How to Love What You Do for a Career, Values, Proclivities, and Interest

Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield

And I'm John Mitchell. So we have an interesting topic today, and the the subject is how to love what you do for a career, your values, proclivities and interest. And so the background on this is, I realize that think of it is all about creating the exceptional life, and it's really a methodology to give you immense control over your life. But one of the things that you got to do if you're going to have the exceptional life is you really need a career that you love. It doesn't, it doesn't do you any good to have a career that that you don't love, even though you may have control over it. If you don't love it, then then you're not going to really have the exceptional life. Would you agree with that?

Kelly, yeah, absolutely. I would agree with that. I'm going to pin in what I was going to say next while we roll this out, and then maybe it'll make sense later. Maybe it won't, but go okay with you wholeheartedly.

Okay so. And having the ideal career where you you love to get up every day and do what you do is a function of three things, what are your values? What are your special talents, your proclivities, and what are your interests that are economically viable? So it's sort of that intersection of those three things that that will determine if you love what you you do. And what's interesting about this is, is she says, through her research, that most people don't know what values are. Adversely, nobody really has has understood what their values are, and values relate to things like, how important is money to you? How important is family? How important is is work? In terms of working hard? And there's, there's 16 different values. And so I thought it'd be interesting Kelly, for you and me to go through these values, and she raised them on a scale of one to seven. And there's no right or wrong answer. It's just whatever is unique to you. And I think it'd be enlightening for our audience and and I didn't strongly recommend they get this, this book, because I'm I'm discovering a lot about myself from from reading it. So the first value she talks about is something she calls radius, meaning your proclivity to change the world. And like on the high side, a seven would be, I'd be a high impact world changer, even admit if, even if it meant some controversy or criticism. So that's, that's a seven on the one scale. It's be, I rarely concern myself with trying to change the world, the society or the culture. So one to seven, where? Where would you write there?

I would say close to a seven. I would say six,

Okay, okay, you know, oh, one, one thing, let me. Let me add to this. This is what you would envision for your ideal life. For your ideal life, I don't think that'll change your your answer, but just No, that's it for your ideal life. What would it be? And you know, I would be probably a seven on this. But let me also say this. I'm saying that at this stage in my life, I don't know what I would have said when I was much younger. I really don't I just, of course, I had something that's life changing, and so it's easy to feel that way today, but you know, I'd be a, I'd be a seven as as well. Then here's, here's the next one, something she calls scope. And she what she sort of means by this is a super expansive life, and like a seven is I'd be immersed in a world teeming with adventure, learning experiences and even some chaos. And then, on the one scale, it says I'd be surrounded by stability, predictability and calm, everything would be known and under control. So where would you land on that?

I would say a four. Okay, yeah, I like I am somebody. Who's a planner, I like to know, you know? I like, Yeah, but I also like the adventure. I also like, you know, exploring and things along those lines. But I don't like chaos, you know, so when they talk, so I would probably put myself at the at the four,

You know, I think, I think I'd be there too, yeah, this is interesting. You and me, at least for the first two are aligned, okay? Number three, she calls it family centrism, which essentially means, how important is your family? And on at a seven, nothing would get in the way of my family coming first on the one scale, family considerations would rarely determine my decisions or plans. So where, where would, where would you fall there?

That's interesting, just given to my, my situation from a family standpoint, I don't, yeah, I don't have, you know what I mean, yeah, and so for me, it's, I'm going to be probably somewhere in the middle, like it's a consideration, but it isn't the only, and that's partly because of my circumstances with right, having kids. If I had kids, I probably would have a different answer, but I don't. So I already kind of don't have a lot of considerate, you know, it's me, my my husband and my dogs.

You want to be considering those dogs? I do? Yeah, no, I, I would fall in that category too. I'm just thinking through that process a little. I don't have kids. There were my own. I have an extended family, but really the only family I have is the ging. And I found that you do want to be focused on what the ging wants. I discovered that that's a good idea. Good idea. I think I'd probably fall at a four or five, probably four, just like you. Okay, let's see what the next one is. This one's interesting, helping people. How important in your ideal life is helping people, and on us at a seven it'd be, I'd be all about helping people in ways large and small. On the other end, I'd help people, but doing so wouldn't be among my top priorities. Where would you fall in that

I'm high I'm like, a six or a seven on that one, helping people has been like my that's why I love my career, you know, right? Is that it's so connected to helping people, and especially in the scope of what we're talking about, that makes sense that. So I'm saying, I'm saying a seven or six, like on right on that side,

It's interesting. On my end, I would say I'm probably a two or three. And I say that now, if I'm involved with somebody and I'm teach them, think it'd be it, oh, I'm at a seven. I'll do anything to help them. But absent that situation, just the and I want everybody to have a great life, but, but I, and there's just me, I see that so many people are lazy and won't help themselves, and so I'm not overly inclined to, as a general rule, help people. I know that sounds terrible, but I'm just being honest.

It doesn't sound terrible at all. I'm not sure what my answer would be if I didn't do what I do for a living, but that's, like my bedrock of what I, yeah, what my career has been, is helping people. So whether it's people with for jobs or companies, you know, hiring managers who are looking to, like, that's what I do all day, is help people, right? Also too, like some of that is, I was gonna say good and bad or, you know, for good, bad or otherwise, because this also has been the Achilles heel when it comes to what we're talking about with some of the stuff I've had to overcome that is in my life, GPS around people pleasing, yeah, yeah. There's a close connection and tie in there. You know what I mean? Yeah.

That is, yeah. That's interesting, you know,

And you are not a people, places. No,

You know that that is hurtful right there, that that I wish I said, Man, Yelly. I, I am, I am devastated that that you've come out

And I admire that I'm inspired by your lack of people, please.

Well, it's very true. Unfortunately, that is good. That is good. Okay, the next one is, she calls it luminance, which is basically. Celebrity. You know, when you envision your ideal life, how important would it be to be a celebrity? And on the seven scale, she says seven is everywhere I'd go, people would know who I am. And on the other end, it says I'd be a private person known only in a small group. So where would you fall in that in your ideal life?

Yeah, it's not on the high end at all. I want to be known by the people who I'm like I'm resonating with, you know what I mean, like people, the people I want to be known by the people I'm serving. You know what I mean. But I am a private person. I'm not all over social media. I'm not, you know what I mean. So I would think that it maybe wouldn't be down there in the, in the in the two, three, you know, something like celebrity isn't important to me at all.

Yeah, that's that would mean too. I'd, I'd be like a two on that. Okay, let's see what the next one is. She calls it agency, which is basically being in control of everything. So on a seven no one would tell me what to do or how to do it. I'd be the boss of me. And then on the opposite end, I wouldn't want to control things, consensus and harmony would matter more. So where are you on that?

I would say, like, my first gut response would be like a six, because I want to leave there to be room, because the seven makes it sounds like you're not open to the idea or input from other people, right? I want to learn from mentors and people that have done it before me, you know. But I want to be in the one in control of making the decisions and everything. So I wouldn't probably say six,

You know. I tell you I would agree completely with that. I would be a sixth too, because, boy, I'm a big believer in learning from other people that have been. Where you want to go,

Yeah, but I don't want anybody being like, I want to be the captain of my own ship. I want to be when, like, if things are going to succeed or fail, it is going to be because I write based on the decisions I made and my input and my work and all of that. So, right. Yeah, right.

You know, I think that that sort of gets at the heart of being an entrepreneur, but it can also be a factor in and if you're an employee, I mean, you could have a job where, where, if that's your if you really want to be in control and all that, but you had to be part of a Team. That would be an incongruence where, you know, you're always having to get the consensus of the group. I would hate that. Oh, I hate that. Yeah. I mean, give me a job where just tell me what to do, and, and, and it's up to me to figure out how to do it best. So that's an example of how knowing your values can affect what job you would accept or do. Yeah, so here's a good one achievement again, what I envisioned for my ideal life. So a seven would be my life would be filled with accomplishments and success, and then, on the other hand, I'd rarely be concerned with myself, with success, winning and losing wouldn't matter to me. So where are you on that?

I'm a seven I like to win. Like, yeah, I'm

Maybe I'm saying I'm right there with right there with you, but us, you know, I'll say that this with a caveat. You know, I want to win and I want accomplishments, but not at any price. I'm and I know you're the same way too, not in my price.

And also too, I want to be clear that my identity doesn't revolve around this achievement piece. You know, yeah, if I'm not achieving, I'm still a whole person. You know what? I'm right, but not but is that important to me in my absolutely it is. I want to win and I want to achieve. And right? Yeah, it's just part of the fabric of who I am.

Well, and I tell you, I see that with me. I want to achieve, but what's more important to me is doing my best, and not my version of doing my best until I got to be 50, which I just thought was, was hard work. You know, I see that, you know, there's six components of doing my best, including, you know, doing deep thinking two times a week and seeing to having a system for tuning into reality, and, you know, having a system for personal growth, and, you know, focusing on what moves the needle, there's, you know, there's six components to me of doing the best, doing my best, and so is it. As it relates to achievement, I'm focused on doing my best because that's what I can control. People and and achievement will come from that, and, and if it doesn't come from that, then it wasn't meant to be. Is my attitude? Yeah, yeah. So here's another one that's interesting, work. Centrism, essentially how important is, is work in your your life. So a seven would be, work would be my primary main purpose, defining my meaning and momentum. And then on the other side of it, a one would be work would play a very insignificant role in my life. So where would you be on that?

I think I'm going to be somewhere in the middle. Because I do love what I do. I love the I love to work like I will work one week of the day. I'm unable to because it I get so much fulfillment from it, right? But, but I don't want my entire life to revolve around work. But yes, is it a big part of my identity? And is it a big part of like, what makes me me absolutely so I'm thinking somewhere in the middle I would like a four.

Okay, you know, I would say I would be probably a six. And, you know, one of the things I've been thinking about lately, as it relates to that, is I am fascinated by the process of success, how success happens, how people create it, what they go through to create it. And of course, I think creating success is is foundationally so simple. You just create immense clarity about your life, and you feed it to yourself every day, and that's that makes the right actions happen automatically, without thinking so super simple way to look at and and I've gotten to the point lately, though, that I and I really study people, you know, like I have, I am the head coaches here At University of Texas, come and talk to my class and like the swimming coach who just won the national championship here at Texas, he had left Arizona state the year before we hired him, because he won the national championship there comes to UT and wins it in his first year. And so he's a great guy. He was Michael Phelps coach for 20 something years, so I haven't come to talk to my class and and I go, so what's your special talent? He says, I am super organized. I've always, I'm, you know, I've been super organized since I was a kid. And that's that is facilitated when you're a coach, and but it's a good example to to to me, and hopefully to my class, about how people achieve success. So I'm I'm always studying it, and I'm always intrigued by it. And, you know, I find joy personally in the achievement of not so much, per se, the achievement myself, but the the the joy of studying this concept of of success. And I'm not, candidly, I'm not that conservative people get the Tibby method or not, I think if they're bright enough, they'll get it. If they're not bright enough, they won't get it. That may be an arrogant way to look at it, but candidly, that's how I look at it, and I am more interested at this point in my life to expand my understanding of success and see how people do

it, and, and, and just, you know, the pursuit of the field of success is more interesting to me than figuring out how I can go on social media and become a big celebrity in success, you know. So I, you know, that's been enlightening to me to think through that. Let's see what the next one is. Here's a good one. Affluence. When you envision your ideal life on on affluence being seven, it'd be I'd be so rich I could have anything I ever wanted, and then some. And then on the other end, I'd have enough money to get by, because that's all I want. So where, where would you be on that?

Not a seven. I don't need all of the money, right world, or anything. So I'm thinking five.

Okay, yeah, I think, I think I might be at that that level too. I remember when I was 50, and I don't know I've I probably had a net worth of $300,000 and I remember as I was trying to figure out my my life, I'm like, Okay, I'm not going to be worth $100 million they're not going. Happen. I mean, the only way you you have that type of money is to really be playing in the public markets. I mean, that, you know, that's the only way you really get super money is something in the essentially, in the stock markets. And I'm like, Okay, so that's out. I'm not gonna be super rich, but I want to a great lifestyle, a great house, financial security. I don't I don't need, you know, hundreds of millions of dollars, but I probably need 15 or 20 million. Candidly, I'm like, okay, I can do that. I can do that in the reverse mortgage business. And fortunately, I did do it in the reverse mortgage business. And so I'd say affluence, to me, just like you, is is probably a five or a six. You know exactly what it is, but, but I see that money is great from the standpoint that it eliminates pains. But once you have enough money, you know, really, you need another house in Aspen. You need, yeah, you need a Lamborghini. But you may want a Lamborghini, yeah, but that's the type of thing, though, that it just doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter, you know, and so, but I think you see how interesting it is to understand sort of where you are on what, what we've never really thought of as values, right? Yeah, absolutely. And so maybe Lucy, you're getting down to the let me look at how many you know. Let me the the last, maybe the last one we'll do here, there's two or three more, but, but the last one we'll do is, is basically fun. On a seven it's fun. Well being and pleasure would come. First, life is meant to be enjoyed. Then, on the other end, fun, well being and pleasure would matter, but they wouldn't be anywhere near my top priorities. So where do you think

I'm high I'm probably like, five. Yeah, for me, like, it is like, it's important to like, we I purposefully won't work with people, like with companies I'm fortunate enough to not have to work with a holes, you know what I mean? And like, when we bring joy, I hire people who have a positive disposition, who are going to bring that kind of energy into the equation. Like, I measure my success in my day, every day, by how much I laughed? Yeah, I did laugh. You know, if I'm like, oh, today was kind of a low, you know, then I'm thinking about how I'm going to bring war into that joy into my next day. Because it's just, it is one of my values. So I would put it high up there, not that it's all about that, but it definitely is high on that, you know, on that matrix for me.

Yeah, I think, I think I'm the same way I was. I was just telling the Jen earlier today. You know, one of the things I love about my wife is she's got a great sense of humor, and I'm always poking at her, you know, something to gig her or to and it was funny I may told you this back when we were dating, when we were like, you know, it wasn't like in the first it was like five to six months in, you know, Ginger is a little naive. Would you agree?

I well, I don't know her well enough to be able to say that, but,

Well, she, she, she's a little naive, and I would say things just to ruffle her feathers, just because, you know, is, is. I mean, I don't know why it was so fun, but it would rouse her up, and then, then, now I can't do it because she knows

I'm always trying to spot on to you exactly, yeah. Oh yeah.

But yeah, it was so fun because you had ruffled her feathers and they didn't make us laugh because we she would know I'm kidding, but I'm right there with you. I'm all about having fun and laughing, and if that can't be part of the equation, then I don't want to do it.

Yeah, absolutely. And of course, there's going to be stuff that's hard, and there's going to be going to be and even in some of that stuff, I'm like, you know, the stuff where I have a choice, like, it's whether, like, do I want to cry right now, or do I laugh? I'm like, I'll laugh every single time. You know what? I'm gonna try find the humor in it. And just, you know, whatever it is, I'll try to find the humor in it, right?

So I'm trying to think what the takeaway from today's episode is, and help me with this. But, but I think that maybe the takeaway is it's first of all important to understand what your values are, and your values relative to these 716, values that Suzy well. Coach has has articulated relative to how important is money to you? How important is is work, is your central focus? You know, how important is is celebrity to you or outside recognition? Those are really interesting ideas, and it's a shift from what we think in terms of values, but I see that when you understand your values and then you apply them to your proclivities, what your special talents are, and also what your interests are that are economically viable, then the combination of those three things can create a career that is totally fulfilling, and if you go against your values in the career you have, then it can also make that career a nightmare.

Yeah, absolutely no. I think that was the perfect summary. And so I would just emphasize again, this goes back to what we've talked about so many times, which is taking the time to sink. Yeah, we are right now you know, more so now than ever. Trained ourselves to think of these 10 second little you know, you know, with social media and everything. So just topping and taking some time to actually put some time in. And this is the perfect time of year, you know, as we're right, you're coming into the new year to be thinking about these kinds of things, and when you're looking at your career specifically, you know, it's like, okay, if I'm for example, see now that agency is a really important part of that's a really important value to me. And I'm in a situation right now where I have zero control, then broader of your plan, you know, is going to be okay. How do I get either in within my existing role and company, you know, or within my existing company? How do I get in a seat at the table where I have, you know, more agency and how my department, or whatever, or maybe it's looking at new opportunities that are outside your organization, or, you know. So I think I love the idea of, you know, right now, as we're having this conversation, it happens to be at the end of, you know, December, but, you know, we should be doing this all of the time, but especially now is a good time to be reflecting, to be thinking deeply about these things that are kind of, then mapping out and then tying it all into the life GPS. Then you can start looking at, okay, what are the behaviors, what are some of the things that need to be happening, you know, to, you know, get me to where I want to be. And you can utilize the the methodology to help you do that,

I tell you, I just had an idea. You ought to get this book and look at those 16 values, and as you are trying to coerce people to leave a job, other job, you could use this to your advantage, because I probably should. They've never thought about this.

Yeah, absolutely. And I that's what I was thinking. And I think I'm even going to pull a little clip out of little clip out of this, right, do and and share it. So, yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, I'm going to recover from you saying that I was not a people pleaser. I mean, you were so quick to go right there. There was no hesitation. So I am, I am going to try and recover from that, so until next time we will see you.