May 10, 2023

Unleash Your Voice Through Listening

Unleash Your Voice Through Listening

Melinda Lee knows that powerful and intentional speaking requires highly tuned active listening skills. She believes that influential leaders have raised the bar, because they understand the sweet spot in being an influential speaker is actually honing their listening skills.

In this episode, Melinda will take a deep dive, tuning into and shining the light on four little secrets we can use, to become an effective listener. By the end of this episode you can comfortably lean into "PLACE", while elevating your message.

Learn my FOUR secrets for fine tuning your active listening skills!

My Big Four is: "PLACE"

* The "P" stands for present: learn how to be present and focused on the audience

* The "L" stands for listen with heart: understand the importance’s of listening for, not only the audience's words, listening to their feelings as well

* The "A" stands for acknowledge: discover the power of reflecting back your audience's perspective

* The "CE" stands for communicate with empathy: once you've understood your audience's perspective, you can speak wit compassion, build connection, and more harmonious outcomes

Transcript

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let's unleash your leadership voice today. Not in

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the future. Not maybe next time, sometime soon, I will. No, let's

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do it today. Because it matters. We need to hear your voice, your

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voice of leadership. And part of that means that we have to stop

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and pause. And ironically, listen, part of being an

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effective leader. And using your voice as a leader requires that

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we need to pause and listen and get intimate with the other

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person and listen to the other person. And not just listening

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for the words. Most of us are just listening to the other

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person's words and their tone, there's more to it. When we're

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listening to the words, sometimes we can get caught up

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with our judgments, our own thoughts about what I want to

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say, and especially if the other person is coming at you with

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their fears and accusing you of something and try to blame you

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for something. And so you're listening all these words. And

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then you want to come and defend yourself and think about what

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you're going to say and think about how it's not true and

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judging what they're saying. And then when that's happening, then

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we're not listening. And this is very difficult, especially if we

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want to defend our perspective. And we want it our way, right.

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And so all of us want it our way. But to have it your way,

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does mean that we need to listen, even if it's a different

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perspective. And so today, I'm going to give you some tips to

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do active listening to become a better listener, in hopes that

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your relationship and your communication skyrockets and

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gets more close gets better, so that we can be more productive

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together. And that those tips are going to come in the form of

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an accurate and the acronym is place, PLA CE, the first letter

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P stands for present, get present with yourself first,

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meaning we're going to let go of our own thoughts, our own

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judgments, our own concerns, our own opinions, and getting

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present with the other person. In order to do that I like to

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meditate, especially if I know I'm going to go into a conflict

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someone with a different perspective. I meditate first to

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clear out what my thoughts are clear out any judgments I may

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have. And so I can get super centred, and grounded. And that

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way I can fully pay attention be present to the other person

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without chiming in without letting them know how I feel.

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And that requires being present first and setting an intention

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that I'm going to be curious about the other person, I'm

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going to be really curious about what the other person is saying

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and feeling. And then once I'm present, then you can go into

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Listen, the L stands for listen, listen with empathy and listen

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with heart. So focus on the other person's words, their

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tone, their body language, listen for what they're saying.

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And beyond that, listen also to what they're feeling. Right? How

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many times have you been in a conflict, and the person is

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yelling or saying some things to you. And it may be nasty, right?

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And underneath that if you really listen with your heart,

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you're gonna hear that the person is actually concerned,

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they might be afraid, they might be concerned because they're not

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being heard. And so when you can listen with your heart, and it's

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difficult, do some breathing in the moment, breathe and know

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that you're safe. But listen with your heart going back into

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your heart with breathing, active breathing, and then that

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will allow you to open up to listen to that person's

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feelings. Not just the words but their feelings. And once you can

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hear that, then you go into the A in place was which is

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acknowledge, acknowledge the person's feelings, acknowledge

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their words, use a tool called mirroring mirroring exactly what

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they're saying. I hear that you were upset because the kids are

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not they're always on their phone and they're not getting

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good grades. I hear that you are concerned because I'm constantly

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late. It's So even if you don't agree with the what they're

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saying, you want to acknowledge what they're saying. And then

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deeper than that, you can actually acknowledge their

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feelings. I sense that you are concerned, and I sense that you

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are upset or discouraged or disappointed. So labelling and

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pointing out and acknowledging their feelings will help defuse

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the emotion, you'll find that the calm down, because when

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people's emotions are elevated, and more likely than not,

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they're just not feeling heard. And so really getting good at

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sensing their feelings, and just calling it out. I sense that

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you're concerned, I sense that you're frustrated, you're

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disappointed in me. Even though it's hard. You want to

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acknowledge it, because that will then allow you and the

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other person to have an understanding. And when there's

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understanding there's a connection. And when there's a

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connection and understanding, then you can move into speaking

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and speaking confidently with empathy, with compassion, and so

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we're in the C and E and place that communicate with empathy,

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communicate with compassion. Communicating to let the person

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know that you understand the person. And when you truly

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understand the person, or connect with a person, you're

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going to open up possibilities and perspectives and an

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opportunity to then go into solutions. Brainstorming, like

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what can we do together, that help build our relationship help

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increase our understanding of each other so that we can work

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more effectively together. So the next time you have an

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opportunity to unleash your voice, Li, see the person into

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more powerful connections. Remember, the acronym place P is

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get present, eliminating, letting go of your own thoughts

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and concerns and get present so you can stay focused to the L,

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listening with heart, listening for not only their words, but

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also their feelings, and calling out the feeling because that'll

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help defuse their emotion. And then acknowledging it, again,

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acknowledging their what they're saying, acknowledging their

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feelings. Then finally, C and E, communicate with empathy,

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communicate with compassion. And using this tool will help you

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reduce misunderstandings will help you increase your

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relationships, increase your connections with people. Most

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people are feeling quite alone nowadays, quite alone because

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they don't feel heard. And so when you can use this acronym

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place, you're going to unleash your voice and lead people into

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more harmonious outcomes, outcomes that generate a win win

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outcomes that are productive. And so thank you so much for

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listening. I appreciate you. Keep exploring, keep moving in