July 12, 2023

Claiming Confidence: The Art of Owning Your Skills and Abilities

Claiming Confidence: The Art of Owning Your Skills and Abilities

Episode Summary

On this episode of A Whole Lotta Shift, host Jen Ingram kicks off a powerful new series on self-confidence. The episode delves into the importance of self-confidence and its impact on various areas of life, including business, decision making, and relationship building. Jen prompts the audience to reflect on their own barriers to self-confidence and challenges them to identify and overcome these obstacles.

Jen discusses common barriers such as fear of failure, imposter syndrome, gender stereotypes, and feeling undeserving. She stresses the significance of self-awareness in cultivating self-confidence and achieving goals. Listeners are encouraged to interact with the prompts and share their experiences in the Facebook group, creating a supportive community where they can learn from one another and grow together.


Part 1 sets the stage for an enlightening series on self-confidence, and listeners can look forward to Part 2, which will focus on overcoming imposter syndrome.


So stay tuned to "A Whole Lotta Shift" as Jen helps you navigate the journey to self-confidence, empowering you to make positive shifts in your life.

About the Host:

Jen is a Dream Catalyst and Business Mentor saving hustling female solopreneurs from the chains of corporate America. Her passion lies in helping women through their self awakening so they can finally break free, turn their side hustle into the business of their dreams, and live a life full of time, location and financial freedom.

Jen is a California girl at heart, now living out her dream in the Midwest, traveling, coaching female solopreneurs and sharing her own story of triumph and empowerment across speaking platforms. When she's not traveling, she enjoys spending time with her college aged son and her rescued Pit Bull.

After 20 years of various project manager and corporate trainer roles while juggling a wide array of side gigs, she has mastered the ability to help women see what they cannot see, believe they are meant for more and take aligned action to make it happen. With an MBA in Change Management, and a Health and Life Coach Certification from the Health Coach Institute, Jen is an expert at creating both the business process changes and the personal habit changes needed to finally Break UP with corporate and go all-in on your side hustle or long standing passion project.

Connect with Jen on Facebook or Instagram!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jenelleingram/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wholelottashift/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/midwestvalleygirl/

Free Gift: https://mailchi.mp/4f4ae02ebe45/beat-the-odds


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Transcript
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I just ended this conversation with this person who's trying to tell me that I'll

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never work in this city again, and I literally can just pull out my

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phone and make any number of phone calls. Right? because I knew what I

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was doing. I knew what I had, I knew what I could do.

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The next day, I had a new contract that actually

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was better than the one that I had just lost.

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But I knew what I had to offer, Right? I

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absolutely believed that I could show up, and I could

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help them with what they were needing.

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This is why your confidence met her.

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Welcome to a whole lot of shift podcast. The podcast

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for multi passionate women with an entrepreneurial spirit, where we

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provide inspiration, motivation, and education to help

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you away from all the should and supposed to's to what's

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truly possible for you in your business and your life,

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all on your own terms. You ready, girl? Let's make

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Shift happen. Hello, and

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welcome to another episode of a whole lot of shift. I'm your

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host, Jen Ingram, and I'm so excited that you're here.

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Today starts the kickoff of our 4 part series on

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self confidence. And if you're in the whole leadership Facebook

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group, then you're getting to experience this firsthand

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live as I livestream this episode. And you're

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also getting to engage and interact as I share some

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mindset tricks and hacks with my mon

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Monday mindset live series. These are just 5 minute Monday

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mindset lives. and as well as

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other prompts to kind of help you out during the next 4 weeks

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as we go live weekly to talk about

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self So I'm so excited you're here. In this

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series, the first part, where do we talking about the foundations of self

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confidence kind of what it is and why it matters in your

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business. In week 2, we're gonna talk about overcoming

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impostor syndrome. and we're gonna get that kicked off

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because it sounds like based on some

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pool results that I've seen, so many of

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us are struggling with impostor syndrome, so I wanna make sure that we speak

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to that. In week 3, we're gonna talk about building confidence

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through your skills and the process of

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your achievements. And in the final week,

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we're gonna talk about how you can maintain and continue to exude

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an energy of confidence for yourself.

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So I'm so glad you're here. I'm so excited to get this kicked off.

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Alright. So let's start out. What what is self

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confidence? Like, this is a word that we hear about a lot. Right? And

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so what is it, and why does it matter? Here's the

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thing. self confidence is not necessarily

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saying that you don't experience fear

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when you're trying something new. It doesn't mean

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that getting outside your comfort zone just comes

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easily for you, and you're fearless in all of it. It's not quite

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what self confidence means. Right? Self confidence is more

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about the belief and trust in

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self and the belief interest in

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your abilities to achieve your goals

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tackle any challenges that come your way

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and to continue to maintain a positive self

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view through it all. That's what we're talking

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about. That's what self confidence is, is that belief

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and trust in yourself and what you can

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do. So why the hell does this matter in your business? Well, let's talk about

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it. If you think about that, your belief and trust in yourself. First of all,

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you not only need to believe and trust in yourself, but you

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gotta believe and trust in what it is that you're selling, what it is that

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you're doing, the services that providing. Because if you don't

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believe in the offers that you're giving to people, I'm gonna

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tell you, they're not gonna believe in it either.

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and they're not gonna wanna buy. This is

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why self confidence is so important in your business.

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Not only does it impact that relationship that you're

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trying to engage in with buyer and seller, it's

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gonna impact all of your business relationships it

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can impact your ability to make decisions,

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business owners and leaders need to be able to

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make decisions and make them quickly and make a

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lot of decisions. people who

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are able to take a step

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back and quickly run through all the

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decisions that they need to make and know and have the confidence

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in themselves to just make those decisions and keep things

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moving Those are the ones that excel in their

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business. They don't have the time and not not so much that

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they don't have the time. They don't create the time for themselves

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to sit back and wallow in the self

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doubt about whether or not they're making a good decision whether or not they're

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making a right decision, whether or not it's perfect, they simply make the

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decision and move on. Because they know that with each decision that

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they make, it's not only going to build their confidence,

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but what it's really doing is the more decisions you make,

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the better you're going to get at making decisions, and the more that you're

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going to be able to experience what the good decisions

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were and what decisions maybe could have been better.

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But you're never going to be able to experience what decisions you should be

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making if you're just sitting back contemplating all the time

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and not making them. So this is why self confidence

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matters in your decision making. It also matters

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in your risk taking, because let's be real. In building your

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business, there's gonna be some risks that you're taking. Right?

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And if you're joining me live and and you're hearing this, and some of this

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is resonating with you, I please feel free to leave a

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comment if you are one of those who has a really tough

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time making a decision and deciding, oh, I know that I need to

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change something in my business. And I've known this for a while, and I've been

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sitting on it for weeks or months because I'm so

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afraid of making the wrong decision. If that

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resonates with you, put decision making in the comments. I'd love

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to hear because I feel like this is something that so many of us

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struggle with. And I'm gonna share some examples of

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this here in a little bit. But the relationship building

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that you're building with your client or your customers, as well as the

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decision making and your ability to take risks, continued risks

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in your business, that is all based on your self confidence.

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Those who can make those decisions and who can

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display that self confidence tend to

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have better outcomes when they are in the process of

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negotiations. This is really important.

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Self confidence will allow you to show up as a

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leader and actually create influence

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over others, it will allow you to

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bounce back when you experience some sort

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of adversity or a challenge that comes

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your way. Right? So these are just some of the

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things that that are impacted in your business when we're talking

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about self confidence. And so that's why I wanted to do this four part series

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for you all because this really does

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impact your business. So many of us are out

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there seeking coaches who are talking about business strategy. Right?

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They're talking about What what kind of social media posting

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style do you need so that you get the most interaction, you get the most

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views, and the most like, or what kind of long

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form sales page do you need? And and what does it need to say? And

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they're focusing on strategy, strategy, strategy, But

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what a lot of coaches aren't talking to you about is the fact

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that so much of what you're doing in your business

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has to do with your confidence. Because if you're not able to

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make those decisions and show up as the

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leader and influence other when you're getting into those conversations with

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your leads and your potential clients,

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your long form sales page or how many times you're posting isn't

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gonna matter. None of that's gonna matter. Your social media

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strategy doesn't matter if you don't have

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the confidence to get into the conversation with somebody

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and show them that you believe in

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what you're offering, and you believe and trust in yourself.

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I wanna I wanna give some stories to this because I think

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I think stories really help kind of

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solidify what we're learning. Right? So one

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of the things that when we're talking about belief,

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we're also talking about the promises that we

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keep to ourselves. And I'm gonna get into that a little bit more

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in in week 3 when we're talking about how

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can we build up the confidence. Right? But one of

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those things is just keeping the promises to yourself.

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It could be simple. It could be in your daily habit, it could be that

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you're going to make your bed every day. It could be that you're gonna go

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to the gym 4 days a week. It could be that you are going

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to opt to eat a meal prep

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from home at least 5 or 6 days a week. It it can be any

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number of things. But whatever it is that you say that you're going to do,

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that promise that you make to yourself,

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the fact that you keep it, is part

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of building that self confidence. And I'm gonna get into

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that in week 3 because I really, really wanna speak to

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what the real game changer was for me in building

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my own self confidence. And I'm here to tell you, it wasn't

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about the fact that I started just fearlessly

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doing things. There was a lot of fear, but the number one

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thing was that I got really freaking consistent.

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and I did what I said I was going to do.

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So I want to talk a little bit real quick, I want to I want

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to share a story and and why this this is such a

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big thing. Back several years ago, I wanna say

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2013, I was doing freelancing work. I was doing bookkeeping. and some

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other kinda side gigs, some v VA work, what have

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you. And I had gotten into a

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contract with a business owner who You know, unfortunately,

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for this business owner, they had had some really bad experiences

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with some prior bookkeepers, and they unfortunately had

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even experienced theft. Right?

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So when they went to sign the contract with me,

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There was a lot of stories with this business

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owner that he had, and a lot of mindset around

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scarcity, he was really, really afraid that he was gonna get screwed over

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again. And I get it. Right? So

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He was pretty insistent that even though obviously we had

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a contract, I was not an employee, he asked that I

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work out of the office, He asked that I use his version

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of QuickBooks on a computer that he owned in his office,

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etcetera. I didn't love it, but I agreed to

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it because in some aspects, it did save me some money. It was one less

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account on my QuickBooks, and it was fine.

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So anyways, I had I was there. I had

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been there for several months. Things were were going okay. they

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were great. They were asking me to take on some additional tasks, which,

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again, I didn't mind. I was serving as somewhat of

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a manager for all of the project managers, which if

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if you don't know, I in my day job, I am a

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project manager And so this was one of

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my very early experiences, I

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guess, you could say, with project management. But this was with marketing project

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management very different than than what I do today and very

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different from my first introduction to project

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management back in 5 when I was

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helping with remodeling and building new

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government offices for the local government. Anyways

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so I you know, I didn't mind taking on those additional tasks

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that weren't just bookkeeping tasks. I mean, I'll charge you for whatever hours

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I need to charge you. Right? I will gladly invoice you at the end of

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the month for whatever additional work I may be doing. And

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so the problem was, again,

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they wanted me in the office and, you know, past a time in

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which I felt comfortable, I part of the reason why I was doing freelancing was

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because I needed to be available for my son, and I needed to be there

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for school pickup. And, you know and I I had other

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responsibilities. And that was one of the things that I

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enjoyed about freelancing.

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And so long story short, I had, like,

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frankly any good business owner should do even if you are

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in a really good contract, you should

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always still be prospecting. You don't ever wanna stop

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marketing yourself. k? I had

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been in talks with some other opportunities with some

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other business owners. And in that journey,

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I came across a business owner in which there was definitely a conflict of

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of interest. I did not realize that this was somebody who was providing

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services to the business owner that I

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was showing up at at his office. And so

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very long story short, You know, she approached me and said, hey, are you aware

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that there's kind of a conflict of interest here, and when she brought it up,

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but I said, oh, you know, okay. Well, 1st

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and foremost, loyalty is one

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of the values that I hold very strongly. So

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This is something that I will need to discuss with said

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business owner because even if

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we are able to to kind of go

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outside of this potential conflict of interest, obviously, I'm

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not fixing to leave anybody high and dry. That's just not the person that I

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am. Loyalty is very important to me.

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Loyalty and honesty, So I

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I knew that he was traveling for the next week,

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so I did go ahead and have a conversation

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with his vice president because I was like, hey, I want it to be

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made clear. I had I made a connection. We started talking about a

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contract and services. and come to find out there is some

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conflict of interest here in the work that they're doing for you and the work

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that I'm doing for you. And so very long story short, what I didn't

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know was that the that networking connection I had

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just made went ahead, even though she knew he was traveling, she

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reached out to him directly on his cell phone. and let him

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know that we had been in talks, etcetera. And, unfortunately,

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for me, due to the fear of what he had

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experienced previously with somebody stealing from him,

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and he was very upset. And so

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when upon his return from travel, you know, he pulled me into the office,

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let me know that my contract was ending. how upset he

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was. He no longer believed the invoices that

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I was providing and wanted to see details, which, of course,

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I said Great. I'm logging in to your

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computer in your office that I need a key to, I have to

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use your QuickBooks login for and your Windows

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login, your network login, you can see when I log in to your

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network, your IT guy can look at computer and

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see exactly what I did for every hour.

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You know, I know me. I know that I'm

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honest. I know that I'm loyal. I know who I am. I know

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what I've done, and I know what I've not done.

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If you feel you need to challenge the invoices, you

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have everything that you need to find to

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validate those right here in your own office. Right?

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Very long story short. He did not like that response and

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made it clear to me that he would let all of

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his other connections in town, all the

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other business owner connections that he had no to

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Never go into a contract with me, to not hire me for any services,

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and he would make darn sure that I did not work again in this

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city. And, obviously,

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that was I mean, it was upsetting. And I have to say as

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this this wasn't just being said, this was being, like,

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yelled very angrily. His face was bright red.

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I was just kind of in shock

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that this was the conversation that was even being had because I really

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felt like I had done everything I could do. I had

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been completely transparent. I immediately, when I

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realized who I was talking to and where the conversation was going,

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I notified them. You know, this there was no

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wrongdoing here. Okay? So then they

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were like, well, we need to escort you off

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the premises. And I was like, seriously? Okay. Now this is

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like a ten person office. Okay? I was

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like, okay. Well, so let me but that's cool. I

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can go out. I can get my car. In my car, I have the key

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card to the parking garage. So I'll need to bring my car back

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around, park on the street, and bring you the key card, and they were like,

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no. We're going to escort you all the way to your car

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You'll get your garage key card out of your car, you'll give

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that to us. We will meet you down at the garage exit to

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swipe your key card so that you can leave.

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Okay. Fine. Now mind you, this parking garage is a

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city block down and then across a main street,

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and then on, like, the we had to park on, like, the 4th or 5th

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floor. And I'm just like, oh, and it was raining. It

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was wintertime, and it was raining. And I was like,

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You're gonna walk me all the way to I was like, just

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look. There's I'm not trying to steal anything here. I will

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bring your key back in, like, 2 minutes. Nope.

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Absolutely not. Okay. Cool. So he has

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his vice president, a female, walk me out to my car, etcetera,

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Now here's where this is important. Here's where the

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confidence comes into play. Right? I

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had absolute belief and trust

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in what I was doing, what I had done, what I had not

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done, and what I had to offer. I also

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had absolute belief and trust in

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the network I had already been doing at to that point

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and the fact that I simply had

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managed to get myself into a little bit of a

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networking circle that didn't play out in my

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favor. Okay?

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So as I was being escorted to the garage, it

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was a long freaking walk. Okay? And I thought,

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I need to, you know, I this was a big contract for

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me. I need to replace this and quickly.

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And I already knew some conversations that I was in, and I'm but I

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was holding these people off, I honestly was kind of

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lacking and being very responsive because, again, I had a pretty solid

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contract. Right? So As I'm in the

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parking garage elevator with this VP,

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I'm calling my contacts. Yeah. Hey. You know, we

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talked we talked last week. Well, blah, blah. Are you still looking for a bookkeeper?

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How can I help you? Are you start making phone calls?

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And I sure enough get somebody who's like, oh my gosh. I'm so glad you

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called me back because, actually, I thought I

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had a bookkeeper, and as of this morning, I might not. Can

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I call you back this afternoon? Sure. Not a problem.

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Give me a callback. I'll let you know if I can help.

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And I was laughing because I'm thinking to myself, I

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just ended this conversation with this person who's trying to tell me that I'll never

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work in this city again, and I literally can just pull out my phone and

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make any number of phone calls. Right? because I knew what I was

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doing. I knew what I had. I knew what I could do.

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The next day, I had a new contract that actually

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was better than the one that I had just lost.

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But I knew what I had to offer, Right? I

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absolutely believed that I could show up, and I could

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help them with what they were needing.

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This is why your confidence mattered. I could have sat there and

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let this person completely tear me down and

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let this person tear down my belief and

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trust and suddenly believed that sure enough,

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I was never gonna work as any kind of bookkeeper in this town again

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and then end up trusting him that he's gonna follow through on his word

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and and call all his connections about me, which was

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frankly a little bullshit. But right?

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So I wanted to I've just I wanted to share that with you. This

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is about knowing who you

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are, and knowing that you can

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continue to persevere. k? So what

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are some of the barriers that you're gonna run into? Well, You're gonna run into

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some situations like what I just described. Right? Unfortunately, I thought I

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was just continuing to network in my business, I ran into

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a situation that got really sticky, really quick, and and I lost

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I lost what I thought was a decent contract, and that

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sucked and was scary. As a single mom, that was that was

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scary. Some other things, though. Again and I I

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honestly believe this. I know that this could be up for controversy,

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but I honestly believe this.

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I believe that the way

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He reacted, and the way he treated me

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absolutely had to do with the fact that I was a woman I don't think

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that conversation would have totally gone the same way if I had been a man.

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I really don't. No. I could be way wrong. I could be way wrong. This

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guy could just be a super hot head, which I do think he

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is. But I do wanna say one of the barriers that

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we encounter in self confidence is some of our

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gender stereotypes. Right? We've kind of always

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been led to believe that, you know, women

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Women aren't you know, women don't make as much. You know,

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women don't don't have the confidence to to

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show up and lead the way that met the way that men do. Women don't

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take on certain roles or positions. Right? So there's

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First of all, there's all those kind of stereotypes that tend to kind of

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keep us small. There's fear of

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failure. There's impostor syndrome.

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There's oh my gosh. All all sorts of things

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that can hold you back. oh, one of the things I

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forgot about, the other thing that can hold you back,

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is this belief that you're getting

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what you deserve Like, all of

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the external results that you're seeing are

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based on what you believe you're worth,

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and what you think you deserve. Right?

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So in other words, even if you

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are experience something in which you're doing really well and you're winning, you're

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still thinking to yourself, is this real?

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Is this really happening for me? Like, do people

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see that I actually don't know what the hell I'm doing right now? Right? Like,

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you kind of have this this this thought, this really

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tricky thought that says, I'm only I'm

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getting what I deserve. And

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so I can't, you know, I

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can't make a lot of money or I can't do this or

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that because I've never experienced that

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before, or because I'm not as

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good as someone else. Right? Like, we kind of have

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these tricky thoughts that think, well, I mean, I I I guess I

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got I got what I've earned before. So that's where

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I'm at. And it gets really tricky with us not even

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believing that we're winning when we're winning.

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Right? I'm curious what you think. If you're in the group, I'm super

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curious. What what are some of the areas

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in your business or your life where you feel like? Yeah.

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I'm really confident. Like I said earlier, I know what my

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values are. I know that If

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I say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it. Now it might take me

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a little while, but I'm going to do it. I know that I am

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loyal. I know that I'm honest. and transparent. Like, these are the

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solid things because these are my values. I am a 1000%

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confident in that. I'm a 1000% confident in And

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when I say to you, look, here's how I can

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here's how I can assist. I I am saying that

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from a place of absolute belief. So I'm

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curious. Share with me. And if you're if you're not watching this

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live, I want you to just take a step back. Maybe you can journal on

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it or think about it. Where are some of the areas where you feel most

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confident, and where are some of the areas where you feel least confident?

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And when you're thinking about those, Why is that? What is

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the barrier that's keeping you

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feeling that way? What are some of the barriers that you've encountered

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in your in your journey. So I'm curious and

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super curious as you're all thinking back through what

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are some of the ways in which you lack self confidence

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or you feel most confident

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And what were the barriers that created that?

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If you're in the Facebook group, Earlier this week, one of the things that

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I asked you was to think about some of the accomplishments that you had

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in throughout the week in which you had feelings

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of self confidence. And part of the reason why I was asking about

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that was because the self confidence isn't built

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in the achievement or the accomplishment,

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it's built in the process. and we're gonna get into

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that in week 3. So I would love for

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you to if you're in the group,

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Tell me some things that you feel really confident about right now in

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your business or your life, and tell me something that you don't feel

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confident about in your business or your life and what you think

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your barrier is in relation

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to that feeling of low self confidence. I'm

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super, super curious. I'd love for us to start

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identifying what those barriers are so we can start

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looking at them and saying, okay. Is this real? Is this just something that we

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were taught? What you know, what's going on here?

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because that self awareness if you were in my

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Monday mindset, that self awareness is one of

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the foundations to self confidence as well. Because without that self

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awareness, it's gonna be really difficult to believe and

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trust in yourself and your ability to achieve your

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goals that you say you're going to achieve.

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Alright. I think that about wraps it up for

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part one of our series on self confidence. I hope

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that you I hope that you really enjoyed this. because today, we

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know we basically talked about, okay, what is self confidence? Why it

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matters in your business? How it can impact your

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decision making, it can impact your relationship building,

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the importance of you believing in what

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you are offering and who you are

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and how that is reflected in your relation shipbuilding and the sales

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that you're able to make and why that's so important. We also

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talked about some of the barriers that we

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might encounter the fear of failure,

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the impostor syndrome, some of the scarcity mindset,

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even gender stereotypes, Those all come into

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play. Even the belief that

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I can only get what I deserve, and I don't feel like I deserve this.

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That plays into self confidence as well. And

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then lastly, if you're in the group, I hope

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that you do interact with these with the prompts that I've shared

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earlier in the week in thinking through some of the times in which you

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felt really confident, and that you'll share an area in

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which maybe you don't feel confident in your life for business right now, and what

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some of those barriers are because I want us to start

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Myth busting, if you will, some of those

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barriers so that we can start just getting them crushed

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out. Alright. Thank you all for joining.

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And if you're not in the Facebook group, get your butt over here,

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and we will see you next week for part 2, which will

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be about overcoming impostor syndrome.

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So I hope that you'll join me for part 2. Until next

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time, keep making Shift happen.

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Hey, Shifters. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode of a whole

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lot of shift. If you heard something today that inspired you or

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resonated with you, please head over to iTunes and leave us a review to

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help others as well. Your review helps me give as much

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motivation and inspiration as I possibly can. And don't forget,

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you can get all the outtakes bonuses, special live

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stream interviews, and much more over at a whole lot of shift Facebook