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In this episode, we are joined by special guest Alissa Rose – a soulful parenting mentor! Alissa (Mom of 4 children) is on a mission to help other moms create homes that they love while reducing stress and overwhelm. Home lives have been drastically impacted through this pandemic and Alissa talks about how some of the major challenges such as isolation - have impacted the stress levels at home. But you are not alone and Alissa has created a community for parents to connect, reach out via email to Alissa to learn more about her new virtual parenting group for busy moms starting January 2022. Parenting can be chaotic and there is no shame in letting go of the comparison mentality and focusing on being present. Listen for tips to combat some of the common obstacles that we can encounter as parents to ensure you are building a positive healthy connection with your children despite the daily ups and downs.
About the Guest:
Alissa Rose is a soulful parenting mentor. She helps parents create awareness so that they can build peaceful happy homes with their children. Alissa empowers moms to reduce stress and overwhelm by mentoring them through their parenting journey, walking through any obstacles together, and helping them discover their inner power. This creates deeper connections with their children, to help them feel safe, seen, heard and allows them to thrive and bloom
Links:
Email: healtogrowparentinginfo@gmail.com
About the Host:
I am a financial professional, who specializes in helping people to achieve their financial goals. My absolute passion is creating new possibilities in people’s lives by showing them the ropes when it comes to money. I’m here to spark healthy and positive conversations around wealth and investment and create a world where nobody is limited by their financial situation. I believe this begins with education and shifting our relationships with money. I love getting to witness people achieving their most ambitious goals and creating new possibilities for themselves and their families!
I love your questions! Reach out to me anytime at:
Email: kalee.boisvert@raymondjames.ca
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kaleeboisvert/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/wealthandwelln2
https://www.facebook.com/kaleeboisvertwealthandwellness/
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Welcome to the wealth and wellness podcast with
Kalee Boisvert:me Kaylie Bob air. I specialize in helping people to achieve
Kalee Boisvert:their financial goals. I have a love for all things numbers, and
Kalee Boisvert:I'm passionate about financial literacy. My goal is to spark
Kalee Boisvert:healthy and positive conversations around wealth and
Kalee Boisvert:investment and create a world where nobody is limited by their
Kalee Boisvert:financial situation. But wealth is just one piece of the
Kalee Boisvert:equation of living our best lives. So join me as we explore
Kalee Boisvert:both wealth and wellness topics. From your net worth to your self
Kalee Boisvert:worth. Get ready to take confident action. Hello, this is
Kalee Boisvert:Kaylee. And thank you so much for tuning into this episode of
Kalee Boisvert:the wealth and wellness Podcast. I'm really excited for today's
Kalee Boisvert:guests that we have on today. We're doing a topic that I don't
Kalee Boisvert:believe I have touched on at all yet on this podcast, which seems
Kalee Boisvert:crazy to me because it's a very important one. We're talking
Kalee Boisvert:about parenting and I am a mom to a seven year old daughter. So
Kalee Boisvert:I'm looking forward to this conversation as well. So today
Kalee Boisvert:we are joined by Alyssa rose. Alyssa is a soulful parenting
Kalee Boisvert:mentor. She helps parents create awareness so that they can build
Kalee Boisvert:peaceful happy homes with their children. Alyssa empowers moms
Kalee Boisvert:to reduce stress and overwhelmed by mentoring them through their
Kalee Boisvert:parenting journey, walking through any obstacles together
Kalee Boisvert:and helping them to discover their inner power, which creates
Kalee Boisvert:a deeper connection with their children to help them feel safe
Kalee Boisvert:seen heard, and allows them to thrive and bloom. I love that. I
Kalee Boisvert:love that.
Alissa Rose:Thank you for having me on.
Kalee Boisvert:Yes, thank you so much Alyssa for being here.
Kalee Boisvert:And I think that is so important in your approach. It sounds so
Kalee Boisvert:much in line with what we talked about on this podcast and what
Kalee Boisvert:I'm so passionate about. So I love that. Just to get started,
Kalee Boisvert:you maybe want to share with listeners a little bit about
Kalee Boisvert:maybe your journey and what brought you to this point of
Kalee Boisvert:doing the work that you're doing now.
Alissa Rose:Sure. So I have four children of my own. I have
Alissa Rose:one that is older 19 I have an 11 year old, a nine year old and
Alissa Rose:a six year old. So um, so in my parenting journey, I obviously
Alissa Rose:had my first one very young, got married very young and probably
Alissa Rose:about I think it was like five or six years ago, I had gone to
Alissa Rose:a Tony Robbins conference in Calgary and at that time, on the
Alissa Rose:outside, I really looked like I had it all together. I was
Alissa Rose:president of the PTA for two years in a row I showed up to
Alissa Rose:all my kids school events, I was a stay at home mom, I did all
Alissa Rose:the stereotypical things that you would think people do and
Alissa Rose:and really just had it all together. And on the inside, I
Alissa Rose:was absolutely dying inside. So at this Tony Robbins seminar, he
Alissa Rose:said something along the lines of what would you need to do to
Alissa Rose:make the change in order to live your best life. And in that
Alissa Rose:moment, I knew that I needed to leave my husband. So a year
Alissa Rose:later, I had done exactly that. And for me, that was my rock
Alissa Rose:bottom. And so I started taking personal development really got
Alissa Rose:involved in that really found a spiritual practice and my coach,
Alissa Rose:my life coach, my mentor, Sheila says there are two ways to
Alissa Rose:change your life. It's either through affirmations, or blowing
Alissa Rose:up your life. And that is exactly what I did. I blew up my
Alissa Rose:life, left my husband that I had been married to for almost 20
Alissa Rose:years, and basically started over as a single mom. So I have
Alissa Rose:walked through the fire. And now I want to help other moms walk
Alissa Rose:through the fire as well. I want to help them create homes that
Alissa Rose:they love with their children and reduce stress and overwhelm
Alissa Rose:because there are so many aspects of parenting that cause
Alissa Rose:stress and overwhelm and it can really take its toll on how we
Alissa Rose:show up as parents.
Kalee Boisvert:Yeah, I love that and thank you for sharing
Kalee Boisvert:that I think a lot of people can relate there are a lot of you
Kalee Boisvert:know, single moms out there. It moms in you know, second
Kalee Boisvert:relationships and things like that. So it's a it's a very
Kalee Boisvert:common scenario that we you know, can very much I can relate
Kalee Boisvert:to being a single mom to my seven year old daughter as well.
Kalee Boisvert:So yeah, thank you for sharing that in that journey that you
Kalee Boisvert:had and I think that is important that yeah, what you've
Kalee Boisvert:gone through yourself and I love that now that you've gone
Kalee Boisvert:through that yourself is just sharing and and helping mentor
Kalee Boisvert:and teach people along Along the way that might be going through
Kalee Boisvert:similar scenarios. And, you know, maybe it might be a bit
Kalee Boisvert:different. But you're right, there's so many elements to
Kalee Boisvert:parenting, there's,
Unknown:yes, yeah. And I would even also add that, even if
Unknown:you're in relationship, you're in primary partnership with the
Unknown:biological dad of your children. That isn't to say that there
Unknown:isn't pieces of self awareness that don't kind of carry over.
Unknown:So my personal experience is that of being a single mom, and
Unknown:a lot of the concepts that I teach, and that I walk parents
Unknown:through, or that have relationships. And so it's a
Unknown:relationship that we're specifically talking about to
Unknown:our children, and how we nourish that through the context of self
Unknown:awareness. When I don't, I don't know that it really matters,
Unknown:whether they are single moms or married moms, or any range in
Unknown:between.
Kalee Boisvert:Yep. Yeah, it is. It's just it's a whole
Kalee Boisvert:different scenario. And at every age to that your child goes
Kalee Boisvert:through, it's like, you always think, Okay, I got through that.
Kalee Boisvert:And then it's just like a different version of another
Kalee Boisvert:one. They get to, yeah. So that's always interesting, as
Kalee Boisvert:well. And it keeps me guessing. Um, what would you say are some
Kalee Boisvert:of the biggest challenges you're seeing for parents right now. So
Kalee Boisvert:with everything that we've been going through with the pandemic,
Kalee Boisvert:it's really changed, probably what parenting looks like. And
Kalee Boisvert:just because it's changed kind of our our home lives and what
Kalee Boisvert:it looks like in our work lives. And so what would you say are
Kalee Boisvert:the biggest challenges you're seeing people right now have to
Kalee Boisvert:navigate?
Unknown:Yeah, that's a good one. Definitely. I think it
Unknown:varies from person to person. And one of the big ones that I
Unknown:see is isolation, generally, people are working from home,
Unknown:they've got childcare. Whether they do or don't, they're, their
Unknown:children are probably home a little bit more often. They're
Unknown:isolated from family members from community from connection
Unknown:from people who were there, so to speak, village, playdates are
Unknown:probably not happening as often. And then it brings up a lot of
Unknown:mental health stuff, I think. So anxiety, depression, from being
Unknown:isolated. And, and certainly I can speak for myself and I talk
Unknown:about this a lot is, when my kids are home for long periods
Unknown:of time, they fight with each other, and everyone goes a
Unknown:little bit stir crazy. And so I think the lack of support and
Unknown:the mentality of that we're all in this together, but we're
Unknown:actually doing it alone. And so that's, that's the main
Unknown:challenge. And then what I recommend is finding your tribe
Unknown:and finding people that are like minded finding, perhaps
Unknown:mentorship or coaching or community, a moms group, some
Unknown:type of connection, where, even though you might be alone,
Unknown:you're not actually ever alone. Yeah,
Kalee Boisvert:I love that. You're right, it is that whole,
Kalee Boisvert:we're in this together. But you're right. It's not like
Kalee Boisvert:we're having to do a lot more on our own. We don't have the same
Kalee Boisvert:supports that exist. My daughter was she's home for being done
Kalee Boisvert:school now for the holidays. And she was on like her tablet on
Kalee Boisvert:Messenger and playing dolls with her friend. And that was funny,
Kalee Boisvert:and be creative. Like, I guess we say, like, you know, keep
Kalee Boisvert:screen time down. But it feels like this is a good use of
Kalee Boisvert:screen time because they're actually just playing with their
Kalee Boisvert:toys. And yeah, it's she's an only child. So I've felt for her
Kalee Boisvert:throughout that pandemic, because she didn't have as much
Kalee Boisvert:opportunity to interact with other kids too.
Unknown:Yeah, absolutely. That's a great reframe on screen
Unknown:time. Because the narrative that we've been fed on some level,
Unknown:it's true that screentime causes all sorts of things for
Unknown:children. But on the flip side, it's a way for them to have
Unknown:connection, just like when we're on social media, and we're
Unknown:seeing what other people are up to its connection for us as
Unknown:well.
Kalee Boisvert:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, what about then,
Kalee Boisvert:speaking of kind of social media, I think of like, as
Kalee Boisvert:parents, oftentimes, there's, there's a comparison and I think
Kalee Boisvert:the easy comparison to make is through social media. And, you
Kalee Boisvert:know, what we're seeing or, or friends and them doing with
Kalee Boisvert:their children or other family members on social media, and it
Kalee Boisvert:can be like, I guess, really overwhelming sometimes. Because
Kalee Boisvert:it's a guess often. I mean, with social media, you're oftentimes
Kalee Boisvert:seeing the best of it are those perfect moments, and we don't
Kalee Boisvert:get to see maybe the messiness. But, you know, as we're seeing
Kalee Boisvert:it, we're not really processing it that way. And we're like,
Kalee Boisvert:wow, they seem to have it all together. And they make it look
Kalee Boisvert:so easy. And oh, they're, you know, baking cookies and doing
Kalee Boisvert:this activity, that activity and you're like, well, now I feel
Kalee Boisvert:like a bad mom because that's not what I'm doing. And I don't
Kalee Boisvert:have time for that right now. And so for for people that are
Kalee Boisvert:feeling that, that pressure of the comparison, and social media
Kalee Boisvert:in the hole, I think you had it in one year. post that I saw
Kalee Boisvert:about that hole, like kind of underneath feeling like it just
Kalee Boisvert:feels a lot more messy than what other people have going on.
Kalee Boisvert:Like, what would you say about that for people?
Unknown:Yeah, you know, I always joke, can I just I say, I
Unknown:am some version of a hot mess all the way, no matter how put
Unknown:together I seem, there's always something something's gotta
Unknown:give, right? So I've known mums that have a perfect spotless
Unknown:house, and their mental health has declined. And, and I think
Unknown:that's the thing with social media is it's this comparison,
Unknown:it's this platform where we look at other people's highlight
Unknown:reels. And it reinforces this program, especially for women,
Unknown:of not being worthy, and not being good enough. And it's why
Unknown:I'm so passionate about what I do, because I know it's out
Unknown:there. I know, it's on social media, it's a part of what we're
Unknown:consuming, and it's contributing to the mentality and program of
Unknown:lack and really affect how we parent and how we show up as
Unknown:parents when we think that we're not good enough. I recently did
Unknown:a social media cleanse, and I was off social media for seven
Unknown:days, which doesn't seem like a lot. But in the grand scheme of
Unknown:how long I've been on social media, it was, it was huge. And
Unknown:so I recommend that now to anybody struggling with that
Unknown:kind of comparison mentality. Just get off, get off social
Unknown:media. And really focus on this one of the things, the core
Unknown:principles that I teach as being present in the moment and being
Unknown:really just grounded into what is happening right now. And
Unknown:being on social media. It's not only a way of numbing, and
Unknown:possibly checking out, but it also takes us out of the present
Unknown:moment, and can really slip us into anxiety. Yeah,
Kalee Boisvert:absolutely. I love that. So maybe doing a bit
Kalee Boisvert:of a cleanse, or if you're feeling that way, especially if
Kalee Boisvert:you can't like reframe it and remind yourself because again,
Kalee Boisvert:when you're going through it, I find that it's not in our heads
Kalee Boisvert:like Oh, reminder, you know, we're seeing the best of the
Kalee Boisvert:baths are not going to people are less inclined to share that
Kalee Boisvert:vulnerable side. And so have if that's not still not working,
Kalee Boisvert:and it's like you said, when you're just kind of like
Kalee Boisvert:scrolling through for, for coping, or for Yeah, just
Kalee Boisvert:blindly doing that, and not really putting a lot of thought
Kalee Boisvert:in but then realizing afterwards, like you feel you
Kalee Boisvert:don't feel as great about yourself, you're like, No, I'm,
Kalee Boisvert:I'm not doing enough, or I'm not good enough. So doing a cleanse,
Kalee Boisvert:maybe your idea of being so doing, like being present. And
Kalee Boisvert:grounding. What is that? Like? Do you want to elaborate a
Kalee Boisvert:little bit about what that looks like?
Unknown:Yeah, and I think the mentality of of being in the
Unknown:doing of everything, especially for moms, and especially around
Unknown:Christmas, right, there's endless to do lists, endless
Unknown:things on the go. And if that piece around, just taking a
Unknown:moment and pausing. And so I just did a video on this the
Unknown:other day, one of the things that that can look like is and I
Unknown:know it sounds so simplistic, but breathing. And so taking
Unknown:that moment to really focus in on the breath, inhale for a
Unknown:count of four, hold for a counter for an exhale for a
Unknown:count of four. And just grounding into noticing the
Unknown:breath. You can also do like just noticing, like the thing
Unknown:that you're touching. So if you're sitting down on a chair
Unknown:does, notice how the chair feels underneath you. If you're
Unknown:looking at something, just notice, okay, I'm seeing this,
Unknown:observing your surroundings and bringing yourself back into that
Unknown:present moment. And so and so that's what I mean by grounding
Unknown:and becoming present. Just focusing in.
Kalee Boisvert:Okay, I love it. What else do Oh, what about?
Kalee Boisvert:Okay, so single parents? Yeah. When it feels like you're
Kalee Boisvert:juggling a lot, you're wearing multiple hats. You're, you're
Kalee Boisvert:doing it all? Um, are there any tips you have? Because a lot of
Kalee Boisvert:that can lead to very much being stressed overwhelm? Yeah, it's a
Kalee Boisvert:lot when you have the sort of you don't have necessarily that
Kalee Boisvert:extra person around to support you through all of it when it
Kalee Boisvert:comes to children. So any kind of ideas or tips for single
Kalee Boisvert:parents?
Unknown:Yeah, I just, that's a great question finding community
Unknown:or tribe, people who are like minded who you can get like, not
Unknown:maybe not even physically gather with but in some way have that
Unknown:safe place to be able to just be and if you can't find that lead
Unknown:into rituals and routines. And so what does that look either
Unknown:when you get up in the morning, throughout your day, and at the
Unknown:end of the day, and so I've often heard that this just feels
Unknown:like one more thing that you have to do. And so, like, on
Unknown:some level, yeah, it is just one more thing that you have to do.
Unknown:If this is the thing that fills your cup, in order for you to
Unknown:feel replenished, and then you can give more to your children
Unknown:to yourself, that in itself is going to reduce stress reduce
Unknown:overall, and it doesn't have to be big, it can be like, doing
Unknown:five sun salutations in the morning, every morning just to
Unknown:ground in focus on breath, and, and bring yourself back to
Unknown:yourself, essentially, and then carry on throughout your day. So
Unknown:it doesn't have to be big or time consuming just that that
Unknown:piece around. What is something I do every day? That's for
Unknown:myself, and it doesn't need to take more than five minutes.
Kalee Boisvert:Okay, okay. And I find to like some of the
Kalee Boisvert:struggle, I guess for me personally, one of the struggles
Kalee Boisvert:as a single mom, that's also building a business and having
Kalee Boisvert:big goals, like being a high achiever and saying, but also I
Kalee Boisvert:want to do this, this and this in my career. And yes, I'm a mom
Kalee Boisvert:and a single mom, too. I found myself really hesitant to share
Kalee Boisvert:that I'm a single mom with people because especially in the
Kalee Boisvert:business sense, because I always assumed that they were going to
Kalee Boisvert:jump to conclusions about, well, then you're not going to be as
Kalee Boisvert:invested, you're not going to take this serious, or if you're
Kalee Boisvert:you know, if your child's sick or something, you're going to be
Kalee Boisvert:gone. And so what would you say for that, when it's that whole?
Kalee Boisvert:Like that thing about? You know, you can have it all? And then
Kalee Boisvert:it's like, well, no, you can't have it all. So what, what, what
Kalee Boisvert:is that? And how does that look? And how can we help, you know,
Kalee Boisvert:in that internal battle, where it feels like, also that we want
Kalee Boisvert:almost like we want society to believe in us and our
Kalee Boisvert:capabilities to and not judge us?
Unknown:You know, that? That's a great question. It's something
Unknown:I encounter as well. And, and I would say be gentle on yourself.
Unknown:And, and yes, you can have it all. And I would add to that,
Unknown:that something's got to give. And so, for me, I have come to
Unknown:realize that cleaning my house is just not as important as some
Unknown:of the other goals that I have. And so sometimes my dishes get
Unknown:left undone at the end of the night. And it's something I've
Unknown:I've just made my peace with and so, so on some level,
Unknown:absolutely, you can have it all. But what needs what what will be
Unknown:less important in that thing just needs to be able to, to not
Unknown:happen. And for me, it's cleaning my house. It's never
Unknown:been important to me. I've never been one of those people that's
Unknown:been really antsy about having to get everything cleaned before
Unknown:bed. And so for me letting that go is not that big of a deal.
Unknown:And for someone else, it could be something else completely.
Kalee Boisvert:Yeah, I'm there with you. I'm like, cleaning.
Kalee Boisvert:Yeah, my mom always comes over to point out my the messiness or
Kalee Boisvert:thinks she has to clean I'm like, Mom, it's okay. Yeah.
Kalee Boisvert:Okay. It's not the priority, I do the priority. I agree with
Kalee Boisvert:you just so having that priority, and being okay with
Kalee Boisvert:it. And knowing that, that something has to give like, we
Kalee Boisvert:can't do it all, there's only a certain amount of hours in the
Kalee Boisvert:day. And let's prioritize the things that are important. When
Kalee Boisvert:it comes to our, our work lives or being parents and, and things
Kalee Boisvert:like that. What about like specific kind of things that
Kalee Boisvert:come up with kids? So I don't know, I think maybe the reason I
Kalee Boisvert:haven't had a call like this, I just I feel like a lot of the
Kalee Boisvert:times my daughter IV she's just, she's really easy and chill. She
Kalee Boisvert:listens. She just, you know, I'll be like, hey, you need to
Kalee Boisvert:clean your room. It's getting messy or okay, it's bedtime, and
Kalee Boisvert:it's time to go to sleep. And she'll go like, there's not,
Kalee Boisvert:there's sometimes a little bit of pushback, they'll be like,
Kalee Boisvert:Well, no, it's this time and that's bedtime. Okay. So I'm
Kalee Boisvert:like, I guess I've been lucky. But there is there is certs of
Kalee Boisvert:things coming up. And sometimes where I'm like, What do I do
Kalee Boisvert:here? And so some of the common challenges kids have and one
Kalee Boisvert:that's coming for IV I think is just like with her school and
Kalee Boisvert:friendships, it sounds like there might be some like
Kalee Boisvert:bullying going on. What about for people that have kids that
Kalee Boisvert:maybe aren't as good have, you know, listeners and, and causes,
Kalee Boisvert:you know, or challenge us more or having kids get motivated?
Kalee Boisvert:Like, you know, schools a big one too with Ivy. Apparently she
Kalee Boisvert:hates school. And so that's always tough, too, because I'm
Kalee Boisvert:like, I liked school. So I don't understand. And so things like
Kalee Boisvert:that, like, is there kind of ideas for some of these common
Kalee Boisvert:obstacles that parents experienced with their children
Kalee Boisvert:at sort of different stages and ages? Yeah.
Unknown:You know, so interesting, even though these
Unknown:things are common across the board, on some level with all
Unknown:children right up, I would say probably safe to say that, on
Unknown:some level, all children will experience some kind of
Unknown:bullying. All parents say oh my kids listening to me, there
Unknown:seems to always be an underlying theme of, kind of get them
Unknown:motivated for school and homework. And so while that
Unknown:these things are common, every situation is so different and so
Unknown:unique, every child is so different and unique, and each
Unknown:child has, like their own way of doing things. So there isn't
Unknown:really like a one size fits all solution for these kinds of
Unknown:things. And often these things are a symptom of something else.
Unknown:So I help parents dive deep into what is going on to a place of
Unknown:self self awareness. And so what is the deep into the behavior
Unknown:that they're experiencing their child to be having, but also to
Unknown:do some reflective work on how they can show up for their kids?
Unknown:And what's going on for them. So I'll give you an example. With
Unknown:not being into school and doing homework. My parents are very
Unknown:secular based. And so if I ever was not into school, that would
Unknown:be very triggering for them. And so what is it about whatever
Unknown:that situation or issue is, that is triggering the parent, and
Unknown:then I help the parents work through that trigger, so that in
Unknown:whatever way they feel best serves their parent child
Unknown:relationship, they can show up and parent from the best of
Unknown:their abilities where they're showing up as 100%.
Kalee Boisvert:Okay, that's interesting. So seeing Yeah, why
Kalee Boisvert:is it cause like, if it's causing that inner turmoil or
Kalee Boisvert:anxiety or like, oh, like, at your wit's end about something?
Kalee Boisvert:What is it? Because I found out I took it on vacation recently.
Kalee Boisvert:And I had said something like, I want to walk down to the beach,
Kalee Boisvert:like, let's go do that after and she was like, No, I don't want
Kalee Boisvert:to do that. And I was like, inside, I'm like, oh, no, you're
Kalee Boisvert:doing like you're in your head, you're like, I took you on this
Kalee Boisvert:trip, I've paid for your like, even. And I didn't get these
Kalee Boisvert:opportunities when I was a kid, because we weren't able to
Kalee Boisvert:afford it. So that was probably really triggering to me. It's
Kalee Boisvert:almost like not being grateful. And, and her having this almost
Kalee Boisvert:like expectation and me wanting to be like, You're lucky that
Kalee Boisvert:you're even getting these things that I would have not even
Kalee Boisvert:gotten anything near as a child. And so I think that's what
Kalee Boisvert:really bothered me about her her reaction when she probably
Kalee Boisvert:wasn't, she doesn't know. It's so fascinating that,
Unknown:that when we have children, where we're guiding
Unknown:them through their human experience, we get to see them
Unknown:as mirrors for our own triggers, right? They really highlight to
Unknown:us what is, you know, because they're triggering things in us
Unknown:are highlighting to us what is still yet to be healed, what's
Unknown:still yet to be worked on. So it's such a fascinating
Unknown:relationship that we have with
Kalee Boisvert:them. Yeah, yeah. And they're still Yeah,
Kalee Boisvert:but they're your little buddies that will stick around for
Kalee Boisvert:anything, too. So I'm like, I'm lucky that little my little
Kalee Boisvert:sidekick, totally, you talk about like, deeper connections
Kalee Boisvert:with children. So that's, it's an interesting idea. And
Kalee Boisvert:thought, too, that maybe we don't really consider as
Kalee Boisvert:parents, like, how can we make sure we're forming these deep
Kalee Boisvert:connections? I think as all parents, we want to have a great
Kalee Boisvert:relationship with our children. But then yeah, it seems like
Kalee Boisvert:sometimes the busyness of life or the you know, it's, well we
Kalee Boisvert:have to do this and then you do this and that and that we have
Kalee Boisvert:to get this done. And there might be moments where it's
Kalee Boisvert:like, you've been there and been present with your children, but
Kalee Boisvert:you haven't really felt connected. So I think that's
Kalee Boisvert:like an important reminder and and how is that that we that we
Kalee Boisvert:make sure that we're doing that on on a daily base basis with
Kalee Boisvert:our kids?
Unknown:Right? Yeah, so I mean, connection. When you when
Unknown:there's a parent child dynamic sometimes it's that it can be
Unknown:seen like that the parent is the authority figure and on some
Unknown:level Yes, we are we're there to set boundaries and direct them,
Unknown:but it's not not really from a place of you do as I say, and
Unknown:when I say jump, you say how high and in my opinion anyways,
Unknown:and and so that piece around connection is really allowing
Unknown:them to feel heard. And seen. So in the case where you wanted to
Unknown:go for a walk with your daughter on the beach, and she wanted to
Unknown:do something else. Just really getting curious about Okay,
Unknown:fine. What is it that you what, why don't you want to go for
Unknown:what what is it that you would rather do? Is there a way that
Unknown:we can come to a solution where both of us feel like we're
Unknown:getting what we want so both of us feel like we're walking away
Unknown:with a win. And and I think sometimes things get blurred?
Unknown:Because when it's a parent child relationship, like exactly what
Unknown:you say those things get triggered in us right and said,
Unknown:Well, why don't you want to go for a walk? I paid for this
Unknown:vacation, of course, you should want to go for a walk with me.
Unknown:And and so it's, it's dealing with those things that come up,
Unknown:and so that we can have better, deeper connections with our
Unknown:children.
Kalee Boisvert:Yeah, yeah, I like that. And I think it's
Kalee Boisvert:important because it's when I see certain things in IV Yeah,
Kalee Boisvert:it's almost that it is triggering but at the same time
Kalee Boisvert:You're it's you don't want to like, don't want it, that part
Kalee Boisvert:of them to go away because it's when they're, when they're
Kalee Boisvert:objecting or having an opinion or saying something back to you,
Kalee Boisvert:when we're having these, okay, we need to do this or that or
Kalee Boisvert:giving direction or whatever it looks like and, and they say
Kalee Boisvert:something. And it's, I don't know, some people might consider
Kalee Boisvert:it talking back and stuff, but I always see it, as you know, I'm
Kalee Boisvert:glad she's saying something, I'm glad she has a voice. And I
Kalee Boisvert:don't want to be the person that makes that leave her because I
Kalee Boisvert:know, I was very quiet and shy it child. And I felt like that
Kalee Boisvert:was a really big struggle than growing up into, like my adult
Kalee Boisvert:years was having is finding my voice and feeling comfortable
Kalee Boisvert:enough to express it because it was like that thought of, you
Kalee Boisvert:know, as a kid, it was like, you're not supposed you're
Kalee Boisvert:supposed to be seen and not heard. And that was what I was
Kalee Boisvert:seeing around me and what the parents had is, you know,
Kalee Boisvert:opinions of how children are supposed to be and, and so I
Kalee Boisvert:think that would did me a really disservice like you spent 10
Kalee Boisvert:years of your adult life trying to work that out of you saying,
Kalee Boisvert:Well, I do have a voice, I'm allowed to express my opinion.
Kalee Boisvert:So I think, you know, making sure with our kids that we're
Kalee Boisvert:remembering that like we're creating these little human
Kalee Boisvert:beings like so they grow up, like they're going to be adults
Kalee Boisvert:one day, and what we're doing now is molding and shaping what
Kalee Boisvert:they're going to what they are going to live their lives like
Kalee Boisvert:or how they're the things they're going to have to, you
Kalee Boisvert:know, deal with. And we don't want to have to, I don't think
Kalee Boisvert:any of us want our children to have to deal with like, you
Kalee Boisvert:know, inner battles or going through years of therapy or
Kalee Boisvert:something like that, because it's something that we did and
Kalee Boisvert:not even, maybe inadvertently or not even realizing so I guess,
Kalee Boisvert:understanding like how can we make sure that we're helping our
Kalee Boisvert:children like supporting them, get getting these values in
Kalee Boisvert:place like that. Self love and confidence and you know, these
Kalee Boisvert:things that we want them to be and as adults and grow into, and
Kalee Boisvert:I'm sure that everything we're doing now is probably very much
Kalee Boisvert:shaping it like I even think of just kids with money. And with
Kalee Boisvert:what I do, I'm always reminding people to teach your kids about
Kalee Boisvert:money and talk to your kids about money, because they're
Kalee Boisvert:gonna be adults that have money one day, and we don't do that.
Kalee Boisvert:It's almost like we just, we don't necessarily remember that
Kalee Boisvert:we have to prepare them for adult life. And, and these are
Kalee Boisvert:the values we want them to have and, you know, living their best
Kalee Boisvert:lives. So I guess how can we make sure that we're, you know,
Kalee Boisvert:letting them, like grow up as these little human beings and
Kalee Boisvert:that we can, in all ways possible create, like a healthy
Kalee Boisvert:future for them as well?
Unknown:Yeah, I mean, that's, that's so great. And I think
Unknown:that, ultimately, is the goal for most people. And it's a
Unknown:piece around that, you know, we have that awareness that, hey, I
Unknown:have spent a large portion of my adult life unlearning certain
Unknown:traits that didn't serve me, and how can I not pass that down to
Unknown:my children. So first of all, having that awareness of, hey,
Unknown:this isn't serving, and I need to do something different. So
Unknown:the only way that we'll get a different result is if we do
Unknown:something different, you always do the same thing that you've
Unknown:always done, the same thing that you've always been taught,
Unknown:you're going to get the same results. And so the first piece
Unknown:is having that awareness. And then the second piece is then
Unknown:creating a different result. So what is the thing that we need
Unknown:to do be or have to be able to create a different, a different
Unknown:result in our child and so I love what you said about that,
Unknown:you know, you want your child to be able to come to you even
Unknown:though it's triggering for you. And so, it's a piece around
Unknown:like, Thank you, thank you for trusting me, thank you for being
Unknown:honest with me. Thank you for feeling safe enough with me to
Unknown:voice your feelings, even though I don't really like what you
Unknown:said. And I'm feeling really upset and hurt right now. I just
Unknown:want to thank you for being so honest with me, and let's figure
Unknown:out something else. So that's, that's kind of the first piece
Unknown:and so, um, and then secondly, to be able to, to once having
Unknown:that awareness. What is the new possibility? And so stepping
Unknown:into that piece around? That there are actually limitless
Unknown:possibilities. And so when we step outside the box of what
Unknown:we've always known, there are so many different ways and options.
Unknown:And you know, I joke sometimes like, Yes, I'm, I'm breaking the
Unknown:pattern of what has always been, but possibly, I mean, the
Unknown:possibility exists, that I'm creating a whole other set of
Unknown:issues, but I'm breaking the patterns that have always not
Unknown:served me. So that's, that's where we'll just sit and focus
Unknown:on.
Kalee Boisvert:Yeah, I love that. So yeah, being aware of
Kalee Boisvert:what those patterns were what didn't serve us and just saying
Kalee Boisvert:reminding ourselves, you know, where that might be coming up.
Kalee Boisvert:is so important. I think that's those are awesome ideas. And
Kalee Boisvert:like you said, just saying, Thank you, that's a good, good
Kalee Boisvert:approach being like, thank you for bringing that up or Thank
Kalee Boisvert:you, you know, for being open to share that with me. Because you,
Kalee Boisvert:you want that you want that open dialogue and communication. I
Kalee Boisvert:love that. What about another thing I find I'm, I guess I'm
Kalee Boisvert:using myself as I'm learning a lot. These are good, important
Kalee Boisvert:lessons for me. But another one, and I think it has to do with
Kalee Boisvert:money too. And I think of it's important because it's very much
Kalee Boisvert:overlaps with what I do. But it's, it's like our money
Kalee Boisvert:stories and what we're passing on to our kids. So for instance,
Kalee Boisvert:I grew up very much, we struggled, and it was, we didn't
Kalee Boisvert:have a lot when it came to finances, that was very much a
Kalee Boisvert:stressful topic. And so that's what I grew up experiencing. And
Kalee Boisvert:then I knew as a mom, now to my daughter, it was, well, I never
Kalee Boisvert:want her to feel that I never want her to not be able to get
Kalee Boisvert:what she wants or asked for. And so I feel like though the
Kalee Boisvert:pendulum kind of swings too far the other way. And you're
Kalee Boisvert:starting to, you know, be on the verge of I guess, like spoiling
Kalee Boisvert:your child. And and so it's how do we find that balance? How do
Kalee Boisvert:we make sure that we're not going so far the other direction
Kalee Boisvert:because of something we went through that, that maybe it's
Kalee Boisvert:like, you're sort of doing a disservice
Unknown:in another way? Right? And so that's, that's why I joke
Unknown:about, yes, I'm breaking the one pattern, but possibly in life,
Unknown:creating a new one. And I think really, it comes back down to
Unknown:the self awareness piece, that, that you have that mentality or
Unknown:that awareness that that program, you know about that
Unknown:program of lack, and, and while you don't want it to swing
Unknown:completely the other way, where you're now creating a program of
Unknown:we can have anything we want no matter what, and then possibly
Unknown:creating another problem. It's that peace around self awareness
Unknown:in that. What kinds of conversations are we having
Unknown:around money. So I'll give you an example of something that
Unknown:recently happened, I recently had my carpets cleaned in my
Unknown:house. And when I talked to the guy, he said it was going to
Unknown:cost X amount of dollars, what he forgot to tell me was that
Unknown:it's X amount of dollars per hour. So when I got the bill, it
Unknown:was probably about three times as much as I had expected to
Unknown:pay. And my kids were like, can we make carpets, we're still
Unknown:wet. And we're like, can we go sleep in a hotel tonight, I just
Unknown:spent a lot of money, so no. And so really then being mindful of
Unknown:the languaging that I was using, that it wasn't out of lack, that
Unknown:we're not going to go spend the night in a hotel, because our
Unknown:carpets are still wet. But but be mindful that enter money is
Unknown:energy. This is a whole other topic that I'm sure we could do
Unknown:another podcast on, the money is actually energy. And so while
Unknown:sometimes it goes, it also flows back to us. And when we live in
Unknown:a place of abundance, and not lack, that it'll actually just
Unknown:come back to us. But we do have to be mindful and responsible
Unknown:and have boundaries around how we're spending our money.
Unknown:Because even though we live in abundance, we can't just spend
Unknown:all willy nilly. And so I think it's the type and quality of the
Unknown:conversations you're using, and having and really the languaging
Unknown:that you're using, and having those conversations with the
Unknown:kids and catching yourself. So that's the self awareness piece,
Unknown:right? There's always layers upon layers to self awareness.
Unknown:And, and so it's a self awareness piece around. Okay, I
Unknown:just said that I spoke that out into the universe. Now. Now I
Unknown:want to explain what I meant by that. And so having those
Unknown:conversations with the kids.
Kalee Boisvert:Yeah, that's, that's awesome. And I think,
Kalee Boisvert:too, with what you're saying, and what I'm getting is, it's
Kalee Boisvert:just that, you know, this takes more dialogue more open, like
Kalee Boisvert:conversation and communication with our children instead of
Kalee Boisvert:just being like, no, because I said, so. It's giving them an
Kalee Boisvert:explanation. And, and it's just like, I think of it akin to
Kalee Boisvert:like, training someone new for a position like at first you have
Kalee Boisvert:to give them a lot of information when you're
Kalee Boisvert:training. And, and you do a lot of like explaining, but you do
Kalee Boisvert:it because you want them to learn it. Because if you're not
Kalee Boisvert:then down the line, no one's going to pick up any information
Kalee Boisvert:or learn anything and, and if you're just sort of throwing
Kalee Boisvert:orders at them or saying, you know, just do this, this, this
Kalee Boisvert:but not explaining the whys and the ins and outs that are going
Kalee Boisvert:to learn it and then they're not going to be able to apply and go
Kalee Boisvert:forward. So it's almost like having to take the long road
Kalee Boisvert:with our children. Oh, it's like we're training them. We're there
Kalee Boisvert:to we're teaching they're learning. And so we do have to
Kalee Boisvert:give those sometimes long winded explanations and dialogue. But
Kalee Boisvert:at the end of the day, it's to save us from having these
Kalee Boisvert:conversations over and over again to
Unknown:Yeah, I love that they're they're adults in
Unknown:training. Yeah.
Kalee Boisvert:And we're helping Tran. I love it. Okay,
Kalee Boisvert:can you share just to be mindful of time I love this
Kalee Boisvert:conversation. Like we could probably have lots more chats
Kalee Boisvert:about this, but I know You have a new parenting group coming up
Kalee Boisvert:that's starting, I think in the new year. So do you want to
Kalee Boisvert:share a little bit about that with listeners?
Unknown:Yeah, I'd love to thank you. So I just noticed that
Unknown:connection is obviously missing during the time of COVID. And in
Unknown:general, right, it's it's very easy to feel isolated as a mom.
Unknown:I've joined moms groups in the past. And really, they've
Unknown:affirmed to me my unworthiness. And that was the same thing that
Unknown:we talked about earlier, just really feeling like everyone
Unknown:else has it all together, and I am falling apart. And so it's a
Unknown:place where not only do we build community and connection, but
Unknown:also we'll be talking about different themes every month.
Unknown:And so we'll talk about things like creating the possibility of
Unknown:a win win for your child. What does it looks like for us to be
Unknown:able to truly take self care, and that doesn't look like
Unknown:bubble baths in a day at the spa. And then do some teaching
Unknown:around that. And then it's also an accountability group. So
Unknown:taking inspired action to create the results that we want in our
Unknown:lives and with our children so that we can live peaceful happy
Unknown:homes. It's a place where people can come check in we'll help
Unknown:with these books, accountability group. And just some space and
Unknown:time for us to actually create deliberate time for ourselves.
Unknown:So it's two hours every month, where we're taking that space
Unknown:for ourselves to create results in our lives. I love that
Kalee Boisvert:I think that's such a good idea. And, and like
Kalee Boisvert:you're saying, it's it's inclusive, it's welcoming. It's
Kalee Boisvert:not that to make you feel like you're doing you know, you're
Kalee Boisvert:not doing it right or to make you have the the guild after
Kalee Boisvert:when you leave that that's the exact opposite of what is trying
Kalee Boisvert:to do. And I think that's amazing. Like, I think for any
Kalee Boisvert:parents, I'm very interested in joining. So I'll ask you for
Kalee Boisvert:some details after and we can I guess we can share the link this
Kalee Boisvert:will air early in the new year. So will you be able to share the
Kalee Boisvert:link and I can add it to the show notes. Absolutely. Perfect.
Kalee Boisvert:Okay. So I'll make sure I include that. I'll I guess we've
Kalee Boisvert:got to wrap up for time purposes. But thank you so much,
Kalee Boisvert:Alyssa. This was amazing. And I loved all your ideas. And it
Kalee Boisvert:just it feels it feels comfortable. It feels good. If I
Kalee Boisvert:love this kind of conversation about parenting.
Unknown:Thank you so much for having me on. I really enjoyed
Unknown:talking to you.
Kalee Boisvert:Thank you. All right, thank you so much. And
Kalee Boisvert:thank you everyone for your time and tuning in. And I will catch
Kalee Boisvert:you on next week's episode as well. Bye for now.
Kalee Boisvert:I hope you found value in this episode. And because I'm such a
Kalee Boisvert:proponent of taking confident action, I want to pose a
Kalee Boisvert:question to you the listener. What is one action that you feel
Kalee Boisvert:inspired to take after listening to today's episode? If you enjoy
Kalee Boisvert:listening, please subscribe and share with your friends and
Kalee Boisvert:family. Thank you so much and I will catch you next time
