The Difference Between The Exceptional Life in the Average Life: Doing Your Key Behaviors Consistently Rather Than Sporadically

Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield,

Hey, and I'm John Mitchell, but I wish I was Kelly Hadfield. I mean, her team is in the Super Bowl. Yes, my team is sitting on the sidelines hoping to get tickets for the Super Bowl. But So Kelly tell the story about the Seattle Seahawks who are now in the Super Bowl.

Oh my gosh, yeah, it is. It's a great story. You know, obviously we went to the Super Bowl, and we've gone to Super Bowl a couple of different times, but this team is so reminiscent of, you know, the team that we had in 2014 you know, where we had the Legion of boom, you know. And, you know, I think what's fascinating about this is in our community, you know, in Washington state, in Seattle, you know, Pete Carroll was, is beloved, you know. And was his beloved coach. And Paul Allen owned the Seahawks. He hired Pete back. I Gosh, I don't know the years or anything along those lines, but, you know, sadly, Paul passed away, you know, and Jody Allen, who's Paul's sister, inherited the company. And, you know, has a has a passion for the Seahawks as well. And you know, we kind of after the Super the tragic Super Bowl loss that we had,

We remember that

Oh God, after that, you know, year over year, things just like we, you know, it was never the same after that, you know. And obviously players come and go. And, you know, we had the whole thing with Russell Wilson that went on, right? And, you know, where he gets traded, you know? And so it's just fascinating that in two years time, because Mike McDonald, so they fired, you know, Pete Carroll a couple of years ago. And you know, we were just visiting about this a little before we started recording, you know, the courage, courage and leadership, you know. And you know, he's Beloved. I'm sure she had a wonderful relationship with them at some point. Obviously, there was the connection to, you know, her late brother, right? And so to be able to see, like, we're not going to be able to get what we're to go where we want to go, you know, what got us to where we were at that point isn't going to get us to the next, you know, to the next Super Bowl, basically.

And you and I have both learned those lessons, and we

We certainly have. And so to have the courage to say, You know what, we need to make a serious change here, to bring in a coach, well, to trust in John Schneider, who's got Executive of the Year, right for good reason with these different moves that he's made, you know, to trust in John, to give him the you know card Blanche, basically, and say, okay, build Your build the, you know, build the machine, and for and to for her, to have the trust in Him, the courage to make that big change with letting Pete go, because she got a lot of hate in our community. You know, as as much as the Seahawks fans were frustrated again, there was a, there's a love for Pete, you know, right? And so, you know, it's just been fun to watch, and it's been fun to watch, you know, they made some real key changes, you know, with the by trading away Geno Smith, who wanted to go, which was a good thing. He needed to go, you know. And then also to DK Metcalf, then requested a and made a move to the Steelers and both of those players, too. It's my understanding, and from what I hear, you know, from some of the players on the team

From some of your NFL sources, exactly,

You know, is that ego, you know, like when you get people in there with giant egos, who are, you know, that can impact things. And it sounds like what's going on here with the culture in the Seahawks is that the leadership there has done a really great job of, you know, building this team, starting with OTAs and training, yeah, you know, where everybody was just bought in, if they were optional, everybody was there. Everybody showed up, including Sam darnold, the quarterback, which is, in and of itself, a great story. It just feels magical like every they're having a ton of fun. You know, when you just see people hanging like you can see things are gelling, and they're having so much fun, and that every, you know, the offense, the defense, everybody aspiring, the coaching staff on all cylinders. It just feels like one of those magical, you know, years, and it all started, really, with that decision I think, that Jody made where it's like, as much as we love Pete, the community loves Pete, it's time for us to move on, you know,

Right, right. So well, it's a, it's a great story. And, and, you know, I'm a lifelong Cowboy fan, and it's been, like 25 years since we've been to the Super Bowl. And, and, you know, do you mind if I tell my

No, let's do it. That'll be fun.

It's so this is a story about having the opportunity to buy 12% of the Cowboys. You'll just find this this interesting. There's actually a lesson to it. And this is like a little history for you non cowboy fans. Jerry Jones buys the team in 1990 and he buys them from this guy, bum bright who. To own First National Bank of Dallas and and back in the 80s, all the banks failed. I owned a I owned a interest in a bank. My bank failed, and I was on the hook for $5 million on the on the bank loan. But that's whole nother story that I don't even want to think about that

exactly. Let's pretend that didn't happen.

Yeah. Ey, so Jerry Jones buys the team, anybody but he buys 80% of the team. And around this time, I had bought a restaurant called Nero's in Dallas, and that ultimately became the the most romantic restaurant in Dallas, according to D magazine. And so Jerry Jones starts coming coming there. Now he doesn't know anybody in Dallas, because he came from Arkansas, but he, he buys cowboys, starts coming in there. I'm a lifelong cowboy friend. Find a fan. So I so I get to knowing and and so around this time, I discovered, surprisingly that the United States government owned 12% of the Cowboys, because Jerry had bought 80% but there was, there was about 12% that was owned by friends of Jerry Jones that had defaulted on their loans, and the FDIC took over the interest in the Cowboys. So I became aware of it, and I had this creative thought, why don't I go buy that 12% from the from the FDIC, put it into a public shell company which can buy at a very low price. It's basically a company that's already registered on the stock exchange, but there's no asset, so you can buy it pretty cheaply. And the idea was, okay, let me go buy at 12% of the Cowboys. It was cost 10,000 $10 million at the time. Throw it in this public shell company, and it would be the first time a major sports franchise had been owned in the public markets. So a pretty good idea. So I go and I, of course, I don't have $2 million minor problem, but I have a relationship with a big law firm out in LA a company called melbanks Tweed. And so I go out there and I pinch them on the idea, why don't you guys in your partner's pension fund, put up the $10 million and you guys will own 10% of the Cowboys, and I'll get 2% for putting the deal together. So off we go. They like the idea. I go to the FDIC, and I said, Okay, I want to buy at 12% of the Cowboys you own. They go, Well, you and everybody else. And I tell them, but I really I have the ability to do this, I've got the money. And

they're like, Okay, we'll put up $100,000 letter of credit. Okay, no problem. And so then I go, Well, give me the partnership agreement. Well, they don't have the partnership agreement. And I'm like, hey, that's what you're selling. So you have to go get it. Call Jerry Jones, go get the damn engraven. Look putts around. They, you know, I can just tell, after waiting a few weeks, they're not doing anything on it. They're not doing what I suggested. And I said, we're not gonna be able to sell it if you don't do this. Of course, they're incompetent. But finally, I'm like, Well, this thing's going nowhere. I'm just going to go to Jerry Jones, not that he and I are great buds, but, but I knew him well enough to call barely, and have probably to call him. But I call him and I tell him, Jerry, hey, I'm I'm going to buy that 12% of the Cowboys CF Tennessee owns. How about if I just swing by this afternoon and pick up that partnership agreement. He goes, Well, John, I'm not going to give it to you, because I intend to buy that 12% and I go, Well, Jerry, you know they can make you give it to him. He goes, Yeah, I know, but they're government employees. They're incompetent, and my bet is they're too lazy to actually press the issue. Now just wait them out. Of course. I'm like, Well, Jerry, I gotta say this is exactly if I was in your shoes, is exactly how I would play it. And you know, it sounds like the story about the the big fish that got away because it's it's interesting that 12% of the Cowboys is now worth about 1.5 billion, with a B, and my 2% is. Worth about two $50 million and but here's what's interesting. Here's maybe the lesson about, oh, I don't know, eight or nine years ago, this had when I was about 40, but when I got a little older, I'm like, Oh, I didn't need the partnership agreement to begin with, because if, if there were any problems with it. I mean, the the agreement had been vetted. When the people that defaulted on the the their loans, they had

already the lawyers for the bank had already vetted the agreement make sure it was no problems with it. Otherwise they wouldn't have learned the money on it. And so I should have flown right out to LA and told the the partners of the law firm, write the friggin check. Let's buy it sight unseen, and if there's any problems, hey, you're lawyers, you can sue him. And But the lesson is that as you get older, you get smarter, and what you think is the only way something will work, is not true. But you know, in the intervening years, in fact, this is the first year from when I was about eight years old, started watching the Cowboys. I gave up on the Cowboys this year. I'm sick of them because and Seattle is such a good example of just intelligence, just intelligence, of putting a intelligent person in charge, let them do their job. Look what's happened they I don't know when there's been this big a turnaround in a NFL team than we've seen with Seattle and and I just think it's very smart, unlike how the Dallas Cowboys are run like when Jerry bought them. He says, I want to I want my family to be involved. Wow. Well, that's a kiss of death. I mean, like his son, who is now the CO general partner, has never had a job. He joined the team when he was 20, right? We have a real genius there running the show. So, you know, but I buy. But point of all this is my hat is off to Seattle, and they are my new team.

Oh, I love it to know it's so much fun. And, yeah, again, so many lessons. And there's one thing too that I want to this is one of the things I learned from this story when you originally told it to me. You know, all those years ago when we met, when we originally met, one of the things that I pulled out of it was more along the lines of year. And this goes, I think I know that this was before the think it be it method, but you already had this in you, which is, were two things making something that felt complex simple. And then the other thing is the massive action you know that you take, and you're like, there's zero reluctance to pick up the phone and make a call about something that you want, or to just make something happen. You know where and and I recognize this too when we were at the University of Texas with one another. You're like, you belong in any room you go into, you know what I mean?

And that's just whether they won't be there or not,

You know. But there are lessons to be learned in, you know, from a leadership standpoint, in that and so it's been like, I learned so much from just observing those things, like hearing that story, and then I'm just observing so many different things that I get the, you know, the pleasure of learning about in your life. I'm like, Well, no wonder why, you know he's had a tremendous amount of success is because you know he's that guy, the guy who, you know, takes action and who thinks things through like you're thinking about now, where you're talking about now. No having the wisdom I know I could have done it this way and got ill done, you know, but it goes to some of these principles that you've learned over time that you teach in the think it'd be a method, you know, like, for example, thinking time stop thinking about something deeply and figuring out a solution and a way through something or so anyway, there's so much in that story that are lessons that there's lots of through lines and dots to connect. You know, I remember, you know, in those instances that I gave, like, those are some of the things where I'm like, okay, like, I need to develop that skill set. I need to hone that anyway,

right, right? Well, so you're very kind and, and, you know, it's sort of the the topic today, though, after sort of this and it all ties together is the difference between the exceptional life and the average life is doing your key behaviors consistently rather than sporadically. And I would dare say that the Seattle Seahawks were in the Super Bowl because they consistently did the key. Behaviors more consistently than any other team did. And here's something to think about. I mean, I have thought about this a lot and and by the way, you know, I want to give you credit. You know, we're talking about this this couple weeks ago, this idea that 95% of your daily thoughts and actions are unconscious. And you were saying, well, not only the people not sort of recognize that they're not even thinking about that. Boy, that is true. That is fundamentally so true, because I see that people are just gliding through light. They're not thinking about anything. And social media sort of promotes this, and, and so they're just on the treadmill of life, not thinking about how, how am I going to be successful? I mean, there's 2% of people that are really interested in but 98% of people are not. And, and so here's the thing I would let me just make you think about this. So do you think that your results in life match your potential and your intelligence? We've talked about this before, but consider this, your daily actions in your life determine your success, and like we said 1000 times for 95% of your daily actions are unconscious. But think about that. They're unconscious. They're reactionary. They're in the moment. They're on autopilot. In other words, you're not you're not thinking, thinking of everything you're going to say or do. And since they are unconscious, your greatest asset, which is your intelligence and intellect, is not controlling and directing the very thing that's determining your success, your daily actions. And so that's why you

can only do your key intentions and actions sporadically rather than consistently, because your intelligence is not driving them you're and it's that's once you sort of get this, your life is never the same. And that's why, if you want the exceptional life rather than the average life. Once you start seeing, Oh, then I got to make those key actions happen consistently rather than sporadically. And you do that by taking control those unconscious daily actions and influencing the subconscious mind with the repetition of feeding the succinct articulation of your desired life to yourself each day. And when you do that, the effect is the right actions happen consistently, rather than sporadically. And so that's about the simplest way I think I can explain success. And I think I told the story a few weeks ago about, you know, a practical example that with with my marriage, about being flexible, patient and thoughtful, and how, when you feed that to yourself every day, that you flexible, patient and thoughtful, what happens is that bubble up. Effect happens. So the moment you feel impatient an unconscious thought bubbles up to your conscious mind to be patient, and you suddenly take control of your action of being patient in your conscious mind, rather than leaving it to your autopilot in the subconscious mind. And you know that's just one example, but same as in your career, focusing on what moves the needle firsthand, of feeling like you're off in the weeds, it bubbles up to your conscious mind, to to to focus on what moves the needle. But that's the point when you do your your key actions consistently, rather than sporadically, whole new ball game, and that's what creates the exceptional life. But I know you agree up with all that, but what's your thoughts on it?

Well, I 100% agree, obviously, and I'm going to share something, and John, you've known this is going on, but I'm going to add a little bit more context to this, because I, you know, obviously, I practice this in my personal life and have reaped great, you know, benefits as a result of doing this. But I had an epiphany. This came from thinking vaguely about what's going on in my business right now and some key behaviors and actions that are necessary and foundational things that need to be done as a recruiter. That's my you know, my team members that I have are recruiters somewhere along the way that stopped happening, some of the fundamentals, you know, and I love, you know, you know me. I love sports. I love Coach Wooden and his teachings. And one of the things that stands out that I remember as I was going through this. And going, what happened? I took my eye off the ball right side the business, you know, and had some people in place, and we're still there and everything. But I won't go get into the whole story. But, you know, I remember that talk that he did about, you know, how he created greatness, you know. And you know, I was expecting something super profound, and ultimately it was, you know, but he talked about the foundational things, and he said, I'm not talking about technique, tactics, plays, you know, anything along those lines. He said, you know when He would bring his new recruits out, and how he would start every year, you know is he starts with how to put your socks on, yeah, you know, so that you don't get blisters, and you protect your feet, because if you're, you know, that's going to impact things down the line. If you haven't, you know, put your equipment on right, and your socks on right and all of that. And so as I was going through this, I'm like, Oh, we've got some key behaviors, you know, within our business and with these recruiters that are foundational to being successful in recruiting, they're working very

hard, but they're not working smart, you know. And how I miss this, you know, I'm so focused on it in my personal life, but applying these same principles to our business. So like, I'm in the process right now of helping them build out their career section, you know, for the life GPS, so that they are keeping these things that have they knew. They've known, they just stopped doing them, the repeated things that needed to be done, you know, consistently, those key behaviors that needed to be done consistently, some way along the line, they've lost that. They stopped doing it, you know, and that absolutely has been impacting their results and their outcome, right? So it's interesting just, you know, using it from a business case standpoint, you know, right? As you know. And I'm embarrassed to say, I'm like, this is something that I live and breathe, and I've talked to my team about doing this for themselves, but it wasn't until I got back really into the business, rolled up my sleeves and saw some of what was going on is, I'm like, oh, you know, there are key behaviors within our organization that we aren't doing consistently. And like, these are, like, this is foundational stuff for what you do as a recruiter. And so anyway, I see the parallels as we're having this conversation about those key behaviors. And I'm excited to work with the team on building out their career section of their life, GPS, because it takes, you know, for the very thing that you just mentioned it, we need these things to be bubbling up and for them to be, you know, have that constant reminder of the key behaviors that they need to be doing on a daily basis, Right?

Well, you know, it eliminates this idea that there's this constant dance between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind, but it all starts with the conscious mind, because you got to see, okay, what are the key behaviors and and, you know, oftentimes I see that people come up with key behaviors. They're not really their behaviors, or they're they're just not getting it that, that there are things as a recruiter that you got to do, and you got to do it great. I mean, not good. You got to do it right. And if you're feeding if you're have clarity, first of all, if you have clarity about it every day, and you're feeding it to yourself every day, then of course, you're going to have the bubble up effect going, Oh, am I? Am I doing? What moves the needle? And they're going to see, oh, I'm not. So I, you know, I need to to, you know, take control of this and not stay on autopilot, but, but, and then you know that, that the other thing is, you gotta feed it yourself every day to create the bubble up effect. But it's really that, that duality of conscious mind creating the clarity of what you need to do and then feeding it to yourself to make the bubble up effect happen. But you know, in the big scheme of things. This is all so, so simple, it hurts, but really is you just got to do it. Yeah. So okay, well, I think we have said enough today, so we'll see you next time.