Dr. David R Hawkings says we can not think or rationalize our way out of grief
There is an old Irish proverb that says, joy and sorrow are linked like day and night. You can not experience one without the other.
And I know now that so often, things are not always what they seem, that there is more to our experience and more to this life that what appears at first glance.
Mornings have long become a time for reflection, deep learning and meditation, along with strong coffee :)
Today's book opened with Dr. David R Hawking talking about 50 years of clinical practice, and grief. Go figure <3
Hawking said there are very few catastrophic events in life that can be more overwhelming than losing a spouse, a parent or a child. The massive and intense overwhelm erupts along with shock, disbelief, abandonment, rage, guilt, self blame, anger, hopelessness, powerlessness, and the utter finality of loss.
A little segway: I would like you to imagine that you planned all year for a trip to Hawaii, and when you arrived, it rained the entire time. Is it the fact that it rained, or the fact that you are upset about rain that made your experience?
Or you went skiing and the snow was crappy. We could say oh well and carry on, or do we have emotions around the quality of the snow that affects your experience?
Or the fact that we have an exam, and we are worried about the exam. So I ask you, is it the fact of the exam or the fact of the worry?
Often the fact, or the event itself can not be changed. Rather it is the emotions that we have about the fact that cause us distress.
We may not be able to change the fact, but we have control over the way we feel, and that changes HOW LONG and HOW HORRIBLE we feel.
David says grief is so crushing because all the TOP OF LIFE stresses are COMBINED and therefore, it can feel catastrophic.
And he cautions that we may try to “think” our way out of the grief, but because overwhelm and all the attached emotions are negative in nature, the solution will not come through the intellect.
And the next thing he said, thus the segway, I had to really step back, because even though I understand the facts on a philosophical level, I found it harsh to think about it this way, for grief.
But I repeat it again softly and gently and with a hand over my heart, because I can’t change the fact, so what do I do now? He says we can greatly shorten the time and relieve the catastrophic pain we feel, if we bi-pass the fact and heal the emotion.
The lessons repeatedly turn to, the solutions to our pain will not be found, within the mind. He leads us deeper into the process.
When we move our attention inward, we can locate the area where our body typically holds emotion. Where we feel it physically in our body. But then if we look beyond the label, we can begin to understand that it is simply trapped energy.
Emotions like all things are energetic. And energy itself, can neither be created or destroyed, it simply changes form. And so we change the energy, which, without a label becomes generic, nameless. Without a label we can no longer embody it for long..
My experience was that I could not think, rationalize or will, my way out of grief.
So, I used David's process, finding the location of the feelings, or the energy of the feeling of grief and all those combined emotions and just sat with the energy. And I agreed with myself to explore this energy in every aspect.
We can do this by moving our attention inward.
Note, this is not the emotion, this is the dissociative representation of the emotion and this is less painful.
Find the shape, size, color, dimension, movement, temperature, texture, weight etc. and then I supersized it. Sounds odd, but this is a universal law of similar simalimbus, that I learned 30+ years ago.
What is this law? Like Cures Like, or as it was first discovered centuries ago, similar simalimbus. This law as with all “universal laws” have stood the test of time and found in teachings from the beginning of time.
Aristotle, Hippocrates, Paracelcus and many philosophers spoke of similar simalimbus.
This is the fundamental practice in the development of anti-venom, in Homeopathy and now in emotional freedom to release blocked energy and regain inner peace.
Hawkings repeats many lessons because we may; or at least I did; needed to hear it several times before completely understanding and accepting the reality.
He goes on to say that our “experience” is several layers removed from the physical body.
And if you recall earlier blogs. As we know through anesthesia and amputation, the body is insentient, the body can only be experienced through sensations, which sensations are incapable of understanding their feelingness, it is only through the mind, because we label it. However the mind itself is not capable of knowing it’s own experience, it is only through consciousness and then awareness that we truly understand.
And so I followed his process and discovered that the label of the emotional feeling is quite diffuse as he described. I could not locate the feeling inside my mind.
We rise up and out of the pain, through consciousness.
And to deepen my consciousness I meditate. A practice that has become rich and rewarding and filled with relief and healing. I choose to give myself over to consciousness, where there is no pain.
My mantra? I am a violet flame, an infinite being. And what if we could accept this too, would that change how we do everything?.
As with any practice as we hone our skills, it becomes easier. So, within a few seconds of repeating and becoming mindful of my mantra, the following vision arose.
Saturn-like rings spread outward from my third eye. Pulsing rings of mystical light moving concentrically outward and then a vertical pillar of light moved both upward and downward.
Imagine Saturn with a central axis of light. A feeling of unconditional love began to permeate my body, so beautiful I could notice tears of joy gently rolling down my face.
I noticed clear butterfly type winged beings descending on my left, within their own light field that appeared like an eye, with rays of light spreading over me.
A still brighter light formed on my right and began to descend.
The visions shift.
Suddenly I am gliding slightly above and over an endless field of wildflowers with a mountain scape far in front. I appear in a flowing gown of gilded white and gold, and ankle length wavy blond hair that flows below a transparent butterfly-wing like cape.
As I glide towards the mountain a gateway appears to open and this incredibly bright light spills through the opening that I have now entered. I am not alone, I know this energy. It is Willis beside me and I feel the warmth of his hand in mine.
We are now far inside the light, I notice, I have come face to face with two galactic angelic beings. Very tall and thin, and I now appear to be smaller, childlike in size and age, and I know intuitively this first being must be one of my masters.
I am not afraid, I feel loved and at peace here, as if this is so normal :)
As the master stands in front of me, he reaches into my mind and like playing a harp inside my mind, he is filtering out stuck energy. This process continues through my mind and then throughout my body, and he simply releases the energy back into the universe, like blowing a feather from his palm. And then, fresh buoyant energy fills the space once more.
I feel at ease. Relief. Love. And at that point, he leans inward, with loving gentle compassionate devotion, lifts my face with a single finger until our gazes meet, pearing deep into my eyes as if reading my soul, searching for any harmful energy that may have been missed.
He seems satisfied. As he nods to the others, they open their hearts and this warm brilliant light is transported from their heart center into my soul.
I open my arms and lift my face to the universal sky and just allow this light to fill up my soul.
As I open my eyes, I observe a very large protective hand (reiki-like) that must have been present, guiding the entire process, holding a safe space.
During this time, Willis must have stepped into the background, but now he has returned and we receive a gift. We are both lifted and cradled in heavenly hands where we rest together for some time
Along with this last gift, my vision shifts once more. We are now on an expansive beach with white sand and softly breathing waves. This is so familiar, one of our favorite things to do and so this feels so rejuvenating.
We seem to walk and talk for hours on this beach. As the sun begins to set, we come to the end of this beach and we embrace. I am filled with so much love that I feel tears once again running down my face.