Unlocking Happiness | FSTT019

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It's not always easy to find a way out when you're feeling stuck, and that could lead to feelings of low energy and depression. But what if I were to tell you that by making this one simple change that will be talking about here today, you can begin regaining the traction that leads you to build momentum and feel happier? Stick around and together, let's transform your path. Are you ready? Let's Go.

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Hey you, pull up a seat. Welcome back to From Surviving to Thriving for Parents. This is Episode 19. I am Ray Bourcier and whether you want to become the parent that you needed or want to become the parent that your kids need you to be, you're in the right place. We're about transformation and taking unwavering action so that you can give your best to yourself, your loved ones and your dreams. Our chat today not only has the power to help you get yourself unstuck, but the bigger potential is that the positive impact that you will instill in your children's life when you take control and make this one simple change.

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What's that change you may ask? Well, to understand the change, let's first understand why and how this one simple change will impact your life and through you will impact theirs. See, humans in general. We're not fans of pushing ourselves too hard outside of our comfort zone.

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Sure, there are exceptions to every rule. But those are few and far between. Where a lot of people get stuck and struggle to get unstuck, is avoiding this discomfort that happens when taking unwavering action. The vast majority of people as a whole would rather sit and wait until things feel easy, until things feel convenient or even comfortable before they are ready to take action. And only then when these requirements are met, will most people take action. However, the problem is it takes a perfect storm for all these things to come together.

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I should know. I waited for them. And like many people, I wasted years waiting for change to happen. I wasted time waiting for it to become easy, waiting for it to become convenient and comfortable before taking action. I was hoping that change would come to me, but it never did.

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Change never did come. And that's one of the most important lessons I learned that I try to share with you because waiting for these conditions in your struggle will leave you waiting for the rest of your life. Change doesn't come to you. You have to build change. To arrive at a different destination

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you need to change to a different path. And that requires you to take unwavering action in spite of everything else. And while everything I just shared with you is important to know and understand, this isn't the change that I want to address here today. But it's super important to know for what we are going to talk about here. Because there's something deeper that you need to change. And this goes back to our discussion on cause and effect.

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Our brains are wired for patterns. For example, they're wired for the gratification (effect) of the cause (action). They're wired for that dopamine hit that you get with gratification. But along your journey and mine, we have been subjected to specific programming that needs to be changed. If you don't take unwavering action, you will consistently find yourself chasing the effects and never feeling enough.

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This change is how you approach life. More specifically, this change requires you to stop chasing the carrot on the stick that keeps you feeling unfulfilled. What do I mean by this? Well, let me share a personal story with you to help illustrate this in action. I never shared this with anyone, so you're the first person to hear it.

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As a young kid, one of my goals I made to myself was attending both college and university. Now, understand that between my teachers, my fellow classmates, and probably even my family. I was viewed as a lost cause because I only ever did the bare minimum to pass. They thought I was dumb, they thought I was stupid, and they thought I had some form of a learning disability. And truth be told, I did the bare minimum just to survive until the next day. Hoping that somehow, some way, something would change and I wouldn't have to live my life in fear, abuse, and loneliness. So I never told anyone that I wanted to do this because in my eyes, my story and narrative had already been written.

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But I heard every comment. I heard every insult. And I felt all of it. And deep inside, it ate away at me like rust on a vehicle. And it made me bitter. It made me angry and spiteful. Now let's fast forward to around the age of 25, when I finally started my last ditch effort to get my life off the ground and move out of survival mode.

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I went back to college and through the start of my healing journey, I did pretty well and I graduated. But that wasn't enough for me. I did what was unheard of for our family. I transferred to university and the following years I would do the unthinkable and become the first person in our family to graduate with their bachelor's degree. And what made it all that much sweeter was the fact that I chose the most challenging environmental program.

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the university had to offer. A double major in environmental science and study. In one of the highest rated environmental programs in any university in Canada. I fulfilled my childhood dream of doing what was impossible. And as a bonus, I got to stick it to every single naysayer in person who directly insulted me throughout my life and believed that I was utterly useless. Do you see where this is going? Maybe you've experienced what I would experience next.

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Finally, I reached the mountaintop. I made it to the pinnacle. I had everything to be excited and happy about. And then, nothing.

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There was nothing. All I could feel was a feeling of: now what? I felt empty. And by this time my wife and I, we were expecting our daughter. I left a full time job that I was working while in school and joined a new company that was out of town.

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And for the next two plus years I would commute over 2 hours each way to work every day, over 4 hours of a round trip daily commute because I made a sacrifice for my family. It was hell. It was painful, it was frustrating. But it also provided me with the one thing that I didn't know I needed. But I probably needed most.

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It provided me with time. Time to think, time to reflect. I spent a lot of time on those very long commutes, just trying to figure out why? Why I still felt so empty? Why I still felt stuck? Why I still felt unfulfilled and unhappy? And eventually one day, I would start to put the pieces together. There was a lesson that my parents never taught me, or any of my teachers or any other adults or even society that I started to begin to learn.

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It was a lesson that most people, maybe even you may never have learned. It was a lesson that changed my life and I want to share it with you here today so that not only can you take unwavering action at implementing it in your life to see how it works for you, but it's a lesson that your kids need to learn so that they too don't get stuck in the same pitfalls that you and I, we got stuck in. That lesson is that change starts with you and how you experience life. Here's what I mean. You might have noticed that I generally end all our conversations with "to the journey."

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There's a reason for that. And that reason is because the lesson that I was never taught was that, in life, the only thing that matters is the journey.

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Life is only ever lived in the journey. Sure, the destination does play a role in things, and you need to celebrate your wins and successes. But you need to stop putting your emotional happiness in the destinations. And it comes down to this. You need to stop the equation that you have been programmed with. The equation of "If X, then Y." If I go to college and university, then I will be happy.

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If I start my own business and help to make a difference in people's lives, then I will be happy. If I get that promotion, then I will be happy. While the destination can be important, it shouldn't matter. Because no matter how many mountains you climb or how many accomplishments you make. No matter how many impactful things that you do in your life, there will always be another destination, another Hill to climb, another goalpost to reach. This, is the carrot on the stick that society and culture teaches you. Keep chasing those destinations because one day, one day you can be happy.

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One day you can feel fulfilled. One day you can feel satisfied.

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One day, one day, one day. I'm here to tell you that "one day" never comes. One day is BS. So "to the journey" is about realizing that there is never one day. There is only day one there is only today. To become the parent that you needed or become the parent that they need you to be. It requires you to unlearn, unprogram and uncondition yourself for seeking validation and emotion in the destination, because you will never get it.

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You can keep feeding your energy into this endless black hole and you will never get the gratification that you seek, the gratification that you need. So you need to do things differently. And what you do differently is to stop putting off for one day what you can and should feel every single day of your life. Feel proud of the journey. Feel proud that you're pushing yourself to be the world's best parent that they need you to be.

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Feel proud that you're pushing yourself to be the world's best parent that you want to be. Feel proud that you're pushing yourself to be the world's best partner that you want to be. Feel proud that you're pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to chase that promotion, to build that business, to make that impact that you genuinely want to make.

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Stop the "If X then Y" equation. Stop putting off for one day that which you can and should be experiencing today, in this moment and every single day of your life. Stop chasing the carrot. Get off that endless treadmill and make the change in your life to love the journey. Make that change so that they will see how you got yourself unstuck.

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That they will see how happy and joyful you become, so that they learn to live life the right way. They will see how life should be lived, because you are the most important teacher that they have. Please don't take my word for it. Always put everything that you and I discuss into practice for yourself. See and feel the results for you.

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There is no one size fits all for everyone, but if this is something that resonates with you, keep pushing forward and taking unwavering action with it. If after giving an ample time while constantly taking unwavering action, you still find it doesn't help you, that's fine. Simply let it go. But if you do take unwavering action with this, I am confident that you too will see and feel the lifechanging results. They say madness is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.

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I truly believe that the conditioning that other people programmed into you, just like they programmed into me are, the only thing standing in your way from experiencing a completely different life. But only you can release the formula that hasn't worked for you, and didn't work for me. It takes unwavering action to experience transformation because knowing is useless without action. Knowing and not doing is the same thing as not knowing. Knowledge is not power without action.

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Knowledge is not growth without action. So you can watch as many videos as you want. You can read all the books that you want. You can talk to as many people as you wish. You can listen to all the podcasts you want.

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But if you don't take the right unwavering actions, no matter how imperfect, towards being your higher self, towards being your world's best. You'll continue to spin your wheels and get nowhere fast, and you will continue to feel powerless. And what defines you, will define them. Understand? You're never alone. And that's where our world-class Support Tribe comes in.

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If you want the support that you may have never had but always needed, I encourage you to join me inside of our EmpowerUp Tribe by going to Empowerup.info/tribe. The link will be in the show notes. I go live every week to help give you the support, the tools, the skills, and the discussions that you need along your journey. While I could challenge you. It's more impactful for you to challenge yourself and start taking imperfect action because 1% better every day is still 365% better

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one year from now. If you struggle, leverage our tribe. Studies show that you're 95% more likely to achieve your goals with the right support. And we're here to help you. We're here to support you. This tribe is all about you.

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And if you found this or any other episode helpful, please consider leaving us a five star review on Apple Podcast or a five star rating on Spotify. This will help us take the next step closer to our goal to transform their lives and impact the worlds of 11 million people. And as a special thanks to those who do leave a review, we'll read it on air and give you a special shoutout at the end of an episode. Just like Braden Ricketts, who left us the following review. "I love Ray's approach.

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I feel like I'm okay to be okay and empowered to parent. Great content." Thank you, Braden. I'm honored and grateful for your review. And that's it for today's show. Thank you for showing up for you here today. The best investment you can ever make is in yourself and time is the most valuable commodity in the world. And I hope that I was able to give you the value and impact that you need on your journey.

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I'll see you this time next week. Remember, you're just one unwavering action away from a completely different life. To the journey. Much love.