Dating in the New Paradigm

When you're dating in the nude paradigm from that

embodied, sovereign woman, you're just in the experience,

having an experience, and naturally your curiosity will be

a sparked, your authenticity who you really are. Don't even love

that word. Why do we have to learn to be authentic? Can't we

just get back to who we are? It's more about unlearning who

we're not and who your patterns are, who your saboteur is. You

can start showing up on Days and in job interviews just being

yourself, and you can show up at the office just being yourself,

and you can show up at your yoga class just being yourself, but

you don't have to be a different version of yourself in each situation.

Hello, my loves. Welcome to the new truth podcast on this

beautiful, sunny, warm day, I might not be sunny and warm

where you are. Sorry, I'm still in Nairobi, and I am just

waiting for my mom and dad to arrive, which is very exciting.

They're on a plane from London to it's funny, the last time I

recorded, they were on a plane from Vancouver to London. They

spent a couple days in London just to break up the trip

because Vancouver to Kenya is very far, which is maybe why

they've never made it this far in the world before. But so they

had a couple days playing in London, and now they are on

their way here. So I'm actually surprising them at the airport

tonight with a big sign. They think I'm sending a taxi driver

because they're not coming till 10pm so I'm going to go surprise

them at the airport, and I'm so excited to share Kenya with

them. Oh my gosh. So definitely follow along with my Instagram

stories. I'm sure you'll see lots of fun photos. We're

staying at olupengi for seven nights, and then we go to a

conservation. And we're staying on a conservation where there'll

be like elephants outside our door, kind of thing. So very,

very excited for this next little leg, and I can't wait to

introduce them to all my friends at olapengi and all my friends

in Nairobi and take them to I'm going to see if I can take my

mom to a jungle body dance class.

So yeah, excited for that, and also, I'm excited for this

week's conversation as it's as I talked about last week. It's

Valentine's month. Kind of February is the month of love. I

feel like they chose that month based on the northern hemisphere

in February being usually kind of a bit of a dip month.

Energetically, for people, it's such a an internal time. It's

such a dark time in a lot of parts of the world. And I just

mean like weather wise and rainy or cold, and so I feel like they

chose the home whoever invented Valentine's Day. I should look

that up. The Hallmark holiday of Valentine's Day comes at a time

where people maybe need a little boost of love. So I'm excited to

talk about dating in the new paradigm. And then next week,

the episode is for those of you who are married. So if, if you

are married, I mean, it's, the title is save, how to save your

marriage, but it's relevant whether you're married or not

married. It's relevant for everyone. So definitely listen

to next week as well. And I'll also say, if you haven't heard

last week's episode about the longing for love, I think it's

actually a really great setup. This almost feels like a part

two to that episode for women who are not in relationship and

who are out there dating, and again, if you're married, this

is gonna be relevant either way. I always hear from women inside

of my community who are like, I'll listen to the episode

today, even though it was not remotely relevant for me. And of

course, it was, because every episode is about the most

important love of your life, which is you. So dating in the

new paradigm. What is that? I'm excited to talk about this,

because I feel like so many women build resistance to

dating. You know, I've worked with a lot of women who are even

married and still in toxic relationships, and they're

afraid to leave their relationship because they're

afraid to be single again, because they don't want to date.

That's, that's how bad the rap for dating has gotten. You know,

I feel like dating used to be a sweet, beautiful thing back in

our grandparents day, but now it's just this, like, dumpster

fire. People just try and avoid it at all cost, or they are in

it, but like suffering in this constant struggle. And so

there's another way to do it, and I hope that this episode

empowers you around doing dating differently, because, of course,

we can do everything differently, right? Like, just

like the entire month of December was dedicated to the

holidays, and how to take your power back. How to own the

holidays, how to be in your heroine in the holidays, no

matter who triggers you, no matter who's around you, it's

the same with dating, right? No matter how much you hate it, and

no matter how much you hate Bumble and Tinder and hinge and

you've you've squeezed the juice out of them, and there's nothing

left on there, and you believe. If there's no good men left on

planet Earth, or whatever the story might be that you're

carrying, I promise you, you can experience something totally

different even where you are. You know, I remember back when I

started my business, I actually used to call myself a dating

coach, and because my work was all around love, but I was

really, really excited to help single women date from another

place. So in the very beginning, when I was a dating coach, I

remember every single woman I worked with had a story that

there were no good men in whatever city they lived in fill

in the blank. So I was like, no good men in Vancouver, no good

men in Toronto, no good men in New York, no good men in LA

like, these are massive cities, and there's no good men. And

then I'd work with women in Australia, no good men in

Sydney. Like, no good men in Melbourne, no good men left on

planet Earth. If your saboteur is in charge, you are going to

be collecting evidence to prove that you shouldn't do this thing

because it's dangerous, and it's unsafe, and your saboteur needs

to keep you safe and small and in the comfort zone. So don't go

out there to the biggest, scary dating world. Let's just hold on

to this story. And if you believe that to be true, of

course, that's going to be your experience, right? If you

believe there's no good men or women or whoever left, I mean,

that are single, then that's going to be your experience.

You're going to meet amazing ones that are married, and

you're going to meet shitty ones that are single. And guess what?

Your saboteur is going to go share and complain to her

friends, and she's going to collect more evidence to build

the case that this is true. The reality is, whatever case you're

building in your mind will be your reality. It will determine

your reality, because that is the filter that you see the

world through. So you can't go on dates believing that and

experience something else, because you're not going to see

it, nor are you going to be in a place to receive it. So that's

where I'll start. Check your stories, check your stories, and

maybe do a story dump before you go on a date, before you get out

there. Like maybe you're new just being single, or maybe you

haven't dated in a long time, and this episode is going to

spark something in you, but before you get out there, or

maybe you're like a serial dater, and you're ready to up

level it and have a better experience before you get out

there, do a saboteur story dump, but make sure you call it that.

Don't think these are your own truths, because they're not

truths. Unfortunately, you know, most people believe that the

thoughts in their mind are their own thoughts and their own

truths, but the reality is your mind was programmed from a very,

very young age and is still being programmed every single

minute of every day, so that tape recorder that has been

recording all of these limiting beliefs, limiting perspectives,

ways of seeing the world, ways of seeing relationships, ways of

seeing yourself, not your thoughts. They're not yours if

you believe your thoughts to be your own. This is a friend minds

meme he posted one day, if I believe, if you believe what you

think, you're fucked, because truly, your thoughts are not

your own, and they confuse the crap out of us, and they keep us

trapped in situations we don't want to be in. The mind will

always play the side that is against your truth, because it

was hired, right? Your saboteur lives up there. She was hired to

keep you from expanding. She was hired to keep you from being a

bright light in the world. Right? As little kids, we get in

trouble for that. We get in trouble for being brave and fun

and excited and and playful and exploring and adventurous and

wild and free and vulnerable, we get shut down so many times that

that becomes the voice in the head, and then her job is to

shut you down so that you can sit in that classroom without

getting in trouble. Right? You she had to learn how to shut you

down so that you could so that you could go to your room and

stay there until dinner time when you got grounded or

whatever. Like your saboteur was hired by your parents, by the

school system, by your babysitters, by anyone who

influenced you in your life. She was hired to keep you from being

who you are, the wild, beautiful, magical woman that

you are.

So check your stories. They're not yours. They're not

authentic. Your voice is in your body, and it goes like this,

when something's a yes, it's a feeling that's expansive. And

then the mind kicks in, and it tries to talk you out of it.

When something's a no, it's a feeling in your body like a

sucker punch, or a gut squishing or like an ache, like it's a

feeling in your body, and then your mind will try and talk you

into doing the thing that's a no right. Your signals of truth

come from your body, not from your mind. So check your stories

before going into dating, because if you're bringing all

this baggage in there. I wish you well, this is not going to

go well, right? And if you're just trying to find a partner,

you're attached to the result, you're attached to the outcome,

it's also not going to go well because you're trying to control

something that's not in your control. And remember, the only

love that the world as we know it knows. And this is starting

to shift, mostly because of the new truth, but it's starting to

shift. But most of the world only knows a codependent love,

like we don't know anything else, just like or waiting for

something to rescue us, to make us feel good. That's most of the

love we know. So in order to date in the new paradigm, you

have to be embodied in your sovereignty. You have to be

embodied in your truth, in your heart, in your in the present

moment, like this is an experience, right? Instead of

thinking like I'm a detective and I'm here to figure out if

you're right or wrong. For me, that's not the energy you want

to bring into a new paradigm date, a new paradigm date is

this is an experience. And this morning, I went to a yoga class,

and that was an experience. And this evening, after this date,

I'm going to do my nightly meditation before bed, and then

brush my teeth and put castor oil on my face. I did that

yesterday. It works good. And in my hair, actually, my hair is

really soft, but it's like, those are experiences that I'm

going to sleep, that's an experience. Then I'm going to

wake up and do my meditation. That's an experience, right? The

date is just an experience. So the first thing I want to say,

well, I know I've already said a lot of things, but my first

point that I wrote down, that I want to share is take the

pressure off yourself. Take the pressure off your self and off

the date. If you go into a date, whether it's the first date or

the 10th date, and you go in trying to do it perfectly,

trying to get the guy, trying to figure out if this person's

right or wrong, trying to like, I often have women say, can you

just give me a few prompts so I know what to say so I like, so

the conversations can be more meaningful and deep. And I'm

like, you don't need to go in with a script. You don't need to

pre decide what you're going to say. You don't need to rely

like, that's an A fearful little girl that wants to do it, right?

Rather than when you're truly present, you have access to your

genuine curiosity. We're just so used to not being truly present,

right? You go to a job interview, what do you do?

Prepare? What do you do? Practice. What do you do, make

sure you say the right thing and do the right thing to impress

the people on the job interview. So everything I'm saying here is

also applicable to job interviews. Because if you go

from your scripted, robotic cell and you're going into this date

or this job interview, trying to impress the other person and

trying to say the right thing or trying to ask the right

questions to get the right answers, you're in your

saboteur. That is the controller. That is not your

heroine. When you're dating in the nude paradigm from that

embodied sovereign woman, you're just in the experience, having

an experience, and naturally, your curiosity will be sparked,

your authenticity, who you really are. Don't even love that

word, because it sounds like why do we have to learn to be

authentic? Can't we just get back to like who we are? It's

more about unlearning who we're not and who your patterns are,

who your saboteur is. So you can start showing up on dates and in

job interviews just being yourself, and you can show up at

the office just being yourself, and you can show up at your yoga

class just being yourself like that. You don't have to be a

different version of yourself in each situation. So when you're

actually present and connected to your heart, and I would say I

would definitely suggest doing practices, you know, meditation

or embodiment, movement practices, or singing or writing

or doing something that are doing a yoga class, something

that connects you to the present moment, to your body, into your

heart, so that when you go on the date, you're not in your

head, you're in your body, in your present and then your

divine self will pour, pour through. And then the exact

perfect thing to say, not from like performative perfect but

from like the present moment of the exact thing that is meant to

be shared or expressed or or a question that's meant to be

asked, will come through you. You'll have access to your own

divine channel that is your own truth, and you'll be able to

relate from a different place. So what a great opportunity

dating is, and job interviews, right? If you they're only

torturous if we're attached to the outcome of trying to control

if we're trying to get the job or get the guy, or find a

husband or or find a boyfriend, or, like, lock something down or

get get doesn't say get laid. Like, do people still say that?

That's crazy. That's such a weird statement. But if you're

trying to get something, you're not present, for sure, you're in

your saboteur strategies and essentially manipulating. So

even a people pleaser, even we're the worst of all. I used

to be one recovering people pleaser, but even a people

pleaser on a date is manipulative, because they're

trying to please the other person to get liked, to get

approval, to get acceptance, to get a boyfriend. So notice what

part of you is leading. Are you bringing your heroine into this

experience? Are you bringing your saboteur? And if you want

to know how to be in your heroine when you're dating and

when you're getting into relationships rather than your

pattern, I have an invitation for you. I talked about it last

episode, but I've just decided to create a new workshop called

embodied love. I'm so excited. It's only $22 it's two and a

half hours on Sunday, February the eighth, so it's the weekend

before Valentine's Day, so that you can really learn how to be

embodied in love. So if you want to go deeper into this, and you

want your dating life in 2026 to be fun, to be growth based, to

be expansive, to be an opportunity for you to meet more

of who you are, rather than to try and control how your story

goes, and control the script, which is your saboteur. Let join

us. It's going to be incredibly beautiful the morning of so

it'll be 8am Pacific on February 8, for two and a half hours,

embodied love. And it's a brand new workshop with me. We're

going to be live on Zoom. You can sign up below this episode

in the show notes. You can also sign up on my website, the

unscripted woman.com it will be on the main page, and yeah, we'd

love to have you join as always, it's such a beautiful, powerful

experience to meet other women who are on the journey of

devotion and and shifting into new paradigms and friendships

and relationships and dating and jobs and in every facet of life,

because It makes the journey so much easier to stay rooted when

we are committed, when we are surrounded by other women who

are on the journey too. So join us for the workshop embodied

love Sunday morning, and it'll set you up for having, like

amazing, beautiful, embodied Valentine's week where you can

start rewriting that old story. So the first step is taking the

pressure off, and here's my invitation to of how to do that.

Take the pressure off the date, take the pressure off the

expectations. Take off the stories of where it should go,

or being in your head about it like practice. Dating is a new

form of meditation where you're just practicing being present

and connected and letting your heroine lead the way. So here's

the invitation

to take the pressure off, to help you take the pressure off

your dating life. If you're a single woman and you're dating

and you're like, Fuck, I hate dating. This is so annoying, and

those online apps are the worst, and there's so many douchebags

out there, and it's such a waste of time, and you've got all

these stories. How you take the pressure off is you date life.

Start dating life. Start dating yourself. Because if you're in

any resistance to dating and you're having a hard time with

it, that means there's pressure on dates, and so you either

avoid them all together, or you go on them, but then you're

constantly in agony, suffering. Like, why aren't there amazing

people out there? Or, why do I meet people I like and then I

never hear from them again? Or, why do I go on three dates and

then the person ghosts me? Whatever you're experiencing out

there in the wild, wild west of dating, which is like a whole

cesspool of saboteurs. That's why dating is so frustrating,

because it's a whole cesspool. Saboteurs, however, you can be

the diamond in the rough, you can or I'm gonna say the Yellow

Sapphire, a little more rare. I've just learned a lot about

diamonds and how they're the most rare stone on Earth. And

we've all been had. We've all been had by the diamond industry

that made diamonds this crazy, expensive thing. That's like a

totally different theory. I'm not gonna go too down the rabbit

hole, but I was so shocked. And I've always been drawn to yellow

sapphires, and they are I have a friend who collects crystals, or

he, like he did, he goes mining for crystals all over the world,

and there's yellow sapphires in Australia, where he's from, and

I'm always begging him to get me a Yellow Sapphire to find me

one. So anyways, I digress. So where was I take the pressure

off? Date life, yellows. Why am I talking about diamonds? Yellow

sapphires? Oh my gosh. I don't even know why I was sharing

that. I'm sure it will come back. But date life, date

yourself, because there's so much pressure on this, this

thing that you're you know, every time you go on a date,

there's so much pressure for it to be something or lead you

somewhere or get you something. But if you start to date life

where every facet of your life is fun and flirtatious and

connected, like if you think, think of the energy that most

ideal date, energy, right, dating from your heroine would

be like being in your heart, being present, being connected,

you know, laughing with the person, making jokes, feeling

feeling heard, feeling seen, connecting with them, being

curious, being open to. Hearted, like it being a playful

encounter. You know, whatever you desire might be slightly

different than what, how, what I'm describing here, but it's

like, essentially, it's the energy of flirtation, which, if

we go back to the beginning of our lives, we were all

flirtatious. There was no baby on planet Earth. So this whole

like, Oh, I was shy when I was a kid. You might have learned to

be shy based on your environment, but little kids and

based on your astrology, maybe there's some signs that make you

a little bit more internal than external and all of that. That's

totally fine, but little babies are all flirtatious, right?

Babies are, once they can make eye contact and giggle, they are

eye contacting and giggling with everyone. They're in the grocery

store line, flirting it up with every person. They're not

judging you based on you being too old, too young, too, you

know, overweight, too thin, too whatever. They're not babies are

not picky. They are genuinely just connecting with everyone.

They're flirting with everyone. So when you learn to live from

the energy of dating, like, if you're dating the world, it

takes the frickin pressure off. If you're dating yourself, it

takes the pressure off, right? So date the world, but also,

more importantly, date yourself. So the practice of every day

romancing yourself, writing yourself love letters like

what's your love language? Pour that into yourself. If you love

to be touched, go for weekly massages with a hot masseuse who

is amazing at massages, and let yourself fully be in the

receiving mode of that massage, right? If you love words, words

of affirmation, if you love to hear how much you're loved,

write yourself a love letter every single day. Sit in front

of the mirror and sing love songs to yourself. If you love

acts of service, surprise yourself and do and create

experiences for yourself and take yourself out on surprise

dates and like be spontaneous, right? If you love quality time.

How much time are you spending with yourself? Right? What was

the last time you meditated for an hour and just sat with

yourself, or wrote or I gazed with yourself in the mirror, or

sang and danced, took yourself to a dance class? How much

quality time do you spend with you? That's a great question.

I've never actually phrased this in the love languages before.

That's where I'm going with this. If you haven't read The

Five Love Languages, I'm listing them right now. What? Okay, what

am I missing? Gifts. Buy yourself gifts. As I'm talking

to you right now. My, my, I have two rings that I wear on my

spiritual finger, which is the middle finger, which is funny

that that's used to say fuck you to other people, but actually

it's the spiritual finger in somatic psychology. So I always

wear my rings on those fingers, and my rings I bought in Greece,

and one, if you actually the podcast cover, has the blue one

in it. It's Amazon Amazonite with quartz on top, and it's a

gold ring. And then my other one is, it's supposed to be Yellow

Sapphire, but it's not Citrine with little gems or little like

Diamond D looking things on the outside.

But these rings were a significant investment. For

like, I'd never bought expensive jewelry, and for myself, there

were significant investment. And I was like, these are like

wedding rings to myself, and I when I don't have them on,

especially when I'm teaching, I feel like, Oh my God, I need my

rings like they're like my heroin rings, they're my

anchors. So if gifts is your love language, can you get

yourself a significant gift that you absolutely love when you

pour into yourself in the way you want someone to pour into

you. Then when someone comes along, you are satiated and

full. You are feeling amazing. You are not needing jewelry

because you've bought yourself jewelry that is meaningful and

matters to you, and so you're not like, okay, when are you

going to buy me a jewelry or write me a letter like you.

Honestly, I used to live from that place in relationships

where I was constantly nothing was ever enough, and I was

always needing things from them, and it is the setup for a

saboteur relationship. Now, in relationship is such a beautiful

experience, to be sovereign, to be embodied in love, to be like,

fully, oh my gosh, a coolest, sorry. I'm like, digressing

right now. The coolest little green bug is climbing up the

window sill right now, Africa. So I keep losing my train of

thought here today. So Dating Yourself and pouring into

yourself means you're not going to be needy in relationship. And

when you're needy, it's a child. And then what happens is you're

going to attract someone who pours into you, because, I mean,

Patricio, my last partner was the sweetest, and he poured into

me so much he prayed. He still does. He still sends me

messages, and he's like, my love. You're so beautiful. I'm

so proud of you, and we're not even together anymore. More he's

he's constantly pouring words into me. He would surprise me.

He, you know, he, he was the most thoughtful partner I'd ever

had, and I believe it's because he met me at a time in my life

where I was the most thoughtful person to myself that I'd ever

been, right? And it only gets better from here, because I keep

deepening in love, in a loving relationship with myself more

and more and more every day, and you get to too. So date

yourself, romance yourself. Pour into yourself, rather than

encircling back to last week's episode, rather than feeding the

story of like, I'm lonely, I'm longing for a partner, like,

where is he? Stop doing that. Date yourself. Do all this.

Become Your you could what you can give yourself is better than

a part the partner can give you, because you know what you want

and love. So become that point, and your saboteur is gonna be

like, Don't listen to her. That means you're gonna be alone

forever, and you're gonna be alone with nine cats. That's not

true. When you pour into yourself and you're filled with

love in all the ways that you want to be filled with love from

a partner, you attract the most, highest quality people. Your

standards become so much higher for what you accept in your

life, in all relationships, because you're pouring so much

into yourself that you don't need anyone. So from the place

of rooted sovereignty and embodied love, where you're

already embodying it, you get to attract the highest quality

people in the world who are also embodying it in their own way.

It is epic. So take the pressure off trying to get something from

the date, or trying to figure out where it's going to go, or

being in your head about it. Let yourself date yourself in your

life, date life, flirt with everyone, everywhere you go.

Every time you hear a compliment in your head, say it out loud,

not just to like I say compliments out loud, even to

men. Most women are comfortable complimenting women, but they

don't want to compliment men, because they're like, what if

they get the wrong idea? If a man gets a wrong idea, you get

to say, thank you so much for the compliment. I'm so

flattered. You just asked me out for coffee. It's a no for me,

but, but honestly, thank you again. That means so much to me.

Like you can kindly say No, right women back in the day, and

still in many parts of the world, didn't get to say no. So

I think this is where this trauma comes from. We think we

can't be too nice or too sexy or too beautiful or too flirty or

too connected with men, because then we're giving them the wrong

idea. You are not responsible for their ideas, and if they get

the wrong idea, the only thing you're responsible for is

standing with and for yourself and kindly saying it's a no for

me, right? That's what women need to learn. We need to teach

this to young girls how to lovingly and kindly say, no. We

don't have to be like, how offensive. How dare you ask me

out at the workplace or whatever. Like, women are

constantly like, putting men down. Like, Oh my God, that guy

checked me out and he's old and ugly. Ew. It's like, instead of

complaining about it, why don't you actually take it as a

compliment that man's appreciating your radiance. But

that doesn't mean you have to give something up for him. It

means you can say thank you so much for seeing me. I'm so

honored. You asked me out. It's a no for me, but I really

appreciate the compliment, right? That's we just need to

learn how to lovingly say no, that's it. And obviously, if a

guy's creepy and not taking it for an answer, you say no really

strongly, and you you get yourself out of there. But

that's what women need. But you see how we just shut parts of

ourselves off to not get hit on or to not get hit on by the

wrong guy. And it's like, if you're constantly judging all

the wrong guys for hitting on you, and like, I'm like, I

remember at the immersion one time we were it was after it was

over, and we were in Mykonos. We were out at this bar. Dancing

was so much fun. And one of the heroines said to me, you see,

Kate, that guy just tried to buy me a drink. I'm so insulted.

Like, those are the only guys ahead of me. Gross. And I was,

like, interesting. So that's what you're telling the

universe, gross, instead of being thankful that you are a

radiant, beautiful woman and you are recognized and seen. Like,

here's the thing, if we're not recognized and seen, we're

complaining about it, and if we are, we're complaining about it.

So find a place in the middle where you can appreciate

everyone who wants to have coffee with you or wants to take

you on a date or wants to compliment you, rather than

thinking it's creepy, and where you learn how to stand with and

for yourself, so you can feel comfortable having your heart

open, so you can feel comfortable being all of who you

are not having to compartmentalize yourself, which

is only hurting you all in the name of not leading people on.

You are not responsible for people being misled. That is

them projecting onto you, that your behavior, what it means,

right? Just like I was saying last week that my friend was

joking that everyone at all. Peggy probably thinks they're in

a relationship with me because I'm so loving, but they learn

very quickly that they're not. I mean, I'm sure that's not true.

They know I'm very loving, but some of them might be like, Oh,

Kate loves me, like they might think I have a crush on them or

something, and that's okay. And the moment someone asked me out,

and it's a no, I just say thank you for the compliment. That's

so sweet. It's a no. And here's the one thing a lot of women do.

A lot of women will lie and say, I'm in a relationship when I'm

not, but what that actually does is communicates that a to

yourself, that you don't actually just get to say no,

that it's nicer to lie. That's we communicate that to

ourselves, but also that setting someone else up for thinking

they have a chance if you weren't in a relationship,

rather than just saying thank you so whether I'm in a

relationship or not, when I get asked out, I say thank you so

much for the invitation. It's a no, but that's so sweet, and I'm

really flattered. That's how I respond 100% of the time, even

when I'm in a relationship, I'm not like I have a boyfriend,

because it's kind of leading them on, not that you're

responsible for that, but just to clean up, you don't have to

lie. You get to be honest, but you also get to have your heart

open and be flirtatious with the world. It's so much more fun,

right? We all naturally are that way. So come back to your

nature. Date the world. Date yourself. Give get yourself some

rings, write yourself some love letters, sing yourself some love

songs, marry yourself, give yourself vows like it's an

inside job. Stop looking for it out there so that when you're

dating, you're not looking for anything. You're literally just

showing up, having an experience. So number two is

surrender control. Surrender control. Stop trying to control

where it's going or where it's not going, right? If you're

leaving a date going, oh my god, that guy's totally wrong for me.

No way. Blah, blah, blah, here's all the reasons, versus, oh my

gosh, I think he's the one like, I hope he calls, like, when

you're waiting by your phone for the next text and you're

obsessing over a stranger regardless, like, if you are in

any story about the other person, you're in the wrong car.

You're simply in the wrong car. I've been listening to these

beautiful Alan Watts, the philosopher. I've been listening

to YouTubes of his. He's passed away a long time ago, but he

there's beautiful YouTube clips of his work. And he talks a lot

about, you know, the quantum field and the universe and how

it really works. And he also talks a lot about, what's his

name? Oh, I can't remember in this moment. Anyways, he

talks about how, if only humans knew that we didn't have to

control anything, anything, anything, anything like when we

are controlling anything like, I just spoke to a heroin sister

who had a job change, and she's her company was downgrading, and

they, they had, she's transitioning out of her job.

And you know even that, it's like, Okay, now the mind wants

to, like, control the next job, and I got to make sure I've got

this that the other and it's got to be the right and it's like,

how easily we want to control. But when life, life is working

all of it out for us, and you miss that part, like, you don't

get to see how supported you are when you're controlling. So you

will feel like if your trauma inner child wounded, inner child

is the one who's making your life decisions because she's

afraid, and your saboteur is feeding her stories about how

she should be afraid, and she's trying to control finding a

husband, getting a boyfriend, getting a baby daddy. I've got

the timeline. I've got to have kids now. I've got to control

where my future's going. Got to get married. I'm certain age

can't be single anymore, like I got. If you are controlling

anything, you're in the future, you are acting as if you are the

universe, which you are of the universe, but you are not in

charge of how the story goes, and you're missing what's meant

for you when we soften into letting life happen, and I said

this a couple episodes ago, like through us, the experience

happens through us, and we're just present with each

experience. We're listening to our internal yeses and our

internal nos and letting that lead the way. Right? You go on a

date and it's horrible, and the guy messages you again, and in

your gut it's a No, you listen. You go on a date and it's okay.

And your mind's like, Meh, I don't know. And the guy reaches

out again, and your body's a yes, you listen right. Like

Jeff. When I met Jeff, my partner that I was with for

seven years, the one who has a Michelin restaurant now in

Vancouver, my mind was like, No, Jeff. And my best friend was

also like, No, this guy's not for you. He's like, not like

heart and he's not he's a lovely man. But she was like, he

doesn't have any energy, like, he's not for you. But at the

time, Jeff was for me, because he helped me start my business,

and I helped him start his and now he has a Michelin road.

Restaurant, and I have this work, and that's why we were

together. I know I've shared that many times on the podcast,

but like, Jeff and I weren't together for some ridiculous

romantic love story or to be with each other forever. We were

catalysts on each other, stepping into our life purpose.

We didn't know that at the time, right? But I just was so devoted

to making decisions from my body, from my inner truth, from

the whatever is a yes in this moment, the only thing you need

to know right now, my love is, what's right, what's what's a

yes right now you don't need to worry about, is this your future

husband? Are you going to enjoy the next date like it's right

now? Let this experience grow. You trust the unfolding. What's

meant for you will unfold, and life has so much. I know I say

this every week, but if only you knew this, the life that's meant

for your soul is going to satiate you so much more than

you trying to control the script. The scripted life is

empty and painful. The soul led Life is beautiful and magical.

And you know, heart opening and so synchronistic and divine. So

in order to surrender control, I want to say you've got to build

your relationship with your divinity. If you currently don't

believe in your divinity, which you were trained to, not the

school system, religion, everything trains us to believe

that we are not divine, that there's the power is outside of

ourselves, or there's no power at all. There's either nothing

and it's just us on this planet, nothing else, or the power is

out there, and we need to be really, really good so that we,

we, you know, get to go to the gates of heaven, or whatever the

story might be. The reality is that your divinity is inside of

you. And of course, take it or leave it, you get to believe

whatever you get to believe whatever you want. This is my

truth. The Divinity is in side. You are the divine. You are a

divine soul. Your heroine is divine. Your saboteur is the

part that's afraid that's constantly dysregulating That

little girl inside, versus plugging into your divinity,

because your divine self knows that there's so much that

there's a greater experience for you to have. Your divine self

knows that you're here for a magical adventure, even the

challenging moments, that they're all part of it, right?

Your Divine Self isn't afraid of anything. It's like that's what

we signed up for. On the other side, like we're gonna go in,

we're gonna have this human experience be really crazy and

messy and painful and beautiful and expansive and exciting and

deep and meaningful and confusing and raw, and

everything, everything in between your soul knows that. So

if you don't know how to surrender control, and you're

most of the women I work with don't, and when they start

working with me, that's one of the greatest gifts of the

becoming the heroine of your life is learning how to

surrender control. And I work with a lot of women who are

controllers in the saboteur archetypes, who are so afraid to

let go of control. So if that's you, come for sure to embodied

love. You can reach out to me and we can explore deeper, but

definitely come join us on February the eighth for the

embodied love. Two and a half hour workshop, it's going to be

so beautiful. So trust the unfolding. And I would say

before and after, maybe do a practice to let go of the story,

let your saboteur event, the story about the person, and then

let yourself write about your own experience. Where did you

notice your saboteur? Were you in pleaser? Were you in shape

shifter? Were you in fantasy of the future? Were you in fantasy

like negative fantasy, where you're painting that this

person's wrong and bad? Were you present? Did you grow? Were you

in your heroin? Were you in your heart, or were you in your mind,

the whole time disconnected, just reflect, not to punish

yourself, but just to notice and let this experience be come a

growth based experience, as opposed to staying in the story,

right? If you call your friends after, just talk about how you

feel, rather than talk about the guy, right? If you're talking

about the other person or the woman, if you're talking about

the other person, you are in the story. Don't feed the story.

Your savager is going to want to feed the story. Don't feed the

story. Let yourself just be in the experience. Your body will

lead you, your truth will lead the way, and everything will

organically unfold as it's meant to you. Do not need to control

it. Okay? So the very last point I've got here for dating in the

new paradigm is dating from your heroine and not your patterns.

So, you know, I kind of led into that in the last point. But

dating from your heroine is dating is just connecting. Like,

maybe, don't even call it dating. Be like, Yeah, I'm

connecting with people on Tinder. I'm connecting.

Connecting with people at the grocery store. Dating is

connecting. And like I said in the first one, if you're

flirting all the time, you're connecting with everyone

everywhere you go, it's not going to feel so hard to do it

on a date, right? If you're connecting and curious with the

cashier at the grocery store, with the person at the coffee

shop, with the person who you walk past on the street, if

you're in your heart connecting all the time, it's going to take

the pressure off dating, right? Dating is just connecting. It's

relating, and so use it as a practice to keep experiencing

connection without fantasy, without story. So dating from

your heroine also looks like, what are you doing to connect

with yourself before, right? Are you just rushing to this date

and you're in anxiety and you're in disconnect, and then you're

getting on the date, and you're drinking alcohol to numb your

feeling, and then all of a sudden, you're loose and you're

more authentic, but then you wake up the next day with

anxiety and bad feelings about the date and questioning it and

waiting by the phone like that's your saboteur, right? If you

need, if you need alcohol to help you on dates, that's your

saboteur. And I'll say, if you haven't really, really learned

how to root into yourself, you probably are going to need it. I

used to.

So it's time to go on a devotional journey to rooting

more and more into yourself so that you don't need that on a

date, so that you don't need to protect yourself, so you need

don't need to avoid dating altogether, but you can just go

connect with this human and be present like what a refreshing

thing for all the men and women and whoever's on the receiving

end of a woman who's In her heroine, in her embodied

sovereignty, not in fantasy, not in shape shifting, not trying to

be perfect, not trying to control, not treating the date

like a job interview, an old paradigm job interview, but

someone who is really present and connected and curious and

then leaves with no expectations, and maybe your

saboteur has some, and you let her vent in your journal and

whatever, but like to be that woman who's not trying to get

something on a date. Do you know how refreshing that'll be for

the people you're dating, like you get to just have these

beautiful experiences and touch people's lives and make an

impact regardless of what happens. Getting to be that

person in the world is such a blessing, right? People are

going through hard times right now to be able to just be the

the relief on a date where you're just present, connected

and having an experience, and then leaving from non attachment

and wishing them well and and trusting, if it unfolds, it

does, and if it doesn't, it doesn't, that is a breath of

fresh air, right? That is such a healing thing for any person

who's on the receiving end of that date and the job interview,

right? You're on a job interview, not trying to

perform, but actually just being present, connected and seeing if

it's aligned on either end, and like just feeling and connecting

and being curious how refreshing you are going to stand out

amongst every everyone that doesn't mean the person's right

for you or the job's right for you, but you certainly will

stand out because it's so rare that women are present on dates

and job interviews. Right because we've been trained to

hate ourselves. We've been trained to let the part of us

that doesn't believe she's good enough the little girl lead on

dates and lead on job interviews. So that's why you'll

be a breath of fresh air to be the woman who shows up in Love

from Love, embodied in love As love. Oh my gosh. How healing.

How healing. So I'll leave it there for today. My loves,

embodied love. February 8, 8am to 1030 Pacific, join us. It's

going to be a beautiful, beautiful Zoom Room of amazing

women from all over the world, connecting to their hearts,

choosing to love from a different place. Take your power

back this year, and would love to meet you on Zoom and have an

experience with you. And so hope to see you there. You can sign

up again on my website. It'll be in my Instagram bio, linktree,

and it'll also be in the show notes of this episode. So the

unscripted woman.com unscripted woman on Instagram. Kate Harlow,

and as always, share this with every woman you need to know,

who's resistant to dating, who's afraid to put herself out there,

or who is, you know, serial dating, but hating every second

of it and being tortured by it, we get to take our power back

and recreate every single thing we have resistance to, whether

it's your birthday, Christmas, dating, job, interviews, your

work, your any you can do anything from your heroin mowing

the lawn, literally, you can do anything from your heroine, and

You will absolutely enjoy the experience and grow from it,

rather than be in suffering. So that's up to you. Sending you so

much love, and I look forward to seeing you again soon. You.