Who’s Shaping Your Mindset? Unpacking the Trusted Voice | 005

Hi friend, let's dive in. I know that we've already covered the map the trusted voice spilling tea and understanding how awareness creates access. So I wanted to circle back and close a couple of loops as we dive into Episode Five. And I just wanted to talk about how much access do we have to the people that celebrate us, and how much access do we have to people that don't right? So I just share that in saying, and I kind of wanted to recap from episode four, just to say, Are we hanging out with people who co sign for us to play small? Are we hanging out with people that CO sign for us to kind of talk trash about ourselves? Or are we hanging out with people that CO sign our greatness, or people that really amplify and celebrate who we are as human beings, which allows us to be more creative, and it gives us more access to ourselves. So I just share that saying I might create a whole another episode on that space. And if you haven't done that, I don't want to say worksheet, but if you haven't done that exercise yet, it's a really cool one to do, even if you're begrudgingly like, oh, I listened to it when I was driving and I'll circle back later. Circle back friend. You're going to learn a lot about yourself when you start to really write out and understand who you hang out with and how they make you feel. This goes back to like, normalizing dysfunction. If we're not aware of the way that we feel when we're around certain people, we just expect that that's who we are, or we expect that that's how everyone would treat us, and that's not true.

So let's circle back to those ideas. We also talked about how old patterns surface and who they're really connected to, versus understanding how do I build new intentional patterns that take me into the space that I'm trying to go into, right? And those are a little bit different meaning. If I'm used to beating up on myself, or I'm used to playing small and, like mundane and like foot before, foot, right, like step, step, and just taking the normal spaces, but I'm expecting this incredible outcome that kind of sounds like insanity to me, right? In order to get a different outcome, we have to do something different, which might mean we're going to hang out with different people, or we're going to hang out in different environments, or we're going to learn something new, whether it be something small or something big. Giving yourself access to new people in new environments kind of starts to change things. And I pause and say, I don't know if I'll disclose the whole thing here, but I hung out in a new environment this past weekend that pushed me well beyond my comfort. I'll save that for a different episode, but I just share that in saying it was fun. I didn't die, and I would definitely do it again, but it was very challenging for me, so let's go back into it. So this episode, Episode Five, we're going to talk about meaning, making and trust, and I just share that in saying both of these things are created by our maps, by our stories, by the T that spills from those stories. And speaking of spilling tea, I want to circle back on a really important factor around spilling tea that I didn't share last time that's really imperative on understanding it, and I'll alert you when I'm at that point.

So today, we're going to talk about we're going to talk about trust, we're going to talk about meaning making, and we're going to talk about the trusted voice and how it's all tied together. And I know that we already covered who the trusted voice is, but I really want to talk now about the power of the trusted voice and why it's so important understanding both perspectives. I also want to navigate through how to be gentle with yourself, how to be vulnerable. And I know that both of those might sound terrifying or fluid to you, either one. My goal here isn't around blame or shame, so I'm saying that early in case either one of those come up for you, if I share a scenario and it puts you into shame, or I share a scenario and you start to self blame. That's not the goal here, friend. The goal is just to create awareness around who we were being in those spaces before we understood them. Deal, deal. So I'm also going to dive into when we talk about the trusted voice, how aware are we of when we're being that space, so until we wrap our arms around us consciously and intentionally understanding who we're being and who we're modeling to other people. If I'm in the role of a trusted voice and I'm modeling my behavior. Or to someone else. Am I consciously modeling it, or am I just flippantly, unconsciously in the moment, not realizing what I'm teaching other people by being different versions of Jody? So in those spaces, it might make sense that people continue to repeat patterns, because we don't have any conscious awareness yet, but we're diving into that today. So allow me to also say this is the last thing I'm going to say before we dive into it, the trusted voice has this really powerful validity to it, meaning we believe the trusted voice regardless of its validity. So if somebody poured things into you that aren't true and you're still carrying them around today because someone taught them to you. Today is the day we're going to break through that space. So although we may have embodied patterns, beliefs, values, ideas, morals, or whatever it is from our trusted voice, right, or the trusted voices that raised us, I'm here to say we can unlock those spaces much like your map that shits editable.

So let's do a recap of the trusted voice. If this is your first episode, this is your first introduction into what it is. If it's your second, third or fourth or fifth, understand you've already learned what the trusted voice is. And this takes it to the next layer. So in the world of Jody, I think that we are all operating and we're using our subjective lens, which I call our map, to navigate through the world in the person that was responsible, or the collection of people that were responsible for creating that map for you as a child and a young adult, is what I refer to as the trusted voice. So the trusted voice is comprised of parents, teachers, coaches, mostly athletic coaches and healthcare professionals. And just to break it down a little bit more, when I say parent, I mean the primary caregiver. So that parent for you may have been a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a neighbor, a sibling, a solo parent, uh, whatever it is, right, that when I say parent, I'm saying that's the person that that primary, primarily raised you and or it's a role that you're currently playing for the people that you're raising. And so I just share this in saying when we're in the role of parenting, I want to focus today on understanding who do I become when I'm being a parent, right? So as we all know, I have two parents. Me. Jody has two parents, right? If you guys know, Gibb and kg, but I'm also a parent to two daughters.

So I share that in saying when I'm being a parent to my own two children. Who do I become when I'm parenting? So am I? And I'm just going to run through a whole bunch of different scenarios, and there's so many others, I'm just surfacing the ones that are super common, right? So when I'm parenting, am I frustrated, or am I the impatient parent, or am I the guiding one that's helping people through 1am I a gentle parent? Am I authoritarian, right? Or am I the one that has no rules? Am I open to everything? Or am I the parent that goes, no, no, no, no, no, don't tell me that. Or am I the one that screams at people, because this is the only way that I know how to communicate? Or am I ignoring like, what, what? Who do I become when I'm parenting, which might be different than who I become when I'm with my friends or when I'm whatever, and not that this is solely about me, right? Understanding when you're being a parent, or when you were parented, there's so many different versions of you as a parent, and there's so many different versions of you when you become the child, right? So I just shared that saying, Am I the parent that's also like, the fun parent, or am I the fun governor? Am I the one that's like, we don't have time for this? Or that's not funny, right? And so the invitation here is to understand, who do I become when I'm parenting, diving into the second layer, which is teachers.

Teachers also can wear so many different hats. So teachers could be instructors, facilitators, professors, educators. There's so many different ways to teach, and so I share that in saying when people are teaching, when you're the teacher or you're the professor or you're the instructor or facilitator, let's go back to those same things. Are you a hands on person that's giving them a practical approach, or is this a theoretical thing that I have to sit here and listen to you talk about it for 30 minutes before I'm allowed to try it right? What kind of a teacher are you and who do you become when you're teaching? Am I setting really high goals that might not be attainable for my participants, or am I just letting them try it once and then circling back and saying, Hey, let's try. Again, am I leading with experiential education, or do I need formal education, like, what Who do I become as a teacher, and how inviting is that for my participants? Do I make it fun, right? Or is it really inflexible with with zero movement? Is it really structured? Is it really disciplined. And I just share that saying I think that we all know we learn really well when we're in a fluid space, when we're allowed to flow and be creative and be open, and I want to say when we're allowed to mess things up, get really messy, and put them all back together, that's how we learn best. So I just share that. That's kind of when we talk about teachers, the third part is when we talk about the trusted voice.

The third part would be coaches. And I really lean into athletic coaches only because being an athlete for my entire life, I can share things and say my coaches really paved the way for the human being that I became today, and I'm not beating up on anybody that didn't play sports, right? Maybe you didn't have an athletic coach in your life, but you had some other kind of coach. Even now, there's all kinds of coaches, whether they're life coaches, executive coaches, financial coaches, there's all kinds of coaches we have access to. When I'm talking about the trusted voice, I'm really talking about that coaching presence, and I think it leans more with a kid into athletics, but I digress, but let's lean back into if I'm an athletic coach, am I demanding? Am I inflexible, or am I curious? Am I open? Am I modeling? Am I frustrated, right? Am I frustrated? Because I can see it in my own head, and I have this expectation that my players should be able to do this because it works on my map of the world, right? Like, why can't this kid perform this thing I've shown her 1000 times, right? Or am I a coach that's mocking you guys? I I'm pausing for a second, but I just share I just share I was at a volleyball tournament this weekend with my daughter, and I witnessed a coach mock a player. We're talking about 15 year old girls. Actually, the category is 15, so the girls are actually 14 and 15. When you see a grown man mock a 15 year old girl or a 14 year old girl for the way that she bravely attempted to play the game and the brave way she attempted to approach the ball, and this coach completely mocked her. I don't know if I wanted to throw up or if I wanted to get up out of my chair and go grab him and talk to him. I didn't do either. I sat in my chair because I definitely know my place, but it's like that that keeps me talking and that keeps me on this mic, like here's a little tiny girl who's 14 or 15 years old that's trying to play a game, right, that wasn't even that big of a deal, and has a coach that's mocking her. Imagine the stories that she's now telling about herself, and imagine how that now shows up on her map.

And I'm not beating up on athletic coaches right now, I just want to share it because also, there were also parents in the crowd that were saying crazy to their kids too. So let's be conscious of who we're being when we're in all these different roles, and what we're saying to our kids and our players and the people around us while we're witnessing the world, right? So I digress. Let's go back to the athletic coaches. Also, when we're coaching, are we curious? Are we intuitive? Are we creative? Are we making it fun, right? Let's understand who we're being while we're teaching a game. Hence the word, right? While we're teaching a game to kids, and I get it, a lot of these games have really high stakes. It's still a game, it's a sport, it's a discipline. Okay, let's move into the fourth thing. The fourth part of the trusted voice is healthcare professionals. And I share healthcare professionals saying I think that regardless if you are a doctor, a nurse, a pediatrician, a dentist, the ER, whoever, somebody in the ER or a mental health professional, coming from a medical lens, you hold a lot of weight in the eyes of a child and in the eyes of a lot of adults. So the things that mental health professionals share and or the things that health care professionals share about us as humans, definitely is embedded and anchored onto our maps. So that's why they're that fourth part of the trusted voice. And just to recap, it's parents, teachers, athletic coaches and healthcare professionals. These are the four sets of voices that become the trusted voice that a kid is led by. Let me finish sharing about when I talk about healthcare professionals, I just want to amplify this of the four of them. This. Voice is really loud. It's a really loud voice that resonates for a child a parent. It resonates for lots of people for a long time because of the level of authority we believe that it holds.

I share this in saying I know earlier on an episode, I was talking about by the age of 12, being 511, and I remember the commentary that my pediatrician would share with my mom while I was standing right there, that still lives on my map today. And again, this isn't like a woe is me kind of story, but I just share, like people talk shit about us around us and think that we're not embedding that into our map, which is wild to me, which is also why I'm sharing as a parent, a teacher, a coach or whoever, whatever role we're playing when we're around kids, the things that we say forever live on their map regardless of its validity. So I want to close this loop and sharing right now the health care professional professionals or field is really tuned into labeling kids, and so we're labeling kids really early, and we're giving them these labels that they're forever going to walk around with, because even if they develop themselves through that current limitation somewhere on their map, they still have this label anchored we're also labeling them. I mean, I've heard of parents around me saying they have five or six year olds who've been diagnosed with anxiety. And in my mind, I just want to pause and say, let's dive into this one. If we have a five or a six year old or a 12 year old or a 15 year old who's been diagnosed with anxiety, Can we pause for a moment and just also acknowledge a couple of things? What if we instead said, Hey, this kid is a product of their environment.

Maybe they have a lot of anxious energy in their home. Maybe there's a lot of anxious energy in their school. Maybe there's a lot of anxious energy in athletics, right? But understanding this kid is circling with a big emotion that nobody has explained to him how, how or why or when to feel. And so what if we, instead of labeling them, said, Hey, this kid has yet to learn how to access these really big emotions. And let me pause there and say, I know I offered you guys an update on the tea model and on the concept of spilling tea that I shared earlier. So I just want to circle back there now and say, Let's recap that too. So when I talked about spilling Tea, tea is an acronym, acronym, T, E, A, T stands for thought, E stands for emotion, and a stands for action, which means when I think a thought, that thought then invites an emotional component, it invites an emotional response, and then the byproduct of that thought and that emotion become the A or the action that I take. So the action is the outcome what I failed to share in the last episode about spilling tea is that a also represents behavior. So when we think about there's a thought, there's an emotion, and then there's a behavior. And of course, it would completely mess up the acronym if it was T, E, B, right? And so that action, that behavior is what's getting labeled. That behavior is what's getting medicated, which is insane to me, and it's what's pushing me to continue doing my research and my studies and use my voice and share all of this content, because that's the part for me that it completely behooves me. We have a kid that thinks a thought, right? So if a kid goes, Oh my God, holy shit, I'm going to be late for practice today, and my coach is going to kill me. Or, oh my God, holy shit, I can't find my homework. Or, oh my god, I forgot to clean my room, that's a thought.

That thought then invites an emotion. If the emotion is anxious, anxious is the emotion and then the byproduct, or the behavior that comes from, holy shit, I'm going to be late for practice, and this anxious is building. I might then experience a level of anxiety, but anxiety I anxiety, isn't something that I have, right? It's something that I do. It's a learned behavior. It's a learned pattern, and this ties in, because I always candidly say, like, anxiety is the byproduct of this spilled tea, and I'm candidly sharing that, saying, if you've been diagnosed with anxiety, I don't think that that's funny, like, that's not a candid space for me. I'm sharing this and saying it's a. Behavior that you've unknowingly walked yourself through. And I'm here to say I work with people every day and teach them how to pause this space or to how to dramatically slow it down so it doesn't overtake them. I also want to be in a space where, if we understand that anxious is a feeling right. We feel anxious. It's not an identity, much like happy is a feeling right. When I have people on come and hear me speak, I always say, Hey, do me a favor. Raise your hand if you've ever felt happy? People raise their hand, and I go, Cool. How many of you guys have been diagnosed with happiness? Happy is a feeling. We don't then get diagnosed with happiness. Anxious is a feeling. And until we understand the role that that's playing and the I'm candidly announcing the T that spills from those spaces, it's really hard to get in front of it, and so instead, what our current approach to mental health is is to just medicate the A medicate the behavior, and to jump a couple of lanes. We might have a kid that's defiant, we might have someone that's depressed. We might have all these different spaces. That's the outcome, friends, that's the end of the spilling tea.

The byproduct that comes out is the behavior that's that's why we're here talking about all of this, right? If we can start to understand if that's the byproduct or that's the end result, I'm turning this into a different space, right? If I'm making, if I'm making cupcakes, and it's inviting me to add a cup of oil, and I use motor oil instead of olive oil, my cupcakes are going to taste pretty different, right? The So, the byproduct, the end result, depends on the recipe or the ingredients that you're putting into the cake, right? And once I put it in the oven and I bake it, I can't then extract that oil, much the same that medicating this outcome doesn't change. It doesn't change its construct. It just masks its presentation. But if we went back and said, Hey, we didn't mean motor oil. We meant for you to put olive oil. And so if I went back and I edited the recipe and I put the right ingredients in, I would the byproduct would then be an edible cupcake, much the same than if I understood how I spilled tea. And I went back and re patterned the thoughts and re manage and relearn how to embody the emotion. I wouldn't kick out anxiety anymore. I would kick out a really manageable, maybe heavy, maybe slightly challenging, as I learned how to do it by product, right? I would get a different behavior than what I'm getting right now. I hope I didn't lose you guys on that DM me if I did. But I just want to share. Anxious is a feeling. It's not an identity. And so this is literally the exact stuff that I work with, with my clients. This is what I'm doing.

I also want to share, and I'm being gentle here with both spaces. There's two parts to our maps, right? There's two different perspectives to our our maps, and there's two different perspectives to the trusted voice. The Trusted voice, the first perspective is you in your own childhood, you listened to and you embodied the trusted voice. So if you take a moment and say, you can either do this mentally or write it out on paper, whose voice was I blindly following as a child, and what kind of energy did they bring to my map? And how do I know that everything they were sharing with me is true, and what edits do I think they would even make today that might help me process a little bit differently? And then, as they were adding to my map, did they raise my energy, or was I carrying a heavier energy for them that they really couldn't embody. Again, this is not about blame or shame. This is about building awareness. And so the second perspective, and I'm going to loop back, and this will make sense in a minute, the second perspective to the trusted voice is me as the adult, right? So that first one I just shared was what trusted voice raised me and created my map, and the second part is okay now as an adult, I am the trusted voice.

And so what kind of an energy am I offering to the people that I'm not even aware of are following my lead and understanding too? If people are creating meaning, making from what I'm. How aware am I of what I'm actually saying? How aware am I of the energy that I'm conveying? How aware Am I that when I'm frustrated, how is that landing on the people's maps that are following me? And I just want to say, whether you're a parent, the aunt, the uncle, the coach, or whoever, whatever role that you're playing, how you conduct yourself is how you're inviting the people around you to respond. I share that in saying I'm also being gentle here, often times our maps are created by people that are using broken pencils or dull crayons, or they don't realize that the state that they're in is immediately imprinting and anchoring stuff on someone else's map. I surface that in acknowledging I can tell you 1000 times over that I've done things for my kids with my broken pencil, and I've not been aware of it, or I've been aware of it, and I've created anchors on their map that I'm not proud of. I think we all have as parents, right? Whether I've shouted or I've said things or I've ignored their feelings because I was in my own or I've been different versions of Jody that didn't work for them and it didn't create the outcome that I intended. However, that's all I had access to in that moment, much like our parents did the same, right? So if we're all sitting here going, Man, my parents were crazy, all of our parents were crazy,

right? And so how do we say, cool, let me pause and acknowledge how my map was created, and then how I'm now leading other people with it. So when I shift between these two spaces and say, Well, I learned it this way, so this is the way I'm going to do it. Or, wait a second, I didn't like that part of my childhood, so I'm not going to share that part. And so this is about creating conscious awareness around whose pen Am I writing this story with or broken pencil, right? And how aware am I of the trail that it's leaving behind me? Or how often do I pause and say, Hang on a second. I think I need to sharpen my pencil. I think I need to tap out for a second and really take my own inventory before I imprint something on a kid that won't lead them to the direction that I'm leading them into. As I start to wind this down, I want to put a pretty bow on this conversation and say for any leader that is knowingly or unknowingly leading kids. People learn best. Kids learn best from a fluid, open space. They learn best when they're in spaces that are free from drama. They learn best in places that are free from fear. They learn best when they're free from intimidation or retaliation or embarrassment or shame or blame, or any of all the other things that we often unknowingly provide as leaders in our best attempts to help kids so kids become the future, people in the future, teams that we model to them. So every time we deal with the situation, we're making a statement about how we want them to deal with it. And anybody that you're leading right now now believes, hey, that's how we do it.

So if it's our emotions and we go, I'm just going to ignore my emotions. So will your kids? So will your team? If I go, Well, fuck it, these kids are pissing me off. I'm really super frustrated. I'm just not going to deal with it, or I'm going to start screaming. And then we watch kids model that behavior to their friends, right? So understanding who we're being takes a really cool role on the the reality that we're experiencing. I also want to share we have zero conscious awareness of who we're being in most times we're operating in all these different patterns, and we're we're not, we're often, often, there's no intention behind who we're being, unless we go, Okay, hang on a second. I'm a little bit rattled. Let me pause and take a break. So if we did something and we had zero conscious awareness, take a moment and step back and go. Let me take a breather right now that we know what we know, and we understand who we're being and when we're being it, and why and how we got there, we can now operate with conscious intention and say, hey, I want these kids to have fun at practice today. Or I want these students to super learn this this task, or this idea or this theory, and here's how I'm going to approach it. Or. Oh, this kid's super tall. Or I have somebody in my office that has all these really weird things. I'm going to sidebar with the mom about it, or I'm going to sidebar with the dad about it, versus announcing it to the kid, right? So, creating awareness around who I'm being and who I'm giving kids access to be around me, or the expectations I'm expecting from the way that I learned the world? Right? I'm going to pause and I'm going to kind of close with an analogy that I think that you guys will have fun with. Does anybody remember the first time that you learned I don't want to say, Do you remember the first time that you learned how to drive a car? Or do you remember the first time you drove a car? I remember vividly the first time I drove a car. I was driving a 1984 Impala, and I vividly remember trying to turn the radio up, and because my hands didn't realize I couldn't do two things at once, I turned the radio up and changed two lanes, and I think my dad was going to kill me. So I just share that in saying I didn't even know how to use my hands differently, right? So I think about today, if we're we're, if it's your first time driving a car, you get in the car there, you're like,

Okay, there's two pedals, and I have two feet, but I'm just supposed to use one foot for both pedals. I have to steer this car. I have to adjust my seat, I have to adjust my mirrors, right? I have to say, well, now there's cameras. So am I supposed to look at the camera, or am I supposed to look behind me? Or do I look to the left, or do I look to the right, right? What do I look like I'm putting my seat belt on. That's a lot to take in, especially when I'm going to take my my foot off the brake. I share that saying, I currently have a new human I'm trying to teach how to drive. But I share that saying, as soon as you take your foot off the brake and the car starts moving. Now, all these other things are happening right? So imagine being in the car and being 15 and managing all these different things and and understanding when you learned how to drive, how new it felt. Let's move to present day, and as embarrassing as it may sound, I don't think I'm alone in this. Think about all the things that you can do right now while you're driving your car, you don't even think about the things I just talked about, because those are all built in on default pattern, right? Not only can you steer and drive and put your seat belt on and back up and look at the camera and do all those things, you can also hold a coffee, send a text message, find your chapstick, yell at your kids in the back seat, return a text, switch on and rewind Jody's podcast. What she just say? Right? We drive with our knee, we respond to an email, and we might even be on the overhead, on the audio, on our car in the middle of a phone call, because we have to do 94 things at once, because that's what we do in today's world. Right? We've normalized doing all those things, and that's also just what's happening inside our car.

So when we think about we're doing all these different things, it isn't until that red ball rolls in front of your car that you're like, oh my god, right. And we stop, because then we're like, holy shit. I was distracted. I was in here doing 92 things, and now there's an emergency outside my vehicle. Thank God, it was just a ball, or maybe it wasn't a ball, maybe it was a leaf, but our mind's eye imagined that it was a red ball, but it created this whole different state for us. And we stopped and we were like, holy shit. I share that in saying, when you're coaching and you're leading and you're teaching and you're doing these things, whether you're the recipient of it or you're on the other side of it, how conscious are you of the default mode that you're in because you've done it 1000 times, yet you might have this expectation that that brand new, 15 year old, that it's the first time behind the wheel for them. Can do it the way that you do it today, and or maybe you're under someone else's leadership that's trying to lead you from that space, and they have zero awareness that you're currently the first the 15 year old. And maybe it's not driving a car, right? Maybe it's doing something at work, or it's learning whatever it is. Maybe you're the one that needs to go, Hey, time out. Can we back this up? Can we rewind because this is my first time sitting in this chair, so how do we create an expectation that says, Hey, hang on, and we pause as leaders and say, We're yelling at this kid to do all these different things, and the kids still trying to move the seat forward while we're we think they're barreling 90 miles an hour down the freeway right that our mind already has them all the way down the freeway. They're still trying to clip their seat belt. So how do we pause and say, Hang on a second. Can I help you find the button is the seat where you need it? Is your seat even adjustable? How do you know when you're good? And then can we move forward and or does what I make does what I said so far make sense to you? Do you understand this play, or what is it about this theory that stands out to you that doesn't make sense? And if it doesn't make sense and you can't clarify it for them, can you call in the ParaPRO or the assistant coach, or ask them to stay after after class or after practice, or do what you can to help bridge the gap, versus screaming at them or belittling them, or doing all these other things right, whether this happens to us or whether that we're the one doing it because we have these high expectations and pausing and saying, if I take an extra three minutes right here, this might change the next 10 years versus if I barrel over these three minutes, it also might change the next 10 years in the negative. So I share this in saying, when we become that superhero when we stop and pause and start teaching kids and adults this incredible layer of awareness, and when we have that level of awareness, we become the superhero in the story. We become the person who helped them affect change, and they become invincible. They then move forward with utter clarity. They become your rock star player. They become your standout student. They become invincible, and you are their go to person, all because we took an extra three minutes. I'm going to leave you guys with a couple questions.

How much more access do you gain from yourself when you're this kind of a leader and or who are you currently leading that you can provide more access to, or who in your own life has limited or stifled your creativity because of their impatience? And how do you then start to open that box back up? What crazy stories are you telling yourself around the way that somebody else, the trusted voice, showed up for you that's so outdated, much like your old flip phone that you would never even use yet, you're still running these old beliefs and old stories and old patterns, right? How do we step into those spaces and create some awareness around all that old shit. And the next one is understanding that what I just said, our maps are much like phones. It's okay to build new patterns. It's okay to go off roading. It's okay to go into an adventure, find some new shit, update your beliefs and find new parts of you that you've never even explored because you've stayed on this narrow path, because somebody else said you had to what if you started to feel your feelings in a different way, because you had all brand new stories, or you started to challenge your own stories, which challenged and brought forward some new thoughts? Your map is completely editable, just like the rest of your life is, and your incredible friend, I'm excited you're here.