Control And Judgement

Hello my friend. Welcome back to the dogs admin podcast. I am glad you're here. This is the show where you learn to let your dog lead lead you back to love

Hey guys, what the heck is happening noon? Thanks for coming back I want to talk about something freakin cool today. Something we all battle with control and judgment. So quick funny story I wrote about this in my book. It's a little embarrassing but but funny as hell. So one morning got up early, like I used to do, and had to go the bathroom went and took poo did my thing got up, flush a toilet in the pool wouldn't go down. It was just circling. Right. And so I got all stressed out because I didn't want to have to flush again. I was more worried about what other people would think about the fact that I had to flush again. Then just flushing again was like, you know, what the hell did he eat? You know, that dirty, dirty double flusher. Anyway, yeah, just that little thing got me all federal aid it that morning. And it just, it brings to mind so many situations throughout our day, right? And different times in our lives with the smallest thing that we literally don't have control over, can get us all cranked up. And what is that? What is it all about? We think we we have so much control over so many things. And what I've come to realize is that we really don't, I don't have that much control over much of anything in my life. That doesn't mean I can't make good decisions, or respond in a good way. But having actual control over things. We really don't we you know, we don't know if that guy in front of us is really going to change lanes or if he's going to keep going straight with that blinker on. We don't know if the person is going to stop at that light, we don't know if our partner is going to respond in a favorable or negative voice when we say something that might be irritating to them. So where else can this play out? What else do you actually have control over? What about your job, you have control over how you act during the day, the work that you attempt to get done. But you don't have control over anyone's response to what you do or what you get done. Right. I mean, displays out everywhere that we think are maybe better. Maybe better put that we're programmed as we grew up to be in control of things do take charge and make sure things get done a certain way. I'm not saying don't don't work hard and don't try hard. But we don't really have control when it comes down to it. So what's the other piece of this puzzle? Judgment, right? We judge ourselves incessantly. But we don't think about that side of it so much. We do however, gets super annoyed, or super sensitive when we feel like someone else is judging us. So what the hell is that about? You know, what is there? Something that happened to you when you were younger? That just, you know, you can't remember what it is? Maybe that's okay. But there's something in there that that just hurt you, like hurt you really, really bad when you were younger. And for whatever reason as a defense mechanism, when you feel like someone's judging you or they actually just outwardly judge you. It hurts, right? We don't feel good about it. We feel less than right. I'm not enough. If this person does not approve of me. I feel like I'm not enough. So what is our response to that? We get upset, we get mad. We get angry with that person. And it's not about that person. They didn't do anything to us. But they said something that hurts us. Right? Can you see the difference in there? I mean, it's it's tough to differentiate sometimes, but people are just doing what people do. If it bothers me, that's my problem, a tough one to grasp. But that's my problem. If something pisses me off, that tells me I've got something to work on. So give yourself a break here guys. Take a breath Think about this for a second.

We're so used to pointing our fingers at others, you did this to me, you said that, to me, this happened to me. I'm not saying things in our lives don't happen. But our feelings around it our story, we tell ourselves about it, our emotional response, that's ours. That is completely ours. You know, it's hard because I, I still catch myself doing this. And I still get triggered by someone and it makes me upset and I want to go, You are a bastard or your son of a bitch or whatever we can get get a lot worse, your decayed your cock. But when it comes down to it, they're just being them. If they're hurt coming from that place, that's their stuff. I don't want to be coming from that place. I want to come from another place. Now, that doesn't mean I don't set boundaries. It doesn't mean I don't have my own rules for how I live my day. And what type of things I will accept and won't accept. Right? We still have to have boundaries. But if something really cranks me up, then that tells me I've got something to look at. Why does that bother me so much? Right? There obviously hurt and taken it out on me. But why does it bother me? This is kind of deep stuff. So if this is new to you, and you think I'm just a freaking idiot. That's cool. If not, something resonates with you. Yeah, let's take a look at that a little bit. Given that a little deeper. So how to control and judgment work together? Right? How do they work together? This is something we do all the time. But we don't think about doing it. Right? This isn't a conscious process. This is just our subconscious rolling through our day. Because, you know, I don't know if you guys know this, but the subconscious rolls about 95% of what actually goes on. It's all under the scenes. We think we have control. So control and judgment working together. So we're, we're afraid of being judged. So we try and control what's going on. Right? Does that sound about right? Does that feel like oh, maybe. So the tighter we try to control or the harder we try to control things, the less room we have to be able to just be and relax into something when it comes into grow and learn from these experiences. So the more control we try to push on our lives and those around us, the less able we are to live a better life. There's no room, right, you're closed off. That's fascinating. The flip side of that is, the more we try and control, the more we feel like we're being judged by others. So we try and control even more to make ourselves feel safe on us as men madness. But it's what we do. What the hell is it that you want to live? This is not how I want to live? So what do I do? What do I do? I allow myself to get uncomfortable. I allow myself to feel uncomfortable. It's just in the little moments at first. And then as you get a little more adept, right, then you can take on more and more. So here's another thing. People who seem to handle stuff really well. It wasn't an overnight thing. These are learned behaviors, learned skills. It's like building a muscle. So just because yes, that's what I want. That doesn't mean it's going to happen overnight. So let's go back to what I said before, give yourself a little break. Be gentle with yourself guys, because this takes work. Right? As we mentioned before, simple, not easy. So what do you need? What do you need to feel better about all this? Maybe just try a little bit. Try a little less control. Try a little more self compassion.

Whatever that looks like for you know, if you need help with any of this, talk to a friend. Like a good friend, not just a buddy at work, but someone who really has your back If you have questions for me, you can reach out to me. You can email me at Michael@dogsandmen.com. I'd be more than happy to talk with you. Take care of yourselves. Be good to others. Do some small thing for somebody else today just to be of service. See what that feels like? Don't you don't have to share it. Don't tell anybody about it. Just do this one little thing. That'd be cool. Talk to you soon. Love you.