Heart Centered vs Toxic Positivity | Ep.39

This show is about freedom. Freedom from your constant struggle with food and letting the size of your thighs determine your worth. Join me weekly for no whole fat, unfiltered girlfriend kind of conversations that will inspire, teach and empower you. As we tune into our own body's wisdom and tune out of the diet industry lives, we can live our most radiant, pleasurable and fulfilled lives. My name is Chanci dawn. I'm a non diet nutritionist embodiment and mindset coach. But most importantly, I'm a woman on a mission to grow a deeply connected and conscious relationship with food and my body. And I'm here inviting you to do the same. Let's go.

Hello, dear one. Thank you so much for joining me today. Today's topic is about positivity, like heart centered positivity, versus toxic positivity. I really feel that this discussion is so important to have because we are surrounded by toxic positivity, as well as heart centered positivity. And when we're really working on relationship building with ourselves with our own bodies, what we really want to do is be able to tune in into that heart center. Yes, we want to think Hi vibe beautiful thoughts. Definitely. When we think loving thoughts, we create a loving reality. That's just how it is. However, as we've talked about so many times on this podcast, hard to feel emotions, which are created by thoughts are welcome. So there's a very big difference between loving thoughts, serving thoughts, and toxic positivity. And the fact that it's the new year right now really doesn't help with all of the toxic stuff going on on social media. I am seeing it everywhere. And that's why I'm choosing now to really have this discussion. I'm sure we're going to talk about it more. I mean, it's really wove in

to a lot of the different episodes because it is very, very important to understand. But today, let's just dig into this because like I said, with the new year, I'm seeing so many memes, there's so many different posts, that to me really scream toxic positivity. So first of all, let's talk about that what actually is it? So yes, we want to be positive. But toxic positivity really is when we try to avoid negative emotions when we minimize our own feelings as well as others, like, for example, just think positive or it's not that bad, or Oh, no, don't talk about that. Right? It's really the belief that if we say think, express anything negatively, that that's a negative thing, because it's going to make us feel negative. And God forbid, we might have to feel an ache a negative emotion. And the problem with this is it really bypasses what is actually there. But it actually doesn't. And this is the tricky thing about it. We can be the like buffering skirting over our real emotions with these positive thoughts all day. But unless you actually believe what you're thinking, then your body doesn't feel it. So you could be thinking I am enough, I am enough, I am enough. And inside, you're like oh my gosh, I just do not measure up. And that thought that's actually running, even if it's subconscious, it's what's creating your emotions is what's creating your reality. So when we're just like no bypass, bypass path, bypass, I'm just going to think positive, I'm just going to think positive, high level high vibe, keep it shiny, keep it happy, right, keep cheerful. This actually robs you of really discovering what's actually there. So when we allow ourselves to truly feel what is there when we allow ourselves to go in and to feel the pain to feel those emotions. That feels so hard to feel. What we get to do is we get to move through them. And I love the saying the only way out of any emotion is through it. It's that whole you got to feel it to heal it. So when we can really neutralize emotions seeing them is all welcome. We are human. The human experience is full of yummy, juicy emotions and really hard wants to feel when we can do that, then we don't have to be afraid of them, then we can actually feel what's there, and heal it, move through it. And then on the other side, we get to feel the good as well. And I've said this before, so many times, and I'm gonna say it again, because it is so important write this down. When you could grow your capacity to feel the hard to feel emotions, you also grow your capacity to feel the yummy ones. So who doesn't want a yummier life? Right? We want to feel all these beautiful, happy, joyful, cheerful emotions. Absolutely, we do. But that does not happen by pretending that those hard emotions are not there. And when we know that, it's our thoughts that are creating these emotions. And then we have thoughts about these emotions that create more emotions, and it goes on and on and on and on. We need to uncover be aware of what's actually there. And then honor ourselves by going. Ah, now, now that I felt this now that I am aware of actually running in these in like the quarters of my mind, the thoughts that are going on, what will feel like a more loving thought, what feels expensive, what feels calm, we don't need to go from like zero to 10 here. Sometimes it just a little bit of a more loving thought can really, really serve us. Even the thought of thinking a more loving thought can serve us and that's where latter thoughts come in. We've talked about this before in another episode. So it's like this, for example. I hate my body. Right? This is a thought that really does not serve, but we want to feel it. Oh my gosh, wow. That's their holy man. I have a thought that I hate my body. How does that feel? That feels sad. Right? That feels disconnected. Oh, man. Okay, so we feel it, we experience it, we are aware of it. And then on the other end, we go, what is more loving? And you can simply say, what if it is possible for me to not hate my body? What if it's possible for me one day to love my body? So do you see what I mean? We're not going from like, zero to 10 going, I can't think that can't think these hateful thoughts. No, no, no, I love my body, I love my body, I my body is perfect. No honey, you do not have to try to convince yourself of what's not there. If you're not at a 10 I love my body, I love my body. Relax, this is a gentle process, we do not need to get all toxic about this. And we do not need to try to convince ourselves and we do not need to bypass what's there. Feel it, love yourself through it and gently level up. I have mentioned that my flower for my business the what I think about when I think of my clients and myself is the peony. And I love this because it's like this tight little bud. And as we become more aware, we get to open the pedals and we get to look inside with that curiosity and tons of compassion. What is there? What thoughts are there that are creating my reality? Wow, you can even have humor in this. It's like oh my goodness, look at me thinking that. Look at me creating this. Right? There's no judgment, there's no shame. It just is. And then you get to love yourself through it. You get to love yourself to more expansive, more high vibe thoughts that serve that you truly believe. When you truly believe these positive thoughts. They are not toxic. They are serving. So this is the this is the way to do it. You're feeling an emotion. You're feeling something that's hard to feel. You stop. Ah and you observe without any judgment or shame. You acknowledge that it's there you allow yourself to experience it. Most emotions only take 90 seconds to feel. Ask your body. Where do I feel this? Locate that emotion? What color is it? Is it moving? Is it fast or slow? Is it thick? Is it thin? All of these questions like getting into the texture, this sensory experience of these emotions. This will help you feel them deeper help you move through them. Acknowledge them, what is there for me? Feel it, allow it. Notice what's creating it And then choose a more loving thought, a more expansive, gentle, loving thought that you actually believe. And you're never going to be there. And this is one thing to really understand too. Just like embodied eating is nonlinear. It's like a wave, right? You're surfing the wave up and down, up and down. That's the very same thing. When we're working on our thoughts. You will have days where you're like, wow, positive, positive, positive, positive, negative, positive, positive, negative, right. And then you're gonna have days or moments where it's like, negative, negative, negative, negative, positive, negative, negative, negative, positive. And as long as you're aware of it, and as long as you're feeling it, and then you're, like, loving yourself through it without judgment. It's all good. You are human, allow it all love yourself through it all. So I'm reading this book right now called How to be loving, and it's by Danielle Laporte, who I really, really love. I have been following Danielle's work for years now. And it's evolving just to be like, Ah, it's just so great. I don't even have the words for it. So this book is deeply, deeply thought provoking on this very topic. And she quotes rom das in it. And I'm gonna paraphrase. So he's talking about how, you know, we go from like, I'm not good enough, or I hate my body to wanting to go I am good enough. I love my body. And instead of this, this gentle approach, this real approach that we can actually grasp onto as truth would be this. It's not, I am not good enough. And it's not. I am good enough, right? The polar opposite? No, we don't need to go to this polarity. You just are. I am. I have a body. Sometimes. I'm super crappy. And sometimes wow, I impress myself, right? I am such a soulful, loving being. We are, that's just what it is. Your body is a body. It is very neutral. Some days, you're gonna feel great about it. Some days, not so much. It just is. And I think that this is such a really amazing loving approach. It just like for me, but when I'm saying it here to you, I feel calm. I'm like, Yeah, I am. I am a human. I am Chanci Dawn, who is very much a human who does amazing things in this world, and who really struggles a lot of the time as well. And that is all okay, so my friend enough of the toxic positivity enough of trying just to feel good all the time, all the time, all the time. You don't have to love yourself through this. Gentleness, deep, deep love, tons of compassion, that honey coded compassion for you. And as you do this, you're going to find that you will be more loving to yourself. Naturally, more loving thoughts will be there because you're not trying so hard to think them they just will be. And you will create a more loving reality for yourself. Okay, my dear friend, thank you. Thanks for listening. Please share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Everyone does, I believe and if you feel so inclined, if you were you know touched by this episode, if you're like, Heck, yeah, this makes a lot of sense. Please go to iTunes, leave a review and a rating that really helps it bump up on the algorithm so more people will have access. I love you. Bless you have a great day.