Making changes in spite of fear [21]

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How do you calm the negative talk and fear that seeps up from the shadows of your subconscious? And how can you transform what feels difficult into growth? That's up next. Are you ready? Let's go.

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Hey you, pull up a seat. Welcome back to From Surviving to Thriving for Parents. This is Episode 21. I am Raymond Bourcier. And if you are a parent or soon to be parent who wants to give their kids the best start in life that you can give them, then you're in the right place.

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This show, it's all about you because we're about transformation and taking unwavering action so that you can be the parent that you always needed, and be the parent that they need you to be. The universe, the universe brings you what you need when you need it most. It's something that I strongly believe in. I talked with someone amazing a couple of weeks ago, two different times. And through our conversation I saw and I felt the struggle within them.

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It's a struggle that you may experience. It's a struggle that I too experience. The struggle comes down to one word, fear. But it's not fear that I want to focus on here today, specifically. It's the wrong thing to focus on because focus is energy.

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And where you feed your focus, you feed your energy. What you feed energy to, grows and expands. The key to overcoming your specific struggles is not by focusing on the undesired feelings or emotions or beliefs. The key to becoming the parent that you always needed, the parent that they need you to be is to focus on the things you want, the things that you need. Fear,

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it's a restricting emotional response. It causes you to take shorter breaths, which increases the oxygen supply to your body, which then in turn turns on your fight, flight or freeze. This isn't to say that fear is a bad thing. Certain levels of fear are needed. Fear is how our ancestors learn to stay alive.

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By not going out of their way to do hand to hand combat with a grizzly bear, or not trying to befriend Sharks. Outside of those legit scenarios where fear does play a vital role in your survival. Most of the time, you and I, we experience fear in scenarios where the end result isn't going to be life or death. That's the fear I am referring to, that you and I, we focus on too much. When you focus on fear, you feed it added energy, which can easily cause you to get caught in a vicious cycle that can quickly become a runaway train of emotions.

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And we know that when emotions are high, intelligence is low. It's science. Is it easy to not get swept up in fear? No, not at all. If you're anything like I was, you may find yourself more often than not feeling consumed by fear.

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Afraid of being late, afraid of making a mistake or doing or saying something wrong. Afraid of not fitting in. Afraid of not being liked for who you are. Afraid of not being enough. Afraid of being judged or feeling exposed as a fraud.

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If any of that connects with you, I invite you to take a moment, close your eyes, and take a long, slow inhale through your nose, and a long exhale through your mouth. I'm here to share with you that it doesn't matter what the media or programming and conditioning try to tell you. This is normal. Every single person on this planet struggles with these things. Some just hide it better than others.

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To ignore these emotions and feelings is to ignore life. What you run from will continue to follow you until you face it. Think of it this way. Have you ever been talking to another person or maybe another parent

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when your kiddo comes up to you, pulls on your shirt over and over again, doing whatever they can to get you to notice them? No matter how many times you try to shrug them off, they try harder and harder and harder. It's the exact same thing with the things you would rather not have to feel or deal with. They will keep showing up and make a bigger impact on you until you finally take back control and stop running. One of my friends told me a story about the feather, the brick, and the bus.

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At first, the universe will throw a feather at you to try and get your attention, to focus on something. And if you don't take that lesson, eventually the universe will throw a brick at you. Something a lot harder. That will get you to stop and realize. But if you continue to ignore the lesson that is trying to teach you, eventually it's going to throw a bus at you.

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And, we don't want the bus. So you have to acknowledge the things that are going on within you that you rather not before that bus gets thrown at you. And you need to do it in a loving way, not a judgmental way. Why? Think back to when you were a child. Did you ever feel judged? What about in your teenage years?

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Feeling judged, is a restrictive emotion that causes resistance. Is that resistance more or less likely to push you back into your comfort zone? If you're okay with it, I want to share something with you that I wish I had known decades ago, and I want you to be open to accepting this as truth and see how it feels within you. The only person who has the right and the ability to judge you, is you. You cannot judge yourself against any other person in this world except your past self.

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No one has walked through the journey that you have. No one has gone through exactly what you have experienced. The only person you should ever judge yourself against is the past you. Because the past is where we're able to line up the dots. The present is where you make the choices and the decisions that will dictate your journey ahead.

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Judging yourself according to anyone else's journey is unfair to you, and is one of the quickest roads to unhappiness and is the fuel to fear. So how do you focus on the things that you want to feel? The feelings that help you push forward? It starts with a pattern interrupt. What's a pattern interrupt?

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That's a pattern interrupt, sort of. A pattern interrupt is something that gives you the time to turn off the autopilot and become conscious in this moment so that you can make a different choice. Here's an example. Let's say person A has a spending problem. They buy things with their credit card that they don't have the money to pay for, and it has become a problem.

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A pattern interrupt to help break the habit would be for them to put their credit card in a sandwich bag and freeze it in water inside of a plastic container filled with more water. To access that card, they would need to spend the time and energy to melt all the ice to open the container in order to then access the card that is still covered in ice. What this does is it gives them the time to realize what they're doing and make a different choice. The ability to become conscious of something that you're struggling with is exactly what you need. Breaking that pattern before you find yourself too far down the rabbit hole of fear and unhappiness.

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When you catch yourself having these feelings, notice what's the first initial gut reaction you feel. Is it guilt? Is it sadness? Is it frustration? Is it unhappiness?

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Whatever it is, it's not going to be a positive emotion because that's not how the brain is wired. It's not how you are programmed and conditioned. Feeling negative takes almost zero energy because your subconscious mind is designed to automate and keep you safe and protected. Negativity is low energy because it's designed this way. It's designed to keep you from wanting to take risks and making changes.

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That doesn't mean it has to control your life. You have the power and energy to choose what you want. Catching yourself in these patterns should be something that you can learn to appreciate and be grateful for. Because the more positive emotions you associate when you do something great for yourself and catch yourself, the more likely you are to break the habit and start a better one that serves you. Make catching yourself when you're experiencing something that isn't serving you into a grateful and happy experience. Catching these patterns is growth.

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This is the kind of growth that maybe you have never had or experienced in your life before, but have always needed. This is the kind of growth that, as parents, we need to lead by example to show our kids that there are better ways to deal with these struggles. Growth isn't always easy. It can feel challenging. But understand that difficult isn't failure, it's progress.

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I'm now two and a half weeks vegan as we're talking. Now. I'm not doing it for any righteous reasons, for the benefit of animals. I'm not likely to stick with this long term. I don't eat a lot of meat to begin with, and eventually, if and when I do get back to eating meat, I will probably be sticking to chicken and fish. It's just personal preference.

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So why am I doing it? Well, I want to try something new and different to experiment, to see how focusing on eating strictly vegan positively impacts my mind, body and soul. On top of that, I've chosen to fast 20 hours a day to experience its health benefits, which are numerous. I will say that the added energy I feel during the day from fasting and eating strictly vegan has been impressive so far. But there have been many days that I have been craving something naughty.

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There are times when it has been difficult and I had to catch myself through a pattern interrupt before I made a choice that goes against what I'm trying to do. Difficulty isn't failure, it's progress. Growth doesn't happen when you stay in your comfort zone. You don't learn if you don't put yourself out there and push your boundaries. It can be stressful and overwhelming to put yourself out of your element. Your subconscious won't like it because it's not designed to.

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When you catch yourself and if you have a negative first reaction, I want you to do this. Close your eyes inhale the good shit, exhale the Bull shit and smile. If you have to reward yourself, do whatever you have to do to unlearn the programming and conditioning that doesn't serve you so that you can replace it with something that will leave you happier and more confident. So when you are feeling fearful of making changes, embrace the fear because that means you're ready. You're ready to take a different path.

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You're ready to open a new door that leads to a new destination. You're ready to let go of the old and replace it with something new, something better. Fear means that you're ready to change, but you're still resisting. One small change can lead to a completely different life. The focus should be on 1% better every day, which gets you 365% better in one year.

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Don't let fear talk you out of doing something different. Don't let fear bluff you to keep you in your comfort zone. Don't let fear hold you back from making changes. Don't let feelings of difficulty keep you caged up in your struggles. Focus on the things that you can control.

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Focus on the things that you want. Focus on building traction so that you can build momentum. From momentum, you build hope. And with hope, you begin to build belief. You have to believe it before you will see it. Keep what you want front and center so that you don't let fear hold you back from growth.

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The best way to do this is with our transformational blueprints that I provide to our world class support tribe for free. It's easy to fall back on bad habits and make the wrong decisions that go against what you really want, when what you really want isn't always front and center. Remember what they say: out of sight, out of mind. These blueprints will prevent that and will allow you to feel gratitude in seeing and feeling your results on a daily basis, and you can get access to them by joining our support Tribe at empowerup. Info tribe.

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I'll put the link in the show note. And that's also where I can help give you the support that maybe you never had or have always needed. Together we'll break the cycle so that you heal, become happier and more joyful, so that you can give your kids the start in life that maybe you never had. If you found this or any other episode helpful, please consider leaving us a five star review on Apple podcast or a five star rating on Spotify, as this will help us take another step closer to our goal of transforming the lives and impacting the worlds of 11 million people. And as a special thank you for those who do leave a review, we'll read it on air and give you a special shout out at the end of an episode. And that's it for today. Thank you for showing up for you.

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The best investment you can ever make is in yourself. Time is one of the most valuable commodities in this world and I hope that I was able to give you the value and impact that you need on your journey. I'll see you next week. Until then, you're just one unwavering action away from a completely different life. To the journey. Much love.