Suicide Signs Most Miss with Debbie Posnien

Hey, this is Loral. Welcome back to Loral's Real Money Talks the podcast about money, how to make it, how to keep it, how to invest it, how to use a team and put this integrated wealth plan together for you and your families. A huge part of what we do every year to a variety of different

charities is we provide donation opportunities. And this year we have a very, very special one near and dear to my heart, the Suicide Prevention Network. They put on an event every year. It's called gotta dance. This will actually be my first one ever going but I have Debbie podian, who is the director and really

the founder of the Suicide Prevention Network in Douglas County, Nevada. So Debbie, welcome.

Thank you so much, and thank you for the invitation. This is so exciting for us.

I know so tell us how this began. In fact, one of the guys that work here, as you know, has been a very long standing senior member of my team, Damon, his wife and daughter were actually a big part of starting this so start at the big this. So start

at the beginning. Okay, it's a long story, but I'll try to make it as brief as I can. So 16 years ago, there were quite a few suicides. Unfortunately, in our small community, we are a community about 48,000 and there were actually 26 completed suicides in just that one year.

And so I had just retired from my position, and someone said, I bet that Debbie positive can do something about this. So I got the call, and I said, I will do whatever I can. They said, well, there's no money in the bank. I'm like, Well, I don't need money. I just need people that need help, and I know that I can

make sure that I can help them. And so they said, you got the job. And so it turned out to where I was not paid the first couple years. In fact, it even got harder than that, because I did find a little bit of Office that I could rent, and we couldn't pay the rent. And so the board of directors, we have

10 board of directors that said to me, you know, Deb, we think you're doing a great job, and you are helping so many people, but we can't pay the taxes and we can't pay the rent, so unfortunately, we're going to have to close the agency. And I said, How can we close the agency? Now I've connected with

people that you know, have needed our help, and we are the only nonprofit in the state of Nevada that does direct services. How can we do that? And they said, You know what? Sorry, but you know it takes money to pay the rent. So I said, Have we ever done a fundraiser? And they said, Who

would ever Loral? I mean, really, who would ever go to a fundraiser regarding suicide? And I thought, oh, that's going to be a tough one, but let me try. So I said to my board members, if you will support me, I will get 100 people there. They said, You think you can get 100 people there? I said, I can

just, please give me a chance. Well, I called 10 of my best friends in the community that I know that's pretty prominent in the valley, and I said, you're going to dance, you're going to do a three minute dance, and we're going to give people dinner. And guess what? I got more than 100 people there. I

got 200 people there. Well, you can imagine what the board said to me the next year, when are we doing that? Gotta dance. And so this actually will be our 12th year to do gotta dance. And remember, I said they thought we could just get 100 people there. Now we have 625 people that come to this event. Why it's

different than a fundraiser? It's people that you know that don't know how to dance, that we teach how to dance and we give them dinner, we make sure that they support those dancers, and we make money. So what a wonderful event. Again. You know, the community is still pretty small, but 600 people

attend that event. And the best part about that Loral is it's a connection. It is the networking connection that we make that's so cool. Do we talk about suicide the whole night? Not really, but every one of those dancers have been affected by a suicide, whether it's in their life, by a family member, a

friend, someone is always connected to suicide. We go out, we talk about how they themselves, all 600 people, they themselves, can make a difference in saving people's lives. It's dancing for three minutes. That's right. They dance for dollars. They dance for dollars. We are just we are

so blessed to have this event, and so blessed that people want to still support it after 12 years.

Yeah, that's brilliant. So we're already sold out. You already see you're sold out in two weeks, right? Yes, and there's five men and five women that are local. Most say they can't dance. We'll see. I think some have a few dance skills, and they're partnered up with 10 other people who

actually know how to dance, and it's three minutes, and. And I hear there's two awards, one for the best dancer, and then one for the raises most money.

Exactly right. Exactly right. In fact, many times when I ask a dancer if they want to be a part of this, they say, I can't dance. And I'm like, I don't care. Can you make money? And they like, that's what I can do. So many times, it's real estate people, it's bankers, it's teachers, believe

it or not, we have quite a few representatives of our own Sheriff's Department. We have a dancer that's a police officer. He's going to really shake what he knows how to shake.

I love it. So talk about suicide prevention network. So this is the your main annual fundraiser. And then throughout the year, we're going to continue through 2026, and probably beyond. I My best friend in it was a junior in high school. Was when I first was introduced to suicide, as my

best friend killed herself my junior year. And it changes you. It changes you when someone takes the life of somebody near and dear that you, you know, really love, and then fast forward, covid did amazing damage, I think, to our, you know, millennials and Gen Z's and the amount of mental health

issues that caused that. So talk a little bit about the statistics of suicide. You mentioned, you know, Douglas County and what we're doing, and the county we live in, but in general, like the broader statistics and how prominent this really is, and the older population, you told me I was

shocked.

So, you know, I want to go back 16 years ago when I accepted the position as the executive director, there were four teams that had ended their life. They all knew each other. They all said, if you do it, we'll do it. And that is what really, really, really was upsetting to the community. So

police officers got together, teachers, pastors, anybody that would listen to these parents that lost a son. And so we really did whatever we could to work into the schools, to work, you know, as a teen group, we did everything we could, but in the 16 years, what we have found is we haven't had a teen suicide

for more than five years. Thank you. But it's because we're working with these kids. We are doing different things. What is happening now in Douglas County is the elderly population. Now I say elderly and I'm saying 60 years old, right? So if you've ever been to Gardnerville and Laura, you know why you love

living here in Douglas County, beautiful skies, beautiful mountains. It's a wonderful little community. And many people come here. They work all of their life to come here and retire, and then guess what happens life? They may lose a spouse, they may themselves find that they have some medical

condition, they may have chosen some negative coping skills, gambling, drinking, you know, isolation, and so we need to do our very best to get to those people. So we offer many, many support groups. We do not charge for any of our services, because we want those people to get out amongst the living we do

whatever we can. Now I will tell you, in the last probably, I would say, six years, we've had an average of 14 completed suicides. 14 to 16 completed suicide. They have been men over 60 years old a year, 14 to 16 years. Yes, yes for the year, this year, 2025 last year, already, we were down

statistics, eight suicides. That's great. We feel really blessed about that. But Loral, those are still people's lives that were ended, those were still people's lives that were connected to other people. Those were still the mailman, the postmaster, the person that they saw in the grocery store. More

than 100 people are affected by someone's suicide.

Yeah, and I don't know that some of the families can ever, ever recover. I know that, you know,

I always tell them they can never get over it, but they can get through it, and that's what we do at suicide prevention. We help them get through it. We have a support group that you know, that can offer those services.

So in the show notes below, I have an a link that we put together just for this event. It's askloral.com forward slash, donate. And a friend of mine, Graham is dancing. So that's the money that we're raising between now and March 27 will go towards to him and his credit for raising

money. We take nothing, meaning we meaning integrated wealth myself. We take nothing. 100% of the proceeds go straight into Debbie's bank account.

So suicide prevention. Here's it

goes to Suicide Prevention Network, straight to them. And then after March, we will pull the gotta dance off and just continue donations throughout the year. And as we move into 2027 and who knows who's gonna dance? Well, it might. I think we're just gonna have fun with this.

Debbie. When people donate, what? How is the money spent? Because there's so many charities that the board takes, you know, has to be paid. There's vehicle. I mean, obviously there's expenses and rent and things like that. But you know, how's the money really spent?

So years ago, it was real easy to be able to have staff, because I was able to receive grants. And when I would receive a grant for a child's death or an adult's death, I was able to hire someone, and they worked in that scope of work. Unfortunately, grants are not available anymore, and so we do

pay staff to come in and do that work. We have three grants that we work under, but we have three staff members that do not get paid under a grant, even myself, my bookkeeper. So that is why we need to keep those funds coming in. What we make through gotta dance after we've paid all of our bills we live on for the

rest of the year. Why do we do that? Because we don't charge for services. Just before I started this this zoom, I had a young girl that came in, and the first thing that she said to me is, I can't afford a counselor. Would you please help me? I'm really hurting. And so that happens all the time, and many

times they will come to us because they don't have insurance, or they don't have, you know, care to where they can, you know, attend counseling sessions. Counselors are very expensive, and so we make sure that people have that opportunity. We do trainings, we don't charge. We make sure that

if someone needs to come in and have any extra prevention, education, intervention, we make sure that that happens. That's what we actually use the money for. But as I shared with you right now, we're really working with the seniors. We are doing whatever we can to produce programs for seniors. We need to

do more. The fight's not over.

Oh no. So a couple questions. How do you how do you find the seniors, especially those who are in isolation? Are you? Is it an outreach?

How are you completely right? So anyone that has ended their life has not called this office, has not walked in the door in this office, even though we do direct services, that isn't happening, we need to go out and find those people. So we go to the community center that gives

seniors lunch. We go to their their veterans group, we go to their women's group. We go to anywhere where we could reach out to those people that haven't been able to say, I truly need some help, so we go out and search for them, because I don't think they're going to come and search for us,

and then talk about the counselors. And are they in house? Are they in staff? Are they contracted through you? Where do the counselors?

So I think this might surprise you, that it's always been my vision to have a counselor on site. We cannot afford to have a counselor on site, right? So what we do, yeah, not yet, but it's always been my vision, and one day I think we'll be able to do that. So because my staff are not

counselors, what we do, if someone calls in a crisis, let's say, for instance, or someone walks in the door in a crisis, we just escalate their situation, and we give them the resource for them to get help. Now, two weeks ago, there was a young man, he wanted help really bad. He was under the influence

of of alcohol and drugs, so he couldn't have paid for that counseling service. We pay it for them, and so he was able to receive counseling services for the next three days, intensive counseling services, and now it will be go, be ongoing. So that's what we actually do with the money. You know, we don't

have extra money to do that, so gotta dance is, is what helps us provide that.

That's awesome. So tell me some of the actually, I'm going to pause here editors, so I want to ask, like, how do you do a deeper dive into, like, whether you're the whether it's the statistics of suicide, what leads up to it is there any Where do you want me to because I really want to,

I want to get to the heart of people and why they need to donate, because they have probably somebody.

Why not ask this question? When someone walks in, how do you know they're suicidal? Maybe, okay, all right, yeah,

so Debbie, when someone walks in, how do you know they're suicidal?

You know, it's actually funny that you're asking that, because many times we don't, so we invite them in. You've been into my office. It's very comfortable. It's very homey, in a sense. And we sit down and we talk and we talk, and after a while, they feel comfortable enough to know that

I really care what they're saying. And because they know that I care what they saying, then they. Will say, you know, I actually came in here for a friend, but I want you to know it's me, and I'm really having difficulties right now. What that could be? It could be family issues. It could be

parents that are worried about their children. It could be something that I started, this coping skill, that I I'm it's a real negative coping skill, and now I don't know what else to do. So I could tell you story after story after story, but then I can tell you more, because many times, many people

ask me, How many people have died of suicide? And I turn it around and say, How many people have we saved? How many people have we saved by not making that horrible decision. That's where it's at. People want to be heard. They want to know that someone cares. And if they walk in this door, they walk out and

say, Wow, I never knew I could get the help, and you have provided it for me well.

And I think just knowing you the small, you know, window that I have so far, I would think that they also leave feeling less shame about how they're just their situation and how they've been dialog, most definitely, Debbie, talk to the families that are listening and maybe give them some

indicators of what to watch for, because there's so many parents that I've met, you know, during a different, you know, situation like that, but they said, If I would have seen the signs, if I if I would have listened to this, or I would have noticed that what? What are those things that the families listening from

all over the world can start being more aware of?

So it's interesting. So a young person really doesn't display many times what they're going through. Actually, they really hide it. And many times, when they end their life, it's impulsive. Maybe something happened at school. Maybe they, you know, lost a relationship.

That's the teens are really difficult. The adults, it's very well planned. 87% of suicides are very well planned. They plan how they're going to do it. They plan who's going to find their body, and they plan exactly when they're going to do it. So when we know that, and we do know that, and I hope everyone that's

listening knows that these are the signs they need to look at, sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, reckless behavior, giving their possessions away, eating too much, not eating enough, or listen to what they're saying. I don't care anymore, because I'm not going to be here very long. You'd be

better off without me. I don't want to be at a burden. Now I just shared with you a young girl came in right before we started this podcast. Her parents were struggling with their relationship, and she said to me, Debbie, I didn't want to be a burden because they were going through enough. I didn't

want them to have to worry about me. And she started cutting. Unfortunately, that's a sign of wanting to end your life. She believes she should hurt too. So yes, the signs that someone is thinking about ending their life are way out there. We just have to be more attentive and listening. And you have to say,

Mary, are you thinking of killing yourself? And Mary will say, oh my, oh no, no, no, no. Then I ask you again, Mary, are you thinking about killing yourself? You have to be completely honest with Mary, and you have to say it the way you're feeling. And I will tell you, that's very difficult.

I can imagine. So keep, keep walking down that narrative. So when you say that if the person in the family or friend in that group doesn't feel like they have the resources to handle it, what's their what do they do? Then obviously, call you. But if they don't have resources in their

area, what would you do the audience that might know some people like this and what? What do they do when they actually hear it? Because I would think on the other side, like a lot of people would think, I'm not skilled or capable of having that conversation, much less leaning in farther to say, let's

go do something or go use some help.

You know you are asking perfect questions, because I think it's questions that everybody wants to know. Anybody can do what I do, anybody can do what I do. So when Mary sits down with me, and I say to her, Mary, are you thinking about killing yourself? Mary will probably look down.

She'll probably look to the side. And then I say to her, as I said to you earlier, a little earlier, Mary, are you thinking about killing yourself? And if she says, Yes, I have to honestly tell you my heart drops. And what I say to Mary is, Mary, I understand what you're going through, and I want

to make sure we can help you. I. Will you let me do that? And of course, they say, yes. Of course, whatever, Mary, I will not leave you alone until we get some help. Mary, do you understand that you do not have to do this alone? I will stay with you until we get you some help. And you have no idea how

Mary feels at that point, wow, I don't have to do this alone. I don't have to be afraid, because you're going to be with me.

And are you literally, you stay with them? Then, right? Yeah,

most definitely. I had a young girl come in that hurt. She lost both of her parents in an automobile accident, and she came in and she said, I'm going to go through probate. I'm going to help my brothers and sisters go through probate, and then I'm going to kill myself. I said,

Are you really going to kill yourself? She said, Yes, there's no other reason for me to live. And I said, let me help you. Will you give me a chance to help you? And she said, There's nothing you're going to be able to do. I said, you have to give me a chance. If you give me a chance, I can help you. And that

girl now is doing really, really well. She just wanted to say it out loud, and she just wanted someone to say, you're not alone. I can help you. We have to do that for people. I'm no miracle worker. I just care about people's lives

well, and you're intuitive and well spoken, and you come from your heart, and everything you say

well, you know. And I what I realized a long time ago. I can't do this by myself. I cannot do this by myself. That's why I want to train others to recognize those invitations that they're sending out when they are thinking about killing themselves. Recognize what that person is going

through. A person that always had beautiful, you know, groomed hair, and then all of a sudden it's not even combed. You need to say to something to that person, what's going on. You seem different. You want to talk to me about it. They just want someone to ask them. They truly, truly do wow and be heard and be

heard. Yeah, and to know they don't have to do this, walk this journey alone,

what a great cause it

truly is. Yeah, it is, I can tell you, as I shared a ton of stories, but there's, so many wonderful stories, and I will tell you at gotta dance. Let's go back to gotta dance. When I start the program, the fundraiser, I say to people, if you have been affected by suicide, please

stand up. There isn't one person sitting down. Yeah, and our office is totally busy the next day because they learned that there's a place for them to get help, because they were silent before and they were afraid or even think that they could get help. Yeah, that's brilliant. We go into the jails. I don't get

paid to go into the jails, but we are trying to help those inmates to get back on the right path. That can happen if they want help,

Debbie, you do an amazing service for our community. I appreciate you, and I'm so excited to be involved. And got a dance this year.

Excited to have you. I think you're going to be so surprised. I know, wow, this is a little community, and look what they do. I know, I know you're so excited that you can be there, yeah.

And all I've heard is you put on the best fundraiser. So here we go. And those of you out there, again, the show notes, askloral.com, forward slash, donate. And even if it's $10 $50 $100 if you've been affected or it's just something that is interesting for you and that you want to

lean in and learn more about then go donate, and we will send some videos on the other side of God dance for all of you that donated. Yeah, that'll be fun. Then you'll be like, you're part of us being there and the gotta dance this year is in it's March 27 27th

Yes, it's a Friday night. It is at our local community center. We rent both sides of the gym. We put the basketball hoops up. Remember, we're small community, right? We put the basketball hoops up and we hang stars from the ceiling, and away we go.

Yeah, cannot wait to be with you. Last message for our listeners that are all over the world, and this isn't just a Douglas County issue, so I'm glad we're broadcasting this law loud and proud and other places in the world where you can have some help and support too. So any message for those out

listening,

you know, again, as I shared, I can't do this by myself. We can all learn to know those invitations when someone is really seeking help or thinking about ending their life. We can all do that together, and if everyone donated just $1 in memory of the loved one that they lost. Wow,

could we really make things happen? Maybe I could get that counsel. We're on site, exactly.

That's our goal. I love that. Yeah. All right, thank you. And those of you that are out there, invitation, absolutely. Those of you listening, if you have any questions or want to make a request, go to askloral.com A, S, K, L, O, R, a l.com, and we'll be back next Friday with

another podcast. And please donate today.

Thank you. Thanks so much. Thank you. Bye.