The Struggle of Life: And the Solution

Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield, and I'm the refreshed John bitchman

Kelly. I'm refreshed from my vacation to Colorado.

That's so awesome.

It's good, it's good. It is good.

It's good. To do that, you got to reset

Right, right. You gotta sharpen the saw

Exactly.

So our topic today is the struggle of life and the solution and a little backstory on this. So I did a podcast not too long ago, and the host thoroughly embraced the methodology and and it, it transformed his life. And I didn't realize at the time, but he's really well connected. And he he connects me to this guy that specializes in brain health, really sharp guy. So we develop a friendship, and we're working together. And one of the things he he tells me, as we get to know each other, he says, I have a little constructive criticism on your book that I think will help you. And he says, I think you need to spend way more time talking about the struggle that people have in being successful, because that will bring them in. They're more interested in hearing about their struggle than than your success. And and I think that's right. I think it's a valid comment and helpful. And so let's explore this a little, because Kansas City has been a long time since I struggled and and the same with you. But tell our listeners the struggle you went through as you became an adult and and the struggle to be successful.

Yeah, I think, yeah. And I'm trying to, I'm just trying to, I myself, am trying to think back. And I think for me, it feels like my life kind of began when I really began to struggle. Would be right at that kind of pivotal point when I was in my career and really not fulfilled at all in my career. So we're talking mid 30s. Mid 30s than prior to jumping, you know, off and starting my own business. And that's where I felt like most of the, you know, friction or challenges came in that window of launching business, you know, from a business standpoint. So yeah, I'm just trying to think you would kind of caught me off guard in terms of, like, now I've got to think and process about, like, what challenges that I've had specifically. Can you help me? I could

Well, first of all, I think that your experience of not really experiencing struggle until you're in your 30s is is pretty, pretty normal, because until you get to be 30, I, I mean, I was certainly this way, and I think most people are this way. People are just, they're just doing life. They're they're not necessarily so concerned about success. Sure, they'd like it, but, you know, they're just young adults learning how to do life and having fun being an adult, and then when you hit 30, it's like, okay, I got to get my act together. And I mean, I remember distinctly coming to that conclusion that I'm no longer a boy anymore. I'm a man now. And of course, I became an entrepreneur when I was 30, and so that was part of this process. So think back to when you were moving away from being working for someone to having your own company, and off you go. Talk about the struggles that you've experienced in that process.

Yeah, I think first of all, you know, the the struggle for me, probably in the two years leading up to making the move and starting my own business, were a feeling of, you know, restlessness, you know, a feeling of not being fulfilled at all, a feeling of knowing that there was something more I was supposed to be doing and that I'd always had a dream that I wasn't living into my potential. I wasn't, you know, so there was this internal struggle, but yet, I was very comfortable in my role. I was making good money. I was really relied upon. There was a lot of ego involved, because I was kind of that go to person and the Golden Child of the right. And so you know that making that leap and two, part of my identity has been, you know, I worked for 13 and a half years at the same company, you know, building so, like, part of my identity was that. And so I think then making the decision to leap, you know, start my first business, ingenuity advantage, and then all of the challenge. It comes along with, and this is something that I wasn't prepared for. We talk a lot about identity. All of a sudden I was like, well, if I'm not the person that is doing this, working for this company and performing at this level, then, you know, learning to put on the new cap. You know, being business owner and not having anybody to report to, like, I'm competitive, so all of my stats that were associated with wanting to be at the top, and there were people I was competing with. Well, when I to start my own business, I wasn't competing with anybody but myself. And was a whole, you know what? I mean, it was a whole. So I think that the imposter syndrome, like, you know, I joke, you know, that that first year or two in business, I don't think there was one week that, you know, at least one day of the week on my way home, on the commute, that I wasn't a little bit teary. Like, did I do the right thing? Did I do the right thing? Like, right you do here? Because,

too, we were in the depths of a recession. You know, people weren't doing a lot of hiring. We I put a lot on the line, you know, personally, for to start the business. And so, you know, I think that that time for me, where I grew the most was in that window of time where I was struggling the hardest, because it was a slow start. You know, we weren't through a recession, so it was just, and I'm lucky that I had had success in my career, because I was able to say, you've won at most of the stuff you've you know, yes, I failed, you know. And through that failure, I've won right because I've read something, I've pivoted, I've done whatever. And so like, you could really do anything that you set your mind to, so just keep doing the right thing. And then I would have that voice doubting saying, Are you doing the right things, though? Are these the right things to be doing? Because nothing's happening yet, you know. And so it was this whole kind of like Angel, devil, you know, situation going on, and then to doubting myself in my new role as a business owner, like, because I had never done it before, you know. And so there was just all of this strife in that window of

Right? You know, that's that is very interesting, at least from looking from the outside looking in, because, of course, going from being an employee to being an entrepreneur is a big deal. And I see, and I also look at this through the lens of you learning. Think it be it, because when you're feeding the succinct articulation of your desired life, and you're you're articulating to yourself for my new entrepreneurial business, here's my business plan, here's my strategy for success, I would think that that would largely eliminate the negative inner voice, because you just go, Hey, I got a plan. I'm following the plan was. What's there to be? Is it right? Is it right? Is it wrong? I don't know, but I got a plan, and if it appears to be wrong, then I'll change the plan, but I'm not going to spend any time fretting over this negative inner voice. Is that a fair assessment?

Yeah, I think so. And I think too I benefit. There's two different and this goes to mentorship, you know? It goes to learning growth, like we talk about was that I don't know it was a I think it was both a positive and a negative. But this was 17 years ago, so you know how now fingertips, you can look up, you can find a course on something you can do at this time, it was Tony Robbins that was I, you know, because he was a well known person in that space that you know from a mindset standpoint, from a business growth standpoint, that you know in in one breath. So I really followed in and dug in on that information, because you didn't have a bunch of stuff at your, you know, fingertips for mentoring. So I still questioned is this, am I on the right track? Like it? Do I? So that's where, when we're talking about the the methodology, I think the gap for me still was, but am I doing the right stuff that I'm supposed to be doing? Because I didn't have that knowledge or expertise, and I feel like that's where that mentorship comes into play. Was because I couldn't I at the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey from employee to entrepreneur, I couldn't close that gap. I was still there was a lot of uncertainty about what the right things were to do, like you as an employee, that if you do this, you know, as far as sales calls and things along those lines, that if you're consistent, you and I knew what worked as an employee, but running a business, all of that's much different than, you know, being a technician inside a business,

Right? Well, yeah, that's a great point, because everybody needs a mentor. And I think the thing that most people don't realize is that people are out there and they will help. It labeling up just like the guy that you met not too long ago in Denver. Yeah. I mean, you've grown, and you see that people help if you ask. And as good as our methodology is in terms of giving yourself this immense control over yourself, you still got to know the right things to do, and some of those right things have to come from a mentor or or the alternative is, is to look at people in your business more successful than you are and duplicate what they're doing, but that's harder done than said and and having a mentor in the business that will help you again. People innately want to help you, if you if you were humble and asked for their help. And so that's a great lesson. I think.

I think so. And I think the one other thing, John, that this methodology really would have helped was the other thing that you mentioned, which was, I had a lot of chatter in my head, you know. And I don't want to say NES I do there were definitely negative. It wasn't like, you can't do this, but it was the question that's like, Are you sure you did the right thing here? Like, this is not going like you thought it was going to. This was, you know, like, so it was that kind of a that I would have to go, No, you know, I'm look, I got to find a different way. Then, if this isn't working, then what's the way? What's the direction? How do I need to, you know? And that's when we learned, you know, I'm like, banks weren't loaning any money. The banks were in crisis, you know? And I'm like, Okay, well, if we want to do contract staffing, which was not part of the original business plan, I wanted to get away from it, but I knew that that would keep the business afloat, right? How can I get? How can I do that without funding it myself? You know, then it was finding that out and going, Okay, I'm gonna give a lot of the profit away, but it gives me an opportunity. You know, anyway it, you know, I got that mindset about, like, trying to solve problems, but that negative self talk was an that imposter syndrome at that point, or you were like, Okay, what the hell were you thinking? Just because you were an awesome recruiter didn't mean that you're going to be awesome at running a business. You know what I mean? And I would have those that would be kind of some of the stuff at the initial part, nobody knew that's what I was thinking, because I put on a good, confident front right in the quiet and, you know, 3am thoughts as you start to wake up, and that, that is where this methodology would have, at that time, been a game changer for me, because I wasted a lot of energy in worry and it, you know, in trying to talk myself down off of that ledge that I was on,

Right? Well, I look, I mean, you would have profit from a two minute tutorial on being an entrepreneur. It never works out exactly like you expect. Sorry, you're going to have a lot of failure. That's okay. That's the path to success. You iterate and you learn. Failure is not a bad thing. It's just a learning experience.

It's information. That's it

Exactly, exactly. I think back when, before I learned this methodology in my 30s and 40s, I always felt like that my results did not match my effort, and I suspect you felt that way too, and I saw that I worked harder than all my friends, and so I thought I deserved big success, which I see how erroneous that thought process is, that you deserve a show, deserve a friggin thing. You get what you earn. You know, so if you're not taking the right actions, you're getting what you deserve. And so, I mean, that's where there was a power of Think and Grow with saying that success is the cumulative effect of your daily actions. But so I I'm having this feeling of my results don't reflect my efforts, I felt like, boy, I'm sharper than this. To just be making 200 grand a year. I see people make a lot more money than I am, and, and I don't know that maybe this is my ego, but, but I thought, hey, they're they're not sharper than I am. And so it was all frustrating and and always felt that I had more in the tank. I know you've used that before, right? You talk about that a little

bit for sure. Yeah, absolutely like knowing I was not living into my potential, that I had more to give, I had more impact to make. Why? Why am I not living into that like I was meant for more I was meant to impact more people I was, you know, why am I not living into that was kind of the thought that would keep me up at night, you know, instead of now, through even this methodology, you know, so even in the eight years or so that I've been doing the methodology, my the quality of my questions change. I'm not asking you why you. That thought popped into my head now it would be, how can I make more of an impact and live into, you know, my potential? What is the next level for me? And not why that puts you into that, like immediately into a victim right type of mentality, but how and into that solution mode? And that was I learned that and hardwired that in from the methodology was to join quality in my questions

Well and and we're, we're looking at this from the standpoint of career success. And I, I think back and I saw that I wasn't overly successful in my romantic relationship, certainly not in finding a person to share my life with. And I'm like, aren't there any quality girls out there? Well, sure, there are. But if you're living your life like I was in my 30s and 40s, where it's like, I don't have clarity about exactly what I'm looking for, and who do I need to be to attract that, that girl, and what am I doing to bring opportunities to me? How do I work smart on this? Because I discovered it's a numbers game and so so that that all that was frustrating, and then on my health, by my nature, I'm fairly disciplined, but still, I didn't have a level control over my eating and exercise that I wanted, and so I just saw this, this life of wanting more but not knowing how to get it, not having an actual way of doing life, I'm just winging life like everybody else. And then at 50, I'm like, Well, this, this doesn't work. Clearly, this does not work. It produces an average life, but I want the exceptional life. And once i i figured out the secret and the methodology to apply it. Everything sort of came together at the same time. I'm impacting my career, I'm impacting my romantic relationship, I'm impacting my health, all at the same time, because what I'm doing for 12 minutes a day to start my day is impacting those, those things, and it was a total game changer for me, as I know, and it added to impacted the other parts your life as well, right?

Oh, yeah, 100% it's hard to because when you because it all is based on identity, right? You know, so right? You are like it changes every aspect, all the the way that you interact with the and like, everything about you changes. And so it makes sense that it touches every area of your life, because you're doing all the work needed on the identity to live into that, you know, kind of best life, you know, the exceptional life. And so, yeah, it's and it's, what's crazy is that it, it's happening, and you all of a sudden, you're just like, Oh, how did that happen? You know, right,

Right? Well, I want to thank my my friend Eric, for enlightening me to maybe a shortcoming, because I think that's that's right people, I we forget, because we're blessed to sort of be operating at this higher level, and it's great, but you forget about the immense struggle you went through. Yeah, and I oftentimes think about that. The big takeaway for me, the big thing that changed for me and for you, was simply understanding how the human mind works, and that, and Eric, to his credit, is amazing. He is highly tuned to optimizing the brain, and so that's why the sort of what I what I'm teaching him and he's teaching me is so compatible. But because, you know, just understanding how the human brain worked was the difference between an average life and an exceptional life from this higher level of control, but I see that your subconscious mind controls your life. If 95% of your daily thoughts and actions are unconscious, how hard is it can to connect the dots that your subconscious mind is controlling your daily actions. And so you got to gain control of I mean, to me, this is two plus two equals four and and I see that you can either make your subconscious mind your your greatest asset, or it stays your greatest in essence, because if you don't do anything to impact it. You're innately wired for survival, and you're innately wired to be fear based and reactive, and that's why people do their life, their wing in life, and it doesn't really work that well, because they're innately fear based, they're innately reactive, and it's just. Lousy way to live. But the beauty is, it's your choice. You can either take control of your subconscious mind or you can elect not to it seems. So I know you see it like I do. But what can you add to that? Maybe,

Yeah. I just Yeah 100% and I think the one thing that I would add you know, is that reminding you. I mean, I think we've all been in scenarios where it's like, how am I back here again? Or, you know, why does this, you know, why does this keep happening? Or, why do I end up with the same type of person or, and it's because of what we're talking about with this subconscious. You know, not only are you geared for survival and for him to be fear based, but that subconscious is made up of all of these patterns and habits that you've developed over time. And we have these root you know, these routines is why you often see, you know, people have a type as far as a, you know, a mate that isn't necessarily good for them, right? You know, you see where they'll have success for a window of time, and then they'll self sabotage, and then they'll, you know, it's that's all made up in that subconscious programming, you know, and so getting a handle on that, and, you know, reprogramming that, I mean, it makes all the difference in the world. And I think that's the, one of the important distinctions for people to make, to get them thinking about some of those patterns and habits that don't, you know, serve them, because the whole idea of this is getting it reprogrammed to get new patterns, behaviors, habits in place that support your success,

Right, right? I'll tell you something that happened to me this weekend that was interesting. I had one of the girls in my classes past semester contacted me and she she wanted to go to lunch. She told me that she broke up with her boyfriend, and she stopped reading her life GPS template because to read it would remind her of the boyfriend, and it made me realize that then this applies to our listeners. The template is designed as you, as you may remember. It asks you, Are you in a romantic relationship or not? And so there is a different template if you, if you are versus not, and if you are in a romantic relationship then, then it's all geared around doing some key things, like having a weekly relationship talk and understanding what the five love languages are, and mirror validation and empty if you have a fight and so and focusing on the good attributes of of your partner and all that, and but then if you're single, then it's completely different. It's it's around the idea of what exactly do you want, and who do I need to be to get that? And so I bring this up to anybody that sort of changes status from being single to relationship or vice versa. You can just go back into the template and select the other template and just cut and paste that part and put it in your existing template. Or you can email me and I'll help you do that. But it never occurred to me that, you know, people's status will will change. So yeah,

Now that's interesting. That's a good, good reminder for people, and I bet too, you know, you might have people's status change around, you know, switching careers, or, you know, that kind of a thing. So right, remembering that whatever's there is not set in stone. It's a living document that you're going to need to, you know, tweak and and change as you're, you know, with your life and the circumstances that are happening with you, you know, at that particular time. So that's right, that's a good reminder.

And the other thing that sort of came up is, is I see that for some reason, some people, I have a tendency not to want to change their life GPS template. And I now I've come to realize you want to change it once every week or two weeks, even if it's just a word, because if you don't change it, you're not as connected to it as if you do change. Well, what do you think about that?

I think that. And here I haven't thought about that. How mine changes probably once a month, right? And of course, I review it quarterly, but because I am either achieving or something has come up that I'm like, oh, that's something that I'm gonna get PERS. You know what I mean? Like, I have created such an awareness now, and my reticular activating system is on high alert all of the time that there are things that I am implementing or but as far as, like, changing a word, or, like, I. And thought about, I'll do that real fine tuning and tweaking definitely quarterly when I reset rules. But mine's always associated with something new. I'm, you know, so I haven't thought about it as far as changing wording or anything along those lines before, because I am changing it, but I'm not changing it weekly, I would say, if I guess, on average, you know, every

Yeah. Well, I think that's fine. I think whatever works for for you is it's fine. But I do see that. I mean, I'm almost anal with it in that if there's a punctuation off, like, I didn't put a period as it's got to be Igni, like, and I like, one of the things I just changed is I articulated that I'm mentally strong. Well, of course, I'm mentally strong. I'm I'm as mentally strong as anybody I know, because it's methodology, and I knew that. But, you know, it's just, it just feels good to articulate that. And because I see in life, there's you need to be mentally strong, there's points where that's important and and then this book letting go, I've been telling you about, and I talked about it, I think last episode, it talks about, have you ever seen this, this technique where you have a person, two people, one person sticks their arms out, and the other one will try and push the arm down. Yeah, yep. And so what this is, is, if you will, think of something that you know is a truth that you firmly believe in, and you get that in your mind, and the other person pushes your arm down, it will not move. It will strengthen, whereas if you think of a negative thought or a falsehood, your strength will decrease by literally 50%

Did you know that? I did not know that that's crazy.

It is crazy. And so I learned this in the book, letting go. So I put it in my life, GPS template, and I started testing it. Like every once in a while when I'm exercising, I really am, I'm going all out and and I need every bit of strength. And I started think, I'm going to test this. And so I tested it. And I I was thinking something I absolutely know, which is that I'm mentally strong. And so I think about that, and I saw it was just it was easier. I was stronger for that 15 seconds that I needed to be stronger. I could viscerally feel it. And so again, it sort of shows you the power of of of the mind. And in this book, it talks about how the mind controls the body, and you can't let the body control the mind, which is a great philosophy. So no,

I love that. One other thing I want to mention about visit visualization. When you ask me how often I change it, maybe another pro tip for people who are listening is another reason to change. It would be if there is something on there that no matter like you've been at it for three months reading and you are it is not sticking like the behavior is not changing, the belief isn't like, whatever the case may be, that is an indication that you need to go in and take a closer look at that. Whatever that is, whether it's could be structured wrong. Maybe it's to be written a little differently. Maybe you need to examine whether that's something that really, actually is what you want or is important to you. But it's that for me, is an indicator too, where I'm like, Why isn't this sticking, you know, like, and that's, for me, again, an indication where I need to pay attention to that and look at that a little closer. Restructure, you know, again, analyze whether it's something that's really important to me, whether that's something I want or not.

Well, that's, that's a great point, because if, if it's not sticking, it's, it's all how you're saying it. It's not that it won't work, it's just how you're saying it. And I found that 95% of the stuff that you say to yourself, you'll be able to do, and it will stick, but there will be things that it's not 100% but it's again, it's 95% but when you see it not working, and again, you got to give it 21 days. But after 21 days, if it's not working, go in there and change it or re evaluate it. And again, more likely is you just got to rephrase how you're saying it. I've seen many times where I've rephrased something, and instantly it, it started working and and the other thing I would say is, if there's anything in there that you're not doing, change it. Fix it, because that dilutes the power of it. If there's things in your. A Life GPS template that you're not doing, that you're not embracing. It sends a subtle message to its subconscious mind that none of this matters. It either 100% matters or none of it matters, and I operate purely from that's why I change it so often, that it's 100% who I am at this moment.

Well, it's a lot of dissonance when you are up against I always do what I say I'm going to do, yeah, and now you've got these two things that are conflicting, and it's creating that in your brain. And so, no, I love that. That's such a great point.

Well, and you know this power of doing what you say you're going to do. In this methodology, you're taking it to the highest level. I mean, most people live their life with the belief that they do what they say they're they're going to do, but the science shows that people do what they say they're going to do about 40% of the time, and so they're used to sort of not doing what they say they're going to do. But when you do this methodology, and you put all the stuff you're going to do, and you're feeding it to yourself every day, I want to say, I you'll have guilt if you don't. And because we're raising that that bar to 100% from 40% and that's also a game changer in that all of a sudden you start doing things you never did before because you didn't want to experience that guilt and you wanted to honor that integrity that you're you're setting the standard in your life for. So, yeah, okay, well, I think there's as much hopeful brilliance that we can bring. Until next week, we'll see.