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It is important, almost vital today to have a schedule and it is just as important to break it. In this episode, I go over what a schedule can look like for you and your family, why it’s important to keep one, and all the different ways and reasons to break it.
About the Host: (bio, personal links, resource links)
Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family Life Coach & Mentor.
Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live.
Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world.
She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™ & Leadership Into their homes, sets their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!
With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward.
(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior, and Psychology. )
LINKS:
Family Success Vault- https://www.nellieharden.com/vault
Website- https://www.nellieharden.com
Online Community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project
Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/
Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/
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Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project
Nellie Harden:podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the
Nellie Harden:way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground
Nellie Harden:for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,
Nellie Harden:strength and joy. Come in here all the discussions, get all the
Nellie Harden:tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into
Nellie Harden:the real challenges in raising kids today how to show up as
Nellie Harden:parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the
Nellie Harden:family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,
Nellie Harden:big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front
Nellie Harden:porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and
Nellie Harden:minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline
Nellie Harden:and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the
Nellie Harden:kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their
Nellie Harden:life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570
Nellie Harden:family project. Let's go Hello, everyone. Welcome back to a
Nellie Harden:another episode of the 6570 family project podcast you guys.
Nellie Harden:I can't believe we're on episode 19. Already, this has been such
Nellie Harden:a fun adventure this year. I can't wait to have 1000 episodes
Nellie Harden:out here. But right now we're in Episode 19. Which sounds so big
Nellie Harden:and such a baby at the same time. And I love it. Thank you
Nellie Harden:for being here. If you've been here since episode one. Thank
Nellie Harden:you. Thank you if this is your first episode, thank you, thank
Nellie Harden:you. Because if you are showing up here, it means you are
Nellie Harden:stepping up and stepping in as an intentional parent. And if
Nellie Harden:you do that, and we're raising our kids within the 6570, that's
Nellie Harden:how many days are in 18 years. If we step into that zone, and
Nellie Harden:we are training and helping and equipping them in that time, you
Nellie Harden:are helping them build the foundation that will be their
Nellie Harden:foundation for the rest of their life, they'll be able to stand
Nellie Harden:on it lean on it when they need to and launch from it time and
Nellie Harden:time and time again. And that's what we're doing here. We are
Nellie Harden:making are helping our kids and training them up to be self led
Nellie Harden:leaders with self led discipline. And we're having a
Nellie Harden:whole bunch of fun along the way too. I am a huge believer in big
Nellie Harden:belly laughs kitchen dance parties, being goofy and being
Nellie Harden:fun and teaching leadership and discipline.
Unknown:So let's dive into today. You guys, today is called
Unknown:the beauty of predictability. And the beauty of when you break
Unknown:it right. And why is this because? Well, I had a recent
Unknown:break of this last weekend I'll tell you about in a little in a
Unknown:little while. And it reminded me of this beauty and with my
Unknown:clients, a lot of times I help them develop what their routines
Unknown:are going to be right. Because if you have a routine, you have
Unknown:a schedule, you have a schedule within a schedule maybe. For us,
Unknown:for example, I have many parts of my day, right I have my
Unknown:morning and I have a morning routine schedule, right and then
Unknown:I have school I home, I still homeschool three of my kids,
Unknown:three of the four of my kids. And there's a schedule within
Unknown:that. And then I have my work schedule, which is a schedule
Unknown:that within that, and then we have family time. And guess what
Unknown:there's a schedule within that. And why our schedules are so
Unknown:important. It's because they have that predictability. They
Unknown:have that flow. Everyone knows where they stand. Everyone knows
Unknown:what's coming up. Spontaneous is so cool, so awesome. And that's
Unknown:where we get into breaking it but you can build in
Unknown:spontaneity, for example. My family time is from six to nine.
Unknown:Every night, right? Monday through Friday, six to nine the
Unknown:weekends. You know, they we have family time, of course, but
Unknown:we're doing different things, what have you but Monday through
Unknown:Friday, six to nine. That is our family time. We don't have
Unknown:phones where we are just focused on each other, we're going on
Unknown:walks, we're you know making dinner or cleaning up or doing
Unknown:whatever. And so that is flexibility, flexibility in
Unknown:there, whatever we do, but that is our time. And then, for
Unknown:example, every Tuesday and every Thursday, we have one on one
Unknown:time with our kids so that our kids can can know that every
Unknown:week they're going to have time just in a room by themselves
Unknown:sitting one on one with a parent and we just goof off. We have
Unknown:serious talks if they need to be we play a game if we need to be
Unknown:we play with durables, because all of our all of our daughters
Unknown:have animals dribbles or fish. You know we do these things, we
Unknown:have that one on one time at nine o'clock from nine to 930,
Unknown:on Tuesday and nine to 930 on Thursday. So again, we are
Unknown:having that schedule and predictability. But within that
Unknown:schedule is where the spontaneity can happen. I hope
Unknown:that makes sense to you. And with me in the morning, because
Unknown:I have all of these different hats that I put on, I, you know,
Unknown:with business and entrepreneurship and homeschool
Unknown:mom and parent, and just myself and what I do, I need to be more
Unknown:rigid. So I have very specific things that I do every single
Unknown:morning that starts with moving my body, and I get a lot of
Unknown:reading in, I get some journaling in, I obviously, get
Unknown:a shower and get ready for the day in there. And I check to see
Unknown:what's coming up for the day. And I make a list of what my day
Unknown:is going to look like so that I know, okay, I don't need to
Unknown:freak out, there's nothing that's going to come up and, you
Unknown:know, bite me and be spontaneous and not such a good way. And I
Unknown:know what's coming up. And with school and with vacations, right
Unknown:and different things like this on our board, which I have an
Unknown:entire board system that I taught my home, way, way back
Unknown:when I was teaching, how to teach your kid and homeschool.
Unknown:Because it was much less about what curriculum to use and all
Unknown:of that I could care less what curriculum curriculum you use,
Unknown:that is your, your decision and what feels right for you. But
Unknown:what I was teaching was, how to actually teach in a home, and
Unknown:what functionalities mindsets and tactics we can use for that
Unknown:using discipline and leadership. And that's what I do for whole
Unknown:families inside and outside of education now, but with that
Unknown:they know when a test is coming up, how many of you, I mean,
Unknown:raise your hand silently, wherever you're raising
Unknown:eyebrows, wherever you're listening to this, you still
Unknown:have those nightmares of showing up to school and you're like,
Unknown:there's a test today. And I had no idea, right? We don't want
Unknown:those we don't want you know, need that fear in our kiddos or
Unknown:ourselves anymore. I'm in my 40s I still have that that
Unknown:nightmare. And so we have that predictability. This is what is
Unknown:coming up. And then you know, eventually as they're getting
Unknown:older, they have their own planner, like we're passing over
Unknown:the reins, right, we're passing down that 6570 foot rope and
Unknown:handing more and more over to them along the way. Okay, so
Unknown:that is why those are all the reasons why a schedule is so
Unknown:good, right? You have predictability, you add
Unknown:significantly lower stress, right? You know what's coming
Unknown:up, you have free time built in to your schedule, so that you
Unknown:don't have to think, Oh, I'm always working, oh, I'm always
Unknown:studying, oh, I'm always doing this. I have no free time. Well,
Unknown:if you build in the free time, then you will have free time,
Unknown:right? I can look at your family's calendar, if you give
Unknown:me two weeks of any of the year, probably outside of the
Unknown:holidays, because that's always crazy, right? But if you give me
Unknown:two weeks of your calendar, I can definitely tell you what
Unknown:your priorities are, where you're stretched, then where you
Unknown:you know, could use some guidance and mentoring and where
Unknown:you're really strong to, if it's on your calendar, that's where
Unknown:it counts. Right? Okay. So awareness, predictability, all
Unknown:the good things, but some times, you need to be reminded of the
Unknown:benefits of that routine, right? As good as as good as it is. And
Unknown:think about this, right? Every single year. This is the best
Unknown:example every single year when school gets out. Everyone's
Unknown:like, Oh, we're free. We're free. We're free. And then every
Unknown:single year when school gets back in session, it's like, Oh,
Unknown:we're back. We're back to a routine we're back settled
Unknown:again. I know what's actually going to happen tomorrow, right?
Unknown:And that's exactly what I'm talking about. Right? A routine
Unknown:is so good, but getting off routine is also so good. And
Unknown:it's kind of this whole mentality of absence makes the
Unknown:heart grow fonder, right. And think about this though, in our
Unknown:crazy hooky world that we've been living in for the last
Unknown:couple of years. With COVID. We had more all together time. We
Unknown:had sometimes more schedules, sometimes less schedules,
Unknown:sometimes just trying to figure out what was going on. Right and
Unknown:so it's COVID has really thrown a wrench into every aspect of
Unknown:everything. But especially when it or not especially but also
Unknown:when it comes to scheduling and predictability. Right. I mean, I
Unknown:still know I talked to kids in my community. And my oldest is
Unknown:in a school outside of our home too. And they still have this
Unknown:this, I wouldn't call it a fear, but a little bit of anxiety of
Unknown:oh, it's fall break. I don't know, if we're gonna come back
Unknown:after fall break, you just never know, because it was in 2020.
Unknown:That March 13. I remember it clear as day. It was a Saturday,
Unknown:it was the first day of spring break, and they never went back.
Unknown:And they had no idea the parents, I don't want I don't
Unknown:even know if any of us knew what was going to happen. I don't
Unknown:think any of us thought, Oh, the entire world is going to shut
Unknown:down for the next several months. I don't think that was
Unknown:on many of our radars. But for the kid that really just moved
Unknown:him sideways, wait a second, we're just on spring break. And
Unknown:now we're not going back for the rest of the year. Right. And so
Unknown:there's still some of that anxiety going in. All that to
Unknown:say COVID kind of threw a wrench into some things, but I want to
Unknown:give you some ideas of what you could do for yourself. And one
Unknown:of them is a modification, dedication type thing. I
Unknown:actually first saw this. Some of you will probably laugh at me
Unknown:for this. But I used to watch back in the day.
Unknown:Goodness, I'm I don't know if I was in high school or what but
Unknown:Seventh Heaven anyone remember seventh heaven. And it was
Unknown:actually I found out not too long ago was the W bees first,
Unknown:like hit show that they had it was seven, seven. And the mom
Unknown:who I think they had like 38 kids or something I don't
Unknown:remember? No, it was like, I don't know, seven or something.
Unknown:And she got to this point that she was breaking down. Don't ask
Unknown:me what season this was in or what have you. I've no idea. But
Unknown:I just remember she was getting so stressed and so broken down
Unknown:that she left for a few days. And she said I'm I need to go
Unknown:and be by myself. She went to the beach and she had this. And
Unknown:I remember thinking then she waited too long. She waited too
Unknown:long. Imagine if every year she had like two days or so maybe
Unknown:even just one day that she could go and just be by herself
Unknown:recoup, you know, journal, just walk without all the questions,
Unknown:right? All these things. And this isn't just for moms. This
Unknown:is for dads too. And but I do have to say and I'm a mom. So
Unknown:I'm probably biased, that I think moms get the brunt of much
Unknown:of what comes with family life. Not always there are certainly
Unknown:exceptions. But if there was a teeter totter, I think moms are
Unknown:a little bit heavier on that. And don't hate me, don't send me
Unknown:the hate mail. If you are a super active dad out there I am
Unknown:high fiving you and I think I am married to a super active dad
Unknown:too. I'm just saying in the grand scheme of things. I think
Unknown:moms get the brunt of the Mom, mom, right? You all you're
Unknown:probably all nodding your heads right now. But having that time,
Unknown:that time not waiting for you to absolutely needed or you're
Unknown:going to implode, but do using it more preventatively and
Unknown:breaking up that scheduled breaking up that every day
Unknown:predictability can be really good. family vacations also do
Unknown:the same thing. I cannot wait to go to Disney World. I cannot
Unknown:wait to get home from Disney World, right? All the things and
Unknown:that comes from we moved to our vacation spot. The place that we
Unknown:live right now. We vacation that for 17 years, over and over and
Unknown:over again. We first came here. Our sophomore year of college
Unknown:for spring break. We came back again, junior year, we came back
Unknown:again the year after we graduated, we just kept coming
Unknown:back and back and back. All of our babies put their toes in the
Unknown:ocean for the first time here. We renewed our vows for our 10
Unknown:year anniversary here. All the things and finally, in 2014 we
Unknown:were here with a group of people we have brought so many people
Unknown:to this area of coastal North Carolina. And we're walking down
Unknown:one of our favorite little roads and my husband just looks at me
Unknown:and says why do we keep leaving, like, let's just stay and I was
Unknown:so blown away. I never even thought of that as a
Unknown:possibility. But lo and behold we waited another year to just
Unknown:see if it was a passing thought it wasn't we waited another year
Unknown:and we came back for three weeks to make sure this wasn't just a
Unknown:vacation spot like we could actually live here. Turns out we
Unknown:could all six of us voted even though my youngest was five they
Unknown:were let's see they were they were 577 and 10 at the time and
Unknown:all six have us voted yes. Even though it was going to be really
Unknown:hard. And we sold everything moved here and all within 100
Unknown:days, it was insane. But that was our decision. And we were so
Unknown:happy for both. I mean, talk about jostling up the schedule,
Unknown:that was a jostle. But what about, and just a small thing.
Unknown:So what I was referring to earlier today is earlier in our
Unknown:talk, is last weekend, I just felt this weight of this,
Unknown:schedule this, okay, wake up every day and do this, this,
Unknown:this and this, and then this, this, this and this, and then
Unknown:this, you know, you get the point. I just felt so encumbered
Unknown:by it. And so last Saturday, a friend of ours, a wonderful
Unknown:friend of ours loves to take our girls, they went all to a corn
Unknown:maze and had so much fun. And it was just my husband and I and we
Unknown:were like, what do we want to do today, we could do, you know, we
Unknown:could clean up something, we could do the things that need to
Unknown:be done. Or we could just go have fun, right? So we went to a
Unknown:town about an hour away, we had a fantastic lunch at this
Unknown:wonderful place. And then we went Axe Throwing, which was
Unknown:something new, neither one of us had ever done before. very
Unknown:cathartic. Also, by the way, if you haven't tried it, it's so
Unknown:fun. And it really was just the thing that I needed to break up
Unknown:the predictability chain that was happening, even though we
Unknown:have that built in time. So there really is beauty in having
Unknown:predictable schedules, and it serves you and there's also a
Unknown:lot of beauty in breaking them up either big time or a little
Unknown:time, just go away for an afternoon, whatever that is. But
Unknown:breaking up that schedule can be so beneficial for you to help
Unknown:you realize,
Unknown:you know what, I can go do this. And you know what a schedule,
Unknown:that schedule is also really nice to get to. And I was
Unknown:thinking about this. And I was like, you know, it's kind of
Unknown:like, if you know, kale is great, spinach is great. And it
Unknown:makes you function better. It makes you do better, it makes
Unknown:you think better. But that chocolate chip cookie, that
Unknown:chocolate chip cookie reminds you of the adventure of life, if
Unknown:we're just sticking with food metaphors in here. I mean, a
Unknown:good hike reminds me of the adventure of life too. But just
Unknown:sticking with food. This is what I'm talking about kale and
Unknown:spinach. Great, great, great, great, great. That cookie that
Unknown:you have every once in a while is going to remind you that is
Unknown:so good. By the way, I need to get back to eating kale because
Unknown:I feel kind of crappy now. But right. And so that it's the
Unknown:predictability is great. And the breaking it is great. You can't
Unknown:live in one place for too long, right? You have to stir the pot,
Unknown:you have to stir things up a little bit. Okay, you guys, I
Unknown:hope this helps you a little bit. I would love to know about
Unknown:your schedules. Do you have a morning routine? Do you have a
Unknown:school routine? Meaning, if you homeschool, maybe you have a
Unknown:routine for that? Or when the kids go to school? What is your
Unknown:routine for that? What do you do during the day? And then what do
Unknown:you guys do for family time? Do you have any sort of schedule
Unknown:for that? And what do you do to break it and bust it open? So
Unknown:you remember, hey, we can do this. And hey, the schedule is
Unknown:awesome. I want to hear from you. We are always building
Unknown:wonderful self led discipline and leadership in this group and
Unknown:I can't wait to hear what you're doing in your family. Thanks so
Unknown:much for being here. You're helping your family you're
Unknown:helping the world. Happy building you guys. Thank you so
Unknown:much for listening today. And I hope you were able to take
Unknown:something from our discussion that you can use to build the
Unknown:foundation of self led leadership in your own family.
Unknown:If you are a parent with children 17 or younger, and
Unknown:especially those around nine and up, I would love to extend an
Unknown:invitation to you to the best club in town. The family
Unknown:architects Club is a private club where intentional parents
Unknown:go that want to love support, connect or reconnect and really
Unknown:truly help guide their kids and teach them how to self lead in
Unknown:discipline and leadership. This is an online community and the
Unknown:you are welcome to it. Parenting is a project and you are the
Unknown:architect of this one. You plan you design and oversee the
Unknown:construction of the beginning of someone else's life. And that's
Unknown:what goes into these first 6570 days. And it will be the
Unknown:foundation for the rest of their lives. So come join the club.
Unknown:You can find your invitation on the front page of my website
Unknown:Nelly hardened.com that is n e ll ie H AR D n.com. Thank you
Unknown:again for being a part of this conversation today. And if
Unknown:something really resonated with you, or if you have a question,
Unknown:please don't hesitate to connect with me. You can find me on
Unknown:Instagram at Nelly Hardin. And lastly, if you love the
Unknown:information, please please leave a five star review and a comment
Unknown:so more and more families can be impacted by harnessing the
Unknown:strength of these ideas and tools in their own families. So
Unknown:thank you so much. Happy building you guys and I'll see
