E 257: The Healing Power of Writing and Speaking: Guest: Teri Petz

Well, hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

Today we have with us Terri Petz.

She discovered the healing power of words and uses writing as a healing tool.

She has been hosting open mic events for years and started Zoom Open mic events in 2025 with a theme of encouragement, because we all need encouragement sometime.

And I like that.

That was so simple and to the point.

So welcome, Terri.

Thanks for coming.

Thank you for having me, Tammy.

Oh, yes.

So I.

It was really interesting when you reached out to me and you said, I don't know if this will really apply, but this is what I do.

And I thought, this is amazing because in the niche of people that I work with and that are so many out there, people don't feel like they have a voice.

People are afraid to use their voice.

They're afraid to really kind of say what's on their mind at all.

So talk about your journey and how you got into use doing open mic, for one.

Well, I guess I have to start from Adam and Eve, and I'm almost as old as they are.

When I was very young, even before I could read, I was drawn to poetry.

Loved it, fell in love with it for some reason, and I don't remember the reason, because it was.

I was probably less than three years old when I started with it.

Wow.

And for the longest time, I didn't feel like that was my voice.

However, reciting poetry, even as a child, gave me a voice.

And I could relate to the poetry of the poets and did some research on their lives.

And it was a big vehicle for me to find my voice eventually.

And the way I ended up with open hosting open mics is that for many, many years, I had no personal connection to poetry, like on the personal level live, as you may say, because of course, it's always.

It was always available online, but nothing in person until I moved to Lethbridge, where I live now in South Alberta, Canada.

And I met a lady who.

Who hosts poetry circles for women.

And I started to participate and that has grown just into a huge thing with doing her circles every year.

And I think I've been doing it for eight or nine years now.

And.

And about seven years ago, I started the open mics in what they call the Owl Acoustic Lounge in Lethbridge, which is sort of like a cross between a bar and a restaurant.

And we have a lot of people come to that event.

Fun.

So you use it kind of as a way, like, at some point, was there a point in your life where you realized, wow, this is actually healing.

Getting these words out, getting to be able to talk out loud, getting to.

I know you said you kind of resonated with some of the.

The poets, but was there a moment that you really realized that speaking out loud or talking out loud or even writing was healing?

I think unconsciously, I discovered it a long time ago, but it really.

It really came home to me during my friend Kat circles, and we call it the poetry circles.

Where.

And this is what I've been doing for about eight, nine years now.

The way Kat hosts these events is she has one of us prepare a program where we pick either a certain poet's work or we work around a certain theme, which could be something like love or nature or whatever you can imagine.

And then we prepare a program.

We take turns reading the program, the poems, and then we journal around it.

So, of course, there's lots of food for thoughts in these programs.

And then the journaling is what gets to be the healing part so many times because.

Because we basically get prompted by the poems we read, and we write our own personal stories and we share it with the small group of women we have been friends with for years.

So sometimes it gets really intimate and personal.

I can only imagine.

I mean, it's just like.

It's the writing and the.

Sometimes people sit down and they go, oh, I'm going to journal.

But you just don't know what to say.

You sit there.

I mean, I remember when I first started journaling, everybody's like, you gotta journal.

You gotta journal.

You gotta get it out.

I mean.

And I didn't know what to say.

And now, of course, there's all kinds of.

You know, there's Google now, so you can go on.

We didn't have the Internet back then when we were younger.

You can re relate to that.

But, you know, now you can go on there and go, I need 10 journal prompts.

But I can only imagine, like, it's like watching a movie.

Like, last night I went.

I went to see Neil diamond, the movie about Neil Diamond.

Oh.

And the whole time I was.

I was laughing, I was crying.

I was like, oh, my gosh, it was such a good movie.

And it prompted me.

It was continual prompts like, oh, I can write about this.

It's got me thinking.

And so it seems like that's a magical way to come up with what you want to journal about.

It sure is.

Oh, boy, I forgot to turn the sound off on my phone.

It sure is a great way to get those prompts.

And prompt writing is amazing.

And I actually prepared 31 prompts for any of the listeners who want to do some prompt writing for healing.

The thing is that even a movie can trigger our minds.

And of course, that's how the creative mind works.

You hear something, you hear somebody's story and suddenly it clicks in you and you want to write about it because you have your own personal story to say among the same line.

Exactly what would you say to people that go, oh, I'm not a writer.

What if they, you know, and they feel like, oh, I'm not creative, I'm not a writer.

What, what advice would you give them?

I think everybody can write whether we are a writer or not.

That's a different story if we want to explore, if anybody wants to explore writing.

I think prompt writing is a great way to explore it because it gives you that topic.

And looking at events, reading poetry, watching movies, listening to music.

I mean, what is music?

It's lyrics and musical notes.

What are the lyrics?

It's poetry.

Exactly.

So there's so many things that can trigger our minds into writing.

I think as long as we tune into that.

And I also believe that there is, we have a wise person in us, that intuitive person.

And once we get in touch with that person, it's so easy to do.

Absolutely.

And also I like to tell people it doesn't matter if you're not writing to publish a best selling novel all the time, sometimes you're just writing.

I mean I, like I said, I have journals and journals and I know it was kind of weird because of my background.

I wrote and then I ripped up because I was always afraid of somebody finding them.

So.

But it was still my release, it was still getting it out of my body and into onto paper.

And it didn't have to be a best selling novel, it just had to be words because every time you write, you heal.

I truly believe that.

That's so true, Tammy.

And the thing is, you touched a very important point.

Not everything has to be a best selling piece.

And I'm sure that anybody who writes has one or two or three pieces, even if they're short, that are like, wow, amazing piece.

Everybody should read this.

However, those things that you wrote in your journal and then you ripped them out and you got rid of them, those were obviously healing because you got something out of yourself and you put it on paper and then you did the magic of releasing it.

And maybe for not the right same, not, I shouldn't say right, not for the same reason of getting rid of it, but maybe you Just didn't want to leave any evidence behind you.

And sometimes you have to read those few notes and get the ugly stuff out before you can write the good stuff.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Now, you picked for 2025, you said your word was encouragement.

So your theme.

So that was, I guess your theme was all encouragement.

What made you choose encouragement?

It's a big, wide word and it includes a lot of things.

We need to be encouraging to people, but we also need to be encouraging to ourselves.

There are so many times we judge ourselves, especially if we face trauma as young people.

And we need to realize that we don't need to beat up our nudge self.

So ourselves, life is hard enough.

We need to encourage ourselves and we need to encourage other people around us.

I love that.

And if everybody had that attitude, life would be so much better instead of, you know, and.

But you're right, we are our absolute own worst critics.

So we're so quick to beat ourselves up.

And you're right.

We just, I always say, hold your standards for yourself like you would for your best friend.

And if we all did that, we would stop trying to be this perfect person because, I mean, ultimately we all are divine and perfect in our own way, but we think we have to be perfect to be heard, to be seen, to be anything.

And I mean, that's always my message is we're just.

We're perfect just the way we are.

Just we need to learn to embrace that.

But pretend you're your own best friend was has always been my advice for people.

So I love that.

I love that encouragement.

Do you have a theme for 2026?

It's funny, and it's funny to me because with that group of women that we do this circle with, we had this theme going, happy New Year.

Do you have a word for the year?

And everybody came up with their word, and mine is magnificent.

Oh.

And one of the ladies said, well, did it have to be autobiograph biographical?

And I started laughing and I gave her a laugh emoji.

And the story is that one of our very dear friends sent me a New Year's Happy New Year's wish with ending it with you, magnificent woman.

I can't even pronounce it without laughing, but that became my theme, and I think I will write a poem about it at least.

But the truth is that it doesn't have to be this huge word of self praise because we all have some magnificence inside of us.

And again, it's whether we tap into it or not.

So true.

So true.

I love that on New Year's Eve and everybody's like, what's your goals?

What's your this, what's your that?

What's your word?

And I was like, oh, oh, like that.

Every year I have to think about that, what my word is, But I love that.

Magnificence.

Magnificent.

That's good because most, I mean, that's one I haven't heard, actually.

I've heard empowered and transform and all these other words, but I have not heard that one.

So thank you for that.

Well, you can thank my friend Jolene.

And by the way, can I read a poem about how we are perfect without being perfect?

I would love for you to.

Okay.

I. I have to look it up in my book, but it shouldn't take too long.

Oh.

While she's looking for that, I. I just want to say to the listeners out there, such good point she's making.

As far as not be.

I will go back to this probably if you listen to my podcast for the rest of 2026, you're going to.

About not beating yourself up and giving yourself grace.

And I think that what that was, one of the words that I came up with for 2026 was Grace.

And again, these concepts, these big broad concepts, I feel like if everybody embraced them a little bit, the world would just be a happier place.

But go ahead.

You're so right, Tammy.

And.

And I could say a lot about what we embrace and what we focus on, because that's really what I found the feeling in focusing on the things that bring me joy.

Absolutely.

The poem is called women.

I love, treasure and admire women.

Time spent with them feels like connecting with my long lost tribe.

But don't catch them on a bad day.

The self flagellation never ends.

My house is a mess.

My butt is too big.

My breasts are too small.

My hair is awful.

My speech was the shits.

I'm too young, too old.

Not enough of this, too much of that.

And on the end of the day, every one of us is perfect.

Our house is fine as it is.

Our butts and breasts are just the right size.

Even if we had mastectomy.

If our guests are focused on the mess, they don't deserve to be there unless they change their view.

What we say and how we present ourselves could always be better, but it can always be worse.

And if people can't appreciate our humanness, then they should not listen to us at all.

Ladies, I have news for you.

You don't have to improve yourself because you are perfect just the way you Are.

I love that.

Did you write that?

Yes.

Oh, I love it.

So do you have books or do you put your poems in other people's books?

Or how do you.

How do you publish your poetry?

I have one book that I published, and it's most of my work between 2000 and 2019.

I also published a free ebook on grief.

And it's just poetry on grief and connections and losses.

And I did participate in a few anthologies, but I don't even remember them.

There was one significant one, and that was called Women's Scream.

And it was a really powerful book, which had a whole bunch of poems in it and stories, I believe, as well.

Wow.

Amazing.

I actually want to.

I work very closely with a grief.

A grief coach, and I would love to offer your ebook to her group, if that's okay.

Absolutely.

It's free and it's available on most online sites, except Amazon, because Amazon doesn't want anything permanently free, I believe.

Right, okay.

Well, great.

That sounds good.

I love that poem.

And that does really encapsulate exactly what we were just talking about.

About not that perfect, letting go of that perfectionism, because we are just perfect.

And it's all the little things.

And you're.

That you're right, too.

If it's kind of like I remember the day that somebody said, you know, what do you.

Do you care what they think?

And I said, no, what people think of me is none of my business.

I like that, you know, it's.

People are going to be judgy.

I call it Judgy McFudgy, but it doesn't matter.

Like, who cares?

It only matters what you think.

Exactly.

Yes.

I love.

I love that message.

I love that message.

So going back to that kind of.

How do you feel like people like their words?

Whether it's written, whether it's poetry, whatever.

How do you feel like that helps them heal.

Can you repeat the question, please?

So poetry, speaking, writing, whatever it is, when people are expressing their words, what do you think it is that makes that a healing process?

Oh, there's many levels to it.

Number one is that you.

Whatever was inside of you is now outside.

It's expressed.

And that in itself can be healing.

Then if you're.

If it's something deep, something personal, something very sad, something that.

That is very personal.

And you express that in front of.

Front of people who are supportive of you.

And understanding that adds an other level of healing.

And then there are some people, and I admire them, and I'm not sure how well that works, but for some People, it works.

They take their deepest, saddest thing in their lives, in their past, most likely, and they write a book about it or they write a story about it and they publish it and they put it out there.

And some people find that very, very therapeutic.

Other people find it traumatizing, and it can go either way.

And I keep returning to Brene Brown's thoughts about vulnerability.

I'm sure you heard about her.

Yes, of course.

Yes.

She got famous by a video that was released that she didn't want released.

And her thoughts are, your shame stories only belong.

And I'm not quoting her, but her words were something like, your shame story only belongs to people, only deserves to be heard by people who respect you and treat you well after you tell them your shame story.

Yes.

And that is very well said, because a lot of people do.

And you're right, it can be traumatizing.

A lot of people.

I kind of look at it, like, every time when I tell my story, it helps other people know that they're not alone.

Because everybody's story, even though it's a little different at the end of the day, depending on what your circumstances were, how you grew up, what your parents were like, all that stuff, they're all the same kind of stories, just different details.

Yes.

And.

And so if I tell my story, I've had people go to me, oh, my gosh, like, you know, after I was done listening to you, I went and I journaled or I went to a therapist or I went to a coach.

And.

And boy, it felt good just to get it out.

But I didn't, you know, I didn't think any.

Like, when people say to me, how do I tell you these stories?

And you don't look shocked.

And I'm like.

Because nothing shocks me any.

Like, I'm not shocked.

I mean, these experiences happen every day, hundreds of times all over the world.

Yours is just a little bit different, you know, so.

Yeah, but you're right, though, that vulnerability is.

Can go either way.

It can definitely be scary to people.

Well, to me, it's always.

And I.

And I really choose who I share what with.

To me, it's important that when I say something deep and personal, it's respected and met with compassion.

If that doesn't happen, I don't want to express myself just so I express myself.

I can write something down on a piece of paper and burn it in the backyard in a fire or throw it in the river if I just want to express myself.

So if you want to hear my story, you need to be respectful of it.

That's, that's, that's it.

Absolutely.

And that's why groups like your group are probably absolutely amazing, because like you said, you've been with these same women for how many years?

And so you know each other.

It's like your own little.

It's your own little tribe.

And I love that.

You're right.

And, and there's always respect, empathy, and love amongst us, and I think that's what kept us together for so many years, too.

Oh, absolutely.

I'm sure it is.

And just the community, the community alone.

And, and like you said, you're.

If you have not ever delved in this and you've not ever told your story, if you've not ever talked to anybody about any of this, put it out on paper first or go to one person, go tell your best friend, tell somebody that you know is not going to be judgmental.

And, and I mean, at the end of the day, if the, if someone down the road is judgmental, then hula, you don't need them in your world anyway.

But, but you're right, it.

To start, especially if this is a new process, it's.

It's important to be in a safe place.

Absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely.

I love it, love it, love it, love it.

Oh, I could talk to you all day.

What if you had to give somebody that's never written, never done a open mic, never done anything like this and really gotten out there and told their story or just even gotten on stage or anything, what would be a good first step or good starting strategy to maybe get started to get it out.

And get on stage?

Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing and share what you feel comfortable sharing with.

And sometimes when I look at the open mics, I look at it in terms of what the Internet is to me.

I don't put everything on the Internet.

I don't share everything on the Internet.

I share whatever I'm willing to share with everybody and anybody.

And I do the same with the open mics.

And I think that's a good way to go.

If somebody is a beginning writer and they want to share their work, I keep saying, I keep thinking, keep writing, keep polishing it before you put it out there, and always make sure you feel comfortable with it.

Absolutely.

So a lot of people I know start like they have a little small website and they'll start like a blog, like a travel blog or something fun, or just a, you know, a memoir blog or whatever it is.

And that's, that's a good place because you can kind of control a little bit about who gets it and when and.

And, yeah, and polish.

Like you said, just keep writing and practicing.

I love that.

That's good.

Yeah.

So if people want to.

So talk about what you do.

Like, I know you have your open mics, but how do you work with.

Do you work with people?

Are you just support?

Like, tell us what you do.

Well, the open mic, the live open mics that I host in Lethbridge started because one year when Kat's group ended, I felt so not lost, but I felt so sad that there was going to be no poetry for two, three months until she started the group again.

And I said to her, hey, I really miss doing this.

I'm thinking of doing something in terms of being in touch with poetry.

And I talked with a few people, and one of the ladies recommended that I start an open mic.

I thought, oh, sure, why not?

And I approached the owner of this restaurant, and at that time, it was a much smaller location than it is now, and we talked for a bit, and then he said, would you like to make it a monthly event?

And I thought, oh, sure, why not?

Well, it has grown into something big and monthly for over seven years now.

Wow.

And during those times, I realized how much writing, expressing, and reading our poetry in front of other people brings people together and how much support there is in it.

So how big is your group?

Like, if you did your open mic right now, how many people would probably show up?

You know, sometimes we have six people, sometimes we have 26 people.

It really varies.

The last one we had, we had a snowstorm.

We had three people.

And it was funny, but the three of us were there, and I drove one of my friends there, and we were sliding on an icy road, making sure we don't hit a deer, but there were three of us there, and that's what it was.

Other times, as I said, There's 26 people.

So that's one aspect.

One place where I do host open mic, the other one I started, and I believe I started that in last November, is on Zoom, and it is about encouraging poems.

Unfortunately, we got hacked the second time, and somebody recorded our event, but I made measures to not get hacked again.

And if we do, I'm just going to kick people off if they don't participate, but I think we have some bots on there.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's hard to keep it, but, you know, it's.

That's the world we're living in, so you just have to put up your defenses.

The best you can, I guess, with that.

Yeah.

That's fun.

So, and then how do people get on that?

Is that a free event?

Is a paid event.

It is free.

What they can do is they can get in touch with me either on Facebook or on my blog.

Okay.

And I believe I sent you the links to those.

Yes.

And I will put all of those in the.

I'll put all that in the show notes.

Plus I'm going to put your ebook that I think that sounds.

I'm sure a lot of listeners will.

Would appreciate that ebook.

Okay.

So if they get in touch with me, what I started to do after being hacked is before I send anybody the zoom link, I want to make sure they're a real person.

So I'd like to see some presence of them online, either on Instagram or Facebook, somewhere online where they interact with people.

And then I send them the zoom link and anybody can join for free.

And it is every first Wednesday of the month at 6pm Mountain time.

6Pm Mountain.

Okay.

Yes.

I want to come.

I'd love to see you, Tammy.

That would be fun.

I want to come for sure.

Well, this is super fun, so thank you for coming on, but I'm.

You're not off the hook yet.

I want you to give the listeners because you started with the poetry, I mean, and you're still going with the poetry, but you.

You went through different avenues of writing and then open speaking and different.

Different venues, I guess you could say.

What would be your biggest words of advice or something to take with them for today to make their day a little brighter and something that they might be able to use?

Be yourself.

And I know it's a cliche, but really, throughout my life, I've always been myself, since I defined who I am.

And some people loved it, some people couldn't stand it.

So be yourself.

Whoever you are, be true to yourself.

And if people love it, great.

If they don't like it, you know, they're not your tribe anyway.

Yeah.

How many people are in the world?

Billions of people in the world.

Right.

So if one doesn't like who you are, move on to the next.

Exactly.

Move on to the person who will appreciate who you are and love who you are.

Absolutely.

Well, thank you so much, Terry, for coming on.

Thank you for your time, and I'm looking forward to the recording.

And I will, I will.

Oh, by the way, I have a.

A free ebook for anybody who would like to get into prompt writing for healing.

Okay.

Yes.

You said it was something like 31 prompts.

Or something.

Yes, yes.

I'll put that in the show notes, too, because that was the other one I wrote down that I wanted to get hold of because I think that will be great.

So thank you so much again.

I appreciate you coming.

And for everybody else out there listening.

You heard her.

Just be yourself.

You can never, never, never go wrong when you're just yourself as long as you're being kind.

So you all have a blessed day, and we will see you back next week.

Thank you, Tammy, Love your ending.