Happy Addiction Day

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfilment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Happy addiction day. Now, what on earth do I mean by that? When this episode goes out, it's a Friday and Friday, Fridays for me back in the day youngster not single but enjoying life a different way than I do now. And that's where I used to feel my addictions Friday night, didn't love what I was doing for work, it was all about getting to the weekend and then going out and partying. And I know this is a problem that continues particularly in Australia. And for me, the addiction of choice was alcohol and pokie machines or slot machines, as you may call them, depending on where you are in the world. And for me, it was a pattern of I'd have some drinks, I'd then be bored. Because it wasn't giving me whatever I was looking for whatever I was searching for. And so I go on the poker machines to have a bit of fun. And I can I can recall what what I thought was fun. And I'll tell you why it was fun. Because I can recall just having a dabble at some point and having a bit of a win. And there's a certain rush that comes when you win with any sort of gambling. And and then when you are drinking, you lose that inhibition, you more risk taking behaviour. And suddenly, I'm gambling more than I would have used to and then you might have a bit of a win. So you then you gamble even more and then and then you have a big jackpot. And I'm talking in the 1000s, right? And, well, man, when that happens, that's a problem because you win. And it's such above such a rush and everyone's you know slapping your back and how good is this and you're excited. But then you want to feel that again. And at the time, I didn't know how else to experience that rush. So that's where I'd chase it. It was a pattern, drink, play the machines, try and find that rush. Unfortunately, these machines are set to around 80% win rate or less. Which means that for every $100 in it gives $85 Back then do the math, right? Occasionally it will pay out. And when it does, it'll have to make that money back. Because the house never loses right. So even though knowing those odds are still still just chase that rush. And it used to play out like this. I'd have a an occasional win. And I'd be awesome, great. Maybe I'd end up then shouting my friends for drinks and then spending that money somewhere that didn't really wasn't really beneficial anyway, but it wasn't about winning the money, it was the rush. But those nights, which was predominantly when I'd lose, I'd wake up in the morning and go Oh, tell me that didn't happen. Particularly when I started betting, like more money than I should have made. And then you go into that spiral, the guilt, the shame, the embarrassment, the regret. And then sometimes if I was drinking too heavily, it was like piecing that idea into my wallet even make it home. And then later would come the bank statements when you saw Oh, another withdrawal, another withdrawal, another withdrawal. And then we still laugh about at the time but another withdrawal which was usually a ridiculous amount of food late at night, which was a whole other problem but probably also linked to addiction. Ultimately, those sort of rushes short term fixes to fill a hole that empty See the gap in our life in terms of how we feel about ourselves.

And for me is yeah, like so unhappy in so many other areas of my life, I didn't have places to find joy, I didn't really know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Unfortunately, that lasted for well into my adult years. Remember, having a BEAT WIN on one time on one of those machines, and then gambling the whole thing down to zero. And that's even worse than just losing straight out, because then you actually did win, but then you gave it all back. Again, embarrassment, and shame and then telling people and particularly my girlfriend, or whoever else, where, you know, maybe I was saying like, the different times I didn't have money, and yet I was just wasting money, wasting so much money. Now, some of you may be identifying this specifically others of you may be identify with the rash or the different addiction. And I ask you just to take a moment to pause and and ask yourself, what what is it covering up for? What does he really want? Now, you might not be able to answer these questions at this point. But the very act of asking the questions on as your subconscious mind to start trying to find answers. And we have to take that moment to pause. And when we do, you'll find that those rushes are available in ways that don't leave you feeling guilty, shameful, regretful and embarrassed. But ways that are actually fuel you onto more to give you more energy and a desire to do more. And desire to feel better in a way that perpetuates into more good feeling space, it doesn't mean you always feel good, you still go through the whole range of emotions, but you're able to use that emotional intelligence to stay balanced. Now, one of the things that I want to share about addiction is something you may not recognise, there's a whole lot of different things around what might, what might it be, it might be a chemical imbalance in your brain, all these different things. But ultimately, it all comes down to grief. Moments from our life, going back to de dot, the moment we were conceived, that then play out these patterns that have a searching for having our needs met in all the wrong places. And some of you may not even know what your highest needs are. What are most natural to you.

So my request from you today is that if you are done with this, you're sick of having those feelings, you're sick of waking up with those regrets.

It's time to take stock, do a personal inventory of your life and look where your things need to change. And the fastest way to change to build new habits and get heading in the right direction is to find support. And when you are clear on what you want to change and where you want to head, even if that clarity is only at a minor level, then you'll be able to find the right sort of support, you'll be able to find the right sort of support for you. And it's so I can't emphasise this enough. This is not about necessarily taking a recommendation from someone who says oh, this worked for me. Listen to the recommendation. But then think about it and go does that seem like that's a good fit for me. And if it is great, and if it's not have the courage to say I'm going to look at something else because it just doesn't feel right for me. Doesn't seem to look right, whatever it is. And then you can start shifting away from those different feelings that you know, just a loop. Go chasing, chasing, chasing to try and find something that you just never find in the place that you've been working. And be kind to yourself through this. Because these patterns that have come into your life. were formed at a young age from different moments, different things you heard, witnessed, experienced before the age of five, that couldn't possibly have been your fault because you didn't have the capacity to deal with it any other way than you did at that age.

You're ready for that support and know that you will be able to change your life and you will be able to bring in more of what you want and start living life on your terms.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or a family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform