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Tanu Bedi-Seraphim, Conscious Relationship Coach, joins us today to talk about all things compassion. Tanu is a living, breathing example of a soul doing this work on a regular basis. She takes us through Tara Brach’s R.A.I.N. process for applying self compassion. Tanu’s approach to applying compassion to ourselves first in order to understand our patterns is accessible to all of us. She teaches us how it is an invisible tool available to use at a moment’s notice. We also talk about how we are here to heal generational pain and trauma, that it might be what was handed down to us but it’s our responsibility to heal ourselves. I hope you love this needed episode on compassion as much as I did! Enjoy listening!
EPISODE TAKEAWAYS (What you'll learn)
Mentioned Resources
Dr. Gabor Mate https://compassionateinquiry.com/
Dr. Shefali Tsabary https://courses.drshefali.com/
Suzi Lula https://suzilula.com/
Kristen Neff https://self-compassion.org/
Tara Brach R.A.I.N. https://www.tarabrach.com/
Elizabeth Gilbert https://www.elizabethgilbert.com/
Julia Cameron/Morning Pages https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/
About the Guest:
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim is a certified Conscious Relationship Coach from Dr. Shefali’s Conscious Parenting Institute. She has also studied Dr. Gabor Maté’s Compassionate Inquiry and Suzi Lula’s Soul Care Coaching. She is passionate about empowering her clients in breaking generational patterns and creating meaningful lives that are full of joy, authenticity, and deep connections with their children, partner, and most importantly with themselves. Using mindfulness and compassion as a compass, she teaches effective scientific tools, and helps integrate childhood wounds to support her clients in creating a fulfilling life.
Website: https://stillwaterreflections.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/stillwaterreflections/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/stillwaterreflectionsmindfulconnections
About the Host:
Maureen Spielman is the Founder of Mystical Sisterhood, a podcast dedicated to bringing more joy, healing and expansion to the world. She is a seasoned life coach who supports individuals through one-on-one coaching, groups and workshops. Connect with Maureen:
Check out her Instagram
Learn more about her work at www.maureenspielman.com
Want to join our Mystical Sisterhood Membership community? Find out more
here: https://www.maureenspielman.com/mysticalsisterhood
Email Maureen at hello@maureenspielman.com to inquire about coaching,
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Welcome back to mystical sisterhood. Today I
Maureen Spielman:interviewed Tanu Bedi- Seraphim. She's a conscious relationship
Maureen Spielman:coach, we're talking all things compassion. So, you may be a
Maureen Spielman:practitioner of applying compassion to yourself when
Maureen Spielman:going through a hard time or when life hits you with
Maureen Spielman:curveballs. But I know that a lot of us don't know really what
Maureen Spielman:it means to take compassion and apply it to ourselves during
Maureen Spielman:these times. So today, we're going to break it down. Why
Maureen Spielman:compassion is beneficial for you, and how to do some
Maureen Spielman:practices to take into your own life. Tonto has studied with so
Maureen Spielman:many different teachers and I respect her so greatly. And this
Maureen Spielman:Saturday, she will be inviting you to a meditation practice
Maureen Spielman:she's doing around Tara Brock's rain, we go into what rain is.
Maureen Spielman:And I'm going to put a link to Tatuus Instagram in the show
Maureen Spielman:notes. If you're interested in learning the technique after
Maureen Spielman:listening to the podcast even if you don't get a chance to
Maureen Spielman:listen, go to her Instagram and in her link tree, you will find
Maureen Spielman:a link to take part in this beautiful ritual that she's
Maureen Spielman:going to be holding on Saturday. Thanks so much.
Maureen Spielman:Hey there, welcome to mystical sisterhood. This is your host,
Maureen Spielman:Maureen Spielman. I started the show to highlight the
Maureen Spielman:intuitives, healers and other courageous women that I've met
Maureen Spielman:along my journey and continue to meet. Through amazing
Maureen Spielman:interviews, I seek to ask insightful questions to uncover
Maureen Spielman:ways in which you the listener can apply the wisdom and
Maureen Spielman:knowledge to your own life. I believe that we're all in this
Maureen Spielman:together. So sharing healing and joy, and bringing community
Maureen Spielman:together is both my passion and purpose. If you'd like to learn
Maureen Spielman:more about the mystical sisterhood community I'm
Maureen Spielman:building, please visit www mystical sisterhood.com See you
Maureen Spielman:in the episode.
Unknown:Welcome back, everybody. This is Maureen. And
Unknown:I'm here with Tanu. And we're here to talk about compassion.
Unknown:today. It is the topic that we're coming in with, I know
Unknown:that we'll probably cover many things during this time
Unknown:together. But for the audience, the reason I wanted to have
Unknown:Tawny on for this conversation is that she and I met during Dr.
Unknown:Shefali, this conscious parenting program and connected
Unknown:we're lucky enough to sit together or join together in a
Unknown:circle of women,
Unknown:where we kind of worked on the principles we were learning and
Unknown:began to talk about our lives and how the topics being offered
Unknown:affected us and how, you know, how could we understand
Unknown:everything we were learning and sort of process it and begin to
Unknown:apply it to our lives. And I'll have to say, for me, you know,
Unknown:of the many topics I learned about compassion has been a
Unknown:really big one. Because as we'll get into today, I think it's a
Unknown:neglected sort of area. I think it's not one people have taken
Unknown:deeper dives into, even though there are really big bodies of
Unknown:work out there about compassion. And the reason I wanted Tani to
Unknown:come on is because I know her to not only be
Unknown:an avid seeker of, I think, teachers, wisdom teachers who
Unknown:teach on compassion, but also just a person who's taken deep
Unknown:dives into the material. And I thought Tanya, you'd be just the
Unknown:perfect person today.
Unknown:So I just want to welcome you, and thank you for being here
Unknown:with us. Thank you, Maureen. It's such a privilege to be
Unknown:here. And I'm excited to talk about this topic, because it's
Unknown:so important to my heart. Yeah, yeah. Well, and I know,
Unknown:I don't know if it was a self discovery around compassion and
Unknown:your interest in the material
Unknown:that came in the past few years or before that. But to begin
Unknown:with, I know you're one of the persons who sat with me who
Unknown:began in a much different career.
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:Yes. So I was actually working as a
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:science researcher in a neuroscience lab. And then I had
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:children and I took a break.
Unknown:And that's sort of how my journey began, but it was
Unknown:very different from
Unknown:where we are right now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not a lot of
Unknown:compassionate talk going on in the labs around the world. I'm
Unknown:sure.
Unknown:It's different, right. It's, I think that compassion like you
Unknown:said, initially, it's not the
Unknown:Something that most of us engage in talking about. So it's not
Unknown:something that is that is very prevalent in most of our work
Unknown:cultures, I would say in our society. Yeah, yeah. And then
Unknown:you took you took the time off, to raise your kids begin those
Unknown:years with them. And I was thinking before we met, I mean,
Unknown:raising children requires a lot of compassion. It calls upon so
Unknown:many reserves from us, that, quite frankly, so many come a
Unknown:bit ill equipped to provide for our kids. And I think that's one
Unknown:way in conscious parenting that compassion begins to be
Unknown:something we talk about in not only offering them but offering
Unknown:ourselves first. But can you say a little bit about how you
Unknown:became interested in this topic?
Unknown:Yeah.
Unknown:So I think,
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:when I became a parent, I, I myself was
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:raised in a family where it was very much a dictatorship, very
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:much traditional parenting style. So when I had children, I
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:just knew in my heart that I wanted to do it differently. But
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:I didn't have any models for it. And what ended up happening is
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:that because of my background in science, I sort of threw myself
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:into the child rearing psychology, child development,
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:and things like that naturally. And I've memorized a lot of the
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:scripts that many of the wonderful psychologists provide
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:us with. But when I had my second child, I wasn't able to
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:keep up with the scripts, because I was having postpartum
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:anxiety and depression and, and it was a, it was a difficult
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:time for me. And that's when I started to turn to mindfulness
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:and meditation. And that was probably my first introduction
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:with compassion, where I did this, where I did this self
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:compassion, meditation, and I put my hand on my cheek and the
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:tears would just not stop flowing. And so that that's the
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:first time I think I remember my, my direct contact with, you
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:know, the work with compassion. But it wasn't until much later
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:that I, I really became much more focused on it. So I also
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:self studied a lot of Dr. Kristin neffs work who is a
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:science researcher who focuses on Mindful self compassion. And
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:Tara brach is another one of my teachers. And then Dr. Shefali,
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:Dr. Gabor Ma, Tei, Suzie Lulu all sort of have this underlying
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:theme of compassion. And more and more, I realized that this
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:work cannot be cannot be done without compassion, and just
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:healing my own relationship with myself,really required me to
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:become compassionate, because what ended up happening as I was
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:telling you about my parenting journey, I realized that I was
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:just being really harsh with myself, I kept feeling like a
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:failure, I kept feeling inadequate.
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:And I realized that the key was to have radical acceptance and
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:radical compassion for myself, and only then I could begin to
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:transform any of my other relationships. That's sort of
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:how I came to just really focusing on compassionate and I
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:strongly believe now that you know, you can have all the
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:intellectual knowledge about this is what you should say to
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:your child, or this is what you need to do in order to integrate
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:some of your own traumas, perhaps. However, it's
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:incomplete until you begin to have self compassion. And only
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:when we are able to be self compassionate, we can offer
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:compassion to other people that is actually authentic. Yeah,
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:yeah. So it's deep and it's layered. And thank you for
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:sharing those pieces and parts of your journey and how they
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:unfolded for you. Sort of by even like how you were beginning
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:with you had that scientific kind of background and so used
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:harder to turn to things that were probably developmentally
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:scientifically supported. And that appealed to you. And that's
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:for a lot of people, because a lot that we kind of push it
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:away. And if it's not rooted in science, then the you know,
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:we're not a lot of people aren't going to go there. So I like you
Tanu Bedi-Seraphim:pointing that out. Because
Unknown:I think more and more we're finding that this work is
Unknown:supported by it's just, we just sometimes assume it's not going
Unknown:to be so you named Kristin Neff, as a teacher. I've heard you
Unknown:talk a lot about Tara Brock's work. But you know,
Unknown:and I've heard you talk, I think it was her in particular that
Unknown:has the rain.
Maureen Spielman:In that's, that's regarding compassion,
Maureen Spielman:too. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because I think
Maureen Spielman:that's a really neat framework. And I always like to just more
Maureen Spielman:and more, give the listeners things that they can take away,
Maureen Spielman:even if it's something that they go look into more of themselves.
Maureen Spielman:But yeah, what about that? Oh, yeah, I love that. You're asking
Maureen Spielman:me this question. And I absolutely love Tara Brock's
Maureen Spielman:work, it has been so
Unknown:important in my own journey. And so it's a tool
Unknown:reign of compassion is a tool. And while
Unknown:this practice is not something that Tara brach developed, it
Unknown:pre existed, however, she has her own version, which really
Unknown:focuses on the compassion piece of it.
Unknown:And
Unknown:I have learned to rely on it a lot, especially during difficult
Unknown:times. So rain is an acronym. And it stands, the R stands for
Unknown:recognize. And A stands for allow, I stands for investigate,
Unknown:and N stands for nurture.
Unknown:So this tool is basically a really beautiful, and very
Unknown:practical way of re parenting yourself.
Unknown:And that's, that's what I really love about it.
Unknown:So, when you're practicing how I do it, just if the listeners
Unknown:want to practice it, and Tara brach has a lot of resources, I
Unknown:hope I do it justice.
Unknown:But, so when you are practicing, what you need to do is just kind
Unknown:of settle down and just, you know, sit with silence for a
Unknown:couple of minutes. And then you could do this as a meditation,
Unknown:or you could do it as a journaling practice, or you
Unknown:could even do it
Unknown:with a buddy, I often do it with a buddy on a weekly basis. And,
Unknown:and then it just becomes over time, it just becomes your go
Unknown:to, and you could be doing it on your phone, in a moment of
Unknown:distress. So, so just settle down in kind of center and just
Unknown:allow What's there to just, you know, just attune to yourself,
Unknown:right. And then our recognize so in recognize you are sort of
Unknown:separating yourself from the story.
Unknown:This person said this, this is what happened. And it's often
Unknown:very easy for us to get caught up in the story. So when we go
Unknown:to recognize we're recognizing some of the main facts of what
Unknown:happened. And then we're also focusing on what are the primary
Unknown:emotions that are that this is bringing up for me, and just
Unknown:either, you know, just getting present to them, or if you're
Unknown:journaling, just writing that out. And then
Unknown:just sitting with that for a few minutes. And once you have
Unknown:recognized Okay, I am feeling anger, I'm maybe feeling
Unknown:sadness. Oh, I just realized there's shame.
Unknown:You know, so once you have that, then you move into the next
Unknown:step, which is allow the a of rain allow, and allowing
Unknown:basically, what it does is it helps us to move from,
Unknown:from our storyline into just welcoming what is here. Right.
Unknown:And
Unknown:it also allows us to as Tara brach says that it allows us to
Unknown:see that this is just a wave, and then we can be the ocean,
Unknown:we're not that wave. So we're separating a little bit,
Unknown:creating some space from that emotion and just allowing it to
Unknown:be here and kind of reminding ourselves that this too is part
Unknown:of our human experience, whether that's anger or sadness or shame
Unknown:or what have you. And once you have allowed it and you have
Unknown:reminded yourself that this to this to belongs and I can hold
Unknown:this emotion as well.
Unknown:It's okay for it to be here.
Unknown:Then we move into the eye of rain, which is investigate.
Unknown:And while the word investigate may sound intellectual, it, the
Unknown:process itself is not. So it's very much shifting, using the
Unknown:allowing part, and shifting from the storyline and thoughts into
Unknown:the felt perception.
Unknown:And this is where you ask yourself, Okay, what am I
Unknown:believing? So what is the limiting belief under all of
Unknown:this? What is the most painful thing unbelieving? What is what
Unknown:feels most vulnerable right now?
Unknown:And if I could just really get in touch with that, where do I
Unknown:feel it in my body?
Unknown:And what is it? What does it feel like? Does it have a
Unknown:texture?
Unknown:Does it have, you know, what sensation is it? Is it that my,
Unknown:my belly is clenched, or my jaws clenched? Or is my heart feeling
Unknown:heavy?
Unknown:Right, so just kind of getting really present to all of that.
Unknown:And then the next step
Unknown:is nurturing the end of rain. And in nurturing, this is the RE
Unknown:parenting part.
Unknown:And so this is where you call upon either your own Higher
Unknown:Self, or if you believe in some sort of God, or, you know, some
Unknown:some loving
Unknown:person in our life, for example, for many people, it could be
Unknown:their grandparents, or it could be, you know, some wise teacher,
Unknown:it could be Tara brach herself,
Unknown:the whoever you relate to most, and see them as this wise,
Unknown:loving,
Unknown:you know, persona. So just calling upon that, then I think
Unknown:Elizabeth Gilbert Gilbert, the writer talks about, she writes a
Unknown:letter to love every morning. So it could just be love itself,
Unknown:right? Whatever resonates with you, and kind of calling them
Unknown:in. And now asking how this part of us that's feeling whether
Unknown:that's sadness, or shame, or
Unknown:whether it's anger,
Unknown:or whatever our feelings are, how do they want this higher
Unknown:self or this this loving, wise identity to be with it?
Unknown:And then offering that
Unknown:and then offering that part?
Unknown:You know, the nurturing, it may just be as simple as saying, you
Unknown:know, darling, I care about your suffering. This is a line from
Unknown:Dr. Kristin Neff, actually. But it could be something like ICU,
Unknown:I love you. Or, you know, when we ask, how would you like me?
Unknown:How would you like this identity to be with with you, you may get
Unknown:a response and really tuning in to what is the need, you know,
Unknown:that that's that.
Unknown:And we often when we'll find that we have this really, really
Unknown:young part within us that's just seeking for some reassurance or
Unknown:some reminder
Unknown:that says, you are lovable, you are good inside. And I see you,
Unknown:and I love you. So just offering that to those parts, those parts
Unknown:of us that are hurting, and you conclude the rain with just
Unknown:checking in with yourself like what is my
Unknown:sense of being right now after having done this process? And
Unknown:has that shifted from when I started to where I am now. And
Unknown:maybe what is something that I want to take away?
Unknown:That I want to remember that it may be one line mantra that came
Unknown:to you some insight that may have come to you and just kind
Unknown:of taking that away with us into our lives. So that's how Yeah,
Unknown:I love Italia. What a beautiful explanation. I think that you
Unknown:went through each step, just listening to it, the way you
Unknown:describe it and with your voice and and just even I noticed that
Unknown:the slowing down the really, because what it reminds me of to
Unknown:is the way that I was taught or not taught to be with my
Unknown:emotions would be as we always say, kind of suppressing them,
Unknown:not tending to them. So then we go in our life and we're we just
Unknown:we
Unknown:don't even know that we have this whole operating state
Unknown:underneath, like, seriously. And so that process was beautiful
Unknown:because I think it mirrors I have studied Suzy Lula's the
Unknown:language of self compassion, her course might just be compassion
Unknown:or self compassion. But that has similarities, but it's really
Unknown:calming down, slowing down, it feels like it's so good for our
Unknown:nervous system, because like you were saying, when you're in
Unknown:distress when you have something flare up in your life, if you
Unknown:have the time and the space, and if you can make the time in this
Unknown:space, I would say to have the question of Have you witnessed
Unknown:yourself go from a point of distress to just a radically
Unknown:different space within that process of rain? Yeah, yes, yes,
Unknown:thank you, I want to really highlight something you said.
Unknown:So I told you that I have been practicing this this process. I
Unknown:have it like on my calendar once weekly. And
Unknown:time and time again, when I have arrived for the meeting with my
Unknown:buddy. There has been times where I'm like, Yeah, I have no
Unknown:idea what I'm going to talk about today. And yet, there is
Unknown:something that comes up. And, and at the end of it, I am so
Unknown:grateful that I have this time of checking in with myself.
Unknown:Because if I didn't, the alternative would be that I
Unknown:would go around my life projecting all of that pain,
Unknown:grief, shame onto my kids, especially onto all of my
Unknown:relationships. So it's been a really powerful practice for me
Unknown:to just make sure that I process what I would not have otherwise.
Unknown:And so it's been it's been really helpful in that sense.
Unknown:And oh, my gosh.
Unknown:I can't say that it solves all my problems, right? It doesn't.
Unknown:However, however, even in the midst of my distress, it has
Unknown:time and time again, helped me move from hopelessness, move
Unknown:from where I'm just feeling intense shame.
Unknown:Or just, you know, a lot of sadness into
Unknown:at least creating space. Yeah, at least creating that little
Unknown:space where I can
Unknown:allow
Unknown:myself to kind of reach in and soothe myself and allow presence
Unknown:to come through allow
Unknown:me my wiser self to come through so that I'm not operating from
Unknown:my shell self in my life as much. And like I said, and then
Unknown:there's been times where it's allowed a major shift where I
Unknown:came in with, like, so much distress, and then I'm leaving
Unknown:with, like, lightness. And, you know, it's, it's just completely
Unknown:it's a matter of perspective often, right? So it's like,
Unknown:before, I'm seeing it from just like, from my child's self
Unknown:level, and then I'm able to take that, like mountain Suzy Lulu
Unknown:says, mountain top view. So it's been really powerful practice
Unknown:for me. Oh, it sounds like it. It's just an it's the softening
Unknown:and it's the inner, I always call it inner dialogue. Like,
Unknown:you're right back to what you said in the beginning, my inner
Unknown:dialogue, my whole life has been really harsh, really punitive.
Unknown:Really. And it's just
Unknown:something that I, again, on some level accepted that was going to
Unknown:be, you know, ever present in my life. So we It's proof that, you
Unknown:know, that we can when we turn inwards, soften in pay
Unknown:attention, like I like the beginning to recognize the
Unknown:allow, and without judgment, right. Without that allowance,
Unknown:just without judgment. Just it's, it's not right or wrong.
Unknown:That was a big Shefali thing. Just, you know, there's no, but
Unknown:she always called duality. There's not a rightness or
Unknown:wrongness. And if we can diffuse and take away any of those
Unknown:projections that we put upon what we're experiencing as being
Unknown:bad or wrong, then we allow.
Unknown:Exactly, yeah, yes, so there is no
Unknown:judgement in the allowing, while there may be judgment that we
Unknown:recognize initially like Oh, I'm judging myself. And in the
Unknown:allow, it's it's turning
Unknown:Two words. Like, of course, I am allowing, of course, I'm feeling
Unknown:this way. You know, I think it's Suzy Lulu that says it's so
Unknown:understandable that I'm feeling this way. And and yes, and
Unknown:absolutely. It's about that non duality of it, there is no right
Unknown:or wrong. It just is. And Dr. Shefali talks about, you know,
Unknown:accepting the isness?
Unknown:Yes. So it's the same concept. And, yes, I found all of the
Unknown:teachers to have that underlying theme of, you know, the
Unknown:acceptance of the present moment. And
Unknown:what would be the most compassionate thing to do in
Unknown:this moment, asking ourselves that instead of operating from
Unknown:what Dr. Shefali might call the ego or Susilo out that might
Unknown:call the survival self? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I think it comes
Unknown:to me, thank you for all of that. That just for it, that
Unknown:it's a process that we begin, you said something earlier
Unknown:about, things can be intellectualized in in our head,
Unknown:and it does for our listeners, the work is worthy to begin, I
Unknown:mean, you can tell from Tony's explanation, that it's just
Unknown:really worthy work. And, and it's a process. And I think that
Unknown:even as
Unknown:you know, our circle, when we kind of talk about what's going
Unknown:on in our lives, you've all even witnessed me, I used to be a
Unknown:person that I don't consider myself an intellectual,
Unknown:intellectual, but everything would be up here. And then if
Unknown:someone else would even try to apply compassion for me, to give
Unknown:it to me, I just wanted to just push it away. But that's
Unknown:probably a mirror into if you if you know if I push away
Unknown:compassion, probably not that great at giving it to myself
Unknown:yet. Would you agree with that? Yeah, absolutely. 100% I think
Unknown:that
Unknown:we often operate from this space of what Tara brach calls the
Unknown:trance of unworthiness. So, we have this limiting belief,
Unknown:which was an adaptation, a coping mechanism as a child
Unknown:where we had to adopt this belief that we are not worthy of
Unknown:compassion. And so when we are even given compassion on a
Unknown:platter, we feel so uncomfortable, and it's so
Unknown:unfamiliar. That it we don't, we're not we're unable to
Unknown:receive it. And so, you know, we can want intellectually people
Unknown:to be compassionate to us. But it isn't until we turn inwards
Unknown:and repairing ourselves and give ourselves that compassion and
Unknown:address that limiting belief. Oh, what am I believing? Oh, I'm
Unknown:believing I'm not worthy. Okay, is that really true? And, and
Unknown:that's how we can shift. And that's when we are able to begin
Unknown:to receive compassion. And I think that the more we do that
Unknown:anything lesser would probably become unacceptable. Yeah. Yeah.
Unknown:Such a great explanation.
Unknown:Yeah, and I really love that you have a date with a buddy, when
Unknown:you were telling me that, because how perfect. I mean,
Unknown:you're creating a space within your weekly calendar that even
Unknown:if a person had, you know, once a week, I mean, we want these
Unknown:dates to be more often for our working with ourselves. But kind
Unknown:of when you were talking about that, I was thinking like, oh,
Unknown:wow, fast. I don't usually think about taking myself on a date.
Unknown:But it's kind of a nice way to think of it, because we're
Unknown:recording ourselves and we're recording that the worthy part
Unknown:of ourselves that deserves to be to have this space and what it
Unknown:what if there was this world where we did put these dates on
Unknown:our calendar with a body with a friend who could process whether
Unknown:it was rain, or just sacred listening, and listening, and
Unknown:just listening with compassion? And it's just a beautiful
Unknown:concept. Yeah, thank you. I really appreciate what you're
Unknown:saying. It reminds me of Julia Cameron's book, the artists way.
Unknown:And she talks about having dates with yourself. And I love this
Unknown:idea of having a date with yourself where you there's a
Unknown:surefire way of offering yourself compassion as well as
Unknown:processing, you know, emotions that need to be processed. And
Unknown:you know, during the week, as I go
Unknown:On if something major is happening, and I'm or even
Unknown:something actually smaller is happening because I tend to deal
Unknown:with the major things. But if it's small, I may just kind of
Unknown:say, okay, it was not a big deal. Let's move on.
Unknown:And but I can bank on that time that I will come back and handle
Unknown:that and process it and integrate it instead of just
Unknown:letting it kind of get stuck in my body.
Unknown:Yeah, I can, I can see even I know you do a lot of the work of
Unknown:connection with body. And
Unknown:and I don't know, I know that's been seated in your work. Like,
Unknown:as you've studied different modalities. It sounds like the
Unknown:ones you just described. Absolutely.
Unknown:And you also have studied Gabor Ma Tei is compassionate inquiry.
Unknown:Is that right? Yeah. And how has that affected your work as a
Unknown:coach, and not just with yourself? Because, you know, so
Unknown:far you've, you've talked about how you work with yourself, but
Unknown:you know, you are a conscious relationship coach, too. So just
Unknown:all these modalities and, you know, you use them both, you
Unknown:know, like you said, with yourself, but with your clients
Unknown:as well. And, yeah, I don't know, if you want to talk a
Unknown:little bit about gabaars work or just how it's affected your
Unknown:work. Yeah, absolutely. i
Unknown:It was an absolute privilege to learn from Gabor. And
Unknown:it really shifted, it really shifted how I approach my work,
Unknown:because
Unknown:Gabor really helped me understand that.
Unknown:Some of the, what, what Dr. Shefali, calls eagle or Susie,
Unknown:Lulu calls the survival self, the these parts had no other
Unknown:choice.
Unknown:And, you know, it was a, it was a matter of choosing between a
Unknown:child authenticity and their survival, which is basically
Unknown:connection with their caregivers. And they had to
Unknown:choose connection over their authenticity. And so just really
Unknown:having deep compassion for my clients and helping them have
Unknown:compassion for those parts of them. Where, you know, they
Unknown:adopted these adaptations that Gabor calls a stupid friend who
Unknown:still thinks that you're three,
Unknown:and still gives you the same advice, which would have been
Unknown:really helpful, which saved your life at three, but now, it gets
Unknown:you into trouble. So it's maladaptive.
Unknown:So yeah, it really has helped me
Unknown:have compassion for parts of my clients and their adaptations,
Unknown:as well as helping them see that, you know, it's not their
Unknown:fault, that those are the coping skills that they had to adopt as
Unknown:children. Yeah. And do you see, too, that, you know, what I hear
Unknown:you saying is that, when we are presented with certain scenarios
Unknown:in our childhoods, that we are watching from a child's eyes,
Unknown:that we begin to behave in ways that we have to kind of adapt to
Unknown:our environment because possibly our true selves, the way we just
Unknown:came into the world wouldn't be tolerated, whether it were if if
Unknown:I were a lively child, and every time they were like, your Be
Unknown:quiet, you know, I, I grew up with, I think, in the generation
Unknown:of seen and not heard. So so many of us did, and that's
Unknown:transforming now, which is such a beautiful thing. But
Unknown:I learned to be quiet. And then what happened to me is I
Unknown:remember and I can see certain pictures of me and my childhood
Unknown:of Maureen like good little Maureen. And they'd say, she's
Unknown:so quiet, she's so quiet. And I would I would be sitting there
Unknown:and I could see the pictures, and sort of wide eyed but taking
Unknown:in everything that my elders were saying and then
Unknown:transforming that in my mind to I'm likeable. I will be honored
Unknown:if I'm quiet, quiet, but is what happens to a person over their
Unknown:lifetime that we get to our adult selves into our 30s into
Unknown:our 40s into our 50s and we just are feeling this kind of almost
Unknown:like friction of what our true self is if we've carried on that
Unknown:persona, that mask that survival, that stupid friend for
Unknown:that many years, it's gonna come for a lot of us to a head almost
Unknown:like it's going to be where whether it's a breakdown,
Unknown:whether it comes out, you know, it may be in an illness
Unknown:Whether it comes out just in our relationships, is that what you
Unknown:see? Is that the right idea? Like for like, just to give an
Unknown:example for our listeners? Yeah, absolutely. I think that the
Unknown:universe just keeps on presenting us with opportunities
Unknown:to wake up.
Unknown:And so yes, I think that life keeps presenting us with
Unknown:opportunities and reminders that we need to wake up, however,
Unknown:because we are in that trance of unworthiness, because we're sort
Unknown:of hiding our true selves in order to protect it. Behind
Unknown:those adaptations behind that survival self, it's challenging,
Unknown:right? And
Unknown:thank you for sharing. So vulnerably. I just want to
Unknown:acknowledge you that what a testament to this podcast is for
Unknown:you to be exercising your voice. You see that message as a child?
Unknown:Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you. It's so it's so true. And it's
Unknown:the it's been a journey of transformation. And that's,
Unknown:that's a really important point you make because I think we can
Unknown:look to another and see what they're doing think, oh, oh,
Unknown:that's easy for her. But in fact, we all have our stories.
Unknown:And we all have where we came from. And that's I mean, if
Unknown:someone's sitting with me, whether it's a client or a
Unknown:sister or a friend, I know, just by doing this work that we all
Unknown:have extensive backgrounds and places and hurts and woundings,
Unknown:and, and painful places that we came from. And so and we're in,
Unknown:even if we've gotten to a certain point where we can use
Unknown:our voice, more and more, or it's all a work in progress till
Unknown:the day we die is the way I see it. Absolutely. Yeah, I think
Unknown:it's Michael Brown, who says in the presence process that
Unknown:I'm not exactly quoting him, but the gist of it was that because
Unknown:we're human, we can't escape, that we are going to have some
Unknown:childhood wounds, no matter how conscious our parents are. And I
Unknown:see that day in my life with my kids. So and yes, it's it's it
Unknown:wasn't our fault, like Gabor says, right and as soon as he
Unknown:says,
Unknown:But it is our responsibility. So life is going to present us with
Unknown:opportunities. And often I feel like they look. They're not
Unknown:comfortable, they look more like challenges right there. They're
Unknown:not necessarily the comfortable places. So it is up to us to
Unknown:rise up to the call of life and
Unknown:use it for our conscious growth and use it for our awakening.
Unknown:Yeah, I think it's been such a good conversation around
Unknown:compassion, and just the different things you've noticed
Unknown:today re parenting,
Unknown:coming to our survival mechanisms, our ego, whatever is
Unknown:operating within us, that's not working anymore. I think that is
Unknown:because I feel like sometimes even if I use the word
Unknown:consciousness, that word can seem sort of lofty, and it can
Unknown:seem like what does that mean? And but it's everything we're
Unknown:talking about today. It's it's all the work that's encompassed.
Unknown:We're human, that it's our work on this planet Earth. And I
Unknown:think when we're willing to, to begin to listen to these
Unknown:conversations to open ourselves up to Oh, wow, I do have these
Unknown:emotional worlds operating within me, I'm going to get
Unknown:curious, I'm going to be willing, I'm gonna sit with
Unknown:somebody who can guide me through it. And I think that's
Unknown:such a I just just sitting here listening. It's such a beautiful
Unknown:thing that coaches like you can offer is spaces with to sit with
Unknown:someone and be with someone who allows whatever is coming up for
Unknown:you. But to have these really fabulous tools to tap into
Unknown:ourselves in sometimes it is using that, that outside tool
Unknown:before we just start to cultivate it and it becomes so
Unknown:natural to us. And as we know, we've been practicing for a
Unknown:while and it's not always the first thing you turn to. And
Unknown:right. Yeah, absolutely. We're unlearning not only decades but
Unknown:generational stuff here. So it's understandable that it takes a
Unknown:lot of practice and intention. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm so happy
Unknown:you said that because I know one of the cornerstones of your work
Unknown:has
Unknown:Then the unlearning and the dismantling is or deconstructing
Unknown:of what comes down through the generations? Can you talk to
Unknown:that a little bit because I just love, I love that area of the
Unknown:changes, transformations we're committing to in this lifetime.
Unknown:Our, our, our deconstructing what's come before us and
Unknown:leading to healing. But I know you can say it better than that.
Unknown:So what why do you love generational healing so much?
Unknown:And what is it?
Unknown:Great question.
Unknown:Why do I love generational healing so much? Well, I think
Unknown:that, like I already said, it's not our fault, but it's our
Unknown:responsibility. So I as a child went through a lot of pain, and
Unknown:I'm sure I'm not alone. But I feel this really strong inner
Unknown:sense of responsibility to not pass that on to my kids. Because
Unknown:I know that pain firsthand. And I, while I had to,
Unknown:you know, give up a lot of my authenticity, I am really
Unknown:grateful that there is still a piece of me that believes that
Unknown:that wasn't right, what was happening. And so and I think, I
Unknown:think that to some extent, all of us have that, because there
Unknown:is this, this spark of consciousness, awareness or
Unknown:wisdom that resides in all of us, because that's our essence.
Unknown:Right? So.
Unknown:So I absolutely feel that responsibility of not passing on
Unknown:the trauma. And I think that
Unknown:many people don't realize that it's generational. And also, in
Unknown:my own journey, as I was very self critical in the beginning,
Unknown:as a parent, I thought it was just all me I was I was just
Unknown:failing every day. And, you know, and then just realizing
Unknown:that, oh, it's actually generational, It's way bigger
Unknown:than just even just a few decades of life that I have
Unknown:lived. It's way bigger than that. Just even getting real
Unknown:with that helped me again, have compassion for myself, you know,
Unknown:and it.
Unknown:And it's also really encouraging that,
Unknown:you know, there will be some generational patterns that I
Unknown:have broken that my kids would never even know, we're in the
Unknown:chain of what was passed down. And while I can break them all,
Unknown:I want to break what I can. Yes. Oh, such a Yes. Beautiful,
Unknown:beautiful.
Unknown:kind of dive into just a little bit of generational healing,
Unknown:just perfect explanation. Yeah, there's,
Unknown:I just have to reflect back to you, that the sort of how you
Unknown:are alkalizing, your work, both for yourself and for the work
Unknown:that you're doing around consciousness and conscious
Unknown:relationship. Coaching is such a, it's just got so many juicy
Unknown:parts to it with the compassion with a generational healing, and
Unknown:just all these sub components of those, I think each of us brings
Unknown:in what is exactly there for us to heal. But that that allows us
Unknown:to, to bring it to the greater world around us. And that's why
Unknown:I love these conversations so much.
Unknown:Absolutely. Yeah. Blows me away. Yeah. Well, Tanya, as we're
Unknown:finishing up today, I always like to ask, you know, where can
Unknown:the listeners find you? If they want to look into your work
Unknown:more? And
Unknown:just as an addition to that, too? Do you sometimes do
Unknown:coaching around some of the mindfulness, some of the
Unknown:compassion work that we've been talking about today? Yeah, thank
Unknown:you for asking that.
Unknown:I think you can find me on Instagram at Stillwater
Unknown:reflections. That's definitely a great place to connect with me.
Unknown:I do have a website that I am still in the middle of updating,
Unknown:it's still water reflections.com But like I said, it's not
Unknown:updated at the moment.
Unknown:I do offer workshops from time to time. I also offer mother's
Unknown:support groups and I offer a book clubs that are related to
Unknown:you know, people who are seekers and healers. And, of course I
Unknown:offer one on one coaching. Oh, wonderful. Okay, good. Well, I
Unknown:always put all the resources in the show notes so people can
Unknown:find you. But I just want to thank you so much for being here
Unknown:and contributing to our
Unknown:Conversations on mystical sisterhood. Thank you Maureen.
Unknown:It has been such an honor to be here. I really enjoyed it. Thank
Unknown:you. Okay, we'll see you next time listeners. I hope that you
Unknown:really enjoyed the conversation today. If you did and you know a
Unknown:friend who might benefit from it, please share, and we'll see
Unknown:you next time.
Unknown:Thanks for listening to this episode of mystical sisterhood.
Unknown:If you love what you heard, please visit Apple podcast and
Unknown:subscribe and leave a review and share with a friend if you're
Unknown:called to do so. To learn more about my one on one coaching
Unknown:programs, or join the mystical sisterhood membership, visit
Unknown:Maureenspielman.com or mysticalsisterhood.com Thanks so
