Meet Your Ideal partner without dating - for high achieving women who don't have time or energy to do the dating thing | DFS 344

Okay, welcome to Destin for success. I'm your

host, Jennifer Takagi, and I have been having the funnest

backstage Green Room conversation with our guest

today, Michelle Chung. Our title of this episode is me, your

ideal partner without dating for high achieving women who don't

have time or energy to do the dating thing. Michelle is a

soulmate manifest. I can talk. I'm a professional Michelle is a

soulmate manifestation coach, podcaster, best selling author,

entrepreneur and investor, who has hacked the process to

finding the right man and the relationship that supports your

vision, career and lifestyle. Oh my gosh, Michelle, I've had so

much fun. I'm so glad to have you in my world. Yay. Thank

you so much for having me. I'm so excited to

meet you and to chat with you.

I love this idea of manifestation. I'm

really big into that doing energy work, right? Like

manifestation, law of attraction, and you have to

throw in there, you have to take action at some point, right, to

make things happen. But I remember a very long time ago,

before I met my husband, a woman came and spoke to us at work, to

the women's program. And this is long before anybody had used the

term vision board or even manifestation, I don't think.

And she said, I was divorced and I had a couple of kids, but the

youngest one was still at home. The other one was grown. I think

she had two or three kids. Anyway, she was dating two

different men, and she liked them both, and she decided after

a couple months that she kind of needed to pick and she liked

Kevin, but she really thought James might be better. She

didn't know. So she literally made a pros and cons list of

what buckets they filled. And for years, she had been cutting

out pictures from a magazine, again, before vision boards and

and putting them in a three ring binder so she would know what

life she wanted. So she does the pros and cons of the two men,

and then she goes through her her three ring binder, and she

was like, Wow, it really is going to be James. I thought it

would be Kevin, but it's James. And she said, we've now been

married, how many every years. But she was making the point

that you have to be specific on what you want. So being a little

flippant, I was like, I had been in a long term relationship,

actually married for 12 months and 11 days, the worst 12 months

and 11 days of my life, and he wouldn't work, and then when he

worked, I may or may not see the money, and I got all his debt

and had to pay it all off. It was just catastrophically

terrible. And so I was like, I want somebody with a job. They

need to have had it a while. Like, I didn't want to fly by

night job. I wanted, like a professional they had to own

their own car because I had to make my last guy's car payment.

That sucked. They have to have their own car. They have to own

their own house. And, yeah, I want a boat too. Like, let's

just do that. And I write it down. I didn't get pictures, but

in my head, like, that's like, that's what I was drawn out in a

very snarky, sarcastic, Jennifer way. And then my husband, we've

been married 32 years. Bill had had his job for almost 15 years

at that point, and he owned his own house and he owned his own

car, and guess what? He had a boat and

100% hit. That's amazing.

Checked off all the boxes, and he was very, very

nice, and he was very good to me. But it was, it was a long

time after we married that it kind of hit me that, oh, that

woman came in and spoke to the office and said, You really need

to be clear what you want and not settle for less, which

obviously I had in the past. And it was like, wow. So like, I

don't know. Is that how it still works? Do you have to write it

down? Do you have to have a vision board? You have to have a

mood board. Like, how do you make this work. And how do you

do it without dating? Michelle? I'm so excited about it all.

Yes, amazing question. And well, I suppose,

like all those things that you know other people are saying are

true. Yes, you can write them down. You can journal. You need

to be clear. They're all really important steps. What I found

really worked well for me, because I feel like you can

manifest till you're blue in the face, like there's this, I

guess, this thinking that all you have to do is do

affirmations and vision boards and it will come true. And I've

actually read manifestation books on on well established

authors who have said you don't have to do anything. You just

have to think. It and to a degree, but I think that's like

30% of the truth. Because, yes, you can manifest till you're

blue in the face, but that doesn't guarantee results. So

what I've started to do, because I'm, I guess, I'm quite direct,

I'm very efficient in the manner that I do things, and I want to

cut out the fluff, and I know a lot of this woo, woo stuff

doesn't appeal to a lot of people because they think it's

too fluffy and that it doesn't work, right? It's too random. So

I like to make things kind of very factual and step by step,

so it's easy, right? So what I found, and I guess this, you

know, talks about my own story. I was single for five years

after my divorce, I was dating. I was using all those apps. I

was super, like, addicted to the apps, as I thought, hey, it's a

numbers game. You just gotta keep dating more guys and the

right one will come along,

right or left. Did I go the wrong direction?

Yeah. What

if? What if I swipe left on the wrong guy, on

the right guy? Then he's going to disappear for my life

forever, and I've lost my chance, you know, never going to

meet my soul mate. So, so you're accommodating for all these

random chances, right? But what I found that really worked for

me, because, like, when I was single and and we were talking

just before we hit record, that, you know, we both were in Spain

for periods of time. I lived in Spain the last five years, came

back to Sydney just last year. I was there for a reason. Didn't

know what I'd moved on intuition. And I was, you know,

doing a lot of soul searching. I was working with a life coach,

and I listened to a business podcast, and it was David Nagel,

and he said, if you're not getting the results that you

want, it's because you're resisting something. So this was

a huge aha moment, a huge breakthrough moment, because I

was doing not quite, not quite the manifesting. I think that

came a step after, because I was doing a lot of, you know,

personal growth work. I was, you know, I thought I was clear

about what I wanted, like clarity, like you spoke about

it. Number one, I thought it was clear what I wanted, and when I

heard that phrase, if you're not getting the results that you

want, it's because you're resisting something that was the

key. And so now that's what I'm teaching, and in my programs, in

my coaching, because without that essential piece, you can

manifest to your blue in the face, and it, and it will come,

maybe at a random time, or maybe it won't even come at all. So

that's, that's the, you know, for a lot of women, the fear of

wasting your time, right?

Well, and I, yes, I mean, I'm, I'm a big

proponent of, you can manifest, but you also have to take action

at some point, right? Like, 100% Yep, gotta do something there.

Okay, so now, do you? Do you help women find what they're

resisting that's keeping them from attracting their guy? Yes,

100% so without that core piece, like I said,

the the whole process kind of falls apart or just gets a bit

wobbly. So, so what I do, like a really great example, is one,

one of my favorite clients, she's a doctor, very successful.

Was see was, I guess, meeting the same kind of guys all the

time. She told me about a really traumatic date that she had

where she was attracting guys who would want to harm her. And

it was, it was really full on, and what we arrived at from the

coaching sessions was that she was actually resisting a new

relationship. So what it kind of boils down to is that a lot of

people talk about fear of failure. So I think if you're a

go getting high achieving woman, you're actually fearing success,

because you know that what you put your mind to you can

actually achieve. So then what is that you know that you're

hitting the brakes on this relationship, because you know

you can get into a new relationship if you really

wanted to, like you consciously say to yourself, yes, I want a

relationship. I want to be with a man. I want this. But that

resistance is actually the subconscious protecting you from

childhood experiences that what they say, a lot of psychology

and therapists will tell you what has happened to you up

until the age of six or seven. You know that's all the

programming that you've received from your parents. So if you're

seeing your parents in a traumatic relationship, there's

a lot of fighting and yelling. Dad's never home, maybe mom's

alcoholic, or something's happening there that's making

that's giving you this belief that, hey, relationships are not

safe, then that is what you've carried through to your

adulthood, because you've never upgraded that program. So our

minds, our brains, our bodies, were actually kind of a big

computer system. We have that program input at a young age,

and that's evolutionary, biological what happens we need

to download? These programs from the people around us, from our

environment. You know, we're not like animals who already have

that program built in. A baby wolf that comes to live with you

will still become a wolf, but a baby human might go and live in

the forest and start acting like animals, and they won't know how

to speak English, or, you know, any kind of language, but what

they've learned so that makes us different and beautiful as

humans, right? But now we're at a at a time of consciousness

awakening that we need to understand how we actually work

so that we can change our environment, change our external

because we keep thinking that we need to keep working on the

external part. Hey, I need to go on more dates. I just need to

try this new app. For example, I I thought, I want better quality

men who had a good job, you know, who were successful, no,

same as you call them all. Women want that stability, right? So I

thought, hey, I'll just, I'll just buy a really expensive

dating app. And I spent a lot of money on that, thinking, hey,

the guys are going to be better quality. But no, they were the

same, but just had more money, right? That's an example of

trying to do the external more, and that's what society tells

us. If you're not hustling and you're not getting out there,

just try harder. And that's what I was doing for five years, do

more of the same. And that's insanity, as Albert Bernstein

says, right? Yeah, so that's, that's basically, you know, the

resistance is really what you have to identify. So clarity on

what you're resisting is, is a really key component. And so

what, what this this client? Did you know, when we went through

these sessions, she had a huge release. She identified what

that resistance was. It was actually fear of success, going

into new relationship that would put her in an unsafe position,

that she would lose her freedom, that she would lose

independence, lose who she was. So all the negative things going

into relationship. So why would you want to go into a new

relationship? It doesn't make any sense. So this is why we're

not moving into healthy relationships, because of that,

those handbrake that HandBrake is up that resistance. So that's

the number one thing we work on in my program and with my

coaching, to actually release that and often a lot of things

just fall into place very quickly soon afterwards. And

that's why a lot of my students have been able to meet their

soul mate or their perfect man, or the guy they really want to

be with just a couple of months soon after.

It's so interesting, because I was at an

event a couple of weeks ago, and it just kind of all came

together. I met several men who were responding to one of the

speakers, and that one of the male speakers said, I don't feel

love for my wife and kids, I know they love me, but like,

something's wrong, I don't feel it. And I wrote a note to my

friend, and I put he has a heart wall. I can fix that. And, like,

slid the note over, right? So the next day, I was talking to a

couple of ladies, and I was like, Yeah, I do Doctor Bradley

Nelson's work, Emotion Code, Body Code and belief code. And

with the motion code, you literally can have a heart wall.

And every time you're hurt, and it's significant, it, you know,

builds another layer on that wall, but you clear it out, and

it's better. And so I had several clients just right away,

and it was interesting. They were men, and they were like,

yeah, get rid of this. So I went to find some of Doctor Nelson's

past videos on like, oh, I need to like, up my game on this a

little bit. And it was interesting. He was working with

a client, and she was actually he was a chiropractor for years

before he developed his methodologies, but he she had

this pain in her neck. And he was like, so are you married?

What's going on? She goes, Oh, no, I got out of a really

horrible relationship eight years ago. I'm never doing that

again. And he was like, Oh, well, do you like being single

and by yourself? And she was like, well, not really. And he

said, well, well, what if? What if we could let that go? And so

he released a few emotions trapped on her heart, adjusted

her neck, and she walked out feeling great. And she came in

several months later and said, and I don't have the story

exactly right, but it's close enough you get the point. She

comes back several months later and he goes, Oh my gosh, I

haven't seen you in a while. How are you? And she said, I'm

great. She said, Come to find out. After our session, I ran

into one of my high school boyfriends, and we started

dating, and since we had this past history, it escalated very

quickly, and I think we might be heading. Gorgeous the altar, and

he Oh, my God. Like, where did you run into him? And she goes,

Oh, well, actually, he lives in my neighborhood. Oh my gosh. And

how long has he lived there? Eight years. Yeah. So she shut

herself off from possibility, and the guy literally was two

blocks away in her neighborhood. But so I love that, like, you

identify it and release it, and then they show up. Like they

can't show up, yes, last wall around you, maybe even black, so

they can't see it like,

well, well actually they're saying

scientifically now that if you're, I guess, in, you know,

if your energy is blocked, or if you are unemotionally available

yourself, you actually cannot physically see certain things.

And I found this fascinating. I was actually reading the book e

squared, talking about manifesting. And you know how

you can create experiments to to actually have cool things happen

that you're actually thinking and willing it to happen. So

it's actually showing scientifically that your energy

and your frequency from your brain waves is actually creating

the reality that you see. And I remember once you know that

there was a time when, when I was, I just became single, my my

good friend that I traveled to Croatia with. She, Croatia is

beautiful, by the way. She, she had just found a partner, so we

were in a very different level. I was out there looking, we're

at a bar, and I was having a great time. Was chatting to this

really hot guy, and she was waiting for me, and I said, Oh,

I was looking for you, but I could not see you. Just I was

just standing right there, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I

literally did not see you standing there. And she was in

this cloud of being very annoyed. She was very tired.

She'd been driving all day, and she wanted to go home. And here

I was having this great time. All I was focusing on was this

great guy that was talking to so it really does prove that your

soulmate can just be in your neighborhood or right under your

nose. For me, my my soulmate took a little bit longer,

because at that time he was married, and when I was seeing I

was like, Where is he? Come on. I'm ready, but he may not be

ready. So that's something to think about as well, that your

paths will align at the right timing when maybe you've done

that, that release work, or maybe karma and divine timing

help you come together at the right time as well. Well,

it's interesting because with my

husband, I had called, he was actually married to somebody

else, and I called and left a message on their answering

machine about a party, and he called back and said, Oh, I'm so

sorry. We have another party that night, but if we can make

it by we will. And I was like, Okay, great. And that was like

in November for a December party. And then he called me in

May, well through mutual friends, I knew that he and his

wife had split up, and I answered the phone, and he was

like, it is before caller ID. And he goes, Hey, it's a blast

for your past. And I went, Yeah, whatever. Like, seriously. And

he was like, Oh, I'm sorry. That's not fair. This is Bill to

cogi. And I was like, What are you doing calling me, you know,

we split up, and I'm cleaning stuff out from the house, and I

ran across your name and number from the party from six months

ago. Oh my goodness, yeah. And so, like, he wasn't available at

the time. I don't even know. I might have been dating somebody.

I don't know. I don't remember, but yeah, it like wasn't the

right time, but it was there when he was ready. Yeah,

yep. And these synchronicities, or I don't

believe in coincidences, these are all very spiritual unions,

kind of nodding us and putting us together, and that's where

you said you need to take the action. But that action does not

look like dating apps, getting on matchmaking systems,

searching online for that guy, it's not about that external

masculine stuff, right? That's not the action that we're

talking about. The action is more about the internal, the

feminine, and a lot of us being so much in our masculine because

that's the way our world is. If you want to be successful in our

world, you gotta push and you gotta hustle, right? So we're

very much ingrained in this rhetoric that we have to be in

our masculine in order to achieve something, in order to

get something and make things happen. But if you've been doing

this already, and like we said, it's a definition of insanity to

keep doing it that way, why not try going towards more the

feminine, which is about balance and receiving and focusing

internally. And I know it sounds cliche, because they're like,

all you gotta do is just work on yourself. And it's like, Yeah,

but how so? So this is really connecting with your intuition

and aligning with your soul purpose, because that's where

I've found soulmates unions happen, is when you're actually

following your life purpose, whether it be you're passionate

about your. Work. You're passionate about your family,

or, you know, what are you passionate about? And following

that, because that is going to guide you towards where your

soulmate paths are going to cross.

I agree with that, and it's so hard, because

I often heard, well, as soon as you quit looking, he'll show up.

And I'm like, I didn't even know I was looking but I was at a

point in my career where I was doing really well. I was really

focused. I had a couple of exterior things, like, I had

joined Toastmasters so that I can, oh yeah, game be great at

that. Yeah, there were competitions, and, you know,

things were happening. And I can remember having a very conscious

thought of, I have a really great life, like this is good.

And then it was within weeks that that he called. But it was

like, once you quit putting out that energy, which I again, you

don't know you're doing it, yes, you don't even consciously know

you're doing it. Yeah. It was like, Man, this is all just, I

had a great church group going. I was in Toastmasters. I had a

good job. Like, yeah, that's it in a positive way. And I

probably, probably, I'm gonna throw it out there as a

possibility, Michelle, and you can, like, correct me, but I

probably was showing up as a more open and approachable

person.

100% know that you've got it, you've got it and

and that is alignment, that is, you know, joy and happiness,

fulfillment. That is really the vibration in order to attract

and manifest. And I guess it's, it's kind of like, sometimes,

when I see it's kind of funny, it's like, I'm really happy. I

don't need any Hun, and you're still, like, forcing yourself,

trying to brainwash yourself that you are happy but but your

vibrations can't lie, like people can really tell if you're

if you're trying to fake it, that imposter of like you're

just pretending to be happy or you actually are, and that's

where you cannot lie to yourself. You cannot lie to the

universe or the world, but you were in that amazing place where

you were, like, completely let go and surrendered, right? And

that's what they talk about, that surrender and vulnerability

and things like that. And it was the same for me, like at that

point, you know, when, when I had, you know, just before I'd

manifested him, I was I'd started running a book club on

spirituality and personal growth, because those are my

core values, and that's one of the other important components,

is you have to look for somebody who's aligned with the core

values. Because my my ex husband, although we were great

match at that time, I changed. I'd grown. I'd done a lot of

personal growth, and he wasn't into it, so our path split, and

we didn't have the same values. But, you know, I had a great

relationship before, but I knew that if I was to have another

great relationship, it needed to be aligned to my values. So I

thought, How am I going to meet people? And this is the action,

right? This is not about dating, but this is about aligned,

intuitive action. I thought, How am I going to meet great,

amazing people who love the same stuff I do in Barcelona, whereas

living at the time, there was heaps of events. It's like

meetup.com was pumping you. There was nothing that you

couldn't do, like on any given night. There's always stuff

happening. But I didn't want to go to drinking events. I didn't

want to go to nighttime events where there was lots of skeezy

guys who were like, trying to get you home, right? Even Latin

dancing. I love Latin dancing, but the guys there were not the

quality material that I wanted in a partner. They were great

for dancing. And you know, you know, having a great time on the

dance floor. But now, yeah, I didn't want them having my

babies. So, you know, really had to widen my circle, my inner

circle, to people who are really on par with my values and and my

vision and my lifestyle. So this, this book club that I

created, was firstly taking action aligned with my core

values, and it attracted the right kind of people. And I

can't tell you how many people who said to me afterwards, were

you the are you the founder of that book club? I met my partner

there, I met my girlfriend there, I met my boyfriend there,

I met my amazing friends there. So I created a venue, a

community like like you, Jennifer, you're saying you

collect people. That's what I'm really good at as well. And I

thought, you know, not just for me to meet somebody, and that

wasn't really my intention, that wasn't me trying to create a

matchmaking site or anything. That was really me living my

purpose. And that's really, and that's really how quickly and

easily it happens without dating.

I. This. So we need to release what's holding

us back. Like, that's like the the number one thing, identify

it and let it go. And sometimes people think that can be really

hard, but I find that the hard camera froze. The hard part is

just being still to consider it like, how am I showing up? What

am I doing to resist this great relationship? And you know, if

you bring in a great relationship, something is going

to give, and it's just a matter of, Am I willing to give that

up, or am I willing to tweak it a little bit? Because, like, we

talked before the before I hit record, I travel a lot, my

husband doesn't want to go, and it works out just fine, because

he doesn't want to go. And I do, and I go and I come home, and

everything's good. That would not work with somebody else. So

it's that, like, what do I want, and being clear about what I

want, and then that taking action, I love that you created

your own community. Like, oh, this community is not working

for me. I'm, I'm going to commit, I'm going to I'm going

to commit my own. I'm going to create my I'm gonna and then I'm

gonna commit to the the community that I created. I love

this. So I love getting like, three things. Is there a third

thing we can throw in there? I think it's probably going to be

the inspired action. But that's kind of where we were. There's

got a third one, yeah,

pretty much so. So the first step would be to

release that resistance. The second step would be to rewrite

so start once you've created empty space for, you know, new

programming, new computer software to be downloaded or

uploaded and and changing your beliefs around relationships

that, yes, I can attract healthy ones. There is the right man for

me. He does exist. It's not hard relationships. It doesn't have

to be hard. So you can create any new healthy beliefs that you

want and just download them to your computer. So that last step

is to receive so a little bit about what we're talking about.

To be more in your feminine energy, because once we've

created steps one and two, we don't have to get out there to

force it to happen. We just have to be in our in our receiving

space that that's a femininity, not feminist, that's quite a

different topic. That's actually forcing them femininity, isn't

it? But actually receiving, and that's when you can be in your

stillness, like you mentioned. So that was a very good point

that you you had there being still. It's so hard. And I know,

because I'm such an active woman, I'm very masculine woman

as well. Had quite a few past live as a man. But, you know,

being a go getter, it's, it's challenging and tricky to

actually come into your stillness, but that is really

where the magic happens, because that's the space where you can

manifest. That's when you can receive downloads from the

universe. Your spirit guides can start talking to you and

actually have a conversation, not just be a one way street.

You can actually talk to God. If you believe in God or spirit,

your higher power, that stillness, that receiving space,

is where the magic happens. And that's often where we skip it,

because we think, hey, just get out there and do more.

Get out there and do the thing. Oh my gosh,

this has been so awesome and so powerful. How can people get

hold of you. Michelle,

yeah, absolutely. So I actually have a

free masterclass that you can come and join. I'll teach you

the exact same three steps so you don't have to write anything

down right now. And you can also come and book a call with me,

and we can have a chat and start to talk about and I can create

your own personalized three step plan of what you need to do

next. I also have my website and Instagram, and you can

definitely, yeah, DM me on those, on those platforms,

and that's Michelle Chung

Michelle Chung coach, com, and same with my

Instagram, and I'm also LinkedIn, okay,

Michelle Chung coach, I love that, and that

will all be in the show notes people, and you're on your phone

anyway, so just open the show notes, click the button, book,

the call, find the master class and start creating the life of

your dreams. This has been awesome. Michelle, it's been so

great getting to know you.

Thank you so much for having me. Jennifer,

it's been amazing.

So much fun. I'm Jennifer Takagi with destin

for success, and I look forward to connecting with you soon.

You.