E 221: Reclaim Your Life from Narcissistic Parents with Agatha Peters
In this episode, we sit down with Agatha Peters, founder of Beautiful Sunshine Therapy and author of Trapped in Their Script: Reclaim Your Life from Narcissistic Parents & Cultural Expectations. Agatha shares her personal journey of navigating the challenges of narcissistic parenting and cultural expectations, emphasizing that therapy is more than a profession—it’s a calling shaped by lived experience.
Our conversation delves into the transformative power of therapy, the importance of recognizing harmful familial patterns, and practical strategies for those hesitant to seek help. Agatha offers guidance on self-reflection, building supportive connections, and breaking free from cultural stigmas surrounding mental health, affirming that healing and happiness are accessible to everyone.
Listeners will gain insights into:
- How personal experiences can shape a therapeutic calling
- Identifying and addressing unhealthy familial and cultural dynamics
- Strategies for beginning a healing journey, including journaling and self-care
- The critical role of cultural sensitivity in therapy
For more information and support, you can visit Agatha’s website at Beautiful Sunshine Therapy, follow her on Instagram, or purchase her book here.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to reclaim their narrative, navigate complex family dynamics, and embrace the journey toward emotional healing.
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Well, good morning, everybody, and welcome back.
Speaker AToday we have with us Agatha Peters.
Speaker AShe is the founder of Beautiful Sunshine Therapy and the author of the book Trapped in Their Reclaim youm Life.
Speaker AFrom Narcissistic Parents and Cultural Expectations.
Speaker AAgatha worked with individuals from diverse backgrounds facing a wide range of mental health challenges in her private practice that she witnessed the profound, lasting impact therapy can have on people's lives.
Speaker AFor Agatha, therapy is more than a profession.
Speaker AIt's a personal calling.
Speaker AHer experience.
Speaker AShe has experienced the healing power of therapy herself, and she is passionate about helping others discover the same transformation.
Speaker AWow.
Speaker AWelcome, Agatha.
Speaker AHow are you?
Speaker BThank you, Tommy.
Speaker BThank you for having me.
Speaker BI'm doing well today.
Speaker BHow are you?
Speaker AI am doing great.
Speaker AI'm glad we finally connected.
Speaker AWe've been trying, kind of going back and forth, trying to get hold of each other, and sometimes life happens, Right?
Speaker BExactly, exactly.
Speaker ASo you are a therapist now, correct?
Speaker BYes, I've been in my own private practice now for a few years and expanding, actually, so I'm very excited for that so I can do a little bit more writing.
Speaker AOkay.
Speaker AWhere are you in the world?
Speaker BWell, I am in Portland, Oregon.
Speaker AOkay, Okay.
Speaker AI know.
Speaker AI like to ask people that because sometimes I forget to ask them.
Speaker AAnd then the other day I asked someone and I was like, we were trying to connect, and I said, well, where are you in the world?
Speaker AAnd they're like, oh, I'm in Africa.
Speaker AAnd I was like, wow, what time is it?
Speaker AIt was like, midnight their time or something crazy.
Speaker AAnd I was like, I'm so sorry.
Speaker AThey're like, no, you popped up on my schedule.
Speaker AIt's all good.
Speaker ASo I guess that's part of working from home, right?
Speaker BRight.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ASo you went through a gamut of mess with the narcissistic parents and all of your experience.
Speaker AYou went through poultry and cultural early.
Speaker AThat's a tough one for me to say.
Speaker AAnd then you became a therapist.
Speaker ADo you think that you became a therapist because of that?
Speaker BOh, absolutely.
Speaker BThere was a lot of.
Speaker BWell, there was a lot of loneliness for me, feeling isolated because of the experiences I went through.
Speaker BJust.
Speaker BThere was a great deal of cultural obligations, too, that comes into play where you feel as though regardless, even though you see the abuse happening and you know there is something wrong, but it's also normalized in a way.
Speaker BAnd I. I did try therapy myself.
Speaker BThat's.
Speaker BI think, partly when I became a therapist.
Speaker BI sat on someone's couch, too, when I was 18 years old.
Speaker BAnd I think that therapist was one of the first people that pointed that There was something wrong in my upbringing, and I did not want to hear it.
Speaker BI was not ready to hear that.
Speaker BBut.
Speaker BAnd I think that helped me, in a way, start to understand, okay, maybe there is something going on.
Speaker BBut I still ignored it because of, again, loyalty culture.
Speaker BYou know, there's a great deal of that that makes it where you.
Speaker BYou just have a blind eye and a blindfold on through it all.
Speaker ASo we actually did a summit in December, and it was called Shattering the Stigmas.
Speaker AAnd it was really interesting.
Speaker AAnd I think I had like 45 speakers on there, and they all talked about a stigma of some kind.
Speaker AAnd one of the girls that was on there talked very much about the stigma between mental health issues and in her culture.
Speaker AShe said, we don't go to therapists.
Speaker ALike, you're.
Speaker AYou just need to suck it up.
Speaker AStop being such a baby.
Speaker ALike, talk.
Speaker ATalk about that.
Speaker ABecause I know in.
Speaker AIn every culture and so many, it's like weak.
Speaker AIf you have a mental illness or you have a.
Speaker AYou're struggling mentally, it's conceived as weak.
Speaker ABut talk about people like, if you.
Speaker ALet's say, I mean, what got you to therapy, even though you knew there were these cultural, like, this is not right.
Speaker AYou gotta just get over it and hide the family secrets or whatever it is.
Speaker ATalk about how you would encourage someone to go or what they could do.
Speaker BThat's a really big, huge thing there for our, like, collective cultures in general, too.
Speaker BI wish I could say there was something in my gut that just told me to go to therapy, but absolutely not.
Speaker BI was in college, and one of my college professors had said something along the lines, like, you, you also have to be you.
Speaker BIt's important for you to check yourself before you sit and be able to talk to other people.
Speaker BLike, you know, I was like, really?
Speaker BSo it's almost like you need to check your own stuff before you can start to sit there and diagnose and look at others and all that.
Speaker BSo that's really what drew me to going.
Speaker BAnd then I didn't stop.
Speaker BAnd with my, what maybe first.
Speaker BSecond session, I just.
Speaker BThere was so much that came out.
Speaker BI knew I needed that.
Speaker BI needed that space for the first time someone actually heard me and make sense of it.
Speaker BIt just In a way that never I couldn't for myself.
Speaker BSo that's what made me go.
Speaker BSo I wish that.
Speaker BSo it is big in our culture.
Speaker BIt's a huge.
Speaker BI've seen a lot of people do the work, great work as those therapists, but are actually not checking themselves too.
Speaker BAnd that's what.
Speaker BIn what can call us counter transference a lot in our field, when you're not able to actually heal your own wounds, you know, you can.
Speaker BYou can kind of mess that up for.
Speaker AWell, you can actually.
Speaker AYeah, you can traumatize your clients even more if you're just projecting your own pain onto them.
Speaker AYou know, that's why I wasn't even a coach for many, many, many years, because for the longest time, I couldn't tell a story about my experience without breaking down and crying.
Speaker ALike.
Speaker ASo I realized that, you know, every time I told my story, I was healing a little more.
Speaker ABut I'm like, I'm not going to have somebody come in and sit on my couch, me, be projecting my pain onto them.
Speaker AI'm supposed to be their support system.
Speaker AAnd of course, there's nothing wrong, even as a therapist or a coach or whatever, with sharing stories and that vulnerability.
Speaker ABut it's different.
Speaker AIt's different when you have control, that you can show that, you know, you can be sad and then pull yourself out of it, that you can go through anxiety and you have tips for them to deal with their own anxiety.
Speaker ANo, I totally get what you're talking about.
Speaker AAnd that is why I think.
Speaker AI don't know, especially, like, in the coaching realm.
Speaker AI don't want to.
Speaker AI don't want to say anything.
Speaker AI mean, coaching is magnificent.
Speaker AI love it.
Speaker ABut you.
Speaker AYou want to be.
Speaker AYou want to be selective in your coaches and make sure that.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AMake sure they're farther enough along in their healing.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BBecause we all carry.
Speaker BThat's what drew us to the profession to begin with.
Speaker BThat's why I love the work that I do, because I've been through it, I've healed from it, and I can see it.
Speaker BYou know, I can.
Speaker BI can help my clients better in that way and how, you know, it's unfair for that client to sit there and know that they're actually.
Speaker BYou're getting treatment from someone that hasn't done the work themselves.
Speaker BIt's not, you know.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BSo with.
Speaker BWith that stigma, I think a lot of it is just try it.
Speaker BJust go walk through it as though you are building a friendship, you know, and not everyone is supposed to be your friend, and that's okay.
Speaker BSame with therapy, right?
Speaker BLike, just try one session.
Speaker BI tell people, give it at least three.
Speaker BBut, you know, work through it in the lens of just building friendship, making connection, and see what happens, you know, See what happens.
Speaker BAnd the great thing, too, I think, for me is in Terms of finding someone first that was not from my culture made me feel less.
Speaker BLack of better word, being, you know, naked because you feel like, oh, someone is going to see you and know you in that culture or something.
Speaker BBut finding someone and in our profession, everything is confidential, especially, you know, but nonetheless, it might feel that it's like, shameful, if that's.
Speaker BThat makes sense.
Speaker AYeah, it does.
Speaker AAnd there is so much stigma around it.
Speaker AAnd that's really what I coach people is to, you know, we're reaching down and we're reaching so deep and getting past all the wounds and getting past all this stuff and at the end of the day, getting past what people think about us.
Speaker BRight.
Speaker AStop caring what people think.
Speaker AYou have to know, it doesn't matter what stigmas are out there.
Speaker AIt doesn't matter if your grandma and her great grandma and her great, great, great grandma and they all had their own traumas.
Speaker AThat's their problem.
Speaker AThey didn't get them fixed.
Speaker AYeah, you know, you got it.
Speaker BYeah, that's all true.
Speaker BAnd, you know, healing, I, you know, a lot of my clients, I say, well, if you can't even do it for you, do it for your kids, do it for your partners, do it for, you know, so sometimes it just takes someone else that we know love us and care for us, that we don't want to traumatized because we've been through it, you know, so, yeah, so do it.
Speaker BFind some, Something that, that, that does it for you, that pulls you to.
Speaker BTo getting help.
Speaker AAbsolutely.
Speaker BNot us.
Speaker BAnd that's okay, you know?
Speaker AAbsolutely.
Speaker ABecause at the, you know, I always say in the beginning, you're really.
Speaker AYou want to feel better, but at the same time, you don't feel like you deserve to feel better.
Speaker ASo sometimes that's, you know, there is, like you said, a lot of the guilt and the shame.
Speaker ASo, you know, I remember the first time a therapist told me what a therapist therapist cost, and I was like, who am I to spend that kind of money on me?
Speaker ALike, I got a family.
Speaker ALike, I got this, I got that.
Speaker AI got other things I need to spend my money on.
Speaker ABut, you know, then it.
Speaker AThen it was like, okay, if I'm not there and I'm not present and I'm not where I need to be, my family will never be.
Speaker AThey will never.
Speaker BYeah, never.
Speaker BIt's much cheaper than divorce.
Speaker BIt's much cheaper than medical checkups.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BIt can be cheaper than the other damages that can cause not getting that help.
Speaker BSo it's worth it.
Speaker BI think everybody, if you Can.
Speaker BAnd if you can't, then, you know, use insurance.
Speaker BInsurance is also there.
Speaker AExactly, exactly.
Speaker ASo you deal with all ages, all everything.
Speaker BSo typically my clients are 17 and up.
Speaker BI serve.
Speaker BBut yeah, so I, I mean, I've had clients up to 60 something plus and you know, but mostly women.
Speaker BA lot of people of culture are drawn to me for obvious reasons.
Speaker BI am an immigrant.
Speaker BI can, you know, move from my culture.
Speaker BMy country, Nigeria, when I was 14.
Speaker BAnd so I have immigrants.
Speaker BRussians, Mexicans, all.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BWest Africans, so many in, in my caseload.
Speaker BAnd I just love it.
Speaker BJust that cultural connection.
Speaker BIt's just there's so many similar similarities.
Speaker ANo.
Speaker AAnd it's just, you know, it's like finding a coach.
Speaker AWhen I always say to people, find a lived experience coach.
Speaker AAnd they're like, what is a lived experience coach?
Speaker AI'm like, somebody that's been through what you've been through.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker AWhen I went, when I went looking for a coach, I went looking for a trauma informed coach who grew up with alcoholic parents or addicted parents or, you know, like you, you probably, you probably resonate so much better with a therapist or a coach or whatever it is who had narcissistic parents.
Speaker BExactly.
Speaker BAnd that's what I would look for.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BSo.
Speaker BAnd I think with therapists, which oftentimes Westerners don't always feel comfortable, but for us in these cultures, just connecting a bit with your own story.
Speaker BDon't have, you know, not doing, you know, everything out there, but just a little piece of who you are helps people also understand, like, okay, I'm not alone in this and are they a good fit for me?
Speaker BThat's the whole point of being a good fit for, you know, a client.
Speaker BI've had someone tell me, well, you don't, you know, I, I had to out myself and say, well, you know, I don't work with people with substance.
Speaker BThey like, well, mental health and substance and all go together.
Speaker BI'm like, actually, you're completely right.
Speaker BAnd that's why I do the referral process.
Speaker BI have to make sure you seeking help.
Speaker BBut I work with the mental health part of the things, you know, the anxiety and depression that might be troubling you while connecting you with someone with substance.
Speaker BI wish I could do everything, but I can't.
Speaker BAnd I wouldn't be serving you well.
Speaker AAnd I have, I have a lot of respect for people that I like to just call it staying in, staying in their lane.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker AYou know, I mean, I'm, I say that all the time.
Speaker AI was just Talking about someone that, to someone today, if someone comes to me and they lost their spouse and they are going, you know, can't get out of bed and going through that, that level of depression, I can help them with anxiety.
Speaker AI can help them with depression.
Speaker AI've never lost a spouse, so I cannot put myself in their shoes.
Speaker ASo I'm like, okay, well, here's, Here's a number to a grief counselor.
Speaker AHere's a.
Speaker AShe lost her husband.
Speaker AHere you go.
Speaker AYou know, it's, it's very different, but you probably, I want to jump in because you, I'm sure being with what you do, you deal with, probably everybody has some level of anxiety, depression, stress.
Speaker AWhat are some tips that you.
Speaker ALet's say somebody is not going to a therapist, but they know they probably could.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker AWhat are some tips just to kind of start you out or jump start maybe their healing process that you could give for just general stress or anxiety.
Speaker BOkay, so my, That's a great question too.
Speaker BMy clients with that work with me really get to know journaling a great deal.
Speaker BSo that's one of the things we do.
Speaker BAnd, and sometimes people have difficulties knowing what topic to even write about or what to write about.
Speaker BYou know, if you're in therapy, I, I work it around our session.
Speaker BOkay, what we ended.
Speaker BAnd then you can continue your healing throughout the week versus just my one session with you.
Speaker BBut if you're not in therapy, just start writing.
Speaker BJust, you know, whatever.
Speaker BAt the end of the day, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed and, or, you know, with all the stress from the day before you go to bed, instead of opening that screen and looking through Instagram, just start to write.
Speaker BJust put whatever it looks like might not make sense, but just put it down on paper and close the book and see what that feels like.
Speaker BJournalism has helped me a great deal.
Speaker BIt's helped me even start to make sense of what I was experiencing.
Speaker BYou know, experience in life with Anarch is just put in.
Speaker BOkay, does this make sense for me?
Speaker BOh, okay, that was a lie.
Speaker BThat was.
Speaker BOkay.
Speaker BSo, you know, you just kind of.
Speaker BIt's almost like a proof you can go back to, because sometimes we're lied to so much or we're made to believe that false reality so that, you know, they, they sort of create this false reality for us.
Speaker BSo journaling helps a great deal.
Speaker BAnd then for clients with depression, honestly, just, it's summer here anyways, and maybe around the world as well, but just doing something that maybe you've always wanted to do, try just you know, for my clients, I even tell them, five minutes, walk.
Speaker BJust go outside, go do something, get air.
Speaker BDo something that feels, you know, new for you sometimes can help.
Speaker BGives you a sense of empowerment.
Speaker BI did it.
Speaker BI wanted to do it.
Speaker BI had a client take swimming that really wanted to swim, but they travel everywhere but never swim, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm doing it.
Speaker BCan you imagine?
Speaker BI can actually do this thing.
Speaker BI'm swimming, like, see?
Speaker BLike, yeah.
Speaker BI felt so empowering to them, you know, to be able to do that.
Speaker BSo do something for yourself that you wanted to do.
Speaker BSo go.
Speaker BThat just sort of helps.
Speaker BLike, just.
Speaker BAnd even if it's five minutes once a day, just get out.
Speaker AI always.
Speaker AI say that, you know, it's like, sometimes I'll just take a deep breath, breath in, and I'll be like, what do I want right now?
Speaker AWhat do I need right now?
Speaker ASometimes it's to go walk my dog.
Speaker ASometimes it's to lay on the couch and cover my head with a blanket, just.
Speaker AAnd relax.
Speaker AAnd it could be, you know, but if you just sit there and you kind of get in tune with your body and you say, you know, what would make me feel good right now?
Speaker ALike, right now I feel good, but if it was 10 minutes from now or we're done and I'm sitting, I'm like, what would make me feel good right now?
Speaker AIt might be to just go sit on the side of my pool and dangle my feet, whatever it is, but start to listen to it and.
Speaker AAnd don't feel bad about it.
Speaker AJust get up and do it.
Speaker BYeah, yeah.
Speaker BDoing something for you.
Speaker BAnd so, you know, again, you feel selfish doing it.
Speaker BBut it's really important to just take that time.
Speaker BThat's why I think, like, journaling doesn't feel so.
Speaker BSo much because you're like, okay, it doesn't feel like I'm being selfish, but I can.
Speaker BAt the end of the day, it's like reading a book and, you know, or, you know, getting going on a walk.
Speaker BBut, yeah, right about that.
Speaker BListen to your body, what it needs.
Speaker AAbsolutely.
Speaker AAnd even with the journaling, if people get.
Speaker AAnd a lot of the people that I've had feedback from on this podcast are very new into the whole healing thing.
Speaker AThey just grab.
Speaker AThey get grabbed by the adult child of dysfunction by the title of the podcast, and they jump on, and they're very new.
Speaker ASo if you don't have, you know, like you said, word vomit, it's literally just sit down and start writing.
Speaker ABut if you don't, you can go on chat gtp.
Speaker AYou can just type in on Google and put.
Speaker AWhat are some journal prompts to start off journaling and it's going to give you a million.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BYes.
Speaker BThat might feel overwhelming, but yes, just picking one, just pick the first one.
Speaker AOr the first one that resonates with you.
Speaker AYou know, you might go get to the first one and it might say, well, what could have gone better today?
Speaker AAnd you're like, no, I don't want to do that.
Speaker AI want to be positive.
Speaker ASo you look at the next one and it might say, what are three things you're grateful for today?
Speaker AJust.
Speaker AJust go with it.
Speaker AJust.
Speaker BAnd then.
Speaker ABecause once you start that, you will just start what I call word vomiting.
Speaker AYou won't even know what you're writing.
Speaker AYou just, just write.
Speaker AJust start writing.
Speaker ASo you also.
Speaker ASo thank you.
Speaker AThat was helpful.
Speaker AAnd I like to keep.
Speaker AI.
Speaker AWe probably talked about it before.
Speaker AI like to throw in some tips, some things that people can just jump right in and do because not everybody is comfortable enough to go to a therapist or to go to a coach.
Speaker AAnd, and so I want practical tips.
Speaker ASo I appreciate that you talked about your.
Speaker AI guess it wasn't really an aha moment, like a big slap in the face like, I need help.
Speaker ABut you said that your professor said something that kind of not triggered you, but made you realize that you really do have to look at yourself and look at what happened to see if maybe there is some trauma there.
Speaker AA lot of people grow up with parents and they.
Speaker AIt's all they know.
Speaker AWhat they grow up with is absolutely all they know.
Speaker ABut what are some signs that you might be dealing with an unhealthy family or a narcissistic parent or just someone that is.
Speaker AThat gave you problems.
Speaker BYou're never enough.
Speaker BYou don't feel enough for them.
Speaker BYou don't really feel like you can do anything right.
Speaker BAnd, you know, it's pretty.
Speaker BThen you internalize that for such a long time that that's what's repeated to you.
Speaker BThere's not, you know, you feel invisible.
Speaker BYou, you know, but then it's, you know, does it again.
Speaker BWhen we're in a collective culture like ours, that's the whole point.
Speaker BYou're supposed to be in a collective feeling and not be individualized, but then you feel so.
Speaker BAnd you know, there, you know, there are different forms of punishment in our culture that is very acceptable that, you know, I talked in my book, I talk about being raised in an authoritarian way and versus the difference between these narcissistic parents versus when the kids start to get older, they can actually leave that sort of role of parenting to a more authoritarian.
Speaker BSaying it right now, mistaken in the boat, but a more authoritative sort of approach, which is more communication, much more openness, more dialogue.
Speaker BBut with narcissists, they don't really let that go.
Speaker BThey still feed through that.
Speaker BThe obligation that you needed, you give so much, but it's never enough.
Speaker BAnd you're even told that, that, you know, you can't do anything right, there's a great deal of abuse that continues throughout your years.
Speaker BIt doesn't mean here, stop for you.
Speaker BSo I think that's a huge sign there.
Speaker BAnd you know, for us, I think we know, you know, when, when, when we, we can normalize it as much as we want, but, you know, you know that there is pain going on.
Speaker BAnd same with relationships.
Speaker BWhen I tell my clients, love.
Speaker BLove is not supposed to hurt.
Speaker BParents are not supposed to hurt you.
Speaker BYou're just not supposed to.
Speaker BThey should make everything feel so much more better.
Speaker BRight?
Speaker BLike that.
Speaker BThat's why.
Speaker BThat's a lot of why we became parents.
Speaker BYou know, it's.
Speaker BSo if they're causing you harm, then, yeah, love is not so good.
Speaker ANo, no, it's definitely, Definitely not.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ASo if you're out there and you're listening and you're just kind of thinking, wow, yeah, I do get those feelings.
Speaker AYou know, sometimes I, I feel like nothing is ever good enough.
Speaker AI can't do anything right.
Speaker AI can't.
Speaker AYou know, another.
Speaker ASome of those are.
Speaker AOther are that you don't trust your instinct.
Speaker ALike if somebody says something and it gives you kind of that gut feeling like, oh, that doesn't feel right.
Speaker AYou ignore that.
Speaker AThat's another sign that it wasn't so, you know, because you were taught to ignore it.
Speaker AYou were talked to push it under the rug to not have those emotions, to not feel those feelings.
Speaker ASo a lot of, you know, that turns into a lot of the people pleasing and just having people violating your boundaries and not being able to say no and all of those things that just come.
Speaker ABasically, it all boils down to that general feeling of, I'm not enough.
Speaker AI'm not good.
Speaker AYou know, there's a, It's.
Speaker AIt's like I said, there's a difference between doing something and feeling guilty and then doing something and, and, or being shameful.
Speaker AAnd you should, if you hurt somebody, you should feel guilty about it, but it doesn't make you a bad person.
Speaker AYou Did a bad thing.
Speaker ASo it's just the messages are so mixed when you grow up in that kind of neglect or abuse.
Speaker BYeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker BAnd, you know, ours, everyone makes it seem like, well, you can't really go anywhere because when you go, you're like, well, that, you know, you know, that's typical.
Speaker BYou're supposed to, you know.
Speaker BYeah, I thank my kids too.
Speaker BI did.
Speaker BBut they didn't mind.
Speaker BWe know they use the about and all the, you know, like all the things that might.
Speaker BSo they don't know the contents of that.
Speaker BAnd even if they did, they may be.
Speaker BOh, you know, maybe some.
Speaker BSo there's a lot of the protection of the others that make it seem as though what you're experiencing is very.
Speaker BIt sometimes feels very dismissed.
Speaker BAnd there is a lot of.
Speaker BI've had it worse.
Speaker BRight.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BSo.
Speaker BAnd you know, when we do that to people, it just really prevents people from getting help.
Speaker BIt's not.
Speaker BThere's no.
Speaker BYou can't compare people's sorrow.
Speaker BIt's just.
Speaker BWe can't do that.
Speaker ANo.
Speaker AAnd everybody reacts to things differently.
Speaker AEverybody have.
Speaker AHas a different layer of resiliency.
Speaker ASome people, you know, their parents could have been horrible, but they had a best friend that saw them through it.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AAnd that could be the difference between growing up and feeling not worthy or not.
Speaker AIf your friend was there to help you process that and process those emotions, then maybe that didn't get stored as trauma because she walked you through it.
Speaker ABut if you didn't have.
Speaker ASo every single person is the same.
Speaker ABut I. I tell people, if you're not where you want to be, if you're not living happy, if you're getting those gut feelings of just tension and not happiness, then it.
Speaker AThere's something worth exploring, if nothing else.
Speaker BYeah, absolutely.
Speaker BDo it for yourself, do it for your health, do it for your kids, do it for whatever.
Speaker BBut, you know, just so you can keep moving.
Speaker BYou know, it is really important to listen to your body and living in.
Speaker BIn pain and just to please people.
Speaker BMy goodness.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BAnd it's.
Speaker AAnd it's funny because I've done so much work on myself, but there's one issue that I know is just holding me.
Speaker ALike, I know it's holding me back.
Speaker AAnd it's so funny because I have one of those AO voice bio frequency scanners.
Speaker AI don't know if you've ever heard of them, but it literally analyzes your voice and it, I mean, 95, 98 of everything, every disease, everything has an emotional stem to it somewhere so this little frequency thing analyzes your voice, and it literally will pick up everything.
Speaker AAnd I laugh every day because I wake up in the morning, I'm like, I do my stuff.
Speaker AI do my.
Speaker AYou know, but every time I run this scan, it picks up on that one thing that I'm just.
Speaker AThat if I think about it, it just makes my stomach clench.
Speaker AIt's so funny.
Speaker AAnd it always will say things to me about that.
Speaker AAnd I. I laugh so hard because I'm like, I'm trying, so.
Speaker ABut it's.
Speaker AIt's something that will.
Speaker ACause I need to make a big shift in order to change it.
Speaker AAnd I'm just.
Speaker AAgain, that's why I say to people, are you living or are you thriving?
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ABecause if you're standing here today, no matter what you've been through, you are, my friend, a victor.
Speaker AYou're a warrior.
Speaker AIf you're standing here today because you've survived.
Speaker AIf you've survived the narcissism and you survived the neglect and the beatings and the abuse and the assault, you're.
Speaker AYou're a warrior.
Speaker ABut now it's time to thrive.
Speaker ANow it's time to let go of all the other things that are still creeping in and still taking hold.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AAnd.
Speaker AAnd it's just funny because I. I laugh and.
Speaker AI don't know, I just.
Speaker BBeing in the other side is so much better.
Speaker BI mean, and that's the.
Speaker BThe thing where you mentioned there's continuous growth in our life.
Speaker BJust because you've worked through, which I'm sure you have, it doesn't mean that there are other things that won't come up.
Speaker BBut the great thing is, you know, that now you know, this is the.
Speaker BThis stuff I can.
Speaker BI can manage and keep going.
Speaker BBut the other things, maybe you couldn't have, you know, but you still recognize it and say, I. I need.
Speaker BI need to do this.
Speaker BBut I will unpack this at some point.
Speaker BSo, yeah, it's become.
Speaker BEven for me in the profession.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BWhen I do know I need to see a therapist, I will.
Speaker BI definitely make my.
Speaker BYou know, for me, it's sort of like a.
Speaker BA doctor's appointment.
Speaker BIf you need to see one code.
Speaker BWe're constantly wanted to heal.
Speaker BThat's.
Speaker BThat's part of life.
Speaker BWe should want to be better.
Speaker BThe other side, once you get there, you just feel like, oh, wow, this could have been me all along.
Speaker ALike, yes.
Speaker BWhat?
Speaker AYes.
Speaker BWhat?
Speaker BYeah, you're not meant.
Speaker BThat story was not meant for you.
Speaker BThat was not supposed to be it forever.
Speaker BLet's let's create another chapter of your life that can, you want to, to live in and enjoy.
Speaker BAnd you know, for some people, they don't even know what that feels like to like.
Speaker AAnd it can start, start whenever.
Speaker ADoesn't have to.
Speaker AYou know, if you're 50, 50, 60 years old, I mean, I'm 56.
Speaker AIf you're sitting here going, oh, I'm 50, it's too late.
Speaker AIt is never too late, my friend.
Speaker BYeah, I have kept a bunch of 50 something year olds.
Speaker BThey're like, my gosh, how can this people affect me this much?
Speaker BLike it's been this, you know, my parents, how can they have so much impact on my life?
Speaker BIt's, I'm 50 and I'm still experiencing the same stuff.
Speaker BLike that's not, you know, so I try to help them make sense because you know, you think as you grow older you're gonna get, you know, life is, yeah, I'll get wise, I'll get back, you know, all of these things.
Speaker BBut we're emotional beings that we hold on to a lot of things.
Speaker BEven if we try it out, everything, our physiological response, all of this, our body does not forget.
Speaker BAnd so our brain, any things that trigger it gets us back to that childhood stuff that we experienced that we quite did not heal from.
Speaker BSo yeah, never too late.
Speaker ANever too late.
Speaker ASo that would be my best suggestion is, you know, first of all, just see, just be curious, ask yourself, you know, am I living my best life?
Speaker AAre there things that are, am I resentful about anything?
Speaker AYou know, because those are the things that eat you up.
Speaker AThose are the things that cause the, the health symptoms.
Speaker AAnd you know, I remember I was talking the other day, we were talking about the cost of like what something cost.
Speaker AAnd when I was 18, I had bleeding ulcers and was vomiting blood.
Speaker ANot really that healthy, but it was all from chronic stress.
Speaker AIt was from.
Speaker AI know what it was from, but I didn't know that then.
Speaker AAnd I figured out over the next 15 years I put into like a thing trying to figure out what it cost me taking like two, one a day vitamin or one a day Nexiums and 15 Tums chewables a day for 15 years.
Speaker AAnd I'm like.
Speaker AAnd the thing came out, it caused it, said it cost you $15,952.
Speaker ABut what it really cost you was years of your life of quality time and, and doctor's appointments and missed work.
Speaker AAnd I'm like, okay, chat dtp.
Speaker AI didn't ask for a session I just asked for a number.
Speaker ALike, are you for real?
Speaker ABut prevention.
Speaker AAnd just, you know, and like you said, just baby steps and just.
Speaker AIt's continuous.
Speaker AIt's just every day I want to be a little better.
Speaker AYou know, just say to yourself, every day I want to be a little better than I was yesterday.
Speaker BYeah, you're right.
Speaker BYou're right.
Speaker BAnd yeah, it's never too late.
Speaker BA lot of people, too, they come to my couch when they all of a sudden become parents themselves.
Speaker BBecause it's amazing how we.
Speaker BWe get triggered by our kids where all of a sudden, oh, my gosh, are we our parents?
Speaker BAre we.
Speaker BAre we.
Speaker BWe're all that.
Speaker BWe're doing the same thing.
Speaker BNo, I know.
Speaker BYou know, so those.
Speaker BSometimes that's what it takes is having, you know, it shouldn't be that.
Speaker BYou know, it shouldn't be.
Speaker BIdeally, shouldn't wait that long.
Speaker BBut sometimes that's what we end up seeing ourselves as people that we never wanted to see ourselves at.
Speaker AYep.
Speaker BAnd.
Speaker AAnd that's a whole nother episode.
Speaker AWe talk so much.
Speaker ALike, we could go on and on about that because I know there's so, so many people that come to me are beating themselves up.
Speaker ALike, you know, their kids are 5 and 6, and they're just still, you know, now just really trying to wrap their heads around things.
Speaker AAnd I'm like, you can't go back.
Speaker ASo the best thing you can do for your children right now is to continue to heal, because they're going to see a happier you.
Speaker AThey're going to see a you now that knows how to communicate.
Speaker AThey're going to see you that, you know, and all of that is healing them, no matter what.
Speaker BSo it ends.
Speaker BAnd you know that you're right.
Speaker BThat's what they're going to remember from now on, that you actually take an initiative to get home that makes you so much different from the one who injured you.
Speaker BYou are getting home.
Speaker BSo, yeah, that's how we human generations, we start from ourselves first.
Speaker AYeah, you got it.
Speaker AWell, this has been super fun.
Speaker AI. I hope.
Speaker AYeah, I hope you do more of these and come on and guest on more shows and everything else.
Speaker AYou're a natural.
Speaker ASo if people want to find out about you want to.
Speaker AI'm going to put everything in the show notes, but what is the best place for them to reach you?
Speaker AAgatha?
Speaker BOh, beautifulsunshinetherapy.com so that's the name of my practice is Beautiful Sunshine Therapy, or my Instagram as well.
Speaker BBeautiful Sunshine Therapy.
Speaker BSo everything is just.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BPlaces to find me.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker AOkay.
Speaker AWell, I love it.
Speaker AAnd can you leave the guests or the listeners?
Speaker AYou're the guest.
Speaker ASorry about that.
Speaker AWith one last parting words of advice or something I can carry with them throughout the day to make their day a little brighter.
Speaker BWell, you're good enough.
Speaker BYou are good enough.
Speaker BYou are amazing.
Speaker BWe, you know, remember that.
Speaker BAnd, yeah, talk to someone.
Speaker BOkay.
Speaker BIt's okay to talk to someone, whether it be you're someone that you trust that necessarily needs to be a therapist, but a trusted person that you can just be yourself with.
Speaker BSo, yeah, you're good enough.
Speaker APerfect.
Speaker ASo thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker BOkay.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker AAnd for everybody else out there listening, you heard it.
Speaker AYou are enough.
Speaker AHow many times?
Speaker AI end my podcast by saying, you are way more than enough right here, right now, as you are.
Speaker ASo with love and light, guys, I'll see you back next week.