Being in Your Underwear in Times Square with Stacy Nadeau - Encore

Welcome to diner talks with James. slide into the booth and let's have conversations we never want to end with friends. We never want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be.

What's going on everybody welcome to another episode of diner talks with James lucky number 13. Tonight, my guest is the one the only the incomparable Stacey Nadeau. We're gonna bring her out here in just a little bit. She is a boss, I think you're really going to enjoy her. She calls herself a permanent, amazing, badass hype girl. I'm excited to talk to her about that she's already gotten me hype, just in general. She's got an infectious laugh, and just a great human being. So we're excited to have her on y'all. If any of you all know, Stacy, let me know. Let me know in the comments what you think about her. Let's start to show her some love right now. But as always, as always, my friends, let's start off this episode with tonight's top three, top three. Now I'm in a brand new place. For those of you who are longtime listeners, first time listeners. I'm home in Long Island with my family as opposed to being back in Minneapolis now, but I'm here unfortunately, because I had a funeral to go to. But it was a beautiful ceremony. Maybe uncle Tim rest in peace. It's just always so special to get together with family and whatnot. But my friends, I'm back in New York. And as a straight white male, there are very few identities that I'm allowed to be proud of outwardly, but being a New Yorker Gosh, darn it is one of them. And so here are the first three foods that I always make sure that I eat whenever I come to the great state of New York. All right, first off, first off an egg. everything bagel with bacon egg and cheese on it. Like salt and pepper. Okay, come on now. Come on. Let's go big and egg and cheese from a deli. Always fire next. I get pizza. Because New York pizza is the only kind of pizza Stacy is from Chicago. But she can't say anything right now. And that is amazing. Because Chicago pizza is really just like tomato casserole. All right now don't get me wrong. I love Chicago pizza. It's just not pizza, New York pizza. That's what we're talking about over here. I get my pizza with meatballs regatta and a little fresh garlic on there. Tell your friends if you ever try it. You're welcome in advance. And next. But last. Anytime I come to the great state of New York. I gotta get my morobe a lot of spaghetti. Okay, watch your mouth. Alright. Next is are the top three states. These are the next two. These are the top three states that I would be caught dead in right now. First off Georgia, Georgia. What y'all doing down there? How's it going? Y'all good? You do well. Okay, cool. Good. Great. All right. Next, Arizona. What y'all doing, man? Y'all good. All right. Cool. Cool. And last but not least, Florida. Can we talk about Florida? At what point does Florida just like break off like appendages used to in the EU bionic plague. I'm not sure if that's a thing that happens, right? But either way, Florida. Come on, y'all. Let's go just get it together. Okay, my friends, please wear a mask. Next. The top three body parts that I am proud of. This is a weird thing. But the reason why we're talking about is because with Stacy we're going to be talking a little bit about body image. And so I decided and we're also going to be talking about confidence. So I decided Gosh, darn it. What are three things I like about myself? So first off for me I have great legs. Okay, you want to hold up this much mass? You got some toned legs friends. Let's get it wait to see these calves. If I was flexible enough I job to you next my eyes. Are you kidding me with these things? Come on. They're like a steel blue. Go on. I will. And last but not least, are my hands. These things have never let me down. read into that if you need to my friends. Those are tonight's top three. Top three. I'm so excited to bring on our guest Her name is Stacey Nadeau. Kirsten. I think I believe that's her full name now. I know where Stacey Nadeau. That's where I met her. She is an incredible speaker, a powerful coach. anytime she and I get together it immediately gets into a deep conversation. So this is just like a normal conversation between her and I you just get to creepily watch. But she does amazing work. She empowers individuals to step up to the plate and take control of their lives. And she boosts individual's confidence all around this country. And so I'm really pumped to bring her on right now. Y'all clap it up right now for the one the only Stacy Nadeau.

That was amazing introduction I love it.

I mean, if you're going to identify as a high person, I probably need to then bring the hype. Know what I mean?

Yeah. I give you some hype if you always give me hype, that's for sure.

Thank you. Thank you. I'm trying to figure out my hair over here. It's really weird because everything on this camera is backwards. And so I don't know which way my hair is supposed to go. Yeah, it's going it's going the wrong way. There we go. Okay. Yeah, nobody touched the hair. makeup. I'm alone. Alright, so Stacy, what's going on? Friend? How are you?

I'm fantastic. I am super hyped to be here. And I love talking with you always. And I completely agree. This is just going to be sort of a normal conversation between the two of us and I hope people creepily love watching. I'm really good about that.

Get into it. Y'all get into it. I see you know, this is called diner talks with James and you know, obviously we're not in a diner right now. But you and I have enjoyed a late night meal or two. What is your in Chicago land? What is your favorite late night meal? Where do you go for it? What do you usually get is your guilty pleasure late night out with friends meal.

So there are so many things. It really depends to your point on time of day who I'm with what event I've just come from. Did I have dinner before? How big was that dinner, etc. One of the oddest oddest diner meals I've ever had was after a concert is my best friend Liz and I we went to Nikki's diner. And we we decided

after a Limp Biscuit concert because that would have just been fitting.

What would have been perfect. It wasn't me I cannot remember what concert it was. But we just wanted everything. We were so hungry. So we went for pancakes, huh? Chocolate milk and grilled cheese with tomatoes in it.

That is an iconic diner order right there.

It was. It was actually great. It was a play.

Anytime I'm in a diner, I get chocolate milk. And I'm a grown ass man. And I could give two shits. Does that. That's and that's why I like your husband. I don't understand where does the point where we've decided we're too too mature for chocolate milk. That's a world I don't want to live

Agreed diners are there for you.

Thanks. Thanks, signers. That's awesome. I love it. I love how you can remember the exact order that you all had the diner but you have no idea what concert you went to.

That's a very fair point. I would say it's because her and I have been together to a lot of concerts. But it's because obviously that meal after was just as

memorable. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Speaking of gorging ourselves, Stacy, I want to talk to you about body image. Segue in the biz. So. So this is something that you are passionate about. Now you were a part of the original. If I mess any of this up, please clarify. But you are part of one of the most original, original, like controversial ads that ever happened in in the 2000s. Now you were in Times Square on a billboard with your underwear for dove. Does real beauty is that what it is? That was me in a corral beauty campaign. So first off, most of America has seen you in your underwear. And this really profound campaign. Can you tell us just a little bit more about that campaign and what that experience was like for you?

Absolutely. So it's such a fun story. It's actually the intro to every program I give. And I'm walking down the street in downtown Chicago, I was a student at DePaul University, and this woman starts approaching me, and she's getting up close behind me. And I'm in downtown Chicago. I like to stay aware of my surroundings and over my shoulder and I'm thinking what's happening, what's going on with this person. And she gets closer to me. And now I notice she's taking notes and a notepad. And I'm thinking what is happening? What's going on. And I walk in I was walking into my part time job. I was like a receptionist at a salon and she follows me inside and introduces herself. And she said she's a talent agent and she wants me to come to my modeling audition. And I looked back at her and I was like, pardon. Ma'am, this is screaming model to you. And I was I was not only taken aback but I was so like, Yeah, okay. Yeah, right. And she started explaining and she's like, No, this is different. It's about real people and understanding beauty and sort of widening the definition of what we see in in the media and starting to give women more of a voice and really reframing what we call beautiful and what we call acceptable. And I loved that part. But I'm still like, no. There's no way I'm like, That's thanks so much this this, that's flattering, great. Walk into the back, my roommate had come with me my roommate this woman leave at the same time, my roommate takes this woman's business card pretends to be me, makes me meant to go to the audition, and forces me to go to the audition that next Tuesday. And the rest, as we say is history. You know, I went through quite a few interviews after that, after the very first interview being pictures in our underwear. Everything after that was video and telephone interviews and really getting to know who we were as women. And it became really comfortable really quickly. And then I got a call a few months later that I had been, you know, asked to participate. And I was really excited to participate. So we flew to New York, we did the photo shoot, we met the other women. And then we waited six months after taking the photos to figure out what would happen. And in those six months, we got a lot of research done, we asked, you know, does the brand tons of questions. And we really fell in love. I fell in love with the brand I fell in love with how they were handling this conversation, I really fell in love with how they were using their power to move forward something that was very important still is very important. And you know, as as many of us know that once that once that party unveiling happened and exploded, and the conversation is still not done. I mean, we're still having this conversation. So something that I remember at the photoshoot we all were like, oh, cool, we'll be in a magazine for a month, right? We'll buy all the magazines, and we'll keep them and show my to our grandkids. And we still aren't done. And this has become not only my career, it's become my passion, the reason I really decide to help people and serve people, and it's been a really fun, it's been really, really honoring and fun to be part of this journey and to be able to serve in changing the conversation the way women are represented in the media.

Yeah, I mean, what a powerful ad showing women of all all shapes, sizes, colors, everything's, you know, in this in this in this badass advertisement for the world to see of like, you know, how you are right now is good enough. And so, you know, obviously you were on billboards, you've also been in magazines, behind Stacey, as you as some of you can see, this isn't just like a, this, this this cosmopolitan thing. That's not just like, oh, I went to like this office party, there was like this cool photo booth and like my husband got on the front of the ESPN magazine, my friend got on Vogue. No, Stacy was actually on the cover. At some point in time, Stacy's gonna do a shoot with all of her clothes on. But, I mean, she didn't have to, though, because it doesn't matter. What. But Stacy, the beautiful thing is, the question that I have for you is that this is such a beautiful, beautiful movement that this campaign and it really started but a lot of it came down to the idea of confidence, being confident in who you are, and how you look and body image and whatnot. Before that woman creepily came up to you and said, You will model for me now, before that happened. Like, would you have considered yourself someone who was really comfortable in your skin?

In that time, I was getting there. Okay. So growing up, no, you know, I call seventh grade, I lovingly refer to seventh grade as the year of the size because it's that I grew and

I don't remember that one on the Chinese calendar. The rooster the dog is rat,

you're the thighs. And that I grew into my adult body early and I grew into my adult body earlier than pretty much the rest of my class. And I don't know about you in seventh grade. But in seventh grade for Stacey, all I wanted to do was fit in and be like everyone else and be accepted. And for me at that time, I had equated being like everyone else as being accepted. And you know, all the cool popular stores that everyone was shopping out I couldn't shop at because nothing fit me, you know, and I looked around and I looked at media, and I thought, well, they're all similar. They're all able to fit in. I stand out somehow I must be the problem. And in seventh grade, you couldn't convince me otherwise there was no convincing me otherwise, like I was fat. I wasn't good enough. I was all the things and because I carry both my weight on the bottom that's no secret I still do to this day. You know the size right? The thing, and I, I remember battling every day with my clothes with my mom with everything, because I just I would wake up and I opened my eyes. And the first thing would be, gosh, what am I going to wear? How am I gonna feel comfortable today, there was a dress code at my school certainly didn't help anything. Because the code that was for people who identified as women certainly was different and harder to dress, it was harder to find those clothes that fit fit into those rules. And so it was just difficult. And, and it took me a lot of people, it took me a lot of situations and scenarios to to work past that. And I certainly still have moments, I certainly still have moments. So many people will talk to me after I do a programmer, I'm coaching somebody on body image logo, but you're you know, you're so confident you're this, and yes, I am. And that doesn't make it so that I never have a moment. It doesn't make us don't have a full day, sometimes. Okay. And I think it's important to be reminded of that is even people who are deemed body image expert, somehow, we still have our moments. And I think it's important to remember that you can be confident and have your moments that's important for me to remind, you know, everyone I work with, and all the people in my circle because it's real life. It's real life.

Yeah, right. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people assume confidence is like, once you once you across a certain point, you're like, I've now entered confidence land. And I will be confident in every way. And that's not that's not exactly it reminds me actually one of my favorite quotes, by the wise old sage anonymous. And anonymous once said, happiness is only a place that you can visit, but the smartest people go there often. And I love that quote, it kind of reminds me a little bit of confidence in our way, or maybe my relationship with confidence. That is that, you know, confidence is a place that I have visited. I did not I didn't buy a house, the land was real expensive. And I was afraid I built it on top of a shame hole. So you know, I was like, I don't want to hold off. But But still, it's so interesting, because you and I have had a lot of a lot of conversations around many, many a topic. But we don't necessarily talk a lot about body image. And body image is often at the core of my self esteem issues. Like as far as the way that I show up the way that I cover up, right, I tell people I put this shell on so then I think you'll pay more attention to the words than you will how unattractive? I am. And they are my image around the way that I look is that's often when I when I get into my darkest points. It's also around that like the the way that I talk to myself like Tina, my wife will say don't talk to my don't talk to the person I love like that, you know, when I'm talking to myself in a really negative way. And it's fascinating because there is so much advertising, there was so much money made on low self esteem around physical appearance, right? I mean, it's it's got to be one of the biggest markets in the world. And it is predominantly pointed at women. Yes, right. Predominantly put, right? We've heard of pink tax, right? Like a women's razor that does the same exact damn thing as a men's razor. They both have three blades, they both got a squishy handle, but one is pink. And therefore we charge five more dollars for it right like now like pink tax is definitely a thing, the way that women's hair products. Obviously makeup is astronomically priced now and so they're starting to get into the men's, like men, the way that men look and care for themselves is starting to become more popular, right? Like target now has a men's grooming aisle nom and things like that. And like Harry's, and Dollar Shave Club and Old Spice, right, like Old Spice tries to hit the nail on the head. Like what kind of man are you on? Now I'm on a horse. And so those kinds of those kind of moments, but for the most part, men aren't spoken to, and certainly don't talk to each other about low self esteem issues around body image. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts as to why why is that the case?

You Yes. So I think I think we have the conversation. I think we have it drastically differently. Okay. And, and so for example, if we talk specifically about advertising, it's so interesting to me when you really think about so one of the things I really ask people to do, especially when I'm talking and teaching young people, you know, I'm asking you, I want you to get really critical with your eye. I'm not going to tell you delete your Instagram feed and never pick up a map magazine, but I'm going to tell you to really turn off that critical eye. And I love giving some of those young people, especially sort of some behind the scenes of what happens in advertising, etc. Like how much goes into that picture before you even see it. Spoiler it's weeks and months of work on one photo. And then you see it, you're comparing your, your, whatever that moment is to that, you know, team of hundreds of people who have looked and fixed that photo somehow. And so, the thing for me, especially if we talk about advertising, specifically, is you you really brought it up and you, you put it beautifully, which is, if we're advertising to men, we're asking them, if you buy this product, you're just gonna be more manly, you're just wow, look at you, you're just such a sight, you're such a such a hero. And when we ask women to buy a product, it's like, man, you got a little better. And here's the next one, too. And so for me, it's sort of like we already are setting it up like this. And so that's the advertising conversation, when we talk about just our circles our people when we're sitting at a diner with friends, right? We talk about confidence and body image differently, because I believe we've taught men that you're not supposed to really talk or worry about that. And I believe we've taught women, you're definitely supposed to talk and worry about that. And I think there's also a piece where, you know, we've taught men inherently have confidence, it's just something you have, it's something you've been given along with your privilege. And well, in moments. That's true in many, many, many moments. It's not. And so I believe, and I don't identify as a man, but I believe it must be difficult. If you identify as a man, and you look around and you think to yourself, Well, I'm not super confident right now. But I've been told I shouldn't be. So what's wrong with me. And in fact, we just create a new shame cycle. And so I it, it bothers me, because it's definitely all across the board, I won't pretend to know what it feels like to deal with confidence as you know, somebody who identifies as a man, but I will be able to hold on my hand and say, I understand how you feel to be said, you're supposed to be here. And if you don't meet this, then you're not good enough, I can understand what that might feel like. So I think the conversations are there for both, but we've just had them differently for such a long time.

Stacy, it's so cool that you talked about, you know, confidence in the way that that is for men, and for men, because that idea that men just come out confident that we are just like put on this planet, like you are confident, that idea that, that men can't, you know, could not be anything but confident. And that's something that that swagger that's bred into us. That's why you know, men are and that's why men ask for higher pays. That's why men negotiate. That's why men do all that kind of stuff. But it's very interesting, because in that same vein, it's also why men never ask for help. That's also why men are afraid of the word vulnerability. That's also why men don't talk about things like body image and whatnot. Men are taught never how to be confident because it's just expected that they are. And that is something that doesn't do any part of society a favor, that does not help men, that does not help women that does not help people who identify as other than men or women doesn't help anybody out there. And so that's such a powerful point that you brought up. So for you. So for you, when you are when you're thinking about that, you know, you have the opportunity to talk to men around the country about confidence, what kind of things do you hear from those men afterwards?

Yet, it's, you know, I used to be surprised by the amount of men that came up to me after a program or a session. And I'm no longer surprised. I am so excited about it. But I had to check my own biases and preconceived notions, etc. Because I used to be shocked if they came up and wanted to talk to me. And I talk, I give the same program, my language shift, just a tiny bit, maybe some of my examples, but I give the same program, because we're talking about things like inner critic, imposter syndrome, vulnerability, you know, how you feel in your body and how that does pour over into different parts of your life different ways you lead the ways you partner, the way you parent, you know, all of the different facets that you might have. And so it's it's no longer shocking to me and it's so amazing to me to to see the people who come up to me after many men saying, Wow, I hadn't thought about it this way. And many will say to me, I've never given myself permission to think about it that way. And so I think for so many people and audiences, it's breaking the patterns that you've had for 3040 5060 years, it's releasing some of the things you've been taught and your family structures and the way you grew up. And it's taking back some of your power and deciding what would I like to step into the next week? Do? How would I like to talk to myself in the next one? Now I get to decide, and that that's a power conversation, right? But that's an important piece, because power is magic. I believe what we have in ourselves and the power we all hold, that's our magic sauce, and every single human being has that.

But how do you get I agree with you, and I love sauce. So I'm really here for that. But I agree with you. But it's so interesting, because the the inner critic is louder. The inner critic has a way bigger microphone, right? Like, they're that annoying dude, behind you at the baseball game that you're like, really, this is where this is where my seat is? Right in front of this dude. Right? And so like, that is, it's so tough to turn off that inner critic. I mean, I know for me that that is something that I have that I've always struggled with, right? Like, it's the classic example that you hear you get 10 comments on your YouTube video or your Facebook posts, nine of them are glowing best posts in the world. Oh my god, you changed my life. And one person's like me. I don't know. And you're like, Oh, God, why have I ever posted anything in my life? I'm the worst, right? That inner critic has such a has their hand on the volume of your confidence. And it's so interesting. How was that? I mean, how have you been able to kind of quiet that inner critic? And I know, I know, it's every day, it's not it's not every day that you're able to do it. Some days, that inner critic wins. But, you know, I mean, how do you do that?

Yeah, so it's a, it's a toolkit of things. And I pull things out as I need them. And it depends on the situation and the day and the night. But um, you know, to be honest with you, my inner critic gets the most quiet when I get the most fed up with my own BS. And it's often it often takes me 20 times being successful to finally convince myself I'm okay at something. And then maybe at 60 times successful to be like, Oh, I'm good. I can actually charge for this now, etc. Right. And that is important for I think everyone to understand is we all have it. For me personally, I work really hard to fact check the inner critic. And so for me, it's writing down and really slowing down to think about some of the things that are happening. And then understanding them. Yeah, reminding myself that all of those thoughts are trying to motivate me. So at the very eye, really, it helps me to remember that that inner critic, it thinks it's helping. It's trying to motivate me, it's trying to keep me safe, or it's trying to push me this way or what. So it helps me to be like, okay, reminder, this is trying to be helpful, and you are no longer being helpful. So I'm going to fact check you. Is it true that I've never been successful at XYZ? Yes, or No? Usually, it's no usually I've been successful at something I've tried in this department. If it's actually like, it's true. I've never been successful at this. It's often because I haven't even tried it yet. And so what an amazing, amazing person in both of our lives. One of my coaches Amber, Chris said to me a long ways back and it stuck with me is she's like, Cece, you don't really have to trust you're going to be great. You just have to go try it and collect information. And that hit me and that sticks with me. And so now it's more this playfulness. It's this curiosity, instead of putting pressure on myself, it's what will this work? Let's try we're not going to know until we try. Let's get curious about it. Let's let's give it a shot. And let's go collect more information. Because remember, if I'm sitting in my power, I'm collecting information of do I like this or not, does this serve me or not? Is this good in the life or Not? Not? You know, do other people think I'm good at this or not? And so that to me, it's like, let's go out and collect the information before we start to talk ourselves out of it.

That's powerful. Sorry, I'm trying to I'm trying to let that hit me. Because I am so quick to be like, Nah, don't do that. Now. That's not you not, though. Someone like you couldn't do that shouldn't do that are wouldn't do that, right? Like, especially as I compare myself to, to some of my friends that are uber successful, right that have that have these amazing jobs working for NASA one other guys inventing a brand new kind of telescope that's going to be able to learn, see deeper into the universe. So we can figure out how this whole thing started, right? Another one of my buddies, a civil engineer who handles the tunnels under New York City, right, this and, and so like, all of these individuals, where you're constantly comparing yourself, it's like, well, I'm not doing X, or I'm not doing y. And even growing up. Growing up, I remember, you know, I was single for a very long time I didn't have I didn't have my first kiss till I was like 21, or 22, and my first girlfriend till I was 21. And, and I always told myself, I was like, no one, you know, no one likes you that way. You're not dating material. You're not like, you're just always going to be in the friendzone, which is not a really kind term, but it's still like that. That's what I called it back then. And just like, you're always gonna be friendzone, you'll probably be alone. And and so, you know, those are the thoughts that would come up, because, you know, I backing facts behind them. And I never, it took me a long time to get out of my own way, and be like, Oh, wait, but all those really brilliant friends that I have. They come to me for relationship advice for conflict advice, for whatever advice, you know, and, and so and like these individuals, you know, as I started to meet people who are potentially interested in and being in a relationship with me, it's like, yeah, maybe I'm not that smoke show oozing sex appeal, like, yeah, I want to date this guy. But instead, it's like, Yo, no, you're just a good man. And people marry good men. Right? People marry good people. But in the beginning, in high school, I don't want to get married, right. Like I wanted to make out with somebody, I wanted to just like, learn, explore my sexuality, right. And so like, I don't give a shit about that. And so I wrote all these stories in my head. And it took me a long time, like, even when I did finally start dating up until now, where you know, I'm in a relationship where I still need to be convinced where I can be wanted, right where I am, that I am, that I'm smart, that I deserve, what I have, or, or whatnot, it's it. So I hear you about that idea of like, you know, we gotta, we got to try to figure out ways to silence that inner critic to fact check that inner critic. But it's tough when you have the ability to build such an argument on the other side as well, right? Like, your negative self talk is an extremely good lawyer.

Yes, and, you know, we've talked about this before you imaging offline, but, you know, we know, science backs this argument up, which is we know, our brains are pre wired to go to that negative thought patterning, we know that 90% of our thoughts are on a habitual loop, right? So I say those things, especially to the people I work with, because I want to make sure you know, you know, it's normalized behavior, it's okay, you're fine, you're good. You you fall into that space where your brain is just trying to motivate you. But just because it's easier doesn't mean it's serving you. Just because it's easier to sit in that space doesn't mean it's going to allow you to go live that next step that you're really dreaming of. And when you finally are when you actually even say finally, I don't like that term, but like when you get to that space, you're like, ah, ah, I've been given this a lot of attention and power. That's a magical moment. And then that moment, I truly believe every human has it to some level. And that moment, in my opinion, is what kind of propels you to that next space. That's important.

Yeah. Yeah. That is important. And I love that. That sounds like a really great place for us to jump in to our next segment. Let's go. Oh, no, please do again. Oh, wait, okay. All right. Break it up, you know, oh, yes, right. That's right. You're not spoiling a warrior I don't know. An accent Alright, apparently we get a little bit too deep. So Stacy, says you Let's lighten it up. Let's lighten it up a little bit. This segment is called Things You Didn't Know About me but are now grateful that you did. You've seen the show before you know how it works. I'll share something that is random about me and and you can share something that is random about you sound good? Yes. Perfect. So every single time that I have pizza every single time that I have pizza, I have to have it with root beer. I think root beer and pizza is one of the sexiest food combinations in the history of food combinations. And so that is a random fact about me. That is

a fantastic random fact that as a child, I love that combination. This is a very random also food fact, I eat my salad after my dinner. I just shot like an Italian. Like in Italian, I do not eat my salad before dinner. And I didn't actually know that was Italian until people started pointing it out and recognizing it in me. But yeah, I save it. I wait. Now for like a very formal occasion or one thing is coming at a time very rare that I'm in that position. But if I'm in a position, socially acceptable, I want to still fit in, so I'll eat it. But if we're at home if we're somewhere more comfortable, like I save it, I eat it as if it's dessert. It's not in place of dessert, but I eat it

what is your favorite salad dressing? Ranch? Right? That's the most Midwest thing you said this this show?

quirky thing I like to mix ranch and balsamic half and half equal parts. Very good.

Ranch and balsamic. Okay, there we go. Friends that I've never had that I would try it. I do ranch and catch up people. People judge me for that.

Grant. I like that. I'm in. I'm into that. cranch Great, perfect.

I'm really learning a lot here. This is really important. This is really important. Here's another random fact about me. It is it is summer. Summer usually means getting in the water. I love getting in the water. I'm cancer after all. Hey, but it's finding the Mojo people catch up. So. So anyway, I love getting in the water. But there is one moment that I hate. And now Minnesota Minnesota is a big lake country right? You know this you come from Lake Country as well being a Michigander. And so but I grew up on the ocean, pretty much and so some friends had boats but in general, I love getting in the water. But I hate getting out of the water. Especially especially if I have to get on a boat. Because I am petrified that I do not have the upper body strength. There's just not enough rungs on the ladder, right like I need an extra rung for your boy. And so and because I'm a taller guy too. So it's like wonky and then I'm like, I don't know and like then someone's gonna like grab me and it's just it's just the previous conversation like I just I don't want to call any attention to my size. It's bad enough I'm swimming with a T shirt on and so so still yeah but that so that is one thing that every time is this this past week or July 4 weekend we went to Tina's parents. Now there they have a little house on a lake and and there's a little paddle boat with you take a paddle boat out to the center of a lake again a little lake you take a paddle boat out to the center of the lake you drop the anchor on the paddle boat maybe it's 20 feet deep or something like that whatever you jump in and in order to get back then you you have to climb back up on the paddle boat now I'm a large man Okay not even insulting myself Okay, I'm just a lot of math and physics are a thing and so I tried to get up onto said paddle boat by myself said paddle boat flips. And so I actually needed Tina to be a counterweight. It was really I'm glad I was just out there with her because I don't think I was ready for my mother in law to see all that

100% understand what you're saying get totally yeah okay, no,

I got a Tina helped me out to help me I'm always there for you. I look good like that.

Um, okay, um, so where am I going with this one. So, I was actually for a brief moment in time, a hype girl for a professional dance company. And I would actually go to events and get the crowd going and excited and have some fun. And that is not something I tell many people so I know some people watching right now are just laughing because they know that about me. But that was like a very fun part of my life and it was just sort of warming me up for the work I do now. Right like but I would, I would really was for a short period of time in college. I'll travel with this company, would you events around Chicago and I would go and get the crowd excited before the group came out and sang and performed. And, you know, if no one was dancing, I'd make sure people were out there having fun. It wasn't hard for me, I absolutely loved it.

I've known you for almost 10 years, I had no idea about this is really a fun fact. That is, uh, what what, like, what kind of events are we talking about?

Mostly, you know, small private parties, or like bar performances, small venue performances, there was this group in Chicago and, and they played 90s covers of hip hop and just fine. Everybody knows the song type music. And yeah, before they come out, we'd make sure everybody was excited and go in and it made a difference. People were out on the floor when the when the band came out and was excited. All and yeah, she the woman was in the band was a professor of mine because senior year of college, I took aerobics, obviously. And so she was my professor for aerobics and we had dance a few weeks and she was like, Hey, do you have any interest in coming in helping us a few weekends and I was like, You are speaking my language. I would love to double that's how it happened.

I love it. I love that you were out there hyping people up playing 90s Hip hop out there Dare I say giving no dignity while you gave them eargasm is with your mellow accent. Oh, yeah. If you don't that reference, I don't know if we're friends slash I. We're just old. But

I love Ed single in my six CD changer in my car. Oh, you know?

Yeah, for sure. Yep. Yep. I like the way you work that. So keep going. I don't care. That's a super fun fact. I can't wait to see photos. I wish I had one right now I would show everybody exactly what that looked like. Yeah. That's amazing. So So you went from, from from being a professional hype girl, to now to now you are a exemplary coach. You are a life coach. And I'll let you tell a little bit more of exactly how you define what you do as a coach. But this is awesome. Because in our friendship, one thing I've always appreciated about you is that a you've never hesitated to call me out on my bullshit. And you've also never hesitated to ask me a really good question, when I really just wanted to hear your answer. So that's annoying. Stop. Yeah, but but. But still. It's like, no, just fix it. Just tell me. And you're like, let me follow that up real quick. Just one more question. Just one more. So but what drove you to being a coach? Right? I think I think it's amazing, because you're effectively still a hype girl. I hope you still have the 90s Hip hop in your coaching. But But still, you know, it's funny the way some of these random jobs that we had kind of look a little bit like what we do right now I know that exactly on paper. But it's funny, because you're truly are a coaches are high people, for individuals to help them get out of their own way. But I'd love to hear you talk a little bit about what you do as a coach and why Yeah, I need to talk

about it. Yeah, the foreshadowing is not lost on me. You. So how I became a coach is interesting, because I, you know, started my career primarily in speaking and only speaking and people would start to approach me and say, do you do coaching? Do you do inner work? Can we dive deeper into this? And I would always respond to No, no, I don't do that, or whatever it may be. And it was it was my story. It was exactly how we've already already said which was no, that's that's not something I could do. No, there's no way anyone would actually a pay me for that be that would it? You know, what would I say to these people? How would I quote, fix them? And it took lots of stuff, lots of my own unfolding, lots of backtracking my own stories, etc. to really realize that, you know, I think actually one of the things about me is that I can help you see a different lens, I can help you see a different view. And I have this ability to kind of come EagleEye point of view and say, Well what about this and I'm looking at it from this angle, etc, or ask you questions. And so I decided that would be fun. But I decided it would be something I needed to do because I had my son Bennett and I wanted to travel less. And so it didn't work at first. I didn't have any clients at first. And that's it. I truly believe because I decided, well, this is something I have to be doing to be home more. No, instead of stepping into my full power of No, I'm good at this, and I serve people in this position. And so when I finally was able, through my coaches and through lots of work, etc, make that shift, that's what helps me kind of fully step into Yeah, I'm a coach, this is amazing. And I can do this. Yeah, what we do, and what I really care about, is helping you as a client, remember the power and the capability you have in yourself, in order to fully step into all the facets of your life, I ask clients always to bring everything to the container, your life, your work, right, your relationships, everything. Because when we can really help you pull it out. And remember how much capability how much amazing uniqueness you have in you, you know, you fully step into a different part of your life and different like chapter that, you know, we see real transformation happen when those shifts

occur. Yeah, for sure. That's beautiful. And I want to come back to that. But I want to go back to something that you said earlier, where you had said that, that, you know, one of the reasons why you want it, we were excited about starting coaching, it's because you had your son Bennett shout out to Bennett. Great little man. And it's so it's fascinating because women, our there's a lot of pressure on women who there's a lot of pressure on women, period, and leave it there, right. And there's also a lot of pressure on women on being a specific type of mom, on what a mom looks like, and how much a mom should do for their children, how present they should be for their children, what the word independence should feel like, for a mom, right? And people are very quick to assign that to women. And dads get it as well. But nowhere near the scrutiny that women get it and women get it from all angles, they certainly get it from men, they also get it from each other. And, and so I'd be curious, because you I mean, you were you're crushing the speaking game, right? Like you were really, you had a lot of things amazing, amazing things that were going for you. But But in that moment, you made the decision to like, I would love to figure out a way to spend a little bit more time with my son. You know, was there was there societal pressure to do that? Did you feel that? Did anybody question like like, when you know, when when people found out you're pregnant, were like, well, you're gonna stop traveling right? You're like gonna stop and like put everything down and be this amazing supermom now, right? Like, what are some things that people said to you? How did that weigh on you? And ultimately, how did you make that choice for your, the for yourself and your family?

I was even being a you know, somebody who was immersed in this world of women's issues and empowerment and feminism and all the things that go with that. I was astounded, astounded at the amount of times I was asked, Are you going to still speak? Can we still book you? Are you gonna still travel? Are you still working? I mean, I was I was blown away. And I live in this world. And I understand the situation and I understand the pressures and all of the labels and the the understandings that people put on us and I still was blown away at the amount of times I was asked it. And so during my actual pregnancy up until the time I couldn't travel any longer, I'm still speaking I'm still doing as, as best I could I got you know, I got pretty sick during my pregnancy, but as best I could I still working and getting all these questions. And I would I was mad. I was so pissed that I was getting these questions to the level I was getting these questions. So during pregnancy, especially I was like, Ah, hello, working, you know, badass model over here. That's what I'm going to be that's the title I hold. And I don't I have no clue. I'm almost, I'm almost offended, you would think otherwise. And that's true. I was in. And then Bennett came in, you know, into life with us. And everything shifted. And the next thing I was astounded at was the level of Mama Bear energy that came with him. And I was up to that point, certain I was going to just get right back on the road and it was all going to be okay. And it took me quite literally James yours to kind of call him some of the anxieties of leaving him and kind of my postpartum the way it came out, which is something I believe we don't talk about in this way we talk about postpartum depression quite a bit. But I really think we need to talk about the postpartum experience because it comes out in different ways. And for me, it wasn't necessarily depression or what depression usually looks like. It was straight anxiety, and I wanted to just hold off In this like room and no one ever hold him but me, and I have an amazing partner he was with me 100% It was understood I was going to get right back on the road. He's he's he's a very much involved partner, there was no question of how this was all going to look like we were going to figure it out together. And I wasn't given up my work. But it took me a while to get back to my work for that reason. And so then it became everyone's forget about me, right, I'm not in the game anymore. And I, I gave away a lot of my power to this story. That be my work didn't speak enough for itself, that my work wasn't good enough to hang there for a little while, because you hadn't seen my face because you hadn't seen the dove girl, you'd forget about me. And luckily, that was a story I fact check and found I was incorrect about that the work itself is transformational enough that it held. But it took me a while to get over that story. It took me a while to really get back to what I wanted. And then the reality of the situation was as I wanted it to look a bit different. I certainly didn't want to give anything up. But I needed for my sake, my own my own mental health, I needed it to look differently. And so that was sort of this new challenge, like alright, now how is it going to look? What is it going to look like by still being able to do this work by still serving people and humans and people in the things I love to do? What will it just logistically look like? And luckily, we were able to figure that out, and we're kind of grooving back in it. So now I have some different boundaries around traveling some different boundaries around speeches, it certainly helped me value my time and price my time a bit differently. And so it was in the end a really helpful situation. But that is kind of the progression of that for me. And I I talk about it as much as I can. Now it was hard for me to talk about the beginning, only because I could it was hard for me to kind of name what was happening. But now that I've gotten a little farther away, he's almost five, hindsight was helpful for me to to name it. And I talk about it now because I think it's one of those things that, you know, it was shocking for me to feel that way. And I don't think enough or not that it's anyone's responsibility to tell me about it. But no one told me that that could happen. And so I think it's important that women especially share their experiences, because then we can help each other out and, and hopefully not feeling quite as alone because I thought I was alone. In those moments. I thought there's no way anybody else feels like this, which we know is untrue. But in that moment, felt real,

right? I mean, so many new parents feel alone, right? They've read they've, they've read every single book, even if their parents in law, or they're in the house or whatever. Like, it's just like the still it's still, like extremely isolating experience is what I've heard from all all new parents now. And so for you as someone who teaches confidence, what what did it feel like to succumb to some of those other thoughts? Like, like, what, like, you know, what did that spiral look like for you the name of the one down, not as much as the one up.

It was life changing spiral. It single handedly threw me completely off my track. And the thought that became obsessive was you were you were doing so well. How did you fall so far? How did that happen? How did you let it happen? Right. And so that's where the beating myself up and shameful downward spiral came into play. Because it was like, you know, had I just tweaked something here and there, I'm sure I could have kept this going, Stacy, if you would have just calmed down and handed him off to somebody and went on those few trips, you would have been okay. And all became me, it all became my problem. And my faults, and the root deep rooted fear became, I'm not going to be able to be as good as I want to be at all the different hats I hold. And that became the next thing that I needed to really unpack. And, you know, we talk all about so much like, can you have it all? Can you find the balance and yada yada, and it was a really influential. She's a speaker, she's a podcast, she's all these amazing things. Amy Jo Martin, who sat on one of her podcasts, you know, I don't think it's about balance anymore. I think it's about finding the rhythm. And understanding that rhythm means it's going to change and it's going to shift just like the radio or the music does. And in that you know, as things do, it hit me in the perfect moment that I really needed to adopt that. And so I started thinking about the rhythm. What's the rhythm going to look like now? What's it gonna look like next week and reminding myself that whatever it looked like now didn't necessarily have to work in six months. It just has to work right now. And in that helped so much. So it it was hard. I am not going to lie to you. The people closest to me know that I had to really claw myself out of that spiral. And, thankfully, because I knew some of the tools before the spiral, this one spiral happened, many spirals happened in my life. You know, I knew it was important enough to get out of it, I knew it was important enough to claw my way out, I knew that A, the work I do is important and be me having fulfillment and feeling content is really important. And so I was able, of course, with all the help of my people, you know, tools, all the things I was able to kind of come back around. Yeah,

that's beautiful. I want to come back to that how you did that. But one other one other quick follow up question is that, you know, is what kept you in that place? What would you say that that was predominantly the postpartum and the symptoms that you were having there? And the fact that you didn't even know that you should talk about it? Because no one else had talked to you about it? That might even be a thing? Or was it more of like, societal pressures of like, well, this is what a mom is supposed to be. And this is what an entrepreneur or, or this is, what an entrepreneur is supposed to be. Or this is what a badass women is trying to make other badass women is supposed to be like, you know, what, what, what were the loudest voices in your head right there that were kind of keeping you, keeping you down, keeping your head under the water?

I sincerely believe it's a healthy mix of both. So my postpartum questionnaire at my doctor six weeks post, you know, my I had a C section six weeks post my C section, I'm doing a little questionnaire and it's like, Have you felt more sad? You know, it's five questions. And that's it. And as long as I marked what they wanted me to mark, nothing ever came up about it. Now, I'm not putting any blame on that. That's a entirely different conversation. However, one thing I know for a fact, that is the case with postpartum in my experience is, you know, whatever is happening is so damn real in those moments, it's very difficult. At least it was for me to separate this must be postpartum thinking. Entire.

Like, your voice really entirely different and new experience. So everything is real be of course, we know there's biological shifts and hormonal shifts in the body. So yes, of course, we know that's happening. But there aren't moments. In fact, there's not even energy to pause and go, Hmm, this must be that thing. So I think it was a definitely a healthy amount of that. And it was for certain, a healthy amount for me personally, what do strong entrepreneurial women who love their work do? Yeah, hold the baby in the Instagram feed. And also sorry, while they're still talking about their work, but look at me just beautifully, also feeding my new child. And I did not have the energy to do that. That was not something I held the capacity for in that moment. And you weren't going to catch me Instagram, storing and not feeding your your kid is beautiful, because I just literally did not have the capacity. So that is what held me there. You know, you're not doing the things that the strong entrepreneurial woman who's also a mom does. And you, you don't have what it takes anymore. That's kind of what was holding me there.

Yeah. That's powerful. Thank you. For that moment. I think that it's, it's incredible that you were able to come out of it, right, the your self awareness that you mentioned that you had to use some different tools, whether those were, you know, peers, counselors, friends, your partner, all those kinds of things. And so and just obviously, also just the internal work that you were putting in to get out of that. But the such, there are so many people who are just stuck in that rut of like, well, I guess this is just the way it is right? Like I guess this is my lot in life are like, Okay, well, I guess this is what I am. And that is in complete contradiction to what you teach, and how you teach. And so the fact that you were there, even while you were teaching some of these things, is really beautiful, right? I've said on here before I wrote a book about authenticity and vulnerability while I wasn't being that with my first wife, right, like, like, while I was not so and, you know, I can get up and teach things all I want. That doesn't mean that I'm also taking the medicine when I get off stage. And so, but for you, you're able to kind of climb out of that and climb out of that and start to figure out and you said something really powerful before I love. I love the analogy, like it's not about balance anymore. We have to stop looking at life. Like we're trying to keep a whole bunch of plates spinning. Instead, it's about figuring out which of these plates freakin matters. Yeah, right. Which one of these plates matters and so you did a lot of really awesome prioritizing to get and then found your rhythm based on the priorities that you set forward. But how do you pick priorities, especially as someone who is looking out in the world and being like, in a world where the word busy is sexy, right? In a world where it's like, we got to be doing everything like this person, they just went to the Maldives. And then they had four children, they adopted seven more, they marked for Black Lives Matter. And now they're making themselves a quiche, right? It's like, How'd you do that this week? You know what I mean? Like, in that world? In that world? How do you? How do you, I guess, to figure out what your priorities are? And how did you decide this is what matters to me. And and that means that these other things and saying this matters to me, what I'm also saying in the same breath, is these things do not matter to me anymore. Yeah, that's almost it's almost harder to say, these things don't matter to me any more than it is these things do matter to me?

Yes. Agreed. And so I decided to adopt. So when I sort of got to this space of because I believe this is an important space. And I actually believe when you say there are so many people watching or listening are out there in the world that stay in this rut space, I actually believe that space is often you have enough self awareness to know something's missing, something's off, something's not great. But you aren't exactly sure how to get to the space you want to be in. And it's often because either you've never been in the space you want to be in, you have no idea what that feels like, or you've gotten so far into a different space. It's hard to find yourself in that next space or take that next step. So for me, I had gotten to that rut like, I knew something wasn't working, or whatever this was wasn't working. I had enough awareness to know that but I wasn't really sure what to do. So I kind of did what we talked about earlier, which I was like, let's start testing some things out. Yeah. And so for me, it became let's live in the hell yes. Only. So if it's not a hell yes. It's a hell no. And there's no in between. And for me, there was a lot of stolen energy in the limbo. Well, should I do this? What should I think? Oh, what if we try that and there was so much so much going to that, that it was feeling it was stealing my power stealing my energy. I had nothing left in me. So it became this let's practice. Let's just get again, let's get playful with it. Let's just try. It's not a hell yes, it's a hell no and keep moving. And that helped me quickly shift into How does this feel? Do I like this? Does this light me up? Is this a hell yes, feeling or not? Because then what that did is it helped me lead with how I'm feeling. Not what does this all look like? You know, it didn't have to look like Stacy, the badass entrepreneur and also mom is making it happen. It had to feel good. And that would it became that it has to be a hell yes. Otherwise, it's a hell no, it helped me lead with that instead of what it all looks like.

Yeah, that's powerful. And what a great what a great exercise to say hell yes. Or hell? No. Right. I mean, there how many people? How many of our friends do we wish to use that while dating? Is this person a hell? Yes. They probably need to be a hell no, then. Right? Like you're, I guess, have some fun, but then it's hell no time. So yeah, that's so powerful. And I love also, this idea that we choose what to give power to, you alluded to this a little bit earlier, but we choose what to give power to. And, and the amount of power that you give to those negative self talk, the amount of power that you give to that. What is a ideal entrepreneur look like? What is a badass Mom look like? What does a, you know, a strong, independent woman look like? What does? What does a confident man look like? What does an attractive man look like? And so we give power to those moments. Yes. And for so long. I gave up a lot of my power. And I think I still do it a little bit to this day. A lot of that comes in the form of accommodating right now. Where it's like, you know that that's where that's where that inner power struggle often shows up for me. Now, isn't that is in that accommodating phase? Because I still have a deep desire for people to like me. Please, please like me. But so that that's where that's where some of that still comes up for me. But I love what you're sharing. Just about that idea of of you determine where you give your power. How are you doing that? Right now in your world.

So my rule of thumb is 75% of my power has to stay with me at all times. That's my rule of thumb. And so 25% goes, and when I talk to the little people in my life, and I teach them, I call this your esteemed team, right? Like, who's on your team, and your team are those people who have your back no matter what, you know, as adults, we usually know who these people are. And if we don't know who these people are, you know, we got to find them, your team's important, your people are important. And so for me, even the 25%, I give out, isn't a like, it isn't a doormat way of giving power. It's a mutual shared power, where it's like, I love you, I believe in you. And I know you have my back. So if you call me out on something, I'm going to listen to you because we've exchanged power, and I'm going to really give you the benefit of that doubt, I'm going to stop, I'm going to pause and listen to you. But it doesn't necessarily mean like if you have if you're on my team, and you have 5% of my power of the 25% I give out and you disagree with me. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm just like, you're right, I'll do exactly as you say, right, because that would actually be giving away more power. So for me, it's like, it's that it's it's it's literally visualizing, like, I'm powerful I get I get to know what feels right for me. And it took me a long time to not second guess what feels right for me and really just sit in it instead of not second guessing it. And so it's, it's coming back to my own decisions. It's asking myself, sometimes 60 times a day, what feels good right now, what's right in the moment. And that's how I really sit in it. And again, I always tell everyone, like don't don't give away more than 25%. Right, we want majority with us and rule of thumb. But it's important to think about, if you've given power away and more than 25% Off in, in the past, go back and get your power. If you've been in a romantic relationship, and you gave that person some of your power and that romantic relationship is no longer happening or you broke up, go back and get your power. Don't be sitting scrolling their Instagram feed, right, like, don't like go back and take that power back. Like we leave it so many places, and we give it to so many people that don't have our back. And it's we don't have room for that anymore. We don't have time for that anymore. It's time to regain it and to keep it with you. That's how I do it. Right. I

mean, it's like Hamilton taught us right? Gotta get your right hand man back. On to the letter, but the sooner the better to get your right hand man back. Right. Yeah. So I love that. For you, for you. First off, that idea is beautiful. And I love it, go get that power back. Right, like get it. Keep it only give out 25% on days where you don't succeed on days where you give more than 25% How do you feel? And how do you know that's what kind of a day it is? Just for individuals who are like, Okay, I don't know. Okay, I don't know how much. I don't know where my percentage is right now. That's right, like so how do you determine when what, what what is one of those days feel like for you when you give out too much?

Almost always it feels like I cared so so deeply about whatever one thought maybe I made a comment that I'm now completely reanalyzing or wishing I hadn't said and I'm not talking about a comment where I really hurt someone's feelings and I need to go back and apologize and own it. That's, that's different from I'm talking about. I'm talking about like, oh, you kind of put yourself out there and you made the group laugh. And now you're like, What was I thinking? You know, what did my hair look like when they all looked at me? Right? Like, that's what I'm talking about. That's that'll happen to me. Or I talked too much and I didn't listen enough, right? Or I said I shouldn't have said my opinion that I should have just held it here. And so it's like that over analyzing of everything I did or said in a judgement space, not in an observation space. And so that's a big thing too. Like I can observe my day, that's much different than like judging my day and judging the heck out of myself. And I often will feel just completely energy like bankrupt like I have nothing left and I'm almost grumpy I'm like Get away from me. You know, like I don't I'm not making you dinner and I'm not getting you milk and I'm not putting you to bed

you're putting your weight around here your five year old trash

over the fridge too much away because it's it's definitely in my team that my son gets a lot of my energy right and so in my power and whatever it may be so like it's often that space and I'm just not there. So how I do it is I'll sit down I'm like I forgive myself for buying into the belief today that I didn't do enough and I gave too much away. tomorrow's a new day I'll try again. And in in that took me time because it sounds so like easy and simple. But it is simple, but it doesn't necessarily make it easy. But I try really hard to just like I Wash away today. And I'm going to try again tomorrow.

Yeah, right. Yeah, just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not right. Yeah, for sure, Stacy. You are a true light, my friends and I am. I'm grateful on those days where I'm a part of that 25% that you give out. Thank you for those moments. And thank you for giving us be letting us be a part of that. 25% today, if you all have some questions for Stacy, I would love for you to put those into the chat. You want to talk about confidence. You want to talk about parenting, you want to talk about coaching, you want to talk about any of those kind of things, self esteem, body issues, and whatnot. As some of those questions in the chat. We're gonna hang out. For those of you that are here, tuned in to the podcast. Thank you so much for listening. As always, if you're interested in hearing that q&a, feel free to type my name in on YouTube. Find this episode with Stacey and give it a listen. Thank you so much for checking out on the podcast. Stacey, thank you so much for coming and hanging out.

Thank you for having me. This is a blast. Hell yeah.