How To Deal With PTSD - Laura Lake

Welcome friends, to the soul talk podcast, a show where whisper uncover the path of the heart, amplifying your conscience. Join me as we meet incredible souls who are in this journey and learn from their experience and different methods that will make you vibrate your heart. Let's get into it.

Hi everyone? This is Monica Ramirez, warrior of love, and welcome back to soul talk. And today, we have a very special invite that I have the pleasure to meet here in Boston, Harvard, in blu talks. And it was amazing our conversation that we had over there and then we're going to continue here and her name is Laura lake. And I want to shoot this plane you a little bit who she is because it is very interesting. Her story, Laura.

Oh, you want me to explain? Okay, cool, where to start? I love to describe myself as a playful luminary, Changemaker. And with that, I also love to tell people that I like hiking. I love these deep conversations that we're going to be having today. And nerdy cosplay. So today, I'm not wearing any cosplay, but you never know when it could be integrated into my work. And I started this whole thing because I do have a story. I too, have struggled with something and many of us have. And it's because of the struggle stories that we do the things that we do. So I was in a bicycle accident in 2011. When I was at the height of my career, right after I had my baby, I had just gotten back to work. She was 17 months old. I was like yes, things are going great. And then I avoided an SUV and hit a telephone pole instead. It was literally the universe smacking me not quite in the face, I avoided that one smacking me in the body. That said wake up your not listening. Something needs to change. You're settling.

Oh, that hurts to hear. Even the little tugs here and there just didn't work. I needed that literal smack to the body that said stop it, the whole motherly finger waggle. But it was because of that whole journey of healing, that I learned that stories are so important to share that courage is basically the plus side the strength of vulnerability. And that connection between human beings like you and I, that is what holds me on this planet, even in my deepest, darkest moments, which is exactly what I needed. In those times of my deepest, darkest moments. You're like, Why? Why bother? That joy, it's that love and this whole mental health where I don't usually like to use those words, let's talk about mental health. No, instead, let's talk about courageous connections that we are connected as human beings first, on the journey that we have together. So

that is so true, because we all have a story. And we're so afraid to speak it, talk about it and out loud, and say you know what, it will be vulnerable and talk about what it actually makes us wake up. And you're totally true. When we're not listening, when we're not awake, when we're not putting attention. Something is going to happen. It doesn't matter what it is some people go to the wars or losing someone or losing a job or something drastically. And some people amazingly they don't have that story they they use certainly understood without having the courage moment that many of us we pass. Yeah, but that is true. But what was that? What were what, when you had that accident? What makes you wake up?

What made me wake up?

Yes

ah, I couldn't do the things that I did before. And my identity was lost. So I had put so much time and effort into the things that I did, the accomplishments that I had the abilities that I was able to utilize. And when those were stripped away from me I had no idea who I was anymore. If I'm not the caregiver, the mom the wife cleaning the house, you know, doing amazing things, my business and site visits and all of this. Who was I? Was I really valued did I really matter and so it's it's that whole well okay, Even if all of this was taken away, yes, I do still matter. Yes, I am enough, I do still have value. But what does that look like? And that was that beingness that we all tend to talk about now, the being versus the doing. So who am I? Who do I want to be? Not just who was i Five minutes ago? It's Who do I want to be? And how can I practice that? Now? Because I can say, someday, I can say, If only I can say all of those things that put this mean that I want to be this be that I placed value on into the future, that I'll never allow myself to get there. So then how do I practice that in the now with satisfaction with love with curiosity, with connection, and courage, so that I can live that now is living that in the future, and I just keep practicing and getting better at it?

Yes, many people just wait into something happened, hold on to it, wait until I have their house or their cars, or whatever. And they're not living in the present moment. And many people do not ask those important questions that you just mentioned. Why? Why I am here. Why? What do I want from life? Why do I want to speak what is experiencing what I have? And that's where it makes you shift. And that's what I call following the yellow brick road.

Yeah, the accident basically forced me to downplay my performance, I couldn't keep up. No matter how hard I tried, I felt this is what I don't usually share. So lucky you do your audience. I felt like a dumbed down version of who I actually was. I felt like the things that went on in my head, were only about 10% capacity of where it was. And then everything coming out of me was only 10% of that. So I felt like this much of myself. And it's horrible. So my, my job performance went down. Eventually I got laid off. And that layoff was the best thing that ever happened to me. Because it was Parra, you've always said, you want it to be an entrepreneur. Why aren't you doing that? Everybody's offering you jobs, you're getting the jobs, but the economy is not there right now, in architecture, because that's what I used to do. Whenever the economy is moving. That's when there's no jobs, if it's up, people spend, if it's down, the government spends, but it's in those in between times, that you're just you're out of luck. And that's where I was, is everybody was like, oh my god, Laura is looking for a job. We know Laura be like, Laura, we've worked with Laura, let's hire Laura. And so they did. And I got all of them. But there wasn't a job for me. And I knew that that was the universe going, no. You're not going to get another job. You said you wanted to be an entrepreneur. Go do that. Even the jobs are forcing you that way. Just start just start. And so I did.

And you became a coach of courage, courageous connection. Right?

Not at first, not at first. At first, I really did the type of design that I consulted for in the companies that I worked for. And in the projects that I worked on, which was all about sustainability. It's all about our mental health. How do I use the spaces that we're in? So psychology, environmental psychology, to subconsciously shift the way we create habits? So how can I design your office so that you are more productive? How can I design your bedroom so that you sleep better your kitchen so you eat better? Without ever forcing you to do something different? It's just the way the design is.

I study design so I know that yes, yeah. No, I understand colors, and all these kind of things. But do you use face way?

I do. Actually. I was just doing that for my bedroom. I rearranged my bedroom when I get back from Boston. I was like I'm a whole new person. I need a whole new bedroom. So now I have an office where I can move my earth

that I use, like I have coat I have down the front I can go to places and to finish we use him of course they the designer that I know it's supporting different places. And I started doing it in my house but something that I discovered he was very strict about everything super organized and clean.

And that's me. I love that which is good. As simple clean elegance, yes.

So for me, it is, me as an artist, I am a hoarder. And no. So it is very hard and I have everything messy. But I know it was a second for the people that see it. For me, it's perfectly organized. So they showed me did not work out because of those kinds of things. So I will be going in the street, and I see, I don't know, a mirror or a box or whatever, oh, I can use that. Every one of my PCs or something like that, and I will bring it home. So yeah, my kids still complain about that one. But uh, but this was

the best part, we can take what we like out of these different things, and we go, what is it that Fung Shui is actually trying to do? And then how can we use those basic principles with everything else that we love? And make it work for us?

That's what I was gonna ask you. How do you start with music guides? Because where many of us?

Oh, yes, yes. But when I started my business, that kind of stuff wasn't that prevalent here locally, it was very much talked about in Europe, in parts of Australia. It's just not quite here yet, especially for a small business trying to do it that doesn't already have the clients coming in. So once I started getting into that work, and seeing that people aren't ready for it, they're just not. Okay. Okay. Where's the universe taking me now? And I found more entrepreneurs. And I'm suffering from mental health issues. And I'm realizing, dang, one in two entrepreneurs, this was before COVID, wanting to entrepreneurs also suffered from mental health issues.

Oh, yeah. I believe the world entirely that many people do not want to do, or get tested, or go to a doctor, or even admit, I'm doing things wrong, and I don't know what I'm doing. You know, and, or they have a trauma. I have talked with many people that they see it and I don't have any trauma, I'm perfectly fine. I believe every single person in this plane in even October, he's in this plane, he has something to work with himself. And the law lemma. He's in this plane is because he have something to work with himself. Yes. To get to this, the rest of the world. They whatever knowledge they're getting, but they're working with themselves. So don't is not one person that have mental trauma. I believe the world entirely has a very create variation of trauma, correct?

Oh, definitely. Though, I'm going to elaborate on what you just said. The phrase now that I'm hearing is there's the capital T for trauma, which we think of the big things, right. But then there's, there's the little T trauma, it's all of those little things, I think of trauma as a stress cup, since we like to talk about cups and filling our cup, overflowing your cup. So anytime our stress overflows in that cup, that amount that we can process in the moment, I call that our stress cup, as soon as it spills over, that's trauma. Because it takes more than the immediate moment to process it. It takes more time, it takes more effort, it takes more inner searching and looking and allowing to work through that. And so I see anything from there beyond as trauma. And it can be a little t it can be a big T It can be whatever size you want. Yeah,

but at the same time, not believing in yourself is a trap now because he because he became probably and when you're an adult, you can see it as a little team. But in some T

little plant has roots way down here. There's it's so deep. But if this is the other thing I love is I love to attract those people who love the deeper conversations because so much time we spend in this surface level, and they only see the surface level. And they're like, oh, it's only tiny. That's because you're only up here there's all of this and so much more. And the more you uncover the more you see. It's like oh and love that. But being surrounded by the right people like you to help facilitate that to help you have a wonderful mirror and a reflection some feedback makes it even easier to process.

I know many people do not understand what is the dark night of the soul or they don't even want as a front their own Darkness that they will have. Yes, it's not outside of us is this inside of us. But can you elaborate a little bit more about that? Because maybe other spectators, this is my What am I being guided that this is what they are needing to hear?

Oh, nice. So how I describe it is everything that we push down inside of us. So think of it as the skeleton closet, where all of those emotions are those dark corners within us everything that we don't want to see that we ignore that we shoved down. And I do I picture that closet, I picture us holding that closet, closed with as much effort as we can. And then what do we do? We can't leave that closet. If we leave, it's going to open. And then it's all going to pour out because we didn't organize it. As we talked about earlier. We just we shoved it in as quickly as possible. And so we have to at least have that one hand on that door. Where can we go? What can we experience? Not a whole lot. So I encourage people to start looking at that darkness at that brokenness and say, You know what, this isn't evil. It's not horrible. It's not bad. It just is. And it all stems from wanting love, or lack of love, or something in that way. So if I can look at that darkness, and all those things that we shove down, and I go, You know what, I acted out and I did something I probably shouldn't have. Because I was really looking for love in that moment. I didn't feel it. Or that person that did something to me. They needed love in that moment. And so I can look at that darkness with love now. And not have to shove it in the closet. And now I have all this extra free energy that I can do to walk away from the closet to clean out the closet to look at all these pieces and sell it and let it go and whatever we choose to do.

Yes, that is very important to acknowledge. Yeah. And I was reading in your Bible that you actually sent me Do you were talking that about your first appearance? Public speaking?

Oh, yeah. Okay. Um, that was the ugly crying on stage. Okay. I'll start with this part. So I went to a conference in Toronto in 2016. And I was just attending. And one of the people who was talking about Simon Sinek start with why his name is Steven szydlowski. He was losing his voice. So he asked everyone who here knows it well enough to teach it. My hand is the only hand up. I last minute, taught the first 20 minutes of his workshop. And it was because of that, that I decided to get on stage. Because that that whole conference was, am I going to be seen as weak and unprofessional? How much is too much to share? Like, how much of that truth? Do I share because it is dark, as we just talked about? It is broken. And I don't really want to show that I just want to shove it in that in that closet. But that's what inspired me to be like, hey, I can do this doesn't have to be memorized. I don't need cue cards, I could just speak from here and my experience. So I did, I chose to speak on a stage called mo Mondays, where you get to share your story of transformation of experience, whatever it happens to be. And it's always a personal story. So I knew that the audience wouldn't boot me off stage. Or at least that was the hope. No Fingers crossed. I wrote my talk. And I boiled it down the way that I always do, I have a main intention of what I want to share and then three key points and then how I want to end it. So I have this little piece of paper in my head. In his head. I'm gripping that piece of paper and I have the microphone and the other hand, and this light is shining down on my face. And I can't see anybody beyond the tables right beside the stage. And I get to the point in my story where we are in the big T trauma, like the ugliness of it all. And I hadn't healed that part of me yet. I didn't even want to look at it. This was the moment where I had let my hand off of that closet and it started pouring on everyone. So I'm there with my note and my microphone and the light in my face and I'm sweating. And I feel it well up from my stomach. Oh my god, I just shared the thing that I didn't want to share and I want it to throw up instead. I just had my mascara and I started to cry and there's like black lines down my face is the ugly cry in the hole. Like that Okay, on stage. And in that moment I was thinking okay, this is the worst possible thing that could happen. I'm sharing my story, I'm sharing the not so fun bits of my story, being really vulnerable, they're going to reject me, they're, they're gonna see me as weak, they're gonna see me as unprofessional, nobody's gonna buy for me. And if nobody buys from me, I don't make any money. If I don't make any money, you know, if I was over my head, oh, my God, I have no food I die. That was that was the picture that we have in our mind. That's that tribal mindset of if I don't belong, if I don't fit in, it's basically imminent death. And so that's why we fear that moment, so much. So I'm up there, crying. On the stage, black tears are in a down my face. And I finished my talk. And there was silence and I went, Oh, my God, what just happened. And then I hear the claps, and I hear people crying, and I hear people cheering me on. And as soon as I walked off that stage, every single person in that audience, except for maybe two, came up to me, gave me a hug, told me Oh, my God, thank you so much for sharing your story. I didn't even know that I wasn't looking at my own story. Or, because you shared my story, I am now brave enough to go see a doctor about my PTSD. Where I, I had attempted suicide before to, I didn't know that anybody else felt that way. The only feedback I got was love. There was no rejection. And this, this is what choosing the people that you surround yourself with. Means it means that no matter how you show up, they love you for you, choosing your communities, not necessarily individual people, it's the same thing. You set boundaries on your communities, and you're saying, This is who I am, this is how I'm showing up. And they're like, I see you, I get you. Thank you for sharing.

Yeah, this sad trauma in the world that I have seen with many of my clients, that they're always trying to fit in. So they're not showing or having a first date, they're not gonna show who they truly are. Why? Because they just want to be accepted, because want to be loved. They use what we hear. They just want attention, or whatever it is. So they're not completely authentic. How do you work with people with that? I would like to hear you

Sure. I was always one of those people who was weird. So I wear different clothes, I made my own. Like, since I was seven. I didn't like the same things that they did. I never really wore makeup, this is kind of new. Like just so many things. They always always always told me I was weird, that I was strange, that I didn't fit in. And so you you find those people that love you in different ways, hoping for that belonging. And so the way that I love to work with people, is I call them out and I'm like, where are my entrepreneurs? Where are the people that love hiking? Were the people that love cosplay were the people who can act like their inner six year old sometimes to bring out that playfulness. And that's why when I introduced myself, I said that I'm playful. I'm luminary. I'm a change maker. I like hiking Converse deep conversations and nerdy cosplay. Like already, I'm talking about things that aren't necessarily business. I want to know where you are. Because that is not all of me, but a good chunk of me. And so when I work with clients, I want to know who they are behind the business, what stories helped lead to the work that you do or how you do the work that you do. Because it's in those moments that help everyone, not just me have clarity on your identity, and how you want to show up, not necessarily how you are showing up. So we get those subconscious insights of Oh, Monica really wants to be an international speaker and she's going out and she's doing it. Sometimes she may be scared, sometimes she's not. Right, depending on the location or the crowd or whatever happens to be in the moment. But I'm seeing those pieces of you and I'm like, wow, some of them are like me. Some of them are inspiring. Some of them have such potential. And the other secret that I have is I actually read eyes. That's one of my intuitive abilities. So I've literally had people send me this much of their face, or somebody's face, they don't even tell me who they're like, Oh, really? And they send me a picture of this. And they're like, tell me what you see. So I see their personality, I see the way that they think I see some of their emotions, their fears, their desires, it depends on the person, right? Feels like this big bowl of puzzle pieces just chucked on the table in front of me. And I have to try to make the frame and find those pieces that create small images.

I have a question regarding that I, usually when I see someone, they and I asked, I don't even have to ask for the file, they just passed me the file of wherever. That's why I try to stay away from places where they have too many people, because they've just been passing the virus and it's like, this is too much I need to go. But do you receive files of people? Like like little pictures, photographs, scenes, things like that? Or what do they send you?

I get a lot. When I'm around people, I've had to learn to create what I call a love bubble. Because I used to just take it all in my my mom was very much that person who didn't know what was happening. And she would just take on everybody's worries. She's like, Oh, I'm going to share with you. And that's how I'm connected. No, no, I'm done doing that. So I have the love bubble. As far as I can reach, right? I just just like golden sparkle paint. Think of it that way. So as soon as somebody tries to send me something, I can choose whether or not to let that it. Or it bounces off my love bubble. And now it's a little sparkly and gold sent with love back to them so that they can handle it. Because if I take it, I am literally robbing them of growth. And not only that,

thoughts are gonna start becoming their thoughts. So exactly about your drama is not your work is theirs. So you have to be releasing all that information belongs to somebody else. But when you're reading the ISO, so when that was my question, Oh, yeah. Do they give you the files that they give you photos, they give you something like they do to me?

Not necessarily files some people do. I have two different ways of categorizing people. I have the box thinkers. And the really, really solid box thinkers, they send me files, then I have a lot of the web thinkers, which I'm attracting more and more of intentionally, of course, because they they don't file things necessarily in a folder and that folder goes in a box. And that box is labeled put on a specific shelf in a warehouse or somewhere. Like that's what I call box thinking. The web thinking it's this piece of paper, this file could go in this folder, or this folder, or this folder, or this folder, depending how I want to use it in the moment. So sometimes they'll send me an image. Sometimes they'll send me a folder. Sometimes they'll send me a scene or an emotion or a memory. Like it really depends on the person and the moment. Like how are we connecting? Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's just this inner knowing. feeling in my gut where I'm like, oh, and sometimes I do see those puzzle pieces with words on them in my mind.

Or an emotion sometimes.

Yeah. Yeah.

You also. I don't know, you strike me that you probably you also have this meal?

Sometimes? Yes. Not as often. Usually. That's for myself. Not so much other people. Yes. Yes,

I picture that went out. Because I do have that one two times this is male. It can be beautiful. It can be horrendous. I mean, I go okay, I just gonna stay away or let me help out. On that, isn't that every time? Yes. Once in a while?

Yeah.

Yes. So how do you work with people?

Okay, so I have only in the last couple of months reworked a lot of stuff. Because, intuitively, the universe was like, you are spending way too much time. And I mean, way too much time. I mean, like 20 hours a week doing one on one calls with people. Because I love it. I love getting to know people hearing their stories like, Wow, you are amazing. And you are a badass. And do you know that you're amazing and a badass? And so I would just get caught up in these one on one calls where they're telling me their story. So I thought to myself, Okay, I love this, but I can't give it away for free. Just so I learned about you all the time. How can I turn this into something helpful? So I created something I call a story session. So yes, we get to sit and chat for a whole hour which is what the 15 Minute Calls ended up being anyway. And I get to hear your story, but now, I'm giving you feedback on your story. I'm like, okay, is this what I'm hearing? Is this the pattern that I'm seeing? Is this the emotion that I'm seeing are these you know, and I pick out all these pieces. And so I have three main things that I focus on, I focus on you being able to identify your story. So some people know that they have a story, where they tried to take their entire life and say that is their story. No, it's not. That is the entire movie. But that's not the story. There's smaller pieces to it. So identifying what that is what that looks like, what it feels like. And the second part is sharing your story. So now that you know what that story is, how do you share that in a way that courageously connects with your audience that doesn't have you or them thinking, you're weak? You're unprofessional? You're you're being vulnerable? Right? It's how do we find that courage? How do I find you, my ideal client who was hiding, because you were in so much pain, that if you come out of that closet that you're shoving away? If you come out of that darkness, you're going to feel even more pain? So how do I identify that with you? Through my courage, and then the third part is converting your story. So it's not just about sharing your story. But when you're on stage, how do you encourage and empower people to create change, instead of persuading or manipulating them to do so. Which is what I feel a lot of the marketing is based around, it's like, oh, here's where you started, here's where you want to be. Let's, let's pull that and build that tension. And then we're just gonna make you hurt. Know, that, okay, that feels like you're shoving a bear into a corner and asking it not to attack you. That's not, that's not cool in my mind, especially with that mental health background, having gone through and while on both sides, helping and being in the middle of it. So how do I empower people to say you're here? You want to be here? What are those steps that you're taking? How can we celebrate that? What are you already doing to empower you to keep going? That's the hardest part. And so when we're converting, we want to be in that energy. And that mindset.

And your work with people with PTSD?

I do I love working with people with PTSD or depression or anxiety, insomnia, I've been through all of it.

Yeah.

attempted suicide, like so many things on deep dark levels. I see you. And usually I catch those patterns. Even if you don't tell me that part of your story is like, Ha. I've been there. I recognize that hole in the mud. I lived there for three years, too.

Yeah,

yeah.

I believe many of us who cannot meet that, that we we have passed through this deep emotions, maybe some people not to the extent of trying to commit suicide. But many of us we did with the past that deep emotion. And maybe a lot of us we were never diagnosed with PTSD 40s for that, but because it can be a combination of one event, or 1000s of events. That is, is impossible to say, Oh, you have PTSD for when you were seven when this passed? Yes. But when you were 10? When when you're 15. When you were 20. When you were 30 When you were it is also? So that's a combination of that.

Yes.

Yes. So that's why I haven't met many people and more here in United States that they come from the army. They weren't there. They weren't in the army, and they have PTSD. A lot of them are artists. And, and they can see that they go into that. But at the same time, they just shove them pills, and expecting that they're going to be better. But that's why in a way, that's why the society is in pain because the pill would not fix it. So how do you work with people with PTSD?

I actually created my own exercise around this my own. How should I word it? It's not quite a formula, but kind of it's like a formula with an exercise. So I have tried over 50 different modalities to help heal my PTSD. And at different points of my life, I was ready for different ones or I understood it on that deeper level that I needed to, for it to work the way that I was told it should work. So like mindfulness was one of the key things that helped me To remind PTSD, it's the thing that helped me cure my chronic pain. It's the thing that continues to have me practice curiosity over judgment. And to play with that inner six year old, just like she's the most curious little thing. And so we play a lot so that I can stay in that space of curiosity, I created something that I call the lake method, which involves a vagus nerve stimulation. And if you don't know what the vagus nerve is, for your audience, it is one of the the main nerves that work from your brain all the way down to your pelvis, and it connects with other parts of your nervous system as well. It is the gatekeeper of your stress response.

So when I work with the vagus nerve, I imagine it like like a braid, okay? When you try to get it's messy, that's okay. When you try to get the braid out from the top, it just gets stuck. So I work from the with the vagus nerve from the bottom up. So that we work through all the knots, so that you can have that communication between gut and your brain. This way, you don't actually have to talk about the memories, experiences that you've had, you're just working physically, first. Once we start to practice shutting off that stress response, knowing that we do have that control, then if you want, we can get deeper into the clearings into the emotional work. But we start physically to give you that safe space. Right. And then from there,

you work with certain modalities, which are specific,

I blend everything that I've ever tried, which is why like people have asked me, Are you a Reiki practitioner? Do you do chiropractic? Like none at all? I've taken so many classes in so many things. I would never spend the 1000s and 1000s of dollars on the literally 100 Different things I've studied. Instead, it's like, what is the root of this? What is the intention? Like how can I bring the lit down and find the patterns between these different modalities so that I know what the important pieces are? And then I can take you Monica or I can take your listeners and I go, what is it that you love? How is it that you like to live? And how can I manipulate those root pieces around who you are instead of trying to force you to fit into any one of these? Yes,

that is true. I I have studied. I don't know how many things. And houses or certifications have more than a very I don't even remember their names because it is hard to put names now that we create. Yeah. But yes, this is true. You will take whatever if it's an works for each person, because each person is different at the same time. Yeah. Now so did I was reading in your bio to us about that you work with a rejections? Yes. Can you elaborate more in that one?

Because sure. Okay. I want to say it took me a long time to figure out what my rejection story was. Because that was one of those things, right, that I shoved so far into my closet, and covered with so much stuff that I couldn't remember, I have about a six year window of my childhood where I have very few memories. Still working on that. So I knew that the story was somewhere in here. I thought it was me kissing a guy in daycare, like before school even started and hit him having a mouthful of rice. And him not going I'm not liking the kiss. I thought that was my rejection story. Then I thought it was me writing this Valentine's for a crush I had for six years. Like all fancy, right? Give it to my friend. She brings it into his classroom. He reads it publicly of me asking him out and publicly he said no. So then it felt like the whole school was making fun of me. That was not my rejection story either. But that was a piece of it. It was actually in grade nine, which was the same year that I did attempt suicide. It was all of my girlfriends at the time. We had gone from elementary into high school. So our elementary went right up until grade eight. I knew my identity it was on the jungle gyms, right? That was who I was. I lost that. When I went into high school. There's no jungle gyms for high school students. Yeah, who am I? And then I started to explore other friends and my my core group of girlfriends didn't like that. Like, Why are you hanging out with other people? You don't love us anymore? Fine, we don't love you. What? What did I do? Just 10 minutes a day saying hi to people that aren't you is not me saying that I don't love you anymore. And so most of them didn't talk to me. Or didn't talk to me publicly. Right? And it was shortly after that, that I started to spiral. I was like, why am I here, my brother moved away this old piece of identity, there's so many changes happening. I don't feel connected to anything. And that was the issue was I didn't feel connected, whether I was or not, didn't matter. I didn't feel it. And so I had planned everything out. I had actually taken action on it, obviously failed, because I'm still here. Um, but that was my rejection story. And I just found this out about three months ago. Whatever. Yeah, it was like, I know, it's there.

We still even wrote up a piece of content this year about that, that things that we did not resolve before, they're gonna join up. Now, when you say nice, ridiculous, like, in the rejection side, high school, I believe that my urine is traumatic for the human being. Because it comes out of these kinds of things. And as an adult, you say, like, Oh, that was ridiculous. Just but because you didn't resolve with them. resolving your 5060 8090, it doesn't matter, because it is going to repeat the same story.

Yeah, my tribe kicked me out of the tribe. And therefore I thought, imminent death. Yes, right. So simple. But yet, that's what it felt like in the moment. And I can see now that I see that this was my rejection story, I can see my mistrust of women, my entire life. I can see how when my friends moved away, I was like, Yes, I have an out. I can see these things that I don't necessarily regret, because I understand that their growth moments. But I can see the patterns more clearly now. And that rejection moment, these rejection stories. That's what we fear the most, when we're on the stage, when we're getting vulnerable is we fear being kicked out of the tribe. If the tribe is what sustaining us, and we're kicked out, because we share too much, because we shared the truth, because we said something somebody didn't like. Now we get to choose our tribes, we can choose to be with a different tribe. Life has changed, since that tribal mindset, but yet, our brains are still in survival mode. So working with these rejection stories, if I can help you go back to that small t, big T whatever trauma and say, no matter what, you will learn to never reject yourself. And therefore you can learn to always create or join a new tribe.

Because at the end, we're feeling that rejection for other people is how much we're rejecting ourselves. Yes. So that's what it makes a difference. More than we

I know now, I love myself, for all of me, even the weird parts, celebrate it. Like, Oh, you took the time to show me and to verbalize to me what makes me different and unique. Thanks for that. But it's not necessarily the words that you choose. If you call me naive, which I could call a lot or childish, right? I see that as Wow, you're calling out the fact that I am playful and curious and bringing this youthful energy to things. Thanks for telling me, are you You're too loud and direct. Oh my god, you're gonna tell me the truth. You're the perfect person that I need. And I actually love hanging out with direct people because I'm, I'm the type of person who's like, I understand your mental health. I want to make sure you feel safe and supported. And so I love when people come to me and they're like, you're not feeling very good. You're gonna tell me right now because you know, I'm not stopping. Yes, you love me enough to see me. Thank you for sharing that.

Yes, everybody. The thing is majority of the people they do not understand when the judgments of others. He just said a reflection of them a lot of loss. So that's where it comes a lot of their projection and they come from the judgments of others, but it's not either or Nevada was. Right?

Yeah, that's a weekly discussion. with my daughter, it's like anytime somebody said something that you don't like, it has nothing to do with you. That's the story they play in their mind about what they believe. And they're putting that on you. If they don't like pink, and you're wearing a pink shirt, they're not wearing the pink shirt. They don't have to wear the pink shirt, or you're not trying to give them the pink shirt and say you have to wear the pink shirt. You're wearing it. You like it? They don't like it. They don't have to wear it.

Yes, my daughter will love you for the crossbreds receipt. She likes to dress too. Yeah, I wanted to ask you. How do you find that voice? To start going up in stage for the first time? Because what I hear are different. They are one that it wasn't at the time. How do you find that voice to go into stage the first time,

The start with why. And I've always been on stage ever since I was four. Doing plays acting, singing, dancing, like all of it. I've always been on stage. So being on stage, which was just the front of the room. In front of I think it was 50 people. And that breakout session was just like standing up in front of the classroom. But now, I didn't have to do a memorized speech. And that's what I found was the difference. In grade 10. I did a project where we had to do a speech. But my teacher said we could do whatever we wanted, because it was in French class. So she wasn't grading us on whatever the the content was, she was grading us on the context and the language and that kind of stuff. So I created this speech. And I spoke it from the heart because it was something that I loved that I understood that I knew at my core. This start with why it was the same thing. I believed in it so much. That this was the type of thing I was trying to share with people, only Simon Sinek put the words to it wrote a book do it had a TED talk on it. And it was all clearly put together right in front of me. And now all I needed to do was take my experience and understanding of his concepts. And just share that. So that's what I did, was shared from here, instead of up here. When we share from the heart. It's not just about emotions, but it's about that identity. It's about the experience. It's about diving deeper into what it means not just the words that we're sharing. That's, that's totally true. Yeah.

And I wanted to live in Norway, we've been loud also have a podcast. And since I posted a podcast, and you share us a little bit more of your podcast.

Okay, so I have a couple things going on. I don't always call it a podcast. So I do a show on my Facebook page called Live with Laura, which I should totally have you on. I haven't done it in a while I've been taking a break. But September we're starting back up again. Cool people enjoying the chats, right. Um, but then I've also taken over our my speaking mentor, our mutual connection, Corey Poori, a show called Blu talks. It's the whole brand that we're part of the blue tax amplify your message event. So Scott McDermott and I, which our stories are so similar in so many ways, but oh my god, I love him, he makes me laugh so much. We're such a pair, I love it. He and I co host this show, of course together. So we we spend five whole days, four hours a day, interviewing, I think it's 20 Different people in that week. So the blu talks amplify your message event. Yeah, it's a lot.

And you should not miss it. Because they're very, very interesting conversations that I have it.

I get so excited because I'm like, I love those stories. I want to know why you do the work that you do. I want to know, the crap that you've been through, and how you share that because if you choose to share your story through a book, and I choose to share my story on a stage, and your listeners choose to share their story on social media posts. It's still sharing your story. That's still your message. So how can we use our favorite ways to share and amplify that message by learning from each other and going, Oh, you're a lot like me and this is how you're doing it. I should probably start there and see how it feels. Yes, and if not change it switch it up.

There's many people that actually need to listen to it. Because not the conscience are aware of what is happening to them. But when the moment they hear a similar story of family, like, oh, that's when they become aware. And that's what sometimes that's what of us need to understand that they can get out of the victimhood, and they can start working with themselves. And that's why it's important to share our stories. And they might not be pretty. But that's why wouldn't have to talk about the pretty stuff. Everybody can see it in the magazine. But that means that there's not a story behind or in the movies. But there's a story behind that actually needs to be work.

Well, your story gives other people permission to share, though, to share theirs, or to even look inside of that dark closet to see if they have a story. But then on the flip side of that, if we think of all of the people who go to school, and learn about this stuff at the fancy places, with big fancy letters behind their names, most of what they're learning is patterns they see in case studies. If we as the person who has gone through the story, attempted to go and learn about the thing that we were struggling with, and didn't find the answers, and came up with their own answers, and now we're sharing the story of our answers, then our case studies are unique. And those people with those letters behind their name also need to hear the stories to help expand their understanding of what it is that we're talking about. So we are those case studies, it is so important, because we have the experience that isn't necessarily picked out in a book.

How do you feel that the world's going to change? I know, there's many mental health issues in the world right now. And there are many psychologies that many, you know, because there is behind there before, before their name or whatever. But they're not helping the coaches right now, the healers, etc, or the psychics, whatever, those are the ones that are starting to stand up and help in those mental issues. How do you think is gonna work out in 10 years? Because I see a change? Or what do you see,

I do, I'm seeing the changes happening already. Even before COVID. I've seen so many people with those letters behind their name, in those professional association fields going, I can't, in good conscience continue doing things the way that I'm doing. Because I've learned so much more, I've learned beyond what I was taught in school, and can no longer confine myself to the box that they have asked me to play. And so they're branching out and calling themselves coaches, consultants, strategists, I'm seeing a lot of that happening at the same time, as so much more collaboration. This started happening in architecture before I left where they wanted everybody to have a seat at the table and have a conversation together. Before the project even started, instead of coming in in the middle and saying you did this, why did you do and there's just so much miscommunication, or the you know, the random emails that just go every which way and nobody really knows what's going on. The industries are doing the same thing, the healers, the people that want to help these heart centered entrepreneurs, and these people are coming together saying I want to work on this. I am so passionate about this, who can I bring in to help elevate it, to expand on it to help me see things differently. So we can get it done faster, easier, with less energy, with more flow, more effective, and so much more effective.

Yeah.

It's beautiful. But COVID through a little bit of a wrench into that, where we're seeing a bit of the separation to there is that small group of people who are like, I don't want to change, everything's fine the way it is. And they're digging, as we said earlier, with the bear in the corner, they're digging their heels in not wanting to move because they just they're not ready, and that's okay. It's okay, where they're at. The rest of us are moving forward at such a pace that they're afraid of that speed. They're afraid of the unknown of where it's going, because we don't. It's traveling so fast right now, many of us don't know where we're going. But we're exploring together so we'll figure it out together.

Yes, yeah. That is true.

Yeah.

And it's just heartbeats. It's a gene is this change in the conscience of the human meaning it is changing, even when I see it or not just you can put the news and you can get terrified. Whatever is happening is so called released changing into the good way. I don't see dark and obscure world happening, I believe it is going to be positive and it's going to be changing and more hardfacing cooperation from all the human beings. That's what I want to think. And that's what I want to believe.

That is manifesting. Yes.

Yes. So Laura. People can contact you. Quite what is the best way to contact you and see your podcast?

Oh, okay. So the best way to contact me is actually on my Facebook page like, DM me, private message me. So that is facebook.com/lauraLakedesigns with an S. That was before I changed everything degrade disconnection, that's fine. It's all fine. And then everywhere else you'll find me at LauraLakeSD. So S, D stands for sis di level design. And the bLU Talks amplify your message. If you DM me, I'll send you the direct Facebook link to the Facebook group where all of the shows are. I think it's also on YouTube. We're working on shifting it because it used to be on Cory stuff. But now that Scott and I have taken over, like where do we put it? Who's doing what you'll find everything in the Facebook group that is the easiest place. So if you can't find it, just DME and I will send you the direct link.

I will I will share your information either way. But I would like to you to share that. And thank you so much for this conversation. I really enjoy it. And thank you for all the listeners at the same time for being here. And and share your comments and you have any questions? Just message us.

I love the way that you say my name. It makes me smile every time. Yeah.

Thank you everybody. And thank you for being in Soul Takl. This is Monica Ramirez Warrior of Love.