Are Your Friends Holding You Back In Your Love Life?

Yeah, when you are operating from that wounding, what you're going to do is you're going to get together with your friends, and most likely, they're going to feed that story. Oh my gosh, there's no men good men out there. You know, men are assholes. That guy sounds like a horrible person. Let's talk about him. Let's talk bad about him. Let's bash man. Let's talk about how there's a shortage of good men on planet Earth, right, and often they feed our stories that we have that keep us stuck in an invisible present that keeps reinforcing the past and projecting it into the future. Hello, my loves. Welcome back to the new truth podcast. Kate here on a solo episode, tuning in from Corfu, Greece. I am on the island of Corfu. If you've never been to Greece, Corfu is one of the Ionian Islands between Italy and Greece. So it has a little bit of an Italian feel, which I love. It feels old. Corfu town is very ancient. There's old fortresses and castles, and the buildings are very Venetian, feeling very like it feels like you're in forensic Florence. Yeah. It's a really magical place. So I am here for the 10th immersion, which is crazy, if you are brand new to my world. The immersion is part of the work I do with my one on one clients. It's a live experience in Corfu at a beautiful place called the Corti estate. You can look it up online. It's stunning. And the immersion is a place where women come home to themselves. They they break free from all the shackles and all the masks and all the identities, personas, saboteurs that they've been playing out for so long, and they really come home to the heart and truth and core of who they are. And it's so fun for me. It's such a really profound, significant, big week, and I only do it once a year, because, because it's so big for a very small group of women. So leading into it, it starts on Saturday, and I always come to the island five days early just to get into the vibe and to prep and to refine everything and to tailor it to the group that's coming. So yeah, I'm feeling really filled up and nourished and happy being here and excited. So that's my update, and I hope that you're doing well, wherever in the world you are. And I'm really excited to dive into this topic today, about friendship. It's such an important topic and a conversation that I have had over the years. We've done a few episodes. I've definitely done a few solo episodes, as I think this is one of my gifts, is helping women develop and create connected, aligned community. Because I believe that this is actually one of the most important keys for women, is is having aligned sisterhood and having a healthy support system of women. Women are, we are designed to be together. You know, part of the problem with modern relationships is, women are, we've been programmed that you just need to find that guy and then you're going to be happy forever. And the truth is, men and women couldn't be more fucking different, right? Of course, there's a lot of nuance. There's a lot of range within men and women, but for the most part, men and women are from different planets, and what often happens is that women get into relationships with men, and they're longing for their partner be their best girlfriend, basically looking for him to be really emotionally connected and really, you know, not to say there aren't men that are like that, but what you can get from a healthy, aligned female relationship is something that no man, no matter how tuned he is to his heart, no matter how connected he is. Okay, I won't say no, that's very extreme, but most men will never be able to bring you. And women get so disappointed in relationship. And I think of all the women in my life who have these really rich, really meaningful, really next level friendships that are sisterhood based, that are conscious, that are you know, women are taking ownership. We're going to talk all about what that looks like and how to create that in your life. And I certainly have, I have a community, actually, that's been growing over the years that's pretty tremendous to tap into, which we can talk about. But there is a secret sauce to cultivating and creating those kinds of relationships in your life, and when you have them, when you have your life full of really amazing women who inspire you, who ignite you, who lift you up, who see you as your heroine, who see you as the sovereign woman, who don't coddle your insecurities, who don't coddle your victim mentality, or your gossip and blame or drama in your life. They don't feed that like there's the saboteur friendship. Yes. And then there's the heroin friendships, the aligned friendships, the aligned sisterhood that we call in my community, we call us a soul, the soulmate collective. It's like when you are a mate to your own soul. You go around the world collecting soulmates who are also mates to their soul, because you energetically are. You're a vibrational match. It's like a radio station. When you change your own radio station, you are going to naturally attract friendships and romantic relationships, and you know, opportunities and experiences that are a match to where you're at within yourself. So whatever you're experiencing currently is simply a mirror of where you are in yourself. So the title of this episode are your friends holding you back in your love life. I see this so much with the women I work with, and so much on the journey is when women start to wake up to taking full responsibility for their lives and their feelings and their triggers and everything. What happens is they start to see how many of their relationships are built on saboteur patterns, right? Oh, I play this role in my friend group I was speaking with the other day about how she plays the pleaser role, and she's always adapting. She does the shape shifter, self sacrificer, and she's always adapting to everyone else's world to make sure that they don't feel pain, they don't feel uncomfortable. She doesn't want to rock anyone's she doesn't want to share an opinion that could trigger someone. So she's constantly micromanaging herself. You might relate to this. You might not. You might be the opposite, but that is an example of a saboteur relationship. So she, of course, is going to attract people who are more self centered, who take up more space because she's always shape shifting, who make all the decisions, and then she's constantly feeling resentful, feeling like she doesn't belong, feeling unseen, feeling like not met in her friendships, but it's because she was bringing her saboteur to her friendships. Right? You cannot change other people, but your friendships can absolutely evolve when you do. And the willingness I talked about this on the Comfort Zone episode, when you're on the path of your soul, of living a life that's true to you, that's true to your soul, that's true to your sovereignty, that's true to your own heart, and your your heroine, as I call it, when you are on that path, you have to be willing. And I've said this so many times lately, because it's it's like, it's quite harsh, but it's liberating. At the same time, a willingness to let it all go, a willingness and you don't have to control letting it go, but a willingness to be so honest and loyal and devoted to your own compass, and then you see who still fits in your world. Because if your relationships were developed from the saboteur, if your relationships were developed from your protective mechanisms, which most people's friendships are, right, then guess what? A lot of those relationships are going to fall away because they're no longer going to feel good. When you start to feel good internally, and you shift your focus from everyone else, approving of you, fitting in belonging, trying to get love, trying to get get your needs met in all these backwards ways, and you start to realize, like, Wait, that makes me feel horrible. And when I can actually just be honest with myself and surround myself with people, I feel amazing to be around and also take responsibility for my my inner relationship with myself, which is the biggest thing, some of those old friendships will no longer be a match, because if you're not participating in that dynamic anymore,

if that person is unconsciously unwilling, I say unconsciously because they probably won't know that they're in their saboteur. But if they're unwilling to grow and to shift and to to to evolve with you, they will fall away. So are they holding you back in your love life? I think about this, women feed each other's saboteurs so much when it comes to love, right? Because we all have been indoctrinated with the same program. So if you're living in your saboteur, right? If you're living in the fantasy addict, in the controller, in the scripted life, where you are attached to what our life is supposed to look like, or you're attached to old beliefs based on painful experiences you've had on the pat in the past that you're not projecting onto the present moment, right? There's a blank canvas every moment. Every person you meet is a new person, but if you've had bad experiences with men, and then so have your friends and you're dating, and you go on dates, and your friends have had shitty experiences with online dating, or perhaps they're married, and they've heard story horror stories, of people having shitty experiences every time you go on a date. What? You going to do with your friends? Most women bond through drama. Most women bond through drama. So let's say you're I'm going to give a few examples here. You're dating, and this is not you that's bonding through drama. This is your saboteur, right? This is how we've learned to bond. Is, oh, if I'm dramatic and I have some blame, painful story, even like it could be about your boss, it could be about work, could be about anything, gossiping about another friend, but specifically to romantic relationships, if, if you're if you're dating right, and you leave the date and you feel rejected, abandoned, what's your saboteur going to do? It's going to try and protect your heart, right? It's like, oh my god, they're going to find out I'm not good enough, right? That's what's underneath. I feel rejected, I feel embarrassed, feel like I'm going to be alone forever, like there's all this wounding underneath. When you're operating from that aspect of yourself, it's just one part of yourself. And in my work, you learn how to operate from a completely different part of you, but that part, when you are operating from that wounding, what you're going to do is you're going to get together with your friends, and most likely, they're going to feed that story. Oh my gosh, there's no men, good men out there. You know they're the men are assholes. That guy sounds like a horrible person. Let's talk about him. Let's talk bad about him. Let's bash man. Let's talk about how there's a shortage of good men on planet Earth, right? And often they feed our stories that we have that keep us stuck in an invisible present, that keeps reinforcing the past, projecting it into the future. So instead of you learning how to be present with life, instead of you learning how to let life lead, because there is a beautiful life that is meant for you, one of my clients just said, when she first started working with me, she was like, man, it's just just Kate that gets a beautiful life like that. I created this life I was in my saboteur 100% of the time 10 years ago, and I changed my relationship with myself. I changed the dial the radio station, and now I attract it doesn't mean I don't ever have triggers. Of course, I work through stuff. I have stuff come up, but it's way less often, and I have so much more capacity, and don't live in a state of blame and gossip and feeding stories that keep me trapped in the in an invisible prison, right? So you can create a different experience. However, if you are addicted to bonding through drama, this is one of the number one things women do that keeps them trapped in in their patterns, in their relationships, if you're addicted to bonding with your friends through drama, and I'll give you a few other examples. I had a client who has been cheated on her and for a year her friends, that's all they want to talk about when she saw them. So what's he doing now? Because he was the father of her children, and this is actually, I've worked with many women who've had this story, but all her friends wanted to talk about they wanted to bond because they felt like that to them, that's love, right? We've been taught as women, that's how we support our friends. We get in the pit with them. We bash the other person. We talk about how wrong the other person is, right? How am i How many trends are there right now about blaming narcissist for the red flags. There's so many narcissists out there, you gotta look out for them. It's like, No, you don't. That's gonna keep you disempowered. Blaming people. You gotta look in the mirror and ask yourself, what saboteur archetype is a perfect match for a narcissist if I stop operating for my fantasy addict, painting a story onto this person I don't even know, ignoring my feelings in my body, my gut, my truth and shape shifter, self sacrificer like if I stop operating from those parts of me, I will stop attracting narcissists. Now I can take charge of my life and create a new experience, totally rewrite my story, because I'm in charge of it, rather than thinking that my past experiences are are every single man on planet Earth, and I'm going to project them on every day to go on, and I'm going to look for the flags, right? So what does that do, if you're looking for red flags, first of all, wrong focus. You're not paying attention to your own body and your own experience. It keeps you in the other person's world, so you're disconnected from yourself. You are on guard, right? Your heart doesn't need a guard. You don't need protection. You need to be able to feel your truth. Be able to sit presently with someone and be curious and open instead of projecting your fantasies onto them. That manipulation is just as bad as nervous them, right? One person's selfish, one person's selfless, the selfless one looks great because she's like sacrificing herself for everyone else. How is that great? She's manipulating. She's lying, right? I remember the first time I heard that people pleaser. Is the biggest liars of all, because how many times as a people pleaser Have you said yes and it's actually a no, and then you feel bitter and resentful, right? So it's the same thing. It's protection. If we stop judging the protection, we stop labeling the protection, and we just look at it as protection, this person's in their survival patterns, some look way worse on paper, but my my love, your power lives inside of you. It lives inside of you. Saying, You know what, how we're communicating with each other does not feel good for me. And if this is not something we can evolve together and work on together and grow out of and grow into a new phase of loving, honest, you know, connected communication, then this relationship's no longer a match for for me and my truth. Right? That's you taking ownership as a being like he's in our success. He's a liar. He's a this. He's that. Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame. So that's most friends in saboteur mode, and they want us to feel supported by blaming and by jumping on board with whatever story we're telling. Right? So if you're married and it's a story about how your ex partner is the bad guy, they'll jump on board with that. If you're single and you're dating and it's like all men on planet Earth suck, they'll jump on board with that. Whatever the story is. That's how women have been taught to support each other, right? Or they give bad advice. The opposite of that is them telling you what to do. And if you're a pleaser and you have controller friends who tell you what to do, that's another that's another saboteur pattern, right? Because you actually don't need to be told what to do. And I'm when I'm going to talk about what heroin friendships look like in support of relationships, it is so different and is so much better, like way better, so much. Because you know, you might feel good in the moment that your friends are jumping on the bandwagon with you, that validating in the moment you might feel like, Yeah, I'm right. He's wrong. He's an asshole, because you feel so hurt underneath. The little girl underneath feels like, what's wrong with me? I'm not good enough. Why did this thing happen? Why did this man leave? What did that guy not ask me on a second date? Why did why was he said to Dick and he didn't do this or that or the other, or he said this thing or that thing, and we internalized it, and then our saboteur tries to protect us by gossiping and dramatizing and bad mouthing him, and then our friends jump on board, and it feels good in the moment, but it never feels good after. What does it do? It takes the thing that happened and makes it way bigger than it was. Right? Things happen. Relationships are going to end. Marriages are going to end. People are going to fall in love with other people. People are going to rebel against the script and the making decisions for their future self. Stuff is going to happen. People are going to die. You're going to lose people like the human experience is a messy one. None of it is

predictive. We actually do not know what's coming right. The script is dangerous because it has us believe a lie. Just because I married this person and I signed a contract, or just because we're living together, or whatever the illusion might be, means we're just done. We're a done deal. Now I can be passive. Now I don't have to put any effort into the relationship. I don't have to learn how to be in relationship. I can just project all my shit onto this person, and I can stop showing up for myself and I'm and I just assume it's always going to be there. It's not, especially not if you're actively engaging with it, with tending to it, taking care of it, learning how to be a healthy relationship, and being in a healthy relationship, more importantly, with yourself and taking full responsibility for all of your feelings and how you want to feel and your desires and when you do, then you meet someone who's a match to that, who takes also takes responsibility for their own experience, rather than projecting all their Pain onto you. Right? We look to relationships to save us, to fix us, to to to rescue us from something. Because that's what from two years old, we were taught they're going to do what they're going to be rescued from a tower. You can be rescued from your horrible life, and this man is going to wake you up from your coma, or he's going to he's going to be the key to you being a human and giving up your life in the sea, whatever. I'm trying to use fairy tale examples. That's what we're taught from a very young age. So even if you're not thinking about being rescued by love, on some love, believe that's what it's going to do, and when it comes along, even if you're a controller, isolator, who's close to love altogether when it comes along. Guess what? Most of most women's little fantasy addict saboteurs kick in right when we actually have feelings for someone, or they mimic maybe a parent from childhood, and then we get into that toxic dynamic. But if your friends are all in your set, they're saboteurs, and that's how your relationships are based. Because that's going to impact your ability to grow. So it's so important, as you commit to this path and to living a life in alignment with the truth of who you are in your soul, to have community that is essential, to have community of women who are also taking responsibility for doing life in a new way. And like I said, I've said, so many different chips can evolve with you, and some of them will, and some of them won't. There's actually two best coming to the next immersion, which I'm so excited about. The immersion this weekend. It's happening very soon. That's fun, two sisters and two besties. So it's going to be a really beautiful experience. So you can grow with your bessies and your sisters, and you will also attract new one that are really aligned with the woman you are inside, underneath all of these protective patterns, it's exhausting. Oh my gosh. Okay, so let's talk about one more example. So we got dating, we got marriage, we got like, you know, these things happen. Our friends, just want to feed the stories you're a victim. Like, okay, you are a victim for the first week, some your relationship ruptures unexpectedly, yes, a week, a month, whatever, own your story. Go into it, vent it out. Be a Victim. Go into hatred, go into blame, Go into all those things, lean into it, and then get to the girl underneath, that Wounded Little Girl underneath, and you love the shit out of her. You take care of her, you honor her, you nourish her, you nurture her, you ask her where she wants to be. You only surround her. You only let yourself go places where she was amazing, seen and loved and held. You take care of her. Don't wait for your friends to come rescue you, or the guy to come back and rescue you. Then it's a little girl in a relationship with daddy recuing Her, or the prince rescuing her. If you want to be a queen, you start to love your stuff. You don't need to be rescued. You can handle your pain. You know? Do you know all of our patterns are all in the name of protecting yourself from pain, but it creates endless suffering, endless suffering. You're you're making pain, right? You are. You are a co creator of your reality 100% of the time, right? The universe is like the divine director of your movie. The universe is directing where the movie's going, and you can trust that director, because that director knows the path that's meant for your soul better than anyone else that you can trust. And you will learn the more you get honest with yourself and you listen to your own heart and your own inner make choices that feel scary, that feel like, oh my god, I can't do this thing, but your heart is a yes to it. When you follow that and you say no to what's a no in your inside, inside your body, you will get to experience that divine direction, rather than controlling your script. How many women are forcing themselves to get married, forcing themselves to settle down? What like? Ew. I've said this a long time ago. I haven't said it in a long time, though, settle down. Every woman says, I just want to settle down. I'm like, why you want to settle and you want to be down. That's what happens when women lock themselves into the script and they're doing it for the wrong reasons. They're saying, like, I just Okay, I gotta get married. I gotta lock this relationship down. There's safety out there and settling down like everyone else. And guess what? Everyone wakes one day, whether you might be numbing it with antidepressants. You might be numbing it with wine every night. You might be numbing it with Botox. You might be numbing your truth right now, but at some point, every woman wakes up inside of the scripted life. And the problem is not the items of the life, it's not the house, it's not the kids, it's not the it's what part of you made that choice was it rooted in fear? Because every woman who made that choice from that place, and who had a predetermined fantasy of where her life was supposed to go at some point will wake up and be like, what was it all for? I checked all these boxes. I did it perfectly. Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth Gilbert, woke up one day, had the dream life, the on paper dream life, and I'm laying in bed disconnected from all of it. Why am I here? Why am I married? Why am I, you know, in this life? And then she went on her Eat, Pray, Love journey. That's what my clients do the very first immersion. They all explained it to their friends that way. It's like the journey of like coming home to herself, her soul, her pleasure, her body, her heart, her divinity, her play, her fun, her expression where she wants to be in the world. She came home to all of that, her truth. And then life kept bringing her unexpected experiences. I mean, God, Elizabeth Gilbert story is the best, because beyond that movie, she'd been married Javier Bardem character. She married the Brazilian guy in real life, and then she got divorced. I will have her on the podcast one day. And then she had a third marriage with her best friend, who was a woman, and then her best friend. Died of cancer, and they were madly in love, and then, like, her story keeps continuing, and it's unscripted. Like your life is unscripted too, and you, if you're living from your saboteur, your saboteur will make decisions and will lie to everybody and to you, to Instagram, your saboteur will lie and be like, I'm so happy. Everything's great. I feel great. Look at my life. I'm winning. I'm doing this script perfectly. And your friends have been trained, if they're in their saboteurs, to keep you there, right? They've been trained to keep you there. So let's talk about that third thing. So dating relationships, marriage and divorce and breakups. Divorce and breakups. People dramatize breakups so much. We've been taught to oh, he broke my heart. That is the biggest victim statement I have ever heard. He broke my heart. No. First of all, your heart's not breakable. You are unbreakable. That is true. Second of all, he didn't do anything to you. The thing itself, that happened was neutral. It happened. Did it feel really painful, for sure. Am I telling you to not feel your feelings? No. Lean in. Feel it all, but don't feed the story that he did something to you. He broke my heart. Your friends, Oh, what an asshole. I can't believe he did. This is so out of character for him. Or, Wow, I like he doesn't deserve you. Or, oh, you should get him back like they're gonna your friends will project where they're at in themselves, what their fears are, what their survival mechanisms are that keep them safe. Quote, unquote safe is actually code for in a miserable prison inside of yourself, right? If somebody, if a relationship ends, that rupture needs to happen, even if one day you get

back together, like my current partner and I, that that happened. We were, if you go back to the still here, we were together for three months, we had a great time dating, really and really connected, really compatible, and then we ruptured, and we split for four months. And I was like, Oh, this man's not, does not have the emotional capacity with a woman like me, like this is a no. I was very clear. Four months later, he did a lot of reflecting, a lot of growth, a lot of sitting with his side and his patterns he had, we had coffee. I thought we were just meeting as friends, and he went on this big tangent as to all the things he'd seen and shifted and and then we got back together. Now we've been together for two and a half years, so that can happen, but, but, but when you go through a breakup, if you're attached to that happening, you're in fear, right? Versus remembering, and this is a practice. You're going to remember this over and over and over again, and it gets easier, trust me, it gets way easier, because you're going to remember how supported you are by life and that you're not the director anymore when you're in your fear based after a scripted life that's empty, miserable, depressed and anxious, that is an option, that's the life that your saboteur and society has scripted for you. That's an option. Or when you're in your unscripted life, it doesn't mean you could still get married in an unscripted life, but it's like, what part of you is leading is making that choice, right? How are you making that choice? Are you making that choice for okay, this is a new phase of our relationship, and we'll see how it goes, and we'll keep putting energy into it, and we'll keep evaluating it like a car lease. We'll keep checking in. Is this, do we want to keep renewing our lease like we're not going to put each other in prison and be like, you have to stay with me forever? No wonder people cheat, no wonder people leave. No wonder people have mental breakdowns because they're forcing themselves to stay in prison, even when it doesn't feel good. And there's there's no tools or exploration on how to grow and deepen the relationship. So of course, that's going to happen when you're following the script. So that's an option. You can live from that part of you, and if you have friends who are living from the script, they will try and pull you back in the bucket. If you have a relationship that's unconventional, let's say you're exploring being with a woman because you fell in love with one. Or let's say you are exploring open relationships. Or let's say you are you fell in love with someone who lives on the other side of the world, like your your friends, how they support you through that is a direct reflection of how they are in their lives with themselves, right? It's not about you. So if you're taking advice from someone who lives in a box, who's doing life perfectly and anxious as fuck, and taking pills for it, or numbing themselves on their own, maybe not the best person to get advice from, right take advice from someone who who inspires you, who expands you. And, you know, I think of my friends, so I'm thinking about the difference between toxic relational dynamics that keep us in the drama, like our friends reinforced you've been heartbroken. Oh, honey, you're a victim. Like, oh yeah, he broke your heart. He's an asshole. Like.

Like, that's a story. It's like, this thing happened for a purpose. There's a reason this thing ruptured. Oh, yeah, that was tangent I was on before, and I'll now circle back to it. There's a reason. And it could be temporary and it could be forever, but there is something greater, and you will learn to trust the divine director, which is the universe, which is life, which is God, Goddess, whoever you want to call it. There is an intelligence to this planet and when and I live in it, and I'm proof. I have lots of clients to live in it. I have my lots of all of my friends live in this place. It doesn't mean we don't feel pain. It doesn't mean we never have triggers, but our lives are so divinely orchestrated. It doesn't mean you have to move to Greece in Kenya to have a divinely orchestrated life, just to be clear, but that's an option for you. But when you're living the script, we just live like zombies, like we go through a breakup and what do we say? He broke my heart, instead of just feeling our sadness, feeling our grief, loving up that that little girl inside and letting her know, you know, this is all perfect. I know it hurts, and we're gonna feel it. We're gonna we're gonna cry and we're gonna have bubble baths. We're gonna do nurturing things together me and you little You right, taking care of that little girl inside. And I promise you, I've got you. Life's just gonna keep getting juicier, because we're trusting this direction, because life is leading, we're not leading anymore. When we lead, we suffer. So we're not leading anymore. So I'm going to let life lead, and you're going to be okay, and I'm going to be okay. We've got this. We're in this together, right? That's the new paradigm. Version of a breakup doesn't mean you're not going to feel grief. Of two are or maybe you won't. Actually, I had breakups, or it's just by the time I leave, I feel relief, and it feels clear, and it's it's the grieving has happened already inside the relationship, so it's possible too. But we're taught from the movies that relationships are dramatic, that you have to hate your ex partner, that you that you had be crazy. I met this amazing Italian woman. I'm having her on the podcast soon. She She lives in row, or she lives in Nairobi. She has the greatest love story. I'm not going to share it all now, but she has the coolest new paradigm situation. Her husband, who lives in Nairobi too. She's from Rome. He's from Israel. He has a daughter who's an angel, magical soul, that lives in San Diego, and they're all best friends with his ex wife, and they all drive their daughter. They go to San Diego every few months, and they spend a month together, and they drive the daughter to school, and then they spend summers in Italy together, like literally New Paradigm relationship, right? But we're so used to just following the script, right? You got married, what do you say after that was the best day of our lives. But right? That's the script. Someone's pregnant. Oh, what are you two? Is it a boy or a girl? Like we just say the scripted things. We don't get curious. We don't get underneath that is the saboteur, right? Breakups are crazy for like, your friends bond with you, through colluding, through drama, through co dependency, feeding your fantasy stories. They keep you in the script. They blame, they, you know, or or, or they please, or they they don't share honestly. They shape shift. We bond through victimhood. We bond through pain. I remember when I was younger, I was, like, naturally kind of a happy person. I think I have a lot of fire and air in my astrology, so it's just like, naturally a lighter person. And I remember I had to, like, learn to be gossipy and dramatic, to bond with my friends, because I had nothing to bond with them over Have you ever had that experience? And it's so cool sitting here now because my soulmate collective, my besties all the women who I keep, and I say collective because we keep collecting them. When you live from the soul and truth of who you are, you will collect best friends and soul mates everywhere you go. The church bells are ringing right now. So God asked the universe life God, Whoever agrees, church bells are ringing, but you will collect soulmates everywhere you go, and the feeling of a soulmate relationship is I'm a mate to my own soul first, right? So when I'm going through a hard time, my friends don't ever worry about me. They know that I've got myself, right? So even when I got bit in the face by a dog in a foreign country, or when I'm going through a breakup, or whatever the thing may be that I'm going through, they know that I have myself. I am only in close relationships with women who have themselves. I would never be I teach the women I work with who are I believe are also soulmates. I teach them how to have themselves, but I would never be close friends with someone who doesn't have themselves. Why? Because then they're going to look to me to they're going to have expectations and demands and all of these things on me to rescue them, or they're going to be shut down, or they're going to be people pleasing and not telling the truth, right? So that is the. Most important thing that a woman has herself so and you start, it starts with you. Rather than looking at your friendships and being like you're fired, you're fired, you're fired look in the mirror. You got to learn how to be in relationship with the most important person in your life, the love of your life, you and the deeper you go into that relationship like I think of all the years I've been on this journey, and I have clients who've been on this journey for years, and the deeper they go into the relationship with themselves, the richer their life gets, the more meaningful their relationships get, the more intimate their connections get, the more aligned their love gets, the more juicy their life gets, the more fun and free and magical and beautiful, and you welcome all of it. Even when pain is there, we're not afraid of it, right? The saboteur protective mechanisms are all there to protect us from pain, but they're creating it. They're creating drama. It's like a reality TV show inside of your mind and inside of your friendships, versus when you're in your heroin, you're like, I'm activated right now. I'm going to go into it, I'm going to put on a song, and I'm going to lean into this rage, and I'm going to feel it fully, and then I'm going to connect with the little part of me underneath, and I'm going to alchemize it, and then I'm going to have a mature, sovereign conversation with that person, if I still need to share something from owning my side and saying, hey, when that happened, here's how it felt to you to know, but I've taken care of myself, and it's all good, but I, I wanted you to know that that was the experience I went through. If it's important to share, right? But they own it. They take care of themselves. It's the most amazing thing in the world. So, a soulmate, collective heroin type of relationship is celebratory. It's not competitive, right? Women competing and colluding and triangling and gossiping and being jealous of their friend, being jealous of each other, taking each other down like whether they're your friends or not. I mean, I've been taught to do that right, rather than if you're triggered by someone at work, look in the mirror, what is she reflecting? Right? That bitchy woman at work, if you're a pleaser, she's gonna piss you off because you're shut down from your power, and she's reflecting the shadow side of that. So everyone that triggers you is a mirror. Anyways, it's not about them, it's about you and and let all of your triggers deepen your relationship with yourself. God, that makes your life so much better and easier when we're not like land mine, land mine, land mine. Avoid that person. Avoid that person. Cut out these people. Cut out those people. Right? It's not about changing the external shift where you're coming from within yourself and the external will shift. So when you are in your heroine, in the soulmate relationships, everyone's taking radical responsibility for their feelings, not projecting onto each other, and also owning like I know my friends too, when they're going through a tough time, I don't feel like, oh my god, I gotta call her. She's going through a tragic time. I gotta be there for her. I used to that used to be me and all my relationships. So I was like, I gotta be the best friend ever. So everyone loves me the most, and it was fake, and it was sacrificing, and it was exhausting, and I had nothing left for myself. Now I'm like, Oh, I know she's God herself, and I'm gonna show up when I have the capacity in the perfect way, like for me, not for her, like that, in the most authentic way, I'll say maybe better word than perfect. So we also hold each other to our highest like, when I'm in my contraction, like, I think, okay, Marianna is my my bestie, who I've had on the podcast lots so who I talk to the most I have, I have lots of soul mate, bestie, so, but I talked to Marianna the most we we work through stuff when it arises, but like when I'm in contraction, I'm in my pain body, she doesn't think that's all of who I am, and she doesn't feed the story. She just like holds the space and then calls me back to my heroine, calls me to rise, reminds me of who I am, reminds me to look in the mirror. That's what she does. And I'm like, damn it.

Okay, fuck. I thought this person was wrong, but again, I have to look in the mirror and own it. So look in the mirror. It's all about you. You don't have to protect yourself anymore from the environment around you. That is such a disempowered victim way to live. And it's like, Oh, my God, it's exhausting, right? That, and I noticed that happens a lot. When people get on the self aware path, they often then project like, Okay, I'm in my higher self, and everyone else isn't, so I gotta get rid of that person and that person, that person that's like, that is not your Higher Self talking. That is your saboteur, ego, mind, talking, thinking, still needs to protect you from the external world, or change the world around you, or blame the world around you for how you feel, rather than you seeing why is this person activating me? What is it? What part of me am I shut down from? Who are they reminding me of? What is this reflection and then owning it and then, and then not taking it so personally? Does that mean you're. Be friends with everyone. No, I don't go hang out with people with saboteurs, but, but I can still be in a room with them, right? So Honest, honest communication, right? My friends don't lie. They're not like, Okay, I'll like, do that thing because you feel bad right now. They're honest. They're like, You know what? I love you so much. I know you're going through something and I am full right now. I'm going to call you in a few days when I have the capacity, and I'm like, Thank you for being honest. Or they're honest with Dynamics. They notice, without giving advice, if they notice an old pattern of mine arising, they'll reflect it. But without telling me what to do, they're not attached to what I do, because they know I've got myself again, right? You've got to have yourself, then you'll surround yourself with women who have themselves, and then you can also have each other, right? You have your own back first, and then you also have each other's backs. Yeah, no one gives advice, though, and it's curious, it's open, it's appreciative. We're like, appreciating the crap out of each other all the time, so much love, so much curiosity, so much openness, openness to to live outside the box, to follow what feels good, to know, to learn and grow and evolve together. So yeah, your relationships, you know, they matter, and you know, I hope that you don't take away from this episode going and like firing all your friends and thinking of a problem, because if you're looking at them as the problem, then you're in your saboteur. Still, you're in your protection. Still, you don't need to protect yourself, but what you need to do is have an honest, reliable, powerful, connected relationship with everything inside of you. So I hope this episode served your heart and inspired you in some way. Would love to hear from you. Share send me messages. If there's any topics you want me to dive into, or anything you want me nuances that you want me to deepen on. I'm happy to do that in future episodes. But again, like women, relationships are so important, and most people, most women, or even if they think their besties are best amazing, like most of them, like I used to be, like, my besties are my best friends in the world. They're the most amazing people in my life. But, like, I was a people pleaser, Shape Shifter with all of them, they didn't know me, and now none of them are my like, Okay, we love each other, but we're not close anymore, because our paths are so different, and I wasn't being who I really am. So it's time to come home and wake up who you really are. Can come to the immersion with me next year, the next one is next spring, and I work with women for a year up until leading up to the immersion for nine months, and then they come to the Immersion at the end, or sometimes in the middle, and I'm launching, actually, a new community. So I'll be sharing more about that with you soon, but that's not coming till the summer. So that's something you could be a part of to meet women who are on the path, who are living in life, in alignment. You can sign up for these love masterclass that's coming, and that's a really fun way to get to know women and expanded love masterclass, where I teach the five saboteur archetypes in depth, which I kind of touched on them today, but I teach them in depth. It's really powerful. Every time I do it, it's different. And that's coming June and the registration, I'll link it below this page, but also it's $22 and you'll get a copy of it after. So normally it disappears after it's over, but this year, it's $22 and then you get to have it for life. So you will get access to the videos after the experience and during. You can be on there, live with me. It's really, really powerful, and then we all meet on zoom at the end and connect with each other. So that's coming up in June. I think it's June 16 week, and so definitely sign up for that. And just like, be intentional with where you surround yourself with, who you surround yourself with, and how, like, what you can do today is clean up how you're showing up in your friendships. Are you feeding fantasy? Everything I talked about. Are you doing it? Take ownership? Are you colluding? Are you feeding drama? Are you feeding fantasy? Are you feeding fear? Or are you holding space, letting your friends vent and then asking deeper questions and then reminding them to love up on themselves, sharing this episode with them so they feel more empowered, or sharing another podcast episode or something that's actually going to help them grow through this thing, rather than feed the drama, right? And feed the old fearful beliefs and feed the old projections from the past, you can rewrite your story. They can rewrite their story. So BE THE CHANGE first in the world you wish to see Gandhi BE THE CHANGE first, and then see what happens. So love you. Let me know how this episode landed, and yeah, I will talk to you very soon. Bye.