Carla Wainwright Shares Midlife Alchemy: Turning Change into Power and Purpose | DFS 386

Welcome to Dustin for success. I'm your

host, Jennifer Takagi, and today I have a fun guest with me,

Carla Wainwright, and we're going to talk about midlife

alchemy, Alchemy, because I can talk. I'm a professional turning

change into power and purpose. Welcome to the show, Carla,

thank you, Jennifer. I'm really happy to be here and I and I

love that you're coming to us from Mexico, from having just

done a retreat. That's amazing. Yes, yes. It's exciting to be

here in the warm, in the sunshine. I know, right. It's so

hard. I'm looking at Drew weather here. So as we got ready

to have a little backstage Green Room chit chat. I was like, Oh,

wait, we have to hit record, because I think this is going to

help.

I Well, nonetheless, I just want to share the story. I am the

youngest of four, and I think my mom was 2827 28 when I was born,

and I always heard her say, I've just done nothing but raise kids

my whole life. I've done which she did. She got married at 16,

had my brother at 17, and raised kids her whole life. And I

always heard that. And then she was turning 50, and we had a

surprise party for her, and she was mortified because she was

thin, but she had really thin legs, and she hated people to

see her legs, which was stupid. They were beautiful, they were

perfect. But she got called Chicken legs so much, she was

like, oh, and I can remember that she and my dad had gone out

to dinner for her birthday, and she wanted to go to Long John

silvers, which is a fast food fish place here, which is

hilarious, because she doesn't even like fish. She just like

the fried food, and she had a hunch shorts, a short set. I

mean, she wasn't like, super casual, but she had on shorts

and a shirt. And she came walking in, the whole house was

full of people, and she immediately dropped down to her

knees and went, Oh, my God, what did you tell me? I would have

put pants on. And so she immediately ran to her bedroom

and put on slacks, because she didn't want everybody seen her

legs. Everybody there knew her, they had all seen her legs, but

it was a thing for her. But we had that birthday party. Her

birthday was in July. We had that birthday party, and I'm

pretty sure it was like the next week. She was a new person. She

was younger, she was more active, she was more optimistic

about life. And I was like, Where has this woman been all my

life? I'm gonna do this earlier. I'm not gonna wait till 50. And

lo and behold, I turned 50, and my whole world changed. And it

was like for the better, like way for the better. And I was

like, Holy crap. What happens that you turn I don't even have

kids, so it's not like I got my kids out of the house, so now I

can do what I want. I've always done what I wanted. And so I'm

like, what is it about that that? And then all of a sudden,

you find power and purpose. Because my mom did, like, she

was just, she just came into her own, like, the week after her

50th birthday.

Okay, go. First of all, I love that story,

so thank you. I have this picture of your mom showing up

at that party.

Yes, you know, there is something really remarkable that

can happen for women. You know, it sounds like, in some ways,

for her, it was kind of a spontaneous change, but, of

course, there were things happening in the background, but

that doesn't that's not the reality for all women. But I

absolutely think that that is possible. And so

there is this incredible transformation that happens as a

woman enters midlife and then really crosses that threshold of

menopause into what the Taoists call the second spring, which is

this really beautiful description of the empowerment

and the possibility that happens to women when they really move

through this rite of passage. And there's a whole bunch of

different things I'd love to say about this. So what's happening

from a physiological level, of course, is that our hormones are

changing. You know, that starts in our usually in our early 40s,

estrogen and progesterone are declining. And one of the things

that happens there is that those particular chemicals, they serve

a variety of different really important purposes in our body.

So a lot of it is around reproduction, but there's also

these neuroprotective effects that these chemicals have, and

so when those begin to shift, and the other neurochemical

armor begins to shift our personalities in many ways, they

begin to shift in addition as well. And so this is it really

supports us. Our hormones are supporting us to step into a

version of ourselves that is tends to be much more honest and

straightforward and clear about what our needs are and what. We

want, rather than those people pleasing roles that were perhaps

more important in our earlier life, and there's all kinds of

like biological and evolutionary reasons for that, but this

journey that we take through our hormones and our changing bodies

really supports us to step into a more authentic and in many

ways, liberated version of ourselves, an opportunity to

prioritize ourselves, to be clear about what it is that we

want, and to feel the empowerment and the capacity to

actually voice that in many ways, that happens for women for

the very first time. I mean, I'm sure you, you've heard about,

like, the I Don't Care Club. Well, maybe you haven't, but

there's like, this Facebook, yeah, on socials,

yes, it's hilarious. And I'm like, Oh, I

get that, yeah, I get that exactly.

And that's why it's so huge, is because women

as they're, you know, in midlife and going through this

transition, it's just like, yeah, all these things that I

used to have to care about don't care about them so much anymore,

and feel, you know, empowered to actually express that. And yeah,

it's really amazing. It's really amazing. So it sounds like your

mom had this, this awakening in many ways, and also for

yourself, that you know, you really noticed the shift that

happens around that 50 year mark,

and she had a big deal where she The house had

to be perfect all the time, and then a little bit later in life,

she said, you know, that was kind of your dad too. I mean, I

wanted everything in its place, but your dad really wanted it

too. So it was kind of like a both, we both want this, and my

dad helped a lot too. It wasn't like everything was dumped on

her, but I remember a friend of mine was in town that knew my

parents, and we went over there, and just I had a key, I unlocked

the door, walked in, they weren't there. They had just

moved to this house, and so I was shorter around the house,

and my mom hadn't made her bed. And so that afternoon, I talked

to my mom, and I was like, such and such was in town, and we

went to see the house, and your bed wasn't made like, what was

that about? And she goes, Well, I can do whatever I want. And I

was like, but I've never seen your bed not made like. That was

like a cardinal sin. You're going straight to hell tomorrow,

whether you're dead or not, for not making your bed. So yep, she

got that. I don't care thing, the house was spotless, but her

bed wasn't made. I have to say, though I still make my bed. I do

too, but, you know, I mean, I might quit, I don't know, but I

do make my bed. It is made right now. That's great. That's great.

I love that in that I don't care movement. So okay, so some

women, like my mom, like you, say she just woke up one day and

was like, I am over all this crap. Other women, I'm sure it's

more of a journey. I'm going to say, I'm going to use the word

struggle. It's more like a caterpillar becoming a

butterfly, and it's that struggle to come out and step

into their own. I'm sure you see the whole gamut of possibility.

Yeah, I would say that many women really

struggle in the transition. And you know, in fact, it is

actually a time for many women where they really feel like

they're really uncertain about their purpose and identity. And

you know, it's the age of 45 to 55 is actually the greatest

time, like, in terms of age, that women commit suicide

because they're really struggling. So the struggle can

be really real, so in terms of the symptoms that we experience,

and then just our sense of purpose, and then how to be able

to navigate some of the more challenging aspects of what's

happening changing in our bodies and our brains, you know, and

also, we lose a huge number of women in the workforce as well.

I think it's like over 10% of women actually leave work

because of their menopausal symptoms, because they feel like

they can't function anymore. And I think another 25% of women

actually, you know, consider leaving work. So it is not

smooth sailing for everyone, absolutely. And I think that,

you know, in many ways, we have been culturally conditioned to

feel like menopause is a decline, that aging is a decline

that we don't have worth anymore. We have a hyper, youth

obsessed culture, and so, you know, none of us are really

immune to that. I mean, maybe the odd woman is, but so there's

a lot of conditioning that we have to overcome to really feel

the potential empowerment and the you know, what I really

believe is stepping into the. Powerful time of our lives, but

this is not what we're taught. And you're really fortunate that

you have a mother who modeled this, because this is one of the

most important things, if we have women in our life who

actually model stepping in fully to themselves and and have that

confidence and radiance and all of those pieces this, this is

just like, this is the most incredible teaching that we can

have, but, you know, many of us don't have that. So it can be

really, really challenging to reframe this whole idea of,

like, No, this is not a decline. This is actually stepping into

the most powerful time of my life. And women need that

support. They need to to see it in others, and they need to know

what's possible, and they need to know how to take care of

themselves, so that their bodies feel strong and vibrant enough

to step into that place. And I think this, you know, we're

we're as as wonderful as modern science is. Society is not

healthy people, people and women are not healthy in their bodies,

and so this compounds the symptoms and the stress and the

experiences they have, which make you know that transition

even more difficult well.

And I have a friend, Bobby Castle, you know

Lewis. I just adore her. And when I met her, I think she was

6768 ish, and we became just fast friends, just immediately.

And she said, I'm writing a book. I'm going to publish it

for my 70th birthday. And covid hit, and that slowed down the

the production and the actual publishing. So I think she was

71 when it came out. But the title of it was, this is 70, and

it was just like a picture book and story book of her life. And

it was beautiful. It was like a large coffee table size book.

And she was like, This is it? This is what 70 is. And you can

be vibrant, and you can have a life, and you can start over,

like she worked on Wall Street and then she moved to LA and

took over that whole area. And she's now posting pictures. She

turned 75 in August, and she's posting pictures. She's going to

Pilates, and she is solid and strong, like she's always been,

very health, fit person and thin and trim and fit, but now she's

like, she wants washboard abs, and I keep seeing her posts on

Facebook, and she's like, this is what 75 can look like. And

I'm like, yeah, she's just like, you're saying she is that role

model that other people need to see. And being in the energy

healing space. One of the methodologies I use is called

energetic magic, and it's what story are you carrying around?

Is your story that? Oh, I'm old, I'm decrepit. I can't do

anything, and I struggled a lot. I had one knee replaced in the

spring of 2024 eight weeks later, it was like, I had never

had surgery. I just like, bounced right back. A year

later, in April of 25 I have the second one, and the recovery is

not the same, and they're just like, no two are the same. And

I'm like, Screw you. It should be like, I'm the same person,

like, I'm cussing out everybody with all kinds of colorful

language. And in July, I was on massive steroids, just so I

could go on this business trip to California, and we're on the

way to the airport, and a crown on my molar broke off. And I

called the dentist the next day, and I was like, just glue this

back on. And I went in, and he goes, you broke part of your

tooth. I can't glue it on. We're going to have to do a new crown.

Okay, great. So we start that process. They put a temporary

on. It breaks off to the gum line. And I was like, oh, so I

have to, of course, go in and see a oral surgeon. We have to

do a tooth extraction, bone graft and an implant. I still

don't have a tooth yet. It's going to be months. They have to

let everything heal. I guess. They put me on massive

antibiotics, and the Crown failed because there was decay

in the tooth, because the crown had been failing, but it was a

metal crown, so they couldn't see it on an x ray. Like, I went

to the dentist regularly, but they couldn't see it. And that's

what caused it all well. So of course, I'm on massive

antibiotics for any infection with this oral surgery. And if

you have a joint replaced and you have a dental problem, it

like the infection goes straight to that new joint. It it's a big

deal. Three weeks after I have that tooth removed that nobody

even knew was decaying, my recovery just skyrocketed, and I

went to physical. And that was April 22 today is November 25 on

November. Number 24th I went to physical therapy because I go

till insurance won't let me go anymore, because I think that's

important. She was like, God, this feels so much better. And I

was like, you know, you get that infection out of your mouth, and

your body can do what it's supposed to do, like but it

can't with the infection. So now I'm back to my same story. You

don't have to have a horrible recovery. And I didn't have

pain. I just couldn't do things which is very different than a

painful recovery. But it was like, man, they say your your

mouth and your teeth, health is so important. And it literally

just hung me up. And now I'm like, Oh yeah, okay, I can get

back to the life that I want. I may not be Bobby because I may

not want to work out every day and have abs of, you know,

washboard, but I can do more. We can do better, and we don't have

to sit down and die. Oh, my goodness.

Of course not. Of course not. And we could go

down a whole rabbit hole about the teeth and the connection of

the whole body. But yes, so absolutely, and I'm so glad that

that was able to be resolved, and that you're, you know,

you're healing really well. You know, I have this for myself. I

really spend time regularly, almost like future casting my

future self, like seeing who I am in my 90s and seeing myself

as being vibrant and hiking and being connected to nature and

being able to get up off of the floor, you know. Let's say I've

got grandkids and I'm playing with it. Well, they've hopefully

they'd be older, maybe great grandkids, great grandkids, you

know. But um, and, and I really feel like the choices that I

make today, my future self is thanking me, and I have that

vision of her, and she's not decrepit. She is vibrant and

alive and just living her best life in every moment. And I

think your friend is a beautiful example of this. It's like, you

know, she's strong and vital and doing all of these incredible

things, and absolutely, all of that is possible. And so I love

that you have her as you know, a possibility of what you know can

can be. And I think it's really important for us to take that

time to envision ourselves as older. And it's like, what, what

does that look like? And you know, what does it feel like?

And then, what are the choices that I can make today that are

going to help make that future vision of me possible?

I love that idea of future casting. Could

you go into that a little bit more? I'm like, I will journal

very intermittently. I love journal prompts. When I do

actually sit down a journal, I have found evidence of

manifesting things after I retired very early from the

federal government to start speaking and training and doing

all these fun things I'm doing now. I I found in a file a piece

of paper from a notebook that I wrote in all the time. They were

eight and a half by elevens, and you just tear a sheet off, and

I, I'm a note taker, and I had turned it sideways, and at the

top it said three to five year goals. And so it had up on one

corner. It was like in the next six months I want to accomplish.

In the next three to five years, I want to accomplish. And so I

had written out that I wanted to become a trainer, like a

leadership development trainer, not like physical trainer, but

leadership development type trainer. And then I had laid it

out, I want to go find some courses online. I want to do

this. I want to do this, and I want to retire in five years.

And there was not a date on that paper, but I'm pretty sure it

was about five to seven years from when I did that paper,

until they came in and said, you can retire early. And it was

like, the power of putting that down on paper is incredible. And

I've had other things happen, but that's like, the most

relevant, important piece of my life, in a in a big

transformation that happened to me, because going from a full

time federal employee to an entrepreneur was a was a huge

leap.

Yeah, yeah. So I absolutely agree that taking

the time to really engage that creative process and put things

on paper. I will be the first to admit I get an F in journaling.

It's not my forte. I want to be so desperately a really good

journal or but it's just I struggle with that. However I do

do exercises like the one that you're describing, i. Where, you

know, I will, like, we're talking about kind of like

future cast, like, what is it that I envision in terms of my

desires? Like, where is my desire function coming through

in terms of creating, manifesting this vision that I

have for myself, and I like to take it one step further in the

work that I do, the experience of the body is so important, and

there's so much wisdom in our bodies, and particularly for

women, you know, we have this deep, intuitive knowing that

that sits in our our sexual organs, in our womb space. So

whether you have a physical room or not is not not important. The

energy of that is there. And this is where our creative life

works, capacity lives. And I mentioned earlier this idea of

the second spring, which comes from the DAO system. It's a was

written in the book by the Yellow Emperor who lived 3000

BC. So it's really old, 5000 year old texts that informed all

of traditional Chinese medicine. And in that book, it talks about

how when a woman stops menstruating, that her sexual

life force, energy, instead of losing that, gets channeled back

up into the heart and becomes this incredible, potent force

that she can create the life that she desires, that she can

use that energy. And instead of losing it monthly, it begins to

amplify and amplify and amplify and grow. And it's so it's such

a beautiful such a beautiful description, I think, enormously

powerful. The reason that I share that is that when we are

envisioning what it is that we want to create, we can use that,

that sexual energy, that creative life force, energy, as

the fuel towards manifestation. And the body has this enormous

wisdom. And so when we're envisioning something which is

very much coming from our intuitive knowing, but it's also

coming from our thinking mind, how can we drop it into the felt

sense. So perhaps, you know, you're envisioning yourself at

90, or maybe it's just at 60, or, you know, maybe it's next

week, whatever that is, and giving yourself the experience

of closing your eyes and moving through your senses to really

imprint what it is that that experience will be like through

your five senses. So for instance, if I take the example

of of you know me at 90, and I close my eyes and it's like,

what are all the things that I see that let me know that this

desire that I have for myself at that age has arrived, that it's

actually I'm living it so just really pinpointing through my my

vision, and then, what are the things that I hear? What are the

things that I'm touching or feeling in my body? Where? What

is it that I'm smelling? What does this desire smell like?

What does it taste like? You know, this gets really deep into

different parts of the nervous system, the limbic system, and

also the primal brain. And it's like when, when these parts of

you, particularly the primal brain, really feels that it can

because it can't tell the difference between the present

and the future. If it's really having this sensory experience

of what it is that you desire. It creates this really beautiful

container of safety, and it propels you towards what it is

that you want. So I love this kind of practice of taking the

time to envision writing it down. There's certainly

something very powerful that happens in the brain when we

actually write and, you know, put pen to paper, and then

taking that one step further into the embodiment, into the

nervous system of future, casting through your senses and

really having that full embodied lived experience, like through

the landscape of your being, all of those different parts of what

that's like. And I can't tell you how powerful this is,

because it's like you create a road map for your nervous system

that wants to move towards what it is that you are envisioning

and creating in your life.

I This is so powerful. I love it so much, and

I love that, like you put so much context around it, because,

like, I've heard journaling. I've heard, you know, you've got

to create a vision. I've even teach on you've got to create a

vision for what you want. But I love that embodiment piece,

like, go through like, what is it going to look like? What is

it going to feel like? What is it going to smell like and taste

like, and what is my life going to be like? And the interesting

thing is, we can make it what we want if we don't like the life

we have now, we can create a new one. I read a book. It's a kind

of a children's book, elementary school book, and I think it's

called The Boy Who Carried Bricks. I. And the young the the

author is, it's an autobiography. He's from

Oklahoma, and he was born into poverty and lots of children and

not enough food. And he was like, I don't really like this

life, and I'm going to, you know, do a horrible job

summarizing this. But like, he called Department of Human

Services, Child Protective Services, and said, come get me.

I don't want to live here anymore. And went into foster

care because he didn't want to live where he lived. And his

grandfather was a huge influence in his life. But he went on. He

went to college, he got married. He's a minister. He's got a wife

and several children like he literally created the site that

he wanted. And I was talking to a friend of mine who had a rough

childhood, and I said, What? And mine was not. I had awesome

parents. And I said, I just can't imagine, knowing it eight

years old, you're living in the wrong place. This is not where

you're supposed to be. And she goes, Oh, at 10, I knew, and it

took me till I was 16 to move out of the house, but I did it

like and I was like, what so think about how powerful for a

little kid to decide I am not doing this. My uncle did it. His

parents were divorced, you know, way back when, in the 30s, 1930s

Oh, my God, almost 100 years ago, and he knew he'd have to

help take care of his mom. And he made a plan, and he went to

West Point, and he became a general. He worked his way up to

a general in the army so that he could work and take care of his

mom, but as a little kid, he decided his future. And I think

there's something super powerful about a little kid making those

powerful decisions and then living them out. For me, that

was not my whole life has been like whatever comes next is okay

and great and good, but when I do stop to put some

intentionality into what do I really want? What comes is even

better, which is, like, wait, I like, I don't have to go into

work. I don't have to worry about the government shutdowns.

I don't have to, like, I don't have to do any of that, and I

get to do this instead, like, I hadn't envisioned this. Like,

how fun is this to get to meet amazing people and learn new

stuff. So, man, so powerful. And I love that you don't have you

don't journal all the time either. So that's I voted

myself. Yeah, um, I heard, I heard a thing of it. It was

share with your audience, like, your best morning routine. And I

was like, best morning routine, okay, huh? And he goes, it

doesn't mean you do it like, like, what's your best? Like, if

you gave somebody advice, and I was like, Oh, that feels really

good. Like, I like that. This is what I would do if I were

spectacular. But I'm just kind of okay. We're just gonna do

this right now? Oh my gosh. So I love that you took us through

all this. So how do you work with people like you're in

Mexico right now. You just wrapped up a retreat. That

sounds amazing. I love Mexico. I've been many times, and

there's something magical and mystical about that land in and

of itself. What do you do? How do you work with people? How do

you change all these lives that you're impacting? 75 we can be

Bobby Castle,

so yeah, I just finished a retreat called

radiant renewal for women 40 plus, really stepping into the

second spring and moving through really that, that transformation

and the chrysalis and, you know, figuring out with clarity, you

know, what is my next step? Who do I want to step into? And how

do I how do I claim that? And I do work, you know, I I feel very

fortunate that my background draws upon so many different

types of practices and modalities. So I'm originally

trained as a scientist. I have the scientific background, but

I'm also, you know, firmly in the woo, woo camp too, where,

you know, I'm very much about embodiment and sacred practices.

I'm also trained as an earth priestess at tantrica and

longtime yoga instructor. So I love bringing in all of these

various pieces, because there's just so much richness to pull

upon from from so many different practices and traditions and

modalities. So retreat is wonderful because it gives women

an opportunity to really step away from their lives and have

the time to drop in and relax and get away from the

responsibilities and have. Spaciousness. And so, you know,

if a woman can make a retreat happen in her life, I absolutely

recommend it, because it is one of the most powerful ways to

initiate transformation. But that's, of course, not possible

for everyone. I do a lot of work one on one with women, so one on

one coaching, which is, you know, very tailored to whatever

it is that a woman is going through and what her desires

are. And I do do some group program work as well that's a

little bit more focused on metabolic health, which I really

am very passionate about, so that, you know, we can support

our bodies to be vibrant and healthy and alive and

functioning at their best capacity. So that all of this

other, all of the other things that we want to do creatively,

that come from our heart, that come from that intuitive sexual

power that we all have, is really able to to manifest

fully. So, you know, we have to take care of the physical

vessel, so that our soul, spiritual, blueprinted design

can really shine through. So I kind of do all the things.

Oh, I love that. And so how do we get hold

of you? How do we find you?

Carla, yeah, so the best way to get a hold of

me. I have a free gift for your listeners called the vibrancy

guide. And it's, it's got these beautiful, very actionable steps

for a woman to just feel more energized, balanced and great in

her body right away. That takes you to my website. So that's

vibrancy reset, com. And yeah, like I said, that takes you

directly to my website, and you can find out everything about me

and connect with me there.

Oh my gosh, that is this has been a super

fun conversation for me. I and I hope the listeners got a lot out

of it, because it was super fun for me. I love I love all this

information, and I will be sharing your gift with my

friends also in the episode when it publishes. But this has been

a delightful conversation, and I I want to connect with you more,

because I think we've got some synergy that we could, you know,

share info with each other. And I love that you have multiple

modalities, because I do too, and it's, it's fun to see them

all come together. And somebody was asking me about, oh, well,

do you believe this? Do you believe that? And I was like, I

believe it all works. Like, if you need to go wash your

crystals and put them out in a full moon, you should do that.

If you think you need to put them on the windowsill for

sunlight, you should do that. Do I do any of that? Absolutely

not. But if you think you should, you then you should,

you should do all those Totally agree. There's

so many paths, right, and and we're so we're each so unique.

And if you feel like, if you feel that connection, that pull,

then follow that absolutely,

Oh, I love this. This has been such a great

conversation, Carla, and I think I also had to reschedule you. So

thanks for being flexible to make this happen. And I'm

wishing you all the best, and I can't wait to

reconnect with you later. Yeah, I would love

that. Thank you so much. Thank you

for being here, everyone. I'm Jennifer Takagi

with destin for success, and I look forward to connecting with

you soon. You.