A Guide to Parenting ADHD

I have a couple of sections in the book. And the first section starts with us as parents, we start with the environment and a lot of and we're very important and I tell parents all the time, do not build a program that you cannot manage if let's say we're doing a behavior program, you know, some kind of chart, which can be very effective as part of the program, our children are not rats, and they're not dogs and we're not training them. It's it has to come within a program of emotional nurturing, and, and all sorts of other treatments. But if we are if we are the environment for our child, and we have to be nurturing ourselves.

Welcome to parenting that kid. My name is Ashleigh Tolliver. As a mom of twins, one being a highly sensitive child who responds to the world in a non traditional and sometimes challenging way. I understand the desire to find the golden answer. Maybe there is no golden answer. But there are resources, tips and tricks we can all use to help us make this uniquely normal parenting journey a little more fun. This podcast is a roadmap to parenting that kid for myself and other parents. If recording my journey as I seek a clear starting point, community and effort to normalize what sometimes feels abnormal, supports at least one parent, then my time is not wasted. And hey, if it doesn't, well, there's documented proof that moms deserve a glass of wine. Cheers. So thank you, Aviagail , for joining me today, to my listeners, I want you guys to take a pen and paper at hand because this story in this book that you're about to learn about, it's something that you're going to want to document for yourself, and be ready to start rolling with it right away because you can start rolling with it right away. So my guest today is Aviagail Gimple. She is a mom and an educator to multiple children all over. She has six children of her own, but has touched multiple lives. Throughout her career. She has students who have had ADHD, but then found out her own children were diagnosed with ADHD which led her to dive deeper into what ADHD is, and how does that look. And how do you handle that? And how do you work with that as a parent, and because of this, she has created something called the hyper healing, coaching and ebook or book that goes along with it, that you can then as a parent physically use and Aviagail , I'm going to tell you this is the reason I fell in love with your book because you have a book and you have actionable information at the end of each chapter. And I think as a parent who is struggling to figure out what to do with your child, you need actions, you can't just tell me this and this is going wrong. I need action. So thank you so much for joining. Thank you for putting this book out there. I would love for you to share with my audience a little bit more about yourself. And then let's dive into your book and your program.

Absolutely pleasure to be here. Thank you to him for inviting me. And it was also nice to hear a little bit about your story about your gang. And you're a Super Champ of a mother. So a little bit more about me. So as Ashley mentioned, I have six children. My oldest is 22. Already my youngest is 11 just called from sleepaway camp with a fever. So a never a dull moment. So I started my journey as working with ADHD as a teacher. And interestingly, I married probably the most typer guy I've ever met. And there's a good chance that I was drawn to him because I was actually loving my students who are so energetic, so like, he just got it was a natural, you know, segue from my adorable students to my amazing husband. So, you know, ADHD kind of personality is fairly genetic. And I was, I guess, not very surprised when my oldest who's my daughter was the fastest one on the on the playground. And she, you know, I remember, one father of a bunch of like, really rough and tumble boys, says to me, one day she's running back and forth, flying would be more accurate. And he looks at her and says, that is not a girl. That's two boys. And we tried to take that as a compliment. But I think it was at that point, and maybe it was when she got kicked out of an elite kindergarten for being too curious and energetic or trying to put these sparklies in the wrong place on the on the, in the arts and crafts project that I realized that I had an issue on my hands and I and I looked for help. And the help wasn't available. I only got you know, diagnosis pathologizing blaming, medicating, and what I didn't get was a real understanding of who this child was and what she needed. And you know, since I had six children, they came very quickly in succession. And one after the next I was getting very similar responses to my incredible children. So I had to start developing the program on my own which landed up you know, 20 years later, as, as my book hyper healing, because I needed to write the book that I was looking for as a young mom, and instructions, and give those instructions because as I say, in the book, our children do not show up with an instruction manual like we would get for our blender. And, and we have to invent the wheel each time we meet our each new child. And as you know, your children are very different than each other. And they have different strengths and different struggles. So we have to have the tools as parents to be able to see that child except the child and help that child use his or her incredible strengths and build up those those challenges. And respect those challenges and help the child understand that they those are the things that are going to make them grow and learn in life. Yeah,

absolutely. Well, and I think, as you mentioned, there's no instruction manual. But it's so important to still have something to lean into as a parent, that doesn't mean that there's no help out there and guide, a loose guide for a parent to kind of use to help them along the journey. And I think your book and your program really, is that for some parents, I think that can be that guy for them. That was my goal that well. And I love how you learned how to do it because you're a parent, but you have the educational background of working with students on it, and then you just threw that knowledge together. So it is something that parents who hadn't walked this path before have. And it's personal experience. It's not just you read a book, and then you rewrote a book, you live this and now you're teaching parents how to live this to write, Mom, I love learning from other moms that all the time mothers are the best teachers out there. And I

think we are

wonderful. So in your book, the very first line that I mentioned to you earlier that I have read probably 1520 times because it's just hits so heavy, is about the surrounding that a child has around the environment around them is often it's not the child, but there's something around the the child that's off, could you explain that a little bit more and share why that was kind of one of the first things that you touched on, because I think it's so important for parents to hear.

And I really believe that, that it the child struggles are not don't live within the child, it's really a clash between the child and his or her environment. So we have lots of different causes of ADHD symptoms, there's not one cause you could say, we've found that this is the reason the child is struggling. And, and and everything in life is dynamic, and just like a sore throat is doesn't have one cause this entire, you know, human interaction. And experience doesn't have one simple cause. So therefore, what happens is often that a child will have what I like to call an instant gratification personality, where the child wants things fast and fun and interesting. And if you look at it from the positive side, that would be the inventor, someone who discovers things someone on the cutting edge always looking and you know, that child is going to go out into the forest and notice every single little detail every novelty and and, Wow, that's amazing. And then you have the environment and its environment is demanding that you dot every I and cross every T and be responsible and clean your room. But this child is not great at habits. And if a parent could end we, the parents and the teachers are the child's environment. So that's the clash, the clash is a healthy personality with an environment that is not particularly receiving and, and accepting of that personality. So that doesn't mean that we don't help a child gain those skills that the child needs, which obviously we must do. But it has to be in a way of understanding that we're in the environment, we're there to receive the child and then to help slowly build the child up from where he is holding, not by trying to force this child to be a different type of personality. That's only one example. Of course, let's say the child's source of his ADHD symptoms is a gut dysbiosis something wrong with with his, with his health with this gut health. Again, we are the environments and we have to be curious and help discover what it is is bothering the child. And then the shifting of the environment. In this case, it would be his diet, or her diet or or changing different things or bringing the child out into nature more often. So the environment and the child have to be really working together in order for the child. And and the truth is the child's struggles and and the beauty of the child makes us grow as well. It's a symbiotic relationship.

Yeah, absolutely. I just told somebody I learned more things from my children than I do from anything else in the world. And I've college educated and I still like my kids Teach me daily because it is this relationship and I they look at me as teaching them

right. This is right

Yes, the environment is so big and I like how you talked about environment doesn't just have to be physical by environment outside and all those, that is such a huge thing. But the environment can be the food you're putting in your child or the physical surroundings of them, maybe it's the clothes that they're wearing, or the smells that around them all the time, right? It's, I think it's looking at like, what is environment, it's not the traditional term environment, it is so many things. And then ADHD symptoms, like you said, symptoms, it's, there are different things causing different symptoms. And I think looking at that whole, it's just so so clear. And in your book, you kind of have this layout, which I think is perfect, it's very similar to mentoring program that I do it step by step by step, we're going to focus on this, and you focus on this, and then you focus on this, could you kind of describe your sections, and then how they were. And then of course, the end, which I said at the beginning of this podcast, but I love that you gave practical things and like, Let's get down and start working. So if you could describe that layout to you, that would be so good for people to hear.

Sure thing. Well, the first of all, the beginning, the end of each chapter has an action plan. That means things that we can roll our sleeves up and get going on. And that also has a cheat sheet, which, for me is like the cliff notes. And I would not have survived high school had I not had Cliff Notes. So I decided to recreate that for all the moms and dads who could use it just like me. So that's very, very important. The the book is I have a couple of sections in the book. And the first section starts with us as parents, we start with the environment. And a lot of and we're very important. And I tell parents all the time, do not build a program that you cannot manage. if let's say we're doing a behavior program, you know, some kind of chart, which can be very effective as part of the program, our children are not rats, and they're not dogs, and we're not training them. It's it has to come within a program of emotional nurturing, and, and all sorts of other treatments. But if we are if we are the environment for our child, and we have to be nurturing ourselves, and we have to be figuring out what triggers us, because whatever triggers us is going to land up becoming this terrible cycle of our children finding what triggers us, and then us responding poorly. And you can Yes, you can identify with that. I see. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So we, the first thing we have to do is get in touch with ourselves, we have to get in touch with the ghosts of our past. And the messages, we always receive these fixed messages that you have to be a certain way, as opposed to being grateful and accepting who you are. And if we cannot accept who we are, then it's going to be very hard for us to accept to our children are and having a critical environment for our children is absolute destruction, especially for these children with ADHD symptoms, because they feed off of our energy. And the more we give them negative energy, the more they're going to demand it. So we don't realize that we're creating the need for more and negative energy. But if we could calm ourselves down and self love, then we will be less hard on ourselves. And we'll be able to give our children that that positive nurturing. So we always start with ourselves. Like the classic example. If the if the oxygen drops in the airplane, put your guests your oxygen mask on first. I know that's very trite and been said before, but is absolutely true. And, and when we and and I like something that Jordan Peterson once said that, if you know the the selfish parents are the ones who raise the healthiest children.

If we know our needs, and we respect them, then our children will respect their own needs, and be much more independent children. So we have to begin with ourselves. And then we move into our children healthy habit formation. Now it's our child's turn. So we inviting our child to the game a little bit late because you know, we're still raising ourselves and we have a lot of work to do. But once they show up on the scene, we're going to be working on helping them reduce that instant gratification, develop healthy habits, and and nurture the cure natural curiosity and energy they have while helping them with the other side, which is self control and inhibiting impulsivity, which is something they can do with our help. And we need to be right beside them. And my goal in this book is really to turn the parents into the coach. Children don't need therapists all the time. And I think that's a big mistake to be constantly sending our children for this therapy and that therapy, it's much much better if the parent could be able to help the child with those needs. So and I do talk about punishment, and that's in that section which is a tab word for reasons I can't understand. But, you know, and and then finally, I talked about the environments and outside external environmental triggers to our children's challenges that may be creating ADHD symptoms, for example, screens as a screen addictions or any kind of abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and also physical, physiological problems. That's where the diet comes in cleaning up the diet, sleep issues, many, many children that have ADHD symptoms also are struggling with sleep. So the question is what comes first? You were after birth once? Do you remember not being able to formulate a full sentence? Yeah. So can we expect to sleep deprived child chronically sleep deprived child to be able to, to function well in a classroom? And I also, there's one other chapter that's in there, that's super important, which is the bridge between home and school? Because we must have smooth and respectful communication with our children's teacher and get that teacher on board?

Yes. Yeah. So yeah, those are. And that's exactly it. That final one right there. I don't think people feel that until they're deep into school. But I think that's something you start at the very beginning of the year, you learn who your teacher is, and you start this open communication and so that you guys can create this partnership. Now. Don't wait till absolutely, I've been I've been and your kid is struggling, and you're getting emails and phone calls, and all the other now you're trying to pull yourself out of the trenches.

Right? I always make a nice phone call at the beginning of the school year teaching my kids, that's a lot of phone calls. And sometimes when I'm really desperate, I send a cake.

Yeah, yeah. If your kid shows up with the cake the first day, they're their favorite. Yeah, I agree. And I tell that to coaches too, you know, I make a point of just saying, This is who my child is, they're so excited to be here, we're gonna work with you together on this kind of just, then there's an understanding as you go forward, and it's not a struggle to go forward with them. Now, it's we're gonna work together to make this work for everybody involved.

Exactly. And the teacher and the teacher should know that she or he is also your child's environment, and realize how just how important that role is? Absolutely, absolutely.

So you have these great chapters, and then you give Cliff Notes, but you also give actionable steps that each parent can start implementing do you have? Do you have tips on people how to, for people on how to start doing things? Or is it kind of you just dive in, and you do it all at one time, or let's just take it chunk by chunk, or something starts to fall off the rocker come back to this,

okay, so that's really, really important, because parents are overwhelmed to begin with. So the most important message I have for parents is, take a deep breath, take it slow. It's not your fault, you didn't create this problem. But you are very powerful, and you can help your child progress. So the less hysterical you are, and thinking that you have to fix everyone's problems all the time, and that your children need fixing to begin with, the more successful you're going to be. So number one, you must take it slow, if you're going to succeed. So the book is, could be very overwhelming. If you think that you're supposed to do everything one all at once. And I and at the end of the book, I tell parents, that's impossible. Don't try. Don't set yourself up for failure. It's not nice to yourself. So what I do suggest is the first and most important thing and if you have to take half a year, on just nurturing yourself and getting in touch with your needs, the voices in your head, and stop answering the voices in your head and start having conversations with the people who you're speaking to, then you're ready. I've done something tremendous for your family. And then I say, read through the book, and choose what feels best to you. I'll have you know, one mom said to me, I love the behavior part. I was always allergic to doing anything having to do with behavior. It felt controlling it felt disrespectful to my child, but the way he presented it makes me feel like I could for the first time ever do it. I say great, take three months and just do that. Or if you know someone sees that their child has, you know, a lot of rashes or strep throat often, or allergies, asthma, things like that stomach aches, headaches, all the physiological stuff, jump to the health chapter, and focus first on that. But I think it's a work in progress. And the really the best way to succeed is doing it with a friend, as a team, and even getting together with a few friends. And you know, each of you having your text, and then meeting once a week and discussing what you've learned how you understood it, and what steps you're going to take and if you can check in with each other with a whatsapp group or something like that. You check in with each other and you Should you cheer each other on, then you're going to do much better. Say for example, you know, the the positive communication giving, you know, that is the key to success here is being able to give our children a lot of positive feedback, because they need our energy, like I said before, so if we successfully shift our communication, and start giving positive feedback, then we've done something so great for our children, and they will pass it on to each other. It's a remarkable thing that happens that they learn to compliment each other. And but if you do that with a friend, and you make a plan together, we're going to be conscious of complimenting our, our child, or children, our spouse, three times a day, and you plan that together, and then you celebrate your success in the evening, or say, I didn't go well. And you give each other a strike, that's okay. You'll do better tomorrow. And there's a certain way we compliments we never add something negative at the end. So so you mess that up. It's okay. Don't worry. There's another day tomorrow, and you have each other to depend on. But don't swallow it all at once.

I love that. I love that. And I think that's, I like you said do it with a companion and you're in your spouse. Right?

This is absolutely. I only meet with parents together. If that's one that's possible. Yeah. So that's,

that's gonna lead me to my next question. How do you combine this with your program where you are actually working with the parent? Because I know that you do that? Yes. So you said you work with them together that's not individualized? Or, you know, maybe one time it is because the other one can't make that one meeting. But in general, you're working with them together? How does that work with this book? And do you follow along with them as check in points? What does that look like for you?

So what I do with the parents, obviously, every family is different. If the couple is not getting along with each other, then I try to address that first, because that has a major. And that's again, that's the environment. And if they're fighting with each other, and often a lot of the fighting is coming from one of them. And that person's more exaggerated ADHD symptoms. So you've noticed that picture people

now my head, yeah,

right. So, you know, the kid didn't show up in a vacuum. So therefore, I try to first help the parents work on their own relationship a little bit. And also, I spent a good amount of time helping them work on their own voices, and their own progress. And then what I do is usually I have a series of about, you know, between five and seven meetings where I turn the parent into a coach, and we meet, and often they're in touch with me by WhatsApp or whatever, whatever medium that is comfortable for them. And throughout the week, I'll give them an assignment for the week, we set up a positive communication program together, and then they check in with me. And if they have a problem, if things are going well, then we'll add to that the the punishment part, and try to tell her make it to the child. And that case, that's a big project. So we'll take two weeks to practice that parents have a very hard time with that one, because they feel so guilty with the discipline part, and and it's interesting, because if we have no trouble, you know, if our child runs into the street, right, you know, to discipline the child, you know, keep them away from danger. But it's also dangerous to not have any self control on the way you talk. And it's also dangerous to not know how to communicate with friends and siblings. It doesn't you don't grow up to be a person who's prepared for the world. So therefore, it's our job as parents to be able to give the children that guidance. And it's not as for selfish reasons, because we want the house to be quiet. And although that'd be nice, you know, I wouldn't complain if it were quiet. I don't know how that works. But I bet you don't either. You know, that's not the reason why we're disciplining our children. It's because we have faith in the fact that they can do better. And I, my son taught me something very interesting couple of years ago, he doesn't know that I'm constantly repeating this, I should probably let her know. But he said to me, he once saw a friend and with a dynamic with a friend's mother. And the friend was mouthing off and kind of cursing at at his mother like speaking very disrespectfully. And the mother didn't respond. She didn't like really put the child in his place. And my son came running home frantically and said, My friend's mother doesn't love him. And I said, Wow, what is that he detected that she did not have faith that he can do better. So she wasn't stopping him. Wow. You see how we learned from our kids?

Yeah, yeah, that is So insightful for a little

for a little while he must have been seven at the time. Oh, wow. Wow.

Yeah. And that's and that's so true. And I know for personal experience when we, when we do anything with our children, I'm always thinking, how is this going to help you not just now because now it's great instant gratification again. But this is long term, and the way that you're speaking to me are different. Now, it's not going to work. But I put in my head like professional life, you just this is not how this works. And so that punishment and that boundaries and setting all that now is it. So you do that now, I mean, it is great. But really, this is for your life, this is the growth throughout your entire adulthood

to write. And interestingly, our children seek boundaries more than other kids, you know, as a classroom teacher, I was I was a classroom teacher for a good bunch of years now I teach in college, which is it's another very interesting. Yeah, I like it a lot. But what happens is that that the children with, you know, our kind of kids, they come in on the first day, and they immediately check their limits, oh, they want to see how far they can go before they get pushed back. So you know, if you're paying attention, you'll stop right away and say you're safe here. Yeah, these are our rules. And you don't have to keep checking, because they're scared. And they want to know how far you'll let them go. And they're going to keep pushing until you say stop. So the more respectful you are to that need and that fear that they have, the quicker you're going to embrace them in healthy boundaries.

Yeah, I love that. Yes, absolutely. They do it from day one, like you said, they walk in that room, and it's just all kicks in. And they kind of do this observation of Where can I go? Oh,

yeah, takes about 10 minutes identify our guys.

Think point right there. Right? That's wonderful. Do you ever work with the child and the parents? Or is this I know, you talk a lot about the parents becoming the coach for the child and the guy for the child. But do you ever go together for a while and then split off and then have parents do the work with the child by themselves? How does that work?

So what I have found, even though as a classroom teacher, I prefer to hang out with the kids, frankly, we have a lot of fun together. But the best work gets done when a child has a consistent program where there's intervention every day. Okay, as much fun as we can have one hour and I do believe I can do great things with the child and an hour, I'm not going to be successful with a younger child, because he needs his mom and dad to be able to be checking in with him every day. So therefore parents, his coach is much more effective. And me as coaches coach, is, what I've seen is really the best way to go at it when I do meet with children, when they're teenagers. Just this afternoon, I met with a delightful 16 year old girl and she does, she does not need her mom and dad to be setting things up. And not only that, she wants to understand what's going on with her. And, and I'm very excited about sharing with children. And she's not a child anymore. She's a teenager, I love when they get that aha moment where they're like, Oh, so I'm not disordered. And I'm not broken. And I can do things. And I have a lot of gifts. Yeah, and I've got to work hard. Okay, I'm ready to go. Oh, I

love that. Yeah, and they're ready to be independent to do that there. Yeah, everything in life starts to become a little more independent at that point. And this is something they need to take on themselves, too. That's exactly. And I like that, yes, your parents are the ones that are there everyday with you leading and guiding you. And they should be the ones coaching you on a regular basis, not just once a week, or whatever it might be.

And these are skills that parents will use with their non ADHD kids as well. These are skills they'll take with us with them. As I did, you know, these are skills, all of them, I learned. And it's interesting, because I, I put on the back of the book here, I'll show you, I put on the back of the book, a picture of my whole family, not just of myself. And besides the fact that they're just gorgeous. And and I was showing off a little bit, but I put there because they they stimulated the book, they wrote the book with me. And it's really to their credit that they demanded of me a kind of care that I really had to work hard to figure out how to do. And that's what our children do for us. They're just fabulous that way.

So good. And you have to work hard at it. But it's so worth we do have

to worry. So that's why I'm giving the parents the skills so that they can become better people. Yeah.

And every kid I think that's a really valid point and to share that you might have another child who doesn't show ADHD symptoms, or you might have a child's friend who's not but these are all techniques that can be used for every child out there on almost every child and we all have our you know, little bit differences. But these are bigger techniques that can be used to help more than just ADHD and I think about that with my son as he aged. His sister is just the typical Where my son, people don't really think too much when they first meet him about that. But when I start sharing with other non typical ADHD symptoms are like then it kicks in. But the anxiety part of his life is so big for him. And I think of the way of those boundaries in those settings and safety, like you mentioned earlier, and that for him, it's the anxiety needs that around him for that to really function. And so I, and I've looked at other friends of his and watched and some of the stuff like we I talked to him and talked to their friends, and it seems to really kind of give them that safe measure for them.

Yeah, that's really key. Yeah.

So what three tips would you give parents right now, let's say they're listening, and they are feeling in the trenches, which I know you've been there feeling that too, at one point. Now you're like a pro. But this point, we're just in the trenches. And I know, I, myself, and a lot of my listeners, or new listeners, too, are new to this experience in life, right? Their kids are younger, and they're just trying to figure things out. They're kind of at that investigative state of life, what would you be what would be the first three words of wisdom tips that you would hand somebody,

okay, so I would start with the diagnosis stage, and tell parents that their child is healthy, and that their child is capable. I remember one woman in a in a course of mine, where she she burst into tears, when she realized that, you know, she was scared to have more children because she had to who had already been diagnosed. And she says, Well, I just keep bringing defective children into the world. I don't want any more of this. And I say your, your child is healthy. And you have to embrace that child. And first, see the child for who for who he or she is, right away, see the strength, celebrate them. And, and most, and I usually wear a bracelet that says thank you, God, because you calling me a pro. But as a parent, we are constantly needing strength. And we're constantly needing to remember what we've already learned. Because in the moment we forget, so I wear that to say, Thank you, God for the challenging things that my children are going through for the blessing that they are. So I would say tip number one is be grateful for who your child is, your child's healthy, your child's capable, your child has challenges. And, and you know, with a lot of wisdom and help, you can help your child really progress. Don't try to fix your child appreciate who your child is, and work with your child's abilities. And, and he or she will flourish. That's, that's number one. And that's really important for all of us. And I wish someone would have told me that at the beginning. Because you start getting angry at your kid, when when you feel like things are not going right? Why do you have to be this way? And, and this is him, and this is her? And that's okay.

Well, then you start diving into all that therapy you mentioned, right? Because you're fixing your child. And we're gonna go here, we're gonna go here, and we're gonna go here. And yes, some of those are needed to make it to the next steps of life or gut, I know, we've done a lot of doctors to learn about my child's gut to get a deeper understanding. But you quickly go, Oh, this personal fix this is person that and there's no fixing needed, it's just

write and have very a child with way over therapy. And it's interesting, because I have adult clients, I meet with adult clients as well, that don't meet with their parents, the adult, because often, it was the messages from childhood that landed them in my office to begin with, although I am not blaming parents, and that's important. I'm not blaming myself, and I'm not blaming all the parents out there. But we have to get our act together in terms of the way we communicate with our children. But a client who's been way over helped is a helpless client, yeah, as a helpless person. And then they cannot go ahead and find the resources and the maturity to get out to get themselves going. And, and it's debilitating. So where's your child did not show up in that state. When we over help and over identify and over feel sorry for our kids, then they become sorry, children. And who needs that? And and, and not only that, the more we over identify, we kind of put our children in a victim space. And it's not easy to grow up as a victim because everyone has to be your aggressor. So we have to we have to really learn to communicate. And I think that's step number two is that our words are powerful. The way we relate to our children is powerful. Our children showed up the way they did, there's a strong nature aspect to this, but the nurture aspect of being able to see ourselves as people that are that are progressing, that we're always In a process of self and self improvement, and learning from our mistakes, then we'll see our children in that same process. And we never can expect perfection. And and that's very important that that message that you're, you're not expected to be perfect. You're expected to be working on yourself and making progress every day is the next stage. And I devote an entire chapter to that, because it's that important. Actually, you can learn more about that from this wonderful book mindset by Carol Dweck, I recommend it to everybody because it's brilliant. And it's a game changer for us parents. So that's number two. And number three, we do have to take it slowly, but start giving our children boundaries, clear boundaries, boundaries, from the positive side where we have rules. And these are the rewards for your rules. The reward for following the rule is a big compliment and tremendous amounts of energetic feedback. And then there's the other side where you're you get the feedback that that wasn't the right thing. And I know you can do better. And so we have to start establishing those rules. So our children can feel safe, and know that we expect them to progress. And we believe in them that they can progress. Yeah,

I love those. And those are very clear cut things people can do. And there Yeah, those are just wonderful. They're instant. They're instant. And it's so odd to find something that you go, Okay, I can do that right now. Walk out. do that right now I can figure out what the kid is doing. And we're gonna put rules on boundaries on that might not feel comfortable, and it might not feel good to the child, but it will every day a little bit more, you're chipping away.

Right? Well, I think that in terms of the, you know, the not feeling comfortable to the child, I would add to that, that often, the reason that we're not setting the boundaries is because it's not comfortable for us. Right, I have no idea how to set the boundary, and we have no idea how to reinforce it. So we warn, and we say next time you do it, we fill our environment with tons of useless words. And I always tell parents, like you just turn into like a little buzzing bee that the kid is like, you know, right in front of the kid's face and he just swatting you away. Go and stop talking mom. So we have to find what works for us. If it you know, we have to find the right kind of discipline, punishment that we're comfortable with. So that we can reinforce that, again, we're putting ourselves in the center. Yeah.

I love that. I love that. So how can people find you? Where are you? I know that I have your website. I've got all of that. But I want people to know how can they find you if they want to connect with you if they feel like it's something that would work for their life in their family?

Okay, thank you. Absolutely. First of all, my book is available on Amazon called hyper healing the empowered parents Complete Guide to raising a healthy child with ADHD symptoms. So you can get that on Amazon. You can also go to my website, which is hyper healing dark.org. And I'm available on Instagram, as hyper healing mom as well. I have a YouTube channel as well, you can check out some of the stuff there. LinkedIn, where am I not at this point, Facebook. So you're there this stick in hyper healing, and you'll find me and I'm always very happy to answer questions. I Quora. Yes, good question there, you might find me there as well. But anyone who has a question I love to engage in dialogue. I love to hear from parents. You know, the most joyful thing I can ever do in my life is help a parent, lover child better give her child more of a supportive, warm, safe hug. So I'm here to give you the support you need as a mother or father.

Yay. Well, thank you so much for taking the time to share. I started this podcast so I could learn because I have kids like this. And I thought how can I learn and share with other people and I think I wanted to find people like you professionals who will have been there in the trenches, because I think you give a whole different perspective on how to do this. So I really appreciate you taking your time to this. Well, thank

you so much, what a pleasure and keep doing the great work you're doing.

Thank you, thank you. And I'm gonna throw all these links here. So they'll be at the bottom of the notes. So if anybody misses what you'd said they could just click on the notes to this episode and pull up all of your links so that they can grab the book and then of course get a hold of you if this works, feel it feels like this will work for their family and their lives. So I

think Excellent. Thank you so much.