? You know that game? Ain't it awful. It's where you and the other person compares notes about how terrible everything is. Or when you try to get an edge on each other saying things like well, if you think that's bad, I've got one worse for you. Have you heard of this? That is not the kind of sharing I want you to do here because that is continuing to fan that flame of discontent and that discontent is one of the causes of your stress. So share to clear your mind To share to be heard, to connect person to person, if you can get and give a hug, hold hands, look them in the eye, or even a pat on the back, we'll help. We're not meant to be solitary, we need connection. Now I know in the time of COVID, this is different for us. And you might be living alone. If you do, and you don't have people close by that you can connect with. Yes, you can talk on the phone, you could use Zoom to connect. Yes, you could use text and limited amounts to, but even better if you can be talking in voice to somebody else. So strategy number one was box breathing. Strategy number two, go out for a walk simple strategy. Strategy number three that we just went over was sharing the fourth strategy and how to manage your stress is to soothe yourself. Now I'm going to tell you that it's a little hard to say on this microphone. Like I have to enunciate my words well. But soothing yourself can take many forms. You can have a snuggly toy that you sleep with, or even a fuzzy blanket that helps you feel cozy and comfortable. comforted. Don't laugh. Lots of adults benefit from having something to hug when having a tough time. And there are a lot of adults that have a stuffed toy that they use. They may not tell you about it, but they do. If you need something like that you go right ahead, give yourself permission. This is one of the reasons as well, that having a pet helps us we can share with the pet from Strategy three, we can pet that dog or cat or animal. And that is soothing yourself to if you don't have a pet, it's okay to get a stuffed toy. It's all good. Another way to soothe yourself is to have an activity that takes your mind off your worries. It's fun, if it's a little bit different. It's not work, something a little bit creative, something where you're nurturing and watching something to grow. Those are the activities that are excellent for soothing yourself. So here's a couple of examples. It could be crafting, like with yarn, knitting or crochet

could be playing a musical instrument. It could be painting or drawing. And if you're not super artistic, you could color in an adult coloring book with some beautiful pencil crayons. Try tending indoor plants, growing herbs in your kitchen window. If you're able to go outside and garden, plant a little bit of a garden, even if it's just a couple of things in a pot on your window ledge or on your front porch. The thing here is what sounds like fun to you. The thing that sounds like fun, try that. Choose something creative, something that sounds fun, and try it. If you like it, great. If not, you can always try something else until you do find something that you enjoy. So that's it. Those are the four strategies, box breathing, take a walk, sharing, and soothing yourself. I've got so many stress relief strategies I could go on all day. But those four are some of my favorites. Now, before I leave you today, there is a bonus strategy that I want to add here. I had written this had the four strategies. But this fifth strategy is super important, especially given the current events that are going on right now. So bonus strategy number five, is stay informed, not is obsessed. Let me say that again. Stay informed, not obsessed. Specifically, this is about the news and social media. Now I am not telling you to turn a blind eye to everything that's going on in the world. I don't want you to ignore what's happening. I don't want you to become ignorant. I don't want you to put your head in the sand. But I want you to stay informed. But what I'm saying is this constant IV drip of news and drama and opinion is not helpful for you. It's not helpful for your stress level. I don't know about you, but when I pick my phone up, Apple news sends me continual updates when I'm driving. The radio always has news tidbits on it. If I was in public transit, there are TV monitors mounted everywhere. When I'm on social, not only are there news updates, there's video updates. There's text updates, and there are competing opinion pieces about the news. In addition, you've got everybody's comments about the pieces that are showing up on your newsfeed. Of course, we know the news agencies are important. We also know that they share controversial stories. And that's why I want you to be careful. That's why there's news everywhere for us right now. Sometimes, this controversy, fans the flame of your stress. So that's where if you're feeling stressed, and you're noticing that you're always consuming the news, I want you to start thinking of this as the way you would think about eating. To manage your news diet, just the way you would make a choice about the healthy foods that you want to eat. So here's what I recommend that you do. curate your content, find one or two news outlets that are mainstream. But with a bent to factual news, you're gonna know that you find the right one. If you read a news story, and you think, Hmm, how do I feel about that? What else do I need to know? This is interesting, I should check out this other link in a logical, centered fashion. So when you read on those news outlets, it makes you think for yourself, when you listen and consume news from some other news outlets, the ones that have a big focus on disaster, and making fear bigger in your life, and promoting conflict. When you read those news articles, you start to feel more angry, more scared, more needing to do something to protect yourself. That's how you're going to decide if this is the right news outlet for you. So choose a news outlet that is mainstream with an idea about facts, one that helps you to think for yourself, and stay informed instead of one that makes you feel scared, like you need to run for cover. Then look at the news twice a day only. Yeah, don't continue to consume this continual IV drip of news and fear. midmorning is a great time, for the first time, just after dinner. For the second time, don't look at the news just before you go to bed. You don't want to be dreaming about the things going on in the world. You want to be resting so that you can be resilient for tomorrow. And I recommend mid morning for your first news update. Because if you turn to the news, the first thing when your eyes open, that is going to have an effect on your entire day. So like I said, curate your news and your social, the way you would think about eating healthily, choose wisely. Personally, I've deleted many of these apps from my phone. Once I've delete them, it's really quick and easy to find them and to get them back on again when it's time for me for my update. But I'm not so drawn to just check it out quickly. And I don't have as many of these continual feeds of what's going on. So instead, I choose to listen to music streaming, or podcasts instead. So that fifth one, about making sure that you curate your content that you stay informed is important as well. And that's why I wanted to share that with you. So we've talked about five different strategies. The first one box breathing, the second one, go for a walk in nature. Number three, oh, let me get to number three is sharing. And number four, was soothing yourself. The fifth one, curate your content, watch what you're consuming in the way of news and social media. So that's what I wanted to talk to you about today. And as I said at the beginning, choose one, decide in advance how you want to help yourself manage your stress. Which one of these five one sounds the most interesting. You can try one you can try to you can try them all, but choose in advance. And then when you notice that you're in that stressed spot, you're ready to go. You've already made your choice. Now if you go I hope this helps you. And I hope that you use it for yourself, and that you use these as ways to support your coaching clients too. So, that is it for today, my friends, but don't leave yet. I want to tell you about a gift that I'm offering to all my listeners. It's my free resource library. It's called the coach's Online Business Academy. And here's how it works. When you sign up for your free account, you get immediate access to all of my free resources. And yeah, there's a lot of them there. And this resource library keeps growing every month, you can dive into my narrow down your niche quiz, you can jump onto the five day video training to kickstart your coaching business. And there are a whole bunch of PDF guides and checklists, things like 147 proven coaching niches, a checklist for what you need to know as a brand new coach, and ideas for where to find playing clients. Like I said, each month I add more free resources. I wanted to give you this as a gift. Because coaching is important. The world needs coaching. And this is one of the ways that I can support you my community and support the growth of coaching too. So all you have to do is go to the episode description or the show notes and click on the link for the coaches Online Business Academy and sign up today. And that's it. Have a great week. I will talk to you next week. Thanks again for listening today. Please hop on over to Apple podcasts and leave a review. Also, I would love to hear from you did something that I say resonate? What else would you like to learn about? Click the link in the player and leave a comment on the post. This is going to give me great ideas for future episodes so I can help you best. Join me again next week from our coaching, support and teaching to help you become the confident coach. You are meant to be