The 3 Keys to Surviving the Holidays when You’re Single

Show up as the sovereign woman. Fuck single.

You're sovereign, and I hope that you are sovereign and you

are the same, pouring into yourself, listening to your

heart, listening to your inner guidance, listening to your

truth, whether you're married in a relationship, single,

polyamorous, frickin polygamous. But whatever your path may be,

may you always be a sovereign woman who puts herself first,

who chooses herself first, who takes care of and loves and

tends to and nurtures and plays with and connects, flirts with

herself first, and then bring that woman to the party. Guess

what? You'll be the most magnetic woman in the room, and

then everyone will forget that question of, are you single? And

you will just be in the experience, pulling other

people's hearts and souls into the experience too, and having a

magical time. You can change a whole room by walking into a

room from that frequency.

Hello. My loves. Kate Harlow here, welcome to the new truth

podcast. Happy holidays. I hope you are enjoying the holiday

season. I have to say, the holidays feel a bit different

this year. Although I was in Greece last year for Christmas,

I think I was in Costa Rica. I think I was actually in Greece

the last two years for Christmas in Costa Rica the year before.

So I haven't had a proper, you know, cold North American

Christmas in a long time. But here in Kenya, the malls are

very Christmassy. St Nicholas is coming, and, yeah, it's, it

still has a Christmasy vibe. It's just different. So, but

nonetheless, I wherever you are in the world, because I guess

some of you do have warm Christmases, and that's normal.

But Happy, Happy Holidays to you. I hope you're enjoying the

season. And as I shared last week, if you didn't hear last

week's episode on triggers, definitely go back and listen. I

think it's a very important one for all humans of planet Earth,

especially at this time of year, typically this time of year, our

emotions and our sensitivities are heightened for so many

reasons. You know, obviously the holiday time for the northern

hemisphere, hemisphere is very cold and dark and, you know,

often gloomy if you come from a place like Vancouver or Norway

or Amsterdam or somewhere that's that's more gloomy at this time

of year. And then, of course, it's the busyness of the season,

saying yes to too many things, pushing, doing, trying to wrap

up the year 10, you know, trying to wrap up all the business

stuff for the year, whatever you've got going on, if you have

kids being pulled in 10 million directions, and it's just a

wild, wild time of year. And then on top of that, whatever

trauma you might carry from your childhood around Christmas,

around families, maybe you've lost family members, maybe

you've lost your parents. It can be a very, very, very tender

time of year. So I am just sending so much love your way,

and my intention for this month is every week to give you some

sort of focal point for your heroine to thrive during the

holidays. Because really, every time we experience anything

that's challenging, there's the default way of doing it right,

which is just doing it how we've always done it, and expecting

the same, you know, expecting it to go how it's always been. So

if you're walking around carrying a story, like, I hate

Christmas. This is the worst time of year. This is so

stressful. You know, I hate being single Christmas,

whatever, whatever you're carrying with you at the

holidays, that's you creating your own reality. And we're

going to unpack that one today, because whatever you're

believing and whatever stories you're caring about this season,

you're bringing into it, you're bringing that energy into it.

And when you are when you learn to walk the path of the heroine,

which is the work that I do with women, really becoming the

heroine of your own life and your own story, and no matter

what those circumstances, learning how to walk through it

differently. Walk through it with power, with grace, with

love, with your heart open with your voice, activated with your

with your sensuality, turned on with your joy, turned on. Being

able to walk through any life experience from a different

place within yourself is absolutely possible, and this is

where we grow the most, when we take and you've heard me say

this so many times, but when we actually take responsibility for

our stories and for our lives and for how it's looking so

right now, if you feel like, Oh, I'm so miserable, maybe I should

go on antidepressants, this time of year is so miserable, and

you're starting to go down that winter northern hemisphere

speaking to you the winter slope, or the this time of year

slope, or you're starting to slide down and feel overwhelmed

and feel exhausted and just be hitting empty. The first thing I

have to say to you is, how are you tending to yourself? How are

you caring for. Yourself, are you listening to your heart, or

are you just saying yes to things from your mind? Because

if you are making all your choices going against your own

inner compass, you will experience a ton of anxiety and

overwhelm and exhaustion. But the reality is your body's

communicating to you, and your body will tell you what's a yes

and what's a no, and all you have to do is create some

spaciousness and listen. So one of my favorite sayings that came

to me one time when I was really in a hurry and I was very

overwhelmed, my nervous system was flooded, and I was driving

my boyfriend at the Times New car, and I was rushing to get

home for a group coaching call, and I scraped our car, his new

Tiguan around a pole in our parking lot, in our underground

and the irony is, it's like it was a time of day where there

was barely any cars in there. It was normally a very tight

underground, but actually had more space than normal, but

because I was in a hurry, I wasn't present, and I misjudged

the parking spot, and I scraped the side of the car on the on

the pole, his brand new car. He had had it for a week, and as

soon as that happened, I heard of a part. One half of me

panicked and freaked out, called him crying, and the other half

of me, I heard this voice that said, when you're in a hurry,

slow down. So that's the medicine for this time of year

right now, saga, saga. They have a saying in Greece, it goes like

this, saga, saga. And they have a saying in Kenya. It goes like

this, pole, pole. And they say it all the time. If they ever

see anyone rushing. Except in Greece, they drive really fast.

Also in Kenya, a lot of people drive fast, but I'm talking

walking, or if you're like, trying to get somewhere, going

somewhere, you're frantic about your schedule, or you're frantic

about getting a result, or you're just trying to rush,

anything in life. In both Greece and Kenya, they'll say, hey,

Sega. Sega. It's no big deal like let it unfold slowly. Poli,

Poli, same thing in Kenya. So it's interesting, because in the

Western world, we don't not have a saying for going slow, right?

It doesn't even exist in the English language, slowly,

slowly. People are all just in the future, 10 steps ahead of

where they are, and thus missing everything. So slow down, create

some spaciousness, and really listen to your yeses and nos so

you can get clear that you're actually saying yes to what is

truly a yes and saying no to what's a no. So of course, this

episode isn't about overwhelmed, but I'm speaking to this first

because it is such a big thing that people experience at this

time of year, is overwhelmed. And I experience it. Gosh, every

time I go back to North America, I feel like, all of a sudden I

become North American, and I jam my schedule full of friends and

connections and coffees and squeezing this in and squeezing

that in, and squeezing in a yoga class, and it's like, holy crap.

It's just it's in the energetic field there. So there has to be

so much intention to ground yourself and to actually feel

your body and come home to the present moment and come home to

that inner compass. So you know what's a yes and a no. So create

some spaciousness at this time. No matter how much you have to

do, remember nothing. Nothing is a have to you always can change

your mind, but where are you changing your mind from? That's

the thing you want to check in with. So the three keys to

surviving the holidays when you're single, you know, this is

such a hot topic. And someone, someone sent me a reel this

morning that was, that was funny. It was a guy, and he it

was so good. He was like. He was like, Okay, I don't I feel like

guys don't get this question, like women do. But anyways,

maybe he was mocking it up for women. But basically he was

like, you know, I'm really sick of that question. Why are you

still single? He's like, I'm not going around asking you, why are

you still married? And then he goes on this huge tangent about

how most married people are actually miserable and, like,

dead inside and blaming their partner and wanting something

else, or, you know, fighting or repressed feelings, repressed

aspects of themselves. He didn't say it like that. I can't

remember. It was really just a spoof, but it was awesome. And,

you know, I used to say that to clients back in the day, when

they'd be like, I'm so sick of people asking me why I'm single.

And I was actually, I think I did a reel. Hey, I'm gonna

scroll back. I'm pretty sure I did a reel when I was living in

Vancouver. I think it was during covid that someone said, why?

Yeah, I did. Oh, it's just coming back to me right now. I

did. I remember where I was when I recorded it, my friend

Christina's house. My friend recorded me playing two

different characters, and the one character was like, Oh my

God, you how are you still single? You were such a catch.

You were such an amazing woman. I don't understand. Can I set

you up with someone like, how are you still single? And then

it turned to me as the other woman, and I had a hat on and

sunglasses, and I was like. Why? How are you still married? I did

it. Oh my gosh, that's so funny that I forgot till this moment.

Anyways, you're living it. Live with me here. So I started that

this guy has, like a million followers, but I did that real a

long time ago, but it's so true. You know, people treat

singleness like it's a disease, it's something to be cured, it's

a problem to be fixed. And you know, that's just part of the

script. It's just, you know, you're either here to live the

scripted life, or you're following Kate Harlow and

learning how to be an unscripted woman. And my book's coming out

soon, and that's going to help you on the journey, and the

podcast will help you in the journey, but literally, you

either live the scripted life that is a prescription that

somebody else laid out for you, that is fucking miserable and

empty, because that's not you. That's not that magic of your

soul. It's not doesn't mean you're not going to have some of

the components from the scripted life that we've been taught to

have, but if you're just buying into the whole script of what

you're supposed to look like, who you're supposed to be, how

your life's supposed to look, what things you're supposed to

achieve by what age, what boxes you need to check, what your man

needs to be on paper, blah, blah, blah, if you were

following that thinking any aspect of that's going to make

you happy, that is a long, Empty, empty life, and what is

available to you is living a life that's from from guided by

the Divine orchestration of what your soul is here to experience

and listening to the call of your soul and your heart,

because your body is telling you what is for you and what is not

for you in the present moment and so but if you buy into this

script, it's so. So the first key to surviving the holidays

when you're single is spend some time cleaning up your stories.

My vision for you, sister, my vision for you is that you walk

into every party and every social event you go to, every

Christmas dinner or Christmas event that you attend this

season as a single woman, that first of all, you fucking burn

that label about being single. Who cares you're not like your

your relationship status is not your identity. It is not it has

nothing to do with the essence of who you are. How many women

the world doesn't know her actual essence and magic of who

she is, because they just see her as Bob's wife. Like there

was a time when women didn't even have a place in the world,

and we were just Bob's wife and Frank's wife and John's wife,

right? We didn't even have names. We were just the one in

the kitchen doing everything bitter and resentful, and had no

place in the world and couldn't vote and had no bank accounts

and couldn't has have businesses or purposes, like, we're living

in a different time. You have freedom. You have choice now and

whether you're married, because probably some of you will listen

to this episode that are not single, or you're in a

relationship or you're single, fuck the label, like, why do we?

We live in this world that constantly wants to put labels

on us, which means we are in a box. Oh, you're a vegan. Like, I

was a vegetarian for like, 25 years, but pescatarian, I need

fish. But then I had an acupuncturist that highly

advised me, because I was having some major health challenges, to

start eating meat. I tried in Greece, it didn't go very well,

but I, like, slowly introduced it, and then I've been doing it

in Kenya, and it's going great, and I feel amazing. And it's

like, really changing my body. And so, like, I could be so

identified with being a pescatarian. I was never a

vegetarian, because I always ate fish, but I could be so

identified with that, or I could just be me, and people would be

like, Oh, are you a vegetarian? I'm like, No, I'm Kate. Like,

I'm not even that. I'm just me. I mean, even my name I changed.

It's like, you do not have to identify with the label. And

here's been my experience is the more and more and more I

untether from the script of who I've been taught to be, and all

of these labels and identities and all of this conditioning of

what my life's supposed to look like, the more I start to unlock

who I really am and root into this place of just being me

who's always changing and evolving like I don't know who

I'm going to be two weeks from now. I'm just me right now, and

I even eat meat this week, like I had chicken today. I didn't do

that, you know, a week or a month ago, right? I live in

Kenya. I didn't eat I'd never even been to Africa two years

ago. Like, there's, I don't know who I'm going to be in the

future. And what the letting go of the label does is it allows

us to be free, to follow our hearts, to follow our truths, to

let our lives change, because change is where growth happens

the most. We're so your saboteur, ego, mind and little

girl, little wounded girl, are terrified of change. No, no.

Everything has to stay the same. I have to be safe. My safety is

in me staying in this house. My safety is in me being in the.

Relationship, even though I'm not happy, my safety is in this

external thing. The reality is, your safety is in you, listening

to your heart and following it. That's when you'll actually walk

through the world feeling safe. You won't feel fear all day

long. If you are following your own compass, that's true safety.

So coming back to the label, if we just identify so strongly,

like, if you're like, oh God, notice how often you would you

identify with this label of being a single woman, do you get

afraid of going to weddings and being the only single person?

Are you like, oh God, another Christmas party where I'm the

only single person is, I'm here to tell you my love. You are

you, and when you're living from your heroine, the wildly

expressed woman who's no longer subscribing to pleasing everyone

else and making sure the world around her accepts her, but you

wildly accept yourself, your truth, your sovereignty, who you

really are.

You're just you. You're gonna go to the wedding, and you're gonna

have a better time than anyone else when you just accept you.

But if you go to the wedding with all, or, should I say,

Christmas event, because I guess this is about Christmas. You go

to the Christmas party with all these stories about feeling

shame about being single, or that you've got to find a guy

because you don't want to be single anymore. This was me. I

couldn't be single for five minutes, and I would like do

everything to find a guy, and then I'd find a guy, and then

I'd sabotage the crap out of it after about six months, because

I was so insecure, because the part of me choosing it was

insecurity. If you are uncomfortable with being single,

that is a little girl who's been brainwashed and a saboteur who's

been brainwashed to believe there's something wrong with you

if you're not in a relationship. Do you know there have been so

many studies that women over 40 who are single are the happiest

people in the world, and if and they look at the same study for

men, the happiest men in the world are married men, because

someone else does their laundry. They don't have to worry about

booking their dentist appointment. They have

everything taken care of. You know, obviously I'm generalizing

here, if they're married, but I imagine that's why married men

are so happy, because they can chill. They got someone looking

after them. But women are happy or single. That's the real

truth. And you know, I think of I've said this before, but like,

how many single women say to me, Kate, I'm so lonely. I just want

a partner. I'm so lonely. It's like, My Love, you're lonely

because you're not home inside of your own heart. You're not

living from the core of who you are. Because there, I have to

say, there are a lot more married women laying next to

someone lonelier than you are, because that's the most lonely

feeling in the world, when you're laying next to someone

and you feel so disconnected and so alone, even though you share

a bed, even though you may have dinner together every night,

just because someone's in a relationship doesn't mean that

feeling of loneliness goes away. Loneliness only occurs when we

do not belong to ourselves, when you are not rooted in your

truth, in your heroine, and if you're like how do I do that?

Join me in one of my programs, the wreck, the immersion is now

officially sold out for 2026 you can get on a wait list for 2027

if you want. But the reclamation is a 497, self study program,

and I am doing it live in January. So there's a self study

program that you have lifetime access to, and you can join me

live and a group of amazing heroines that all take

responsibility for themselves in their lives, if you want to

learn how. But the most important thing is that first

that you're willing to let go of the story that there's something

wrong with you that is a program. Your mind is like a

computer and somebody, many buddies, not just somebody,

there have been many places and people who have programmed your

mind to believe that as a woman, you need to be in a

relationship, and not just a relationship, you need to be

married, oh, and also you need to have kids. Oh, and in Kenya,

you need to be Christian too. I had an Uber driver the other day

ask me if I was married, and I said no. And then he said, Do

you have any children? And I said no. And he said, Oh. And

then 10 minutes later, it was super quiet, and then he goes,

Are you a Christian? And I was like, No, I'm an unscripted

woman. And I just, like, went on a tangent. It was hilarious. I

think he was short circuiting. But like, we have been

programmed who to be that's not your soul. Your soul doesn't

give a fuck if you're single or in a relationship. Like, there,

of course, there's, there's relationships you're meant to

experience where you're going to express your soul. You're going

to grow. You're going to face all your traumas and triggers.

They're going to come up. And if you know how to be in healthy

relationship with yourself and another, you will grow through

those triggers and deepen in intimacy and have a beautiful

relationship. Yes, absolutely, there are soul mates for you all

over the world. When you're a mate to your soul, you'll you'll

meet soul. Mates everywhere you go, not just a man or a romantic

partner, but there are mates to your soul everywhere, when

you're home inside of yourself. But the most important thing is

that you let go of this story, that there's something wrong

with you, that you're single, or even the label. Why must you

carry that label? You like? Just challenge yourself. You know,

I'm in a place now where I'm so rooted that nobody asks me that

question, how are you still single? I mean, maybe they don't

think I'm a catch anymore. Now I'm just over the hill, but, but

seriously, nobody asked me that. Nobody ever says like, Oh my

God, how are you single? Because they just see me as Kate. It's

like when I'm in a relationship, I'm Kate. I'm the same when I'm

with someone, I'm Kate, and the same as possible for you, you

don't have to separate yourself from everyone else, right? And

what's underneath that is, is the fear of not fitting in, the

fear of not belonging. And what's underneath that is the

fear of not being good enough, because if you're not fitting in

and belonging like everyone else is, according to your saboteur,

right? The perception that everyone else is belonging

because they have a partner and they're all part of a club,

right? I remember feeling this. I remember feeling like a loser

and being around couples and being like, oh my god, everyone

thinks there's something wrong with me, and underneath that is,

I think there's something wrong with me. And underneath that is

a little girl believe she's not good enough to have love or to

have a partner. There's layers. So clean up your stories. And

I've given this exercise so many times, but like, start by just

like, What are my stories? Vent your stories that your saboteur

carries about being single. Vent them out. What are all the

stories I'm a loser because I'm single. People are judging me

because I'm single. I've been single for 10 years. I'm gonna I

don't want to be alone forever. I'm lonely because I'm single.

What are all the stories that you're believing? And then try

and dig a little bit deeper, what's underneath that? How do I

feel? What am i What's the meaning I'm making of this? What

am i Believing about myself because of this, that will be a

blueprint for your wounded self. That is, that is the Wounded

Little girl in your saboteur, that is your conditioned mind

telling you all these stories. And when you walk out into the

world and everyone's like, Oh my God, how are you single? Can I

set you up with someone and they're playing that script? I

mean, first of all, just think of it as a script that's

helpful. But also, you know, think of it as they're just

saying the only thing they know how to say based on what their

conditioned mind was taught as well those people that those

comments don't actually mean anything except they're a

reflection of how much somebody else is in the old paradigm, of

how much somebody else is believing their brainwashed

thoughts. Right? Notice yourself when you're around single women.

Do you say that? Clean it up and start to look at yourself as

just you. Whether you're single, married, in a relationship,

you're you, you're you, and the more you you become, the more

you follow your heart, the more you go in your own way, the more

you trust yourself, the more you trust those those impulses and

say yes to what's a yes and no to what's a no in your body, the

more you'll you will, like, naturally stop caring about this

stuff, like I used to care so much. I remember living in

Australia. I was 21 I moved there for a guy. We broke up

after two months, because it was not good. It was total fantasy.

I think I've told that story before, the Ugg boots story

where he sent me Ugg boots, and, oh my God, it was crazy fantasy,

so, but I moved there for him, and fell in love with Australia.

Wanted to stay. And then eventually I had this I think

there was like maybe six months that I was single, and I

remember, like, I worked in a pub, and all my friends that

worked in the pub had relationships, all of them, they

were all couples. And I was like, Do you have any single

friends? Do you have any single friends? Are there gonna be

single guys there? And I remember asking constantly. I

was desperate to be in a relationship. Being single was

so uncomfortable, and then I just get into a relationship

and, like, cling to that till I'd sabotage the crap out of it

because I was so insecure. And then I get into another one, and

it was like Tarzan just jumping from relationship to

relationship because I was so uncomfortable with being single.

But what I was was actually uncomfortable with myself

because I wasn't home. I wasn't home in myself. That's all that

was happening. So fast forward to my life here. This is

interesting. I didn't think about this till now, but every

single woman that I've met here moved to Kenya for a man, for

her husband, because he got a job here, or his business is

here, or he wanted to move here, or they wanted to move here, but

they all moved here in relationship, or they fell in

love with a man who was here. I'm like the only person. I

don't think I've met one other person that moved here for their

own heart, for their own truth, just because they loved Africa

and loved Kenya. Isn't that interesting? And I'm noticing

I've been to a few like. Gatherings, housewarmings,

parties, and I'm noticing almost every single person is coupled,

everyone's married, everyone has kids, Kenyan people, the non

Kenyan people I found I've met a few divorced Kenyan women, which

is amazing,

but also it doesn't really matter, like, and it's cool to

sit here and share this, because I'm noticing, like, wow. Old me

would have been like, oh my god, I'm the only single person.

Like, when I'm at Ola pangi doing the artist in residence

program every weekend, I make all these friends from Nairobi.

It's cool, because now I'm gonna make friends, and I live in

Nairobi, so that's cool. But last year, I made all these

friends, and they were all couples, all of them, 100%

nobody came by themselves to olapangi. It was like, couples

and families and and and yet, now I don't even notice. I'm not

like, oh, like, I make jokes that I'm the third wheel and my

friend, my friend Rose's relationship. But I don't care.

I'm not actually like, oh my god, I'm single. Like, Oh, how

awkward, how uncomfortable, because I'm home. So the answer

is, come home. Et phone home. Come home. Clean up your

stories. So that's the first step. Is to like own what am i

Believing that's keeping this alive inside of me? Because if

you're believing all that stuff, that means you are living from

your saboteur, if you are consistently experiencing

anxiety about being single and wishing you had a relationship,

which is an escape fantasy, because the reality is from a

divine soul perspective, when you're home in yourself, what

you're meant to experience will come to you when the time is

right, when you're ready for it. In the divine moment, you

attract the partners that you're meant to experience. Whatever

next lesson you need to learn in relationship doesn't mean it's

going to last forever, but you will attract a relationship when

it's the right time for you, that when you're home, inside of

yourself, there's a there's a knowing, there's a feeling of

just like, not just with relationships, everything,

everything comes in divine timing. We don't have to control

anything, actually, but we've been programmed to believe we

have to control everything, right? So all of our insecure,

fear based, conditioned minds and little wounded girls are

trying to control love, trying to control what our story looks

like and how it goes but my love, that is the last thing you

want to do if you're working on overtime, trying to control your

story and wishing you had something that you don't right

now, you are missing the life that you're meant to experience,

and that scripted life that you've been programmed to want

and to create from your mind is empty. It's only full and

meaningful and intimate and deep and rich if it's come to you

divinely, right, if you have controlled every step of the way

to get that perfect on paper life that you were told you're

supposed to have from all the movies and all the love songs

and all the programming we've had, if that's what you're told

you're supposed to have, and that's what you go get. But you

control it. You make it happen. You force it to happen. You will

never be satiated in your soul from that storyline, but the

storyline you get to experience from the other side, from being

able to walk through life and just trusting one moment at a

time unfolding one part of your story unfolding at a time, and

listening to your heart and saying yes to what's a yes right

now today, you don't have to know what you're going to say

yes to. Five years from now, you don't have to know what your

life's going to look like. And in fact, and in fact, you won't.

I've said this before, that one of my favorite lines I saw

recently, David J white, the poet. It was a video of him from

the 70s. He said, How do you know you're on your soul's path?

Well, the path disappears. That's how you know you cannot

see the path, right? But your saboteur wants to control

everything and see the path, because we've been taught this

is the life you've got to have, and if you don't have it, you're

not worthy, you're not livable, you're not good enough, and

you're gonna have to feel the pain of that. So you better go

get that thing. You better go make that life happen. But let

me tell you, I've done leg work. I've worked with a lot of women

who have woken up crying in their closet one day, because

they did it all. They achieved everything they ever wanted, and

they woke up one day and realized none of it was theirs.

None of it was what they wanted. It was what they've been told to

want, and that's why they feel so disconnected and lonely, and

even if, even if you're in an aligned partnership, even if the

life that you have is a good one, if you are not home and

connected to your own soul and your own heart, you're not going

to feel any of it. You're not going to experience it in the

way you would when you follow your truth. So the first key to

surviving being single is fucking burn that story that

you're single, that there's something wrong with you, that

you're different than other people, that there, that it's a

temporary state. You're just you and who you are with and what

your relationship status is. Your relationship status is

actually irrelevant. I want to know your soul. When I meet a

woman, I don't give a fuck if she's married. Bless her heart.

I'm swearing a lot today. Am fired up, fired up. But I don't

care if a woman's married or in a relationship or single or

lesbian or whatever. It doesn't matter. I want to know the magic

of your own soul. And because I live for mine, I'm pretty good

at pulling the magic of women's souls out of them and their

hearts and cracking their hearts open. That's what I do for a

living, but I also do it every day, everywhere I go, because

that's the gift of living from the truth of who you are. You

will pull that out of other people, not with energy and

work, but actually naturally. So clean up your stories. NOTICE

like where you're feeding the story and believing there's

something wrong with you and walking into every party with

this discord of who you are, and number two is become a mate to

your own soul, so that everywhere you go, you're not

temp you're not in a temporary state, you're not missing

anything. You're not trying to get something from someone else.

You're not comparing yourself to other women that have something

that you don't have they don't. I can guarantee you, if you

become a mate to your own soul, you're ahead of most women, or I

would say deeper than most women, because most women aren't

a mate to their own soul. They might have a perfect on

Instagram life, but most women don't even know their own souls.

Most women are on antidepressants or anti anxiety

medication, just numbing the anxiety, because they've been

ignoring their soul signals their whole lives without even

knowing it, because the program taught us to the patriarchy

taught us to everything teaches us to be separate from

ourselves, as opposed to deeply rooted and connected with

ourselves. So number two is become a mate to your own soul,

activate your own energy. So before you go to any Christmas

events, family events, friends events, work events, activate

your energy. Do some practices that have you connect like

before I did this podcast, and those of you that know me know

my know I do this all the time, and I share it all the time. I

sing and sometimes I dance, sometimes I meditate. Today I

did. I sang love songs, actually, and I just sang for

like an hour, and every good so I kept getting another good

song, and I kept being like, okay, at the end of the song,

I'm recording because I have an appointment at six o'clock and

I'm I started recording, or I wanted to start recording at

four o'clock. And so I kept thinking, Okay, once this song's

done, then I'll do it. And then another good song came on, and

then another good song came on. And I was just having the time

of my life singing. So before you go to these parties, connect

with what activates your soul, what is fun for you to do, what

lights you up? What has you feel good? Maybe it's yoga, maybe

it's singing, maybe it's dancing, maybe it's breath work,

maybe it's meditating, maybe it's walking outside in nature

and just like being with the trees and smelling the crisp

air, but find something that like fills you up and connects

you to your heart, your soul, your body, the present moment.

This is like going to be life changing. Do this before you go

on dates, too, but definitely, definitely do this before you go

any Christmas events, so that you're present at home in your

body so you show up at that event, not as a single woman

who's like broken or the single woman who's desperate for a

boyfriend, or the single woman who has something wrong with

her, or the single woman who's ashamed of being single and

pretending she's not, but you go to or the single woman who's

anxious and drinks her face off to numb all The pain she feels,

and then feels horrible and worse the next day. You do not

need to do that. Show up as the sovereign woman. Fuck single.

You're sovereign, and I hope that you are sovereign, and you

are the same, pouring into yourself, listening to your

heart, listen to your inner guidance, listen to your truth.

Whether you're married in a relationship, single,

polyamorous, frickin polygamous, whatever, whatever else is out

there, there's probably more. I'm sure there's a lot more, but

whatever your path may be,

may you always be a sovereign woman who puts herself first,

who chooses herself first, who takes care of and loves and

tends to and nurtures and plays with and connects, flirts with

herself first, and then bring that woman to the party. Guess

what? You'll be the most magnetic woman in the room, and

then everyone will forget that question of, are you single? And

you will just be in the experience, pulling other

people's hearts and souls into the experience too, and having a

magical time, you can change a whole room by walking into a

room from that frequency. So own your frequency, activate your

energy, and become a mate to your own soul. So that you don't

need anything from anyone. You don't need someone to tell you

you look great in that dress. You chose to wear to the

Christmas party. You don't need anyone's validation. You don't

need to get someone's number or have someone hit on you for you

to feel worthy. You don't need people to set you up with other

people. Whatever the whatever your stories might be, these are

stories. Burn the stories activate your energy, become a

mate to your own soul, because so much more as possible. From

this place, can you feel it like you're already turned on? You're

already lit up, you're already connected, not in a fake way,

but literally grounded and rooted. Self pleasure yourself

before you go like turn on. Your heart's turned on. Your sacral

is turned on. Your your body is turned on. You're present in the

moment. You are the most mesmerizing woman in that room,

and that's how you fall in love with your own soul. You're I've

talked to so many women lately who are like, who have this

feeling of, like, I remember having this feeling of when I

started falling in love with my own soul, like, longing to be

with myself and being in relationship and being around a

partner, and then being like, Oh, I can't wait till he goes

away, or till he's gone, so I can just spend some time with

me. Like, that's the beauty. Most single women, you know,

they might be like, oh, yeah, I'm really independent. I always

spend time alone. I have no problem being alone. I hear

women say this all the time, and I say it in that burly voice,

because it's guarded. It's not like they're present with

themselves. They're alone, but they're like, on their phone,

they're on Instagram, they're on Tik Tok. They're not really with

themselves, or they're drinking wine and numb they're feeling,

or they're watching Netflix over and over and over again. That's

not being home, that's not being present, that's not being with

yourself, that's being by yourself. There's a difference.

There's a big difference by yourself is disconnected and

longing for validation in other ways, or distractions or

disconnection or numbing agents. You don't need to numb anything

when you're home, when you're a mate, to your own soul. So

that's key number two, and then. And as you can see, these each

one, they build on each other, because number one, the clean up

your stories is like clear the gunk first, then activate your

own energy field by coming home to your soul and lighting

yourself up, turning yourself on, getting connected to

yourself. Then when you go to that party, flirt with everyone,

even if it's your family. And I don't mean flirt in a sexual

way. I mean flirt like children do, let yourself connect like

how I do in Kenya. I had a, oh, I think I told this story

already last week, damn it, the Uber driver who was super shut

down, and by the end of the drive, he asked me if I would

marry his son. This is like my daily interactions, like my my

my goal is just to connect with every person with love and be

playful. And I'll often just say Naku panda Sana to to you know

someone at the coffee shop, and that means I love you in Swahili

and and it makes people laugh, right? So, so show up at the

party, and rather than being guarded me like, Oh, I'm single,

are they judging me? Do they think there's something wrong

with me? Do I need to get drunk and hit on that guy so I feel

worthy for a second, and then I feel like shit the next day? No,

you don't need any of that. Stay rooted in yourself. Don't go

home with anyone. Stay rooted in yourself. Feel your feet, feel

your the crown on top of your head. Walk into the room turned

on, lit up own that fucking room, and then connect with each

person with curiosity, with your heart open, even that guy you

hate at work or the the annoying woman named Susan. Sorry to all

the Susan's my I'm my favorite auntie, auntie, and one of my

favorite humans on earth is named Susan. But just came

through right now, the woman that you can't stand at the

office named Susan, or whoever it might be, go up to them,

flirt with them, to connect. Like, Hey, how are you look

amazing. But don't lie, you know, like, Oh, I love that

color, or I love the sparkles in your whatever, like, find

something that's true and connect and flirt and be open

and experience and get curious and ask deep questions that

you've never asked before, and you will experience a totally

different reality. So my goal for you, my desire for you, my

intention for you this holiday season is that you're not

surviving being single burn that title that was just to get you

in the door, that you are thriving as a sovereign heroine

rewriting the story of what the holidays look like. If you're

feeling stressed and overwhelmed and exhausted, you need a lot

more bubble baths, a lot more spaciousness, a lot more yin

yoga, a lot more even just moving slower when you're in a

hurry, slow down. We can't experience our own sensuality

and our own pleasure if we're in a hurry. So if you want to

connect with your heroine and you want to be that single

sovereign queen that walks into the party or into the dinner

with your family, where everyone's like, Oh, there she

is, single again at 43 years old. Like, if you want to

rewrite that fucking story, you have to take responsibility for

your energy, be curious, and allow something new to come

through by you being. Different bring a different version of

yourself home. Bring a different version of yourself to

the party, to the grocery store, to every experience you have

during this holiday season. And I promise you, your whole life

will change. This is the work I do with women. The women I work

with like it is absolutely mind blowing how much their lives

change, and how much even a job they hate can turn into a job

they love because they're bringing their heroin and not

their saboteur. So much more is available and possible for you

when you take responsibility for how you are showing up in your

life and what part of you is leading. So join me in the

reclamation community again. It will link it below this episode.

It's an online program. It is 497, this program used to be

1497 it used to be $1,500 now it's a self study. For 500

bucks, you have lifetime access to it. You can go through it

again and again. And every woman that does it does go through it

again and again. You have lifetime access to it. There's

so much transformation available. The reclamation is

you learn all the heroin archetypes and all the aspects

of you that have been shut down every there's two modules per

archetype. It's 13 weeks, if you do it, spaced out, one module a

week, and the aspects of you are like activating your heart,

activating your sensuality, your power, your spirituality, your

connection to the divine orchestration of life, learning

how to follow your inner compass, learning how to live

from the Queen and stand with and for yourself and speak your

truth. All of these concepts I talk about on the podcast. I

show you how to do it in the reclamation. It's such a

powerful, amazing program, and so it's available as a self

study. And once you join, you will get put into a Facebook

group with me and and amazing other women who've walked the

journey with me. Many, many, many times the Facebook group is

so active, and come the beginning of January, we're

going through it live, which means two times a month you'll

have a live zoom with me, where I'll be doing hot seats, Hot

Seat coaching and mentoring, helping you really rise into

your heroin in 2026 so you can rewrite that whole story and

become the woman you were born to be. So I would love to have

you join our community. It's so special. Also, every time I come

home in the summer, I do a weekend called the expanded love

weekend, and that weekend, I did it in Vancouver this past year.

This coming summer, it's going to be in Santa Fe, New Mexico,

and that it's in July, and that weekend is only available for

women inside of the community. So if you join the community,

that's another bonus. You get to come to one of my expanded love

weekends and meet heroines from all over the world. They're so

amazing. They're women who are actually taking responsibility

for their lives, who are celebrating the crap out of

themselves and each other, who are loving in new ways, living

in new ways, doing sisterhood and friendship in new ways,

their life purpose in new ways. It is so powerful. It's such a

beautiful community. I think that's actually the best part of

the whole of the whole thing is the community. So doing it live

allows you to have access to that community and join and

deepen, get to deepen your relationship with yourself. So

if you want 2026 to be your year, join us in the

reclamation. Click the link below this episode in the show

notes, or you go to the unscripted woman.com scroll

down. You'll find the reclamation there. Click on it,

and you can join us there, and we'd love to meet you on Zoom.

And as always, if you know a woman who is single and

struggling and feeling loneliness this holidays, or has

holiday blues, send her this podcast episode. Share it with

everyone you know. Share it. Do a review if you can, if this

podcast has impacted you and your life in some way, it would

mean the world to me if you could do a review, a five star

review with a little write up as to how it's impacted your life.

It's so helpful. It allows us to reach a lot more women when you

share your experience and together, we rise. So may we

spread the word far and wide that women get to live life in a

new way, and we don't have to live in a box, and we don't have

to believe these ridiculous notions that there's something

fucking wrong with us because we don't have a boyfriend or a

husband. And you know, if you do or don't, it doesn't matter,

your life is your own, and you are here, even if you're a

mother, you have children, you have demands. You are here to

uncover the magic of your own soul. That's why you're on

planet earth, and to share that with everyone you love and

everyone that comes into your life when you're living from

that place. It's pretty epic and magical what you attract when

you're living from that place. So you get to choose. You get to

choose how you live your life, and how you how you show up, and

so much more as possible. I hope you've enjoyed this episode.

Love you lots. Happy Holidays, and I'll see you next week.